Monday, April 14, 2014

My thoughts right now....

“Sometimes you can’t explain what you see in a person. It’s just the way they take you to a place where no one else can.”
Each day on facebook I try to post a quote that means something to me or to inspire and/or just make people think. This was today's quote.  Why did I pick this one? I have been asking myself what did or what do I see in a certain person? Why no matter what they do I can't let them go?

Who you are attracted to or what you see in a person can be such a mystery to the outside person, but to you it makes PERFECT sense. It could be the way they talk, the way they make you feel, the memories you share together, or how they treat you.  Question or issue for me is how do you let that person go when in the big scheme of things they cause you more harm than good :-(

Don't know how this is going end up, but we shall see....


Trying to blog more, too much going on in my head right now. Maybe soon I won't be afraid to post, but until then, they sit in my drafts. 

Current pic, I always need to remember to smile :-)

Saturday, March 22, 2014


I remember when I was in elementary school and my first band instructor wrote the word ASSUME on the board and then said when you assume you make an ass out of you and me....get it? This has stuck in my head ever since then.

Why am I writing about assumptions? Because lately I have been thinking about the assumptions so many people make. Rather it be regarding me, others, or assumptions about things in general. I recently was in a meeting and as people talked and voiced their opinions I could not help but think about the assumptions people made when trying to defend their statements. I left that meeting really thinking about what assumptions do to people and how the can be very bad.

Here are some of the common assumptions that people have about me.....

  1. nice
  2. mean
  3. straight
  4. gay
  5. nerd
  6. anti-social
  7. naive
  8. innocent
I could keep going......but I won't. The ones I have listed are the ones that irritate me the most.  People make these assumptions before they even take the time to get to know me and seem shocked when I turn out the way that they assumed.  

I think the world would be a better place if assumptions were not made and if you want to know something or find out about something just ask. How hard is that????

Friday, March 7, 2014

You still get to me

The fact that I have decided to no longer reach out to you might be one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. Why? I still care for you. We were supposed to remain friends......but I can't continue to be an afterthought when you are not single. I will be ok, self talk right here.

It is what it is. Lesson learned.

Good Morning!!!

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Bored and Sick!!!

Stumbled across this while bored in bed sick :-( guess I will answer.....them all

1. Last kiss 2006 I think......long story, miss her
2. Last phone call business call, boring
3. Last text message asking about a friend's shoe collection  
4. Last song you listened to Eric Roberson's "Be a Humanitarian"
5. Last time you cried this morning 

6. Dated someone twice nope
7. Been cheated on nope
8. Self harmed nope
9. Lost someone special several times
10. Been depressed yes
11. Been drunk and threw up nope

12. had sex nope
13. How many people have you had sex with this year? zero
15. Made a new friend yes
17. Laughed until you cried yes
18. Met someone who changed you yes
19. Found out who your true friends were yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you definitely
26. What did you do for your last Birthday nothing
27. What time did you wake up today 4:00 am
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for marriage 
30. Last time you saw your all of your siblings at the same time 2001, right before she died
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life singleness 
32. What are you listening to right now Criminal Minds
33. When is the last time you had sex? never had sex
34. Who's getting on your nerves right now her
35. Most visited webpage Facebook
36. Favorite colour soft blue
37. Nicknames ursie, urs, u-boogie
38. Relationship Status single
39. Zodiac sign Virgo 
40. Male or female female
41. Primary school lauderdale & snowden
42. Secondary School snowden
43. High school/college central and Vanderbilt 
44. Eye color brown
46. Height 5'10
47. Do you have a crush on someone yes
48. What do you like about yourself lots of things
49. Piercings 2 in each ear
50. Tattoos one on my neck
51. Righty or lefty righty

53. First piercing ears when I was 12
54. First best friend forgot name, kindergarten boy with a name beginning with M
55. First hookup never hooked up 
56. First Bestfriend didn't I just answer this?

