Friday, December 19, 2014

2014 is coming to an end....

Remember me??? I am still alive and trying to be better about this blogging thing.....let's see how this goes. Back in the beginning of last year I wrote a blog called The Four Fs which broke down my vision and things I wanted to work on in 2014 and this weekend I will be attending a gathering to see how my vision board went. So in preparation I decided to look back on more Four Fs and see what I have done.


Well...this didn't go as plan. Maybe because I attempted to read more and study more I hit road blocks. I do believe my faith has grown, but I didn't read as much as I planned. I did take time out at least once a week to study scripture outside of what I got while at church and I did read a couple of books to help strengthen my faith. I also started following several blogs that help me have more of an educated faith. I also failed in the studying of other religions part of my goals, so this will be carried on till next year.

Fitness went ok, but the end of the year was an epic fail, well not epic, but not great. Through my church's churchfit program I lost about 40 pounds.....but because I am an emotional eater I gained 20 pounds of that back :-( But what has been a plus is a friend who added me to a group on facebook and the group is a motivator. I am working on what I eat and working on working out more consistently, even in the cold weather. So this year was not a total loss, but not as great as I wanted it to be.  But I will say, that my clothes are getting looser so I am excited!!!

Finances I can say went in a positive direction. I received a promotion at my job that allowed me to not have to work 2 jobs which is a blessing, but I held on to the part time job working it PRN for extra money and to help save.  I have begun to stick to a budget, pay of stupid debt, and build up my savings. I am not ballin yet, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!! I have learned from my past mistakes and I am thinking more long term than short term gratification. Now I still make mistakes, but not as many and I am still improving. One step at a time.....

Now comes my future.....What is my future? That is still developing and looking over this past year I think I have done several things to help me in grow into what my future is becoming.....I have experienced career growth, I am actually a supervisor now! There is someone in my life right now and I am seeing where this is going.....not saying I am heading toward a family, but I am trying "dating outside the box." Am I happier? Not really sure, these past couple of months have been interesting for me and challenging, but what  I do know is it has helped me grow which I am enjoying. Life is not always perfect or what you expect, but I do know God has a plan and I am seeing where this is going to take me.....

The Journey
The Journey has been interesting and I realize this upcoming year I will be 35!!! (shhh! don't tell anyone) I have begun to think about I will continue to accomplish and continue to do to grow and learn. So we shall see where this takes me.  When I was 30 I did a "30 while 30 list" which I think I might do the same while I am 35.  But, the biggest lesson I have learned this year is that my life my not look like others I and I might not be taking the same paths as others, but this is my life and I am living it and making my mark in this world. I am and will continue to enjoy the journey!!!

Pic from 2nd vision board I did last year. Had a blast

Recent picture of me, I always have to remember to smile!!!

Saturday, September 13, 2014

The conversation........

A lot of emotions in my life right now.........met someone, I like them......but......yeah, a lot I am not able or willing to write about right now.

But the conversation happened. I was able to talk (well at least text) about some of my feelings and struggles with a friend and was not judged and I think finally understood. Ever has those inner thoughts or feelings that you need to get out but fear of judgment? Fear of no one understanding? That is most of my life......and the ability to get some things out were refreshing and very therapeutic.

I am here, taking a fb break, little twitter activity. So this will probably cause me to blog more....I really need to.

The someone......what will happen???

Not the best pic, but these days it can be so hard to smile

Thursday, June 5, 2014


Emotions are not always easy to control. I sit at home thinking about the events over the past few weeks and I am really asking myself how could I have handled it better? One thing about me is that when I want something I want it. Not spoiled, but when I REALLY want something if I don't get it......not good.

This past few weeks a friendship has been forever changed, a person that I truly had feelings for just dismissed what we had at one time had, and now a part of my life is in limbo (will write more once the limbo is over), but with all of this I have finally looked at how I have or how I am dealing with all of this. I often wear my emotions on my sleeve which is weird for person who can't cry in front of other people. Looking over my actions these past couple of weeks.......I have been a bitch, I can admit.

Now as I deal with all of this going foward, how will I choose to act? I honestly don't know.  I do know whatever the outcome is I do know that I will be alright, life goes on, I a still have worth, and I am still amazing!!! I am going to try hard not to take the emotions I have going on inside out on other people and I will continue to try to be the best person I can.

Recently I cam across a quote that exemplifies exactly how I feel most days......

"I am a master of my spoken words and slave to those which remain unspoken"

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

How to Talk to Your Kids About Michael Sam

All I know.....

World wind of emotions these days. I think I can finally admit I love you and what scares me is that I don't know why, or maybe I do know what and I am afraid to admit it, and what scares me even more??? We can't be together and the feeling is not mutual.  Don't know if I have the words to go further.....I have started and deleted so many posts on this subject. One thing that I am still trying to do through it all is what??? Still smile!! :-)

Monday, April 14, 2014

My thoughts right now....

“Sometimes you can’t explain what you see in a person. It’s just the way they take you to a place where no one else can.”
Each day on facebook I try to post a quote that means something to me or to inspire and/or just make people think. This was today's quote.  Why did I pick this one? I have been asking myself what did or what do I see in a certain person? Why no matter what they do I can't let them go?

Who you are attracted to or what you see in a person can be such a mystery to the outside person, but to you it makes PERFECT sense. It could be the way they talk, the way they make you feel, the memories you share together, or how they treat you.  Question or issue for me is how do you let that person go when in the big scheme of things they cause you more harm than good :-(

Don't know how this is going end up, but we shall see....


Trying to blog more, too much going on in my head right now. Maybe soon I won't be afraid to post, but until then, they sit in my drafts. 

Current pic, I always need to remember to smile :-)

Saturday, March 22, 2014


I remember when I was in elementary school and my first band instructor wrote the word ASSUME on the board and then said when you assume you make an ass out of you and me....get it? This has stuck in my head ever since then.

Why am I writing about assumptions? Because lately I have been thinking about the assumptions so many people make. Rather it be regarding me, others, or assumptions about things in general. I recently was in a meeting and as people talked and voiced their opinions I could not help but think about the assumptions people made when trying to defend their statements. I left that meeting really thinking about what assumptions do to people and how the can be very bad.

Here are some of the common assumptions that people have about me.....

  1. nice
  2. mean
  3. straight
  4. gay
  5. nerd
  6. anti-social
  7. naive
  8. innocent
I could keep going......but I won't. The ones I have listed are the ones that irritate me the most.  People make these assumptions before they even take the time to get to know me and seem shocked when I turn out the way that they assumed.  

I think the world would be a better place if assumptions were not made and if you want to know something or find out about something just ask. How hard is that????