Sunday, July 26, 2015

35 while 35 list!!!

Well the tradition continues......every 5 years I am going to complete a list of things. So since I turn 35 this year (seems like I was 30 forever) I will attempt to complete the following 35 things :-)

1. Save $3500 
2. Lose at least 100 pounds (originally said 35 but that is too easy)
3. Run 1/2 marathon (gearing up for Hot chocolate 15k as a warm up the Music City Marathon)
4. Read 35 books
5. International travel (suggestions welcome)
6. 35 random acts of kindness
7. Go on an actual date (one year this will actually fall off my list)
8. Get my 2nd tattoo (design already picked out)
9. Random thoughts daily for entire year (will post weekly on fb)
10. Blog on original blog weekly
11. Meet 35 new people and write about experience (for those who know me.....I don't talk to strangers so this is a big deal)
12. Attempt 35 new recipes
13. Keep a journal entire year of all my experiences I complete
14. 35 love notes
15. 35 community service activities
16. Watch 35 new movies (up for suggestions)
17. Try 35 new restaurants 
18. Walk/jog 35 miles monthly
19. Donate 35 pieces of clothing (it's sad how many items in my closet I never wear)
20. Phase flip flops out of my daily wardrobe (for those who know me......pray!)
21. Visit graves of my father and sister (still haven't been able to do this)
22. Weekend cabin tip to Gatlinburg
23. Try a new brunch spot monthly
24. Huge surprise for my mother
25. Apply for grad school
26. Take SOCRA exam (October is target date)
27. Teach my mother to use laptop and Internet (she has made progress,but has a long way to go)
28. Get cable again (now that I don't work as much antenna television is not enough)
29. Concert at a big venue (Janet Jackson in September)
30. Pay off my car early
31. Home ownership or new apartment (depends on my next career move)
32. Job promotion
33. Cut hair again (can't donate, but need to switch it up)
34. Be more social 
35. Just have fun!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 21, 2015


So much on my mind......Next month I will be 35 and honestly not looking forward to it. The one thing I want I am tired of wanting and it is becoming frustrating. Something I cannot control, something I cannot make happen. Hurts......can't lie and say it doesn't trying to finish up my 35 while 35 list but I have come to a block and don't know if I can move past it. 

As I write this post I think on the fact that I am blessed and question why I let the little things get to me and how I am focusing on one thing I don't have, but attempting to remind myself of all the things I do have and it is hard to do. It is easy to say just deal.....well tired of dealing and settling or just being complacent. 

Don't know if things will change, but just needed to let this out.

 New hair color.......and actually smiling. All I got for now.

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Trying hard......

At work and had some time and just wanted to update the blog. In a perfect world I would write more consistently.....not happening like I want.  I am getting there. Taking things one day at a time. My focus these days is weight loss and getting my life together. Hopefully I will have an update soon. :-) Below is a picture of some of my weight loss journey....40 pounds down and only ??? to go! we shall see!!

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Words and actions

I don't even know where to start. Couldn't sleep and a lot on my mind and all I could do was blog. So honestly don't know where this post will go.

I never thought words could hurt so much.....for a person that always wants to know they why, I really want to know why you made the statement and the fact that you said it was not important hurts even more. You said it so to me it is important. Words mean things! Not only so words mean things, but the actions that go along with those words mean things and your lack of action hurts even more.

I don't ask for much and couple with the one thing I have asked of you and your recent words......I just don't know. My past and my present I am learning so much and right now coming to terms with the lessons I am learning are hard. It should not be this difficult!!!!!

One thing I have believed my whole life what is important to you make time for me, period! So when your words and your time don't add up it confuses me and I hate confusion.

So what will happen? I don't know, but just needed to let that out. Hopefully I can get some sleep before work in the morning, but doesn't look promising :-(

More blogging in 2015 is a must........

Friday, December 19, 2014

2014 is coming to an end....

Remember me??? I am still alive and trying to be better about this blogging thing.....let's see how this goes. Back in the beginning of last year I wrote a blog called The Four Fs which broke down my vision and things I wanted to work on in 2014 and this weekend I will be attending a gathering to see how my vision board went. So in preparation I decided to look back on more Four Fs and see what I have done.


