Friday, October 19, 2007

The Struggle Within

Within me there is a constant struggle to do what is right. I mean it is a struggle that goes against everything that I have been taught and I have been fed my whole life. Have I lived my life a lie? Have I become what others want me to be just to get by in life?? I know I have issues, we all do, but will I be able to come. My father died still dealing with his, I don't want this to happen to me. I want to be able to conquer this. I mean why do I have to learn the hard way? I mean I knew I should not have introduced it into my spirit, but it is there now and I am having the hardest time letting go. A friend made a statement yesterday, or rather an action, and it made it even worse. She meant to do me no harm, but it did. She does not realize how I internalize statements like that. Is this a phase I am going through??? I honestly don't know, but I am constantly asking my self why, why, why. I mean it should be simple to just stop thinking about it, but I can't, I can't. If I could I would, but I can't. Life is so interesting. This struggle within is consuming my thoughts, my mind, and my soul. Can I let it go, or will it always be a part of me?

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