Friday, January 29, 2010

What's in a picture??

This morning I checked my mailbox and I had a letter in the mail from my mother and enclosed was this picture to the left. It is a picture of my maternal grandmother and grandfather in 1944.  What was funny was one of my older cousins on facebook made the comment of scanning more family pictures to share...So I decided to take a mobile pic of what my mom sent and upload. I have gotten a few "likes" and comments on the picture of how they love it!!!

I was thinking....if they only knew.  When you look at this picture what do you see? What assumptions do you make?  I guess since I know the history behind both of them I have a different perspective on this picture...

What people seeing this picture do not know that my grandmother and grandfather divorced back in the day (which was rare).  From my understanding he had other children the same age as my aunt.  By looking at this picture you would never know that I never met my grandfather. Only heard stories about him and met some of his family. Met his sister face to face for the first time last year (very exciting...eventhough we have had phone conversations). 

When people see this picture they see 2 black people in love...which they were. You see 2 black people serving in the military (My grandmother was and is a bad....SHUT YO MOUTH!!!...had to say it). But you don't know the drama behind the relationship. Although I have only heard one side of the story...I do know my grandmother loved my grandfather, but based on so many factors it just did not work out.

People's comments on the picture were nice and I debated on rather I should tell them more....I think I will not. Just got me to thinking do people really think about what they see when they see a picture....

Thursday, January 28, 2010

I Speak Life!!!

This morning I started writing and it was truly a negative blog. I was venting and getting some of my frustrations out...but I decided not to post it. Why?? I realize sometimes I focus on the negative too much. I am learning and trying to see the positive in any situation. Not always the easiest to do...but I am going to put forth my best effort.

I have a lot on my plate these days and I am thankful for every opportunity that I have been given.  I had a facebook friend say to me the other day that I was one of the few people who try to see the big picture and try to constantly improve. To me that is a part of life. If I am not trying to do better or learn more what am I doing????

So from now on I am going to try my best to always speak life. Not to say I won't have venting moments or bad days, but I always have to find the life in everything I do. Because if something is must be growing.

Oh....while writing this post I had an idea for the next post... SMART!!! (inspired from another blog...update soon)

Friday, January 22, 2010

Not so easy to say the benediction....

Why is it so hard to say the benediction to certain people in your life??? My pastor always jokes in his sermon when he is talking about people that you need to let go of in your life, he says "My the Lord, watch between me and you while we are absent one from another, PEACE!!!"  This statement is usually said at the end of sermons, but he uses it as a saying to say goodbye who mean you know good in your life.

To me it seems simple for people who are obviously a negative impact in your life...but what about the people who are not positive or negative? What about the people who are just there?  They can be good to you, but they also can be bad to you? How do you let go of people who you know really have no purpose in your life?

I definitely do not have the answer to this question. I just know from a recent sermon I heard it was time to give the benediction to a few people in my life...some are negative forces and some are just there for no reason.  I have been doing of inward searching and praying lately and realizing that I need to make a lot of changes in my life....Hopefully all for the better.

I will be turning 30 this year and I am actually excited!!! I making changes and setting myself up for the future. Not thinking in the now, but thinking about what is yet to come.  I realize that some people who are just in my life for no reason are taking up space...and that space could be occupied by more positive forces.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Are words more important than actions???

This morning I woke up and should have done some work...but I just played around on the internet.  What did come to mind after reading a blog post that criticized the words of a reporter in his covering of the Haiti situation. What surprised me about the post was I had just seen a news clip from that reporter doing something selfless and not focusing on reporting, but saving a life in the midst of turmoil....

This got me to thinking about do people focus too much on words and not the actions of people. I then begin to think about the words of Senator Harry Reid and the firestorm that happened after those words were published.  I am not arguing for against what was said, but people began to talk about his history with civil rights, his voting rights, and what he has done over the years.  Does the speaking of "words" negate all the good that someone has done?

If you ever think about the words you have said are conversations you have had in the past could someone use them to paint a picture of you in a negative way??? Probably so...but this does not negate the good you do.  Recently I have spoken about wanting a person to back up the words "I Love You" with actions... You say something it is the direct contradiction of how you treat a person.  Is it okay to talk about you negatively in public, but do nothing but good things for you out of the spotlight....or even the spotlight? 

This post might be a little confusing, but I wrote all this to say...Are words more important than actions?

