Tuesday, May 17, 2011

My Name is My Name!!!

If you follow me you know that I am in the process of FINALLY watching the show The Wire. Well I am in the last season and I close to being finished, but recently this clip above got me and for some reason remembered when most of my friends actually saw the clip when it came on TV. 

What is funny is this phrase means a lot to me. I have yet to write about why I left my last position of work and one reason was the quote name is my name. Today while walking around campus I ran into someone I met briefly before I left my last department.  I had no idea who she was, but when I was introduced to her, my name and my work ethic were praised.....this is something I truly value.

I work hard, smart, and try to present myself in the best way I can on any job.  I also try to be consistent in my personal life (little bit on struggle with that right now....but I still can say my name is my name).

With that being said.... My name is my name!!!

What do people think about when they hear your name?

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Trust Issues????

Recently I asked a friend did I come off as unapproachable and she said I come off as guarded in part that she things I have trust issues.  This statement really got to me, even though I value her statement and what she said because she knows more about me than almost anybody.

But when she said I had trust issues it kind of took me back, because in my mind trust is earned and not given and it takes a lot for me to trust people...why? Because like I have said in previous blogs people let you down.  I am not the bitter black woman or nor do I treat people like they will hurt me from the get go, but I do realize once they do it is not a shock....makes me cope with it better.

Is this exactly me having trust issues? I honestly do not know. What I do know is that when time after time people prove me right it is more about protecting myself. This point of view goes for relationships, friendships, family members, and work. 

Can I be guarded? Maybe, but I think this stems out of the fact that I am different. I am 30 year old woman that has never truly dated.  I can't approach relationships like most people....when it happens it will be my first, this makes my views on things a little different.  Don't like lumping people together, but when most people here this.....does not go off very well, most people are shocked and honestly they don't treat me the same way.

Just a couple of thoughts I wanted to get out while I am taking a break from work.  Training and reading for days!!!! But still loving new job. Less free time, but I enjoy what I am doing.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Life in a Dgital World.....

This morning I woke up way to early.  I have had a lot on my mind and I have been trying to process it all.  I think my blog will remain the place where I let things out that I can't tell the people closest to me.  It seems like my online profile have become more censored as the days go by and this is beginning to frustrate me. Some people say just be who you are and say what you want and not worry about what others think and say.....if it were only that simple!

I think we all have evolved over the growth of social media and connecting online with people and if we really track the profiles we have had over the years you would probably be surprised.I have various profiles online and most have them had been deleted (as much as they can be) and sometimes I wonder when I get older (grandparent age) will I continue to have the same profiles that I have now. I mean I have gone through yahoo, collegeclub, blackplanet, myspace, friendster, and those are just the ones I can think about off the top of my head.

I mainly use facebook and twitter these days.  Facebook has become my way to connect with friends, family, and coworkers (past and present) but it's use is shrinking. I think it is the main page that I have began to censor. From the creating of lists to hide posts from certain groups, from using less and less each day. I would like to delete, but it is used by so many people to update about life, events, and share information about what is going on.  I use to update statuses a few times a day, but with new job it is hard to follow and read like I use to and statues are maybe once a day and they are usually generic and something random that I have seen or thought. I love facebook, but my worlds have become to interconnected and I am not liking that.

Twitter has become the place where I type whatever I feel, random thoughts feelings and ideas that pop in my head. I interact with people I do and don't know, but I feel a little less censored. Most of my real life friends and people I know do not know my twitter world....and I kind of like that. I am adding more and more people I do know, but interesting no family members, which I hope to keep that way. But the thing is with more people I know following me the less I reveal about my blog and once again I begin to censor myself.

So I wonder where my digital life will evolve to next. I wonder will people continue to read and look at what I post. I can only be me and I have to decide what I want to share with the outside world. I just hope my blog continues to be a space to let things out and hopefully sometimes inspires people to think differently or get to know something about me that most people don't take the time to figure out.

Sunday, May 1, 2011


I am alive. Loving new job, but personal life has been.....interesting. (this is probably going to be a rambling post)

Getting use to my new job and trying to balance personal life has been hard these days.  What was crazy was going through hell on my job and personal life was loving new job and personal life is hell. Why can't both me great right now????

I am the type of person that question...everything. This can be good and bad. What become bad is when people look at you crazy because you just don't go with the status quo.  I know I am different, I know I can be weird, but that is just me.

Why do I let people get to me like I do? Don't say you care and then do exactly what you know hurts me!

I will be blogging more....lot's on my mind. Check out my other blog also, chronicling my weight loss or lack there of.

Mind is scattered right now....Hopefully it will get better we shall see :-/