Friday, August 15, 2008

My Mood...

LEDISI - Lost And Found (Find Me) lyrics
Always alone
Someone come for me
Here on my own
Feels like the pain lasts an eternity
Tears come no more
I wanna smile again
Love again
Please someone find me
Souls pass me by
Why can't they see me here
Touch me one time
Just like magic
I will reappear
Sadness like the rain it showers over me
I wanna feel again
Please someone find me
Lost not yet found
Breathing in misery
Hope lurks around
When will the Sun ever shine on me
I need love to come carry me
Take me away
Please someone find me
I'll sing my song
Maybe I'll scream and shout
Please someone come
I don't wanna live without love
Hear my plea
I have love to give
I wanna live

Just do you....

I am always thinking and processing things in my mind which sometimes scares, but I got to thinking today.... Why can't people just be themselves? Why do we fit into the molds of other people. I am learning to just do you, rather people like it or not. I am me so love it or leave it. I am not saying people don't have room to grow and change, but you should not change the essence of you to fit in.

I think everyone needs to come to grips with who they are. I find people more pleasant when they are genuine and try not to fit in to other people's molds. I mean when I look at myself I am a loving, caring, nerd who likes to read. I love attention on an individual level, but not in group settings. I can be a clutz and sometimes everything I say or think does not make sense, but oh well. I am not the smallest person in the world, but not the biggest. I have big feet, but they go with my height. I love my hood music from time to time, oh well. I can be very random at times. I am me love it or leave it. Feel me?

Don't imitate me, don't try to be me, you just do you, is that hard???

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Love Should not Hurt....

I recently was listening to Ledisi's Lost and Found CD on Itunes. I love it!!! But it made me realize that this is the soundtrack to my life. For the first time in a long time I have listened to an entire CD and can relate to every song on it. Her words, her melodies, and soul just reached me in a place that really made me think. It made me think about friendships and relationships that have been in over my life and how they are affecting me in my life now...and now I am realizing so many things.

I have come to the realization that love should not hurt...this statement is so simple, but is a struggle for me. If a person loves you then they should show it. Actions are good, words are good, but a person needs to feel loved. When you feel a relationship is one sided there will be a void in one person and that is not healthy. I should not continuously ask why does a person act they way they do? Why do they treat me like this? I know they love my by the things they do, but why do I continuously feel like I am not loved by this person? I should not feel pain when I try to process why the person acts the way they act. I should not continuously cry when this person does no understand why I am constantly should not hurt like this.

My dilemma comes when I still love this person. I mean I can not deny who I am and deny the loving nature that I have. I pray for the person, think about the person, think of ways to help the person, but do they do the I get joy in seeing them happy, I get pleasure when they reach the desires of their heart, but do they think about that for me???? no.... I know how this person is and everyday I realize this is just the person's nature, they are like this with everyone, but that does not excuse how they treat me. I can't stop being who I am, I mean I care for friends and family and would do anything to help you, but most people don't do the same. It takes a lot for me to get to this place with a person, my circle of friends and close confidants are small and I like to keep it this way, because I feel everyone should not be able to get close to you...that is an earned privilege. I guess in a way I am loyal to a fault...

I hope this makes sense what I wrote. Just needed to vent. I am still slowly processing that love does not hurt.