59. Eating nothing
60. Drinking tea
61. I'm about to lay down
62. Listening to television
63. Waiting for to feel better

64. Want kids? Yes 
65. Get married? Yes 
66. Career research

67. Lips or eyes lips
68. Hugs or kisses hugs
69. Shorter or taller taller
70. Older or Younger older
71. Romantic or spontaneous romantic
72. Nice stomach or nice arms arms
73. Sensitive or loud sensitive
74. Hook-up or relationship relationship

76. Kissed a stranger nope
77. Drank hard liquor often
78. Lost glasses/contacts nope
79. Had sex nope
80. Broken someone's heart maybe
82. Been arrested nope
83. Turned someone down yes
84. Cried when someone died yes
85. Fallen for a friend yes

86. Yourself yes
87. Miracles yes
88. Love at first sight not sure
89. Heaven yes
90. Santa Clause nope
91. Kiss on the first date maybe
92. Angels yes
93. How would you label yourself? Querky 
94. Someone You Pray Everyday For kids
95. Did you sing today everyday
96. Who From All Your Ex's have You Cared The Most About I have no ex's
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? Wouldn't 
98. Out Of Everything In The World What Do You Wish For peace
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? nope
100. Do you like the way you look? Most of the time

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

The Four Fs


What are these? My focus in 2014. Last night I was working with the kids I mentor on vision boards and everything I have been thinking about during my Facebook break came together. Thank you God!!! These are 4 areas of my life that I want to target this year..... aggressively. Every year people, I, make goals or resolutions and every year I accomplish some and fail at others. This year I want to be more intentional about what is to come.

How am I going to do this? Good question...... One thing I that I sometimes have issues with is following through things that are hard for me. Easy things? I got this, but things that I struggle with, I say I am going to change, I start out great.....hit a road block and I am done. But I realize I need to make some major changes in my life. So each area listed above has to have a realistic plan.

This past year my faith has been on struggle. Why? I honestly don't know completely. Growing up in church faith was always apart of my life, but did I understand it? No.....I did what I was told, what was fun, and it became a habit for me. Through college I grew in my faith and began to understand things for me....not what my elders told me. Imagine being a college student almost failing out, losing scholarships and grants, parents divorce, mother gets breast cancer, sister dies (amongst 4 other close relatives), and father goes down a spiral of alcoholism that eventually lead to his death.....but I always had a mentality of but God!! My faith back then was the only stable thing in my life back then. So why is my faith shaky now? Still processing that. I question....a lot, it is my nature. I want to know why!!!!! Things have to make sense to me and right now.....there is a lot in my life that doesn't make sense.

So.....this year my goal is to study more of why do I believe what I believe. Read the Bible more and have more quiet time. If I only read a chapter in the Bible a's a start. Also read more books explaining Christianity and what it means to be a Christian. Books to help me walk in my faith, just not talk about it, be about it. I also want to study other religions, I believe in God, but I think you can learn a lot from understanding what other people believe in. 

I am fat....yeah I said it. I am actually obese. It is what it is. My last doctor's appointment was not great at all. No health problems, but the weight is the worst it has ever been. I admit I can be an emotional eater and learning to stop doing this, but it takes time. I also realize I don't workout regularly. This must change. I have to lose weight.....lots of it over time (didn't gain it overnight, won't lose it overnight)

My plan......I have to be more intentional on eating and exercise. I think I am going back to cutting out meat.....think this is when the weight loss sky rocketed, when I fell back in love with bacon. I also have to cut out fast food, now that I am not working as much this will be easier to accomplish. Green smoothies are great and I like! Just need to continue to get creative with them so I don't get bored. Next the church is having an event called ChurchFit and I am hoping it helps give me a kick start. I have targeted 3 workout classes that actually fit into my schedule and I am excited about them!! I also want to aim for the Women's half marathon in September. I love to walk and I just have to focus and dedicate to training.....this cold weather keeps getting in the way. I think when I do these things I will see progress. For 2014 my goal is to lose 75 pounds. One pound at a time.

Another struggle for me......Coupled with ridiculous student loans and having problems sticking to a budget I need to make changes. Last year I paid off a lot of stupid debt and I hope to get all stupid debt paid off by March. So this year is going to be a year of savings. I am learning to pay cash for everything and not charging anything. I am admitting to myself I don't NEED the latest gadget or item I see. I am determined to put away a certain percentage of my check each month in an account that is not easily accessible. That way I can't just electronically transfer money when I want to splurge. I am also going to try real hard not to eat out at know how much money I waste eating out? I want to be a better steward of my money one day at a time.

What does the future hold for me? I honestly don't know. What do I see in my future.....a variety of things. I want career growth, but right now I don't know what that end goal or ultimate job will be, but I do have some things in the work that I hope I can report on soon. I love what I do, but I don't want to do it forever. I need a new challenge (and more money.....just being honest). I want a family? But what does that look like? Good question.....each year I set and hope that my relationship status will change (been the same for a long whole life) but each year it doesn't. How do I change that? If you can answer that......please let me know. But, I realize I want a family in my future. I want children and I want someone to share that with. So......first step is going out on a date (don't think this goal is ever going to change until it actually happens). So as I was creating my vision board I came across an article that had the phrase "dating outside the box" which is something I am going to try.....hopefully. What I do know about my future is that is bright and 2014 I think is the beginning of a brighter future for me.

The Journey
It is going to be long and hard, but I think it is worth it. I will blog about successes and failures here.....I hope I will be transparent and learn from this journey. In the end I just want to be a better me.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Insight into my random thoughts

Well....trying real hard to get back to blogging here and it looks like I am succeeding. For those who have not been following me or who have just stumbled across this blog, for the past almost a year I have been doing a Random Thoughts blog.  Check it out if you like.  Each day I write random thoughts for the day. For example, since today is the 22nd I wrote 22 random thoughts? This can be easy and hard some days. It gets harder when I get to the end of the month, imagine putting down 31 random thoughts??? Now all of the thoughts are not completely random, but they are my thoughts. Some are funny, some are cryptic, some are just blurts that come in my mind.

Here are a link to some of my favorites or most viewed thoughts.

Post Scandal Edition
Chest Pains are Never Good 
Thoughts While Waiting till Marriage
Things I have learned from 2 Chainz
The Yonce Did That!!!!!

Also, here is an example of the thoughts from case you don't go over to the original blog

1. Becoming more open
2. My love for you will it ever end?
3. Do you know that you are racist?
4. Pizza for breakfast is always good
5. I get that you want to change me but you can't
6. Should have sent to Starbucks
7. No good music has come out in a while
8. How well do you trust me?
9. I can make you smile
10. Looking forward to a day off
11. What did we so before smart phones?
12. Can I give up meat again
13. Facebook/twitter break is much needed
14. Going to make this a great day
15. Only you can prevent forest fires
16. Look for someone who challenges you intellectually
17. We will just agree to disagree
18. Liking that I am slowly getting back to my original blog
19. Jake from State Farm.....he sounds hideous
20. I will not get sick!!! 
21. Yes, I originally forgot #21
22. Big girls need love too

As you can say I am very random.....but they are my thoughts. They have been therapeutic, entertaining, and fun to do. Still deciding if I will continue to do them past a year....I committed to a year which is almost here.
So hope you enjoy and read!!!!
Back to our regularly scheduled program


What makes you attracted to someone? Is it their looks? Their personality? How they treat you? I think there is a lot that goes into attraction.

Recently a friend questioned me and who I was attracted to which I find odd because she is always talking about her struggle with people not accepting who she is attracted to or judging her for it. But when she questioned my thoughts I really began to think about what attracts me to a person......

What do I find attractive? I love a smile, great convo, the ability to listen and understand. A person who can get past the introvert I sometimes can become and get me to be completely honest and free. I think it as hella attractive for someone to be silly yet serious, fun, but knows how to get down to business. 

When I truly think about what attracts me to a is honestly not about looks. I have to be able to look at you, but when I think back to the people I have been most attracted to in my life.....looks played a very small role.

Grant it I can say I love a person's eyes, their lips, their hair or lack there of (I do love a bald head), a person's hands, I could keep going, but to me.....that does not make the person. Like I said I have to be able to look at you, but rather you are big or small, tall, or short, missing a tooth or even an eye? To me those are superficial.

I look back to the people I have been most attracted to (some are present attractions) it is their ability to listen, to make me laugh, get me when no one else does, a person who has intelligence and wisdom, the ability to just be unapologetically themselves. To me......that is a big turn on. 

One thing that people laugh at when I say this is.....I can be attracted to you and find you attractive......but I don't want to be with you. Why is that? This especially goes for people that I physically find attractive. I realize attraction is not the key to a successful relationship or companionship because when they attraction becomes cold what do you do? How do you get through those times? 

Below is a pic of some people that I am attracted to, some are pure physical some are more than physical. Now all are famous, but each possesses qualities that I find very attractive.....