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


Yesterday I attempted to write a blog on sacrifice and some how tie in the celebration of Dr. Marin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday and what was going on in Haiti...every time I attempted to write I cried.  So much has been on mind and dealing with so much I honestly did not have the words.  This morning while at my desk I was working, going through emails, reading blogs, and glancing at twitter (great multitasker) and something really struck me....

I am Blessed!!!

This is not a statement out of vainity or self centeredness, but a realization that I think a lot of people need to come too.  One of my favorite people on twitter to follow was attempting to raise funds to get laptops to people working in Haiti to help with the recovery mission. His passion inspires me and makes me think.  Watching the news stories and seeing what the people of Haiti are having to go though makes me hurt.  One person I know stated the fact that the conditions in Haiti were not the best of things before the they have been hit by a natural disaster that has left them worse....

Saying all this, as Americans we take for granted the blessings and things that we have in this country.  This weekend I had to catch myself...I was complaining because I loaded my dishwasher and it was broken. I was mad that I had to take out the dishes and wash them by hand...I got to thinking, there are people who have nothing and are still grateful for being alive. My church asked us to bring blankets, bottled water, and sneakers to donate to the people in Haiti. Going though my closets I had so many shoes that I have not worn in forever and had 4 pair of sneakers that were practically brand new that were collecting dust.  There are people out there with no shoes. 

I am tired of complaining about what I don't have, and I am thankful for what I do have!  I am blessed with life, family, friends, and so many other blessings are more than the things that I have. They are things that you can't quanitfy in value. 

Thursday, January 14, 2010

My Vision Book

Several blogs ago I did a post about starting my vision book.  The process has begun and it is harder than I thought it would be. I wanted to be specific in what I put in the book and just did not want something general. but wanted something that focuses in on different areas of my life.

What I did was basically make a scrabook of things in my life that I have a vision for. Nothing to small, nothing to big.  Topics include finances, love, family, career, the finer things, mentoring, education...I could go on and on, but those are few.  I used various pictures, old magazines, stickers, cut outs to visualize what my vision is on those areas of my life.  It is a fun project, but it is hard finidhing the "deeper" areas of my life such, career, education, famly, and my biggest legacy. I saw one blogger who did a vision board which works for some, but I wanted more details. 

Below are a few of the pages that I have finished or close to finishing.  Some are more private so not able to share.

First is the title page. It is sample. Has some things about me and scriptures, sayings, and things that I is more of an introduction.

Next page is one on finances...this is always a struggle for me. I love to spend and not save :-( Working on it....

Another page...well 2 pages is love and family. This includes so much that I could not limit to one page. Still working on these pages, but almost done :-)

One page that I am really having fun with is my role models page...people I look up to and who have and still are positive influences in my life.  My goal is to do a big collage of everyone. I have started and still have a way to go...Some are famous, some are not...I am loving how the page is turning out :-)

So these are just a few glimpses of the start of my vision book. What I love is that I can add on as I grow and as I live out the vision.  I would say I hope to finish this project soon...but the more I work on it, the more I realize that it is a neverending project.

So my question for you is have you thought about your vision? I have you written it done and what plans do you have to fulfill your vision?

Hope everyone has a great day. Started my day at work off way to early...HELP!!!

Monday, January 11, 2010

My Last Post...

My last post was very random and what I truly would call one of my venting posts.  I am glad I got some things out and now it is time to move on. This weekend I spent the majority of the time at my place thinking, cleaning, and focusing on getting rid of the clutter in my life.  This pic to the right was from a banquet I attended a few months ago.  I cut out the person standing with me out because I really liked my smile and the picture of me...

This weekend I realized I am beginning to focus on me. Not others, but me. Took me a while to admit this to myself because in some ways I think it is selfish.  I care and worry about others and I think I am realizing it is to my harm. I care too much.  I will not stop caring, but will put myself first and not worry about others, because I have come to realize that most of the people I care about and worry about....don't do the same for me. 

I love others and I love to see others it is time for me.  Time out for caring for people who don't feel the same.  What is crazy is these are supposed to be your close friends and family. Why do the people who are closest to you hurt you the most???

I am better, but not where I need to be...Letting go of people is much easier said than done.  When people don't back up their words with their actions....I am tired of making excuses and tired of being understanding.

The face above is a face that I want to see more often.  It is a face happiness, a face of joy. 

Friday, January 8, 2010


This post will be very random and might not make sense, but I am just letting out some frustrations and thoughts that I have been having over the past couple of weeks.  I have been going through a lot, more than I wish to share with most people...which causes a lot of my frustrations. Why are people so selfish and settle for mediocrity???