Well...this didn't go as plan. Maybe because I attempted to read more and study more I hit road blocks. I do believe my faith has grown, but I didn't read as much as I planned. I did take time out at least once a week to study scripture outside of what I got while at church and I did read a couple of books to help strengthen my faith. I also started following several blogs that help me have more of an educated faith. I also failed in the studying of other religions part of my goals, so this will be carried on till next year.

Fitness went ok, but the end of the year was an epic fail, well not epic, but not great. Through my church's churchfit program I lost about 40 pounds.....but because I am an emotional eater I gained 20 pounds of that back :-( But what has been a plus is a friend who added me to a group on facebook and the group is a motivator. I am working on what I eat and working on working out more consistently, even in the cold weather. So this year was not a total loss, but not as great as I wanted it to be.  But I will say, that my clothes are getting looser so I am excited!!!

Finances I can say went in a positive direction. I received a promotion at my job that allowed me to not have to work 2 jobs which is a blessing, but I held on to the part time job working it PRN for extra money and to help save.  I have begun to stick to a budget, pay of stupid debt, and build up my savings. I am not ballin yet, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!! I have learned from my past mistakes and I am thinking more long term than short term gratification. Now I still make mistakes, but not as many and I am still improving. One step at a time.....

Now comes my future.....What is my future? That is still developing and looking over this past year I think I have done several things to help me in grow into what my future is becoming.....I have experienced career growth, I am actually a supervisor now! There is someone in my life right now and I am seeing where this is going.....not saying I am heading toward a family, but I am trying "dating outside the box." Am I happier? Not really sure, these past couple of months have been interesting for me and challenging, but what  I do know is it has helped me grow which I am enjoying. Life is not always perfect or what you expect, but I do know God has a plan and I am seeing where this is going to take me.....

The Journey
The Journey has been interesting and I realize this upcoming year I will be 35!!! (shhh! don't tell anyone) I have begun to think about I will continue to accomplish and continue to do to grow and learn. So we shall see where this takes me.  When I was 30 I did a "30 while 30 list" which I think I might do the same while I am 35.  But, the biggest lesson I have learned this year is that my life my not look like others I and I might not be taking the same paths as others, but this is my life and I am living it and making my mark in this world. I am and will continue to enjoy the journey!!!

Pic from 2nd vision board I did last year. Had a blast

Recent picture of me, I always have to remember to smile!!!

Saturday, September 13, 2014

The conversation........

A lot of emotions in my life right now.........met someone, I like them......but......yeah, a lot I am not able or willing to write about right now.

But the conversation happened. I was able to talk (well at least text) about some of my feelings and struggles with a friend and was not judged and I think finally understood. Ever has those inner thoughts or feelings that you need to get out but fear of judgment? Fear of no one understanding? That is most of my life......and the ability to get some things out were refreshing and very therapeutic.

I am here, taking a fb break, little twitter activity. So this will probably cause me to blog more....I really need to.

The someone......what will happen???

Not the best pic, but these days it can be so hard to smile

Thursday, June 5, 2014


Emotions are not always easy to control. I sit at home thinking about the events over the past few weeks and I am really asking myself how could I have handled it better? One thing about me is that when I want something I want it. Not spoiled, but when I REALLY want something if I don't get it......not good.

This past few weeks a friendship has been forever changed, a person that I truly had feelings for just dismissed what we had at one time had, and now a part of my life is in limbo (will write more once the limbo is over), but with all of this I have finally looked at how I have or how I am dealing with all of this. I often wear my emotions on my sleeve which is weird for person who can't cry in front of other people. Looking over my actions these past couple of weeks.......I have been a bitch, I can admit.

Now as I deal with all of this going foward, how will I choose to act? I honestly don't know.  I do know whatever the outcome is I do know that I will be alright, life goes on, I a still have worth, and I am still amazing!!! I am going to try hard not to take the emotions I have going on inside out on other people and I will continue to try to be the best person I can.

Recently I cam across a quote that exemplifies exactly how I feel most days......

"I am a master of my spoken words and slave to those which remain unspoken"