Attraction

What makes you attracted to someone? Is it their looks? Their personality? How they treat you? I think there is a lot that goes into attraction.

Recently a friend questioned me and who I was attracted to which I find odd because she is always talking about her struggle with people not accepting who she is attracted to or judging her for it. But when she questioned my thoughts I really began to think about what attracts me to a person......

What do I find attractive? I love a smile, great convo, the ability to listen and understand. A person who can get past the introvert I sometimes can become and get me to be completely honest and free. I think it as hella attractive for someone to be silly yet serious, fun, but knows how to get down to business. 

When I truly think about what attracts me to a person....it is honestly not about looks. I have to be able to look at you, but when I think back to the people I have been most attracted to in my life.....looks played a very small role.

Grant it I can say I love a person's eyes, their lips, their hair or lack there of (I do love a bald head), a person's hands, I could keep going, but to me.....that does not make the person. Like I said I have to be able to look at you, but rather you are big or small, tall, or short, missing a tooth or even an eye? To me those are superficial.

I look back to the people I have been most attracted to (some are present attractions) it is their ability to listen, to make me laugh, get me when no one else does, a person who has intelligence and wisdom, the ability to just be unapologetically themselves. To me......that is a big turn on. 

One thing that people laugh at when I say this is.....I can be attracted to you and find you attractive......but I don't want to be with you. Why is that? This especially goes for people that I physically find attractive. I realize attraction is not the key to a successful relationship or companionship because when they attraction becomes cold what do you do? How do you get through those times? 

Below is a pic of some people that I am attracted to, some are pure physical some are more than physical. Now all are famous, but each possesses qualities that I find very attractive.....

Appearances & Looks

Why do people base relationships on looks and appearances? I mean does how a person looks help to make a relationship last. I had a convo with a friend recently and he made the statement that a person has to be attracted to you to get to know you, which I can understand from some aspect, but to base a relationship or completely say if a person does not have a certain appearance you will not be with them or get to know them is very superficial and from my perspective one reasons relationships are so jacked up now.

If you follow my blog you probably have read that I have never dated or been with anybody and lately this has been a real struggle for me because most of my closest friends have gotten married or are in committed relationships. I can frustrated because when I tried to explain or talk about my feelings with close friends they do not understand or dismiss my feelings....and that hurts.  It gets frustrating when you know who you are, what you have to offer, and the love you have to give, but no one gets to know it because you don't fit a mold that society says I should fit.

I know that I am a beautiful person who loves to have fun, give back, work hard, listen to friend's problems, cook, play and help influence kids who will grow to be our leaders of tomorrow. I love music and could listen and dance (not in public) to almost any great song.   I am silly and can be a dork at times, I realize that I might love to much and expect the best in people.....probably why I am let down so much.  I am not perfect, but what I am is a person who desires the companionship of another