Has a convo with a friend last week and I became so irritated because he could not see my point of view.  I have issues with people...which might seem crazy, but let me explain.  I love people and I want to see the good in people, but guess what people continue to let me down. I do not expect people to be perfect, but some things to me are common sense (I know the saying if sense was so common everyone would have it...which they don't).  I am not perfect and I have my issues too, and I continue to work on them and I try not to justify them. If I am wrong....I am wrong.  Just like when a parent goes to a child after they have done something they were not supposed to do....9 times out of 10 that child knew what they were doing was wrong and they chose to do it anyway. I got off in a tangent...but like I said I really have no theme to what I am venting about right now.

What bothers me the most right now is I really want to cut myself off from people....because every time I interact on a personal level with people I get hurt. What is weird I love working with people.  I love to mentor, I love to interact with people and I love to help people.  What is crazy I am in the zone when I volunteer or mentor, but as soon as I have personal (or deep...not to say I don't get deep with mentoring, but they don't get to know me on that level) interactions with people I am always the giver and never the recipient, if that makes sense.  I am tired of trying, I am tired of giving people the benefit doubt and attempting to be understanding. It is sad when the people who hurt you the most or the people who claim to love you the most....the word love should be backed up with actions. 

Do I really think I can do, but the thought has crossed my mind on several occasions.  One friend once made the statement that people make time for what they want to do...I am tired of people's excuses, I am tired of being run over and taken for granted.

People always come up with New Year's resolutions and like to start or stop things when the new year roles around. Don't know if this is a good or bad thing.  Most people do not continue the things for the long run...

I think I am done venting.  Back to work.  ARGHHHH!!!!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Am I Insane???

This picture and quote recently came to my attention from a friend. By this definition aren't most people insane? I will admit that I am different and don't think like most people, but I sometimes wonder if being labeled insane is necessarily a bad thing?  How many great thinkers would fit this definition? How many people in the world kept doing the same thing and expected different results...but one day they got them???

I am currently by this definition practicing insanity... I question daily should I continue on this path?  In hopes of one day things will change. I don't know.  To me part of me realizes that maybe the situation will not change, but I continue to hold out faith.  Sometimes when we do the same thing over and over again we do get different results, but is this just because you are persistent?

A while ago I read a blog from a pastor that I follow that talked about his belief in the Bible and his insane faith...It was inspirational because it showed what he stood for and why he stood for it, rather it be insane or not.  I do think parts of faith are insane...which I think is good. You have to believe in the unbelievable and expect the impossible.

Will I continue to live up to this definition of insanity? I don't know. It could have good and bad consequences. I do know that in some areas I do have to change my insane behaviors. 

Monday, January 4, 2010


I really enjoying blogging and have been doing a lot more lately.  I actually had a comment from an anonymous reader that complimented me on the growth of my blog, which I was surprised by, but thankful.  I read (or scan) hundreds of blogs each day and very rarely do I comment on them...Why is that???

Honestly I don't know. I mean I enjoy the blogs and they spark thought and ideas in me, but usually don't feel the need to comment.  I might not agree with the statements on all the blogs I read, but I respect the opinions and thoughts of others. I remember when I use to watch Saturday morning cartoons a commerical that always stuck in my head....Great minds think alike, no, great minds think for themselves.  People have to learn to think for themselves and come to their own conclusion or views on a topic. People need to be able to back up their views and learn how to respect people who do not have the same views. 

A lot of times I don't comment because I am at a loss for words.  I don't necessarily agree or disagree, but I am taking time to formulate my own thoughts or opinions on the subject matter.  Sometimes I have no opinion and sometimes I am left confused, but oh well.  Sometimes people get mad when you don't comment, get over it (not trying to be rude). 

I blog to vent, to express myself, to get things out.  I read blogs to get inspiration and to see how others view things. Comments are extra....

Friday, January 1, 2010

You Can't Handle the Truth!!!!

Yes I can!!!! I woke up this morning from enjoying a great watch night service sermon.  Then I realized something....a friend was lying to me...not cool!!! There is one thing not to admit to something, but to blatantly lie is so not cool.

The line from "A Few Good Men".....I think that is the name of the movie. I can handle the truth, what hurts more is that you think you can't tell me the truth. I might be hurt for a little bit, but as a true friend I will get over it. It hurts me more that you think you have to lie to me.  I know the truth will come out and when it does we will have a talk...

Honesty is a trait that I value so much in a friendship and the fact that you can't even give me that is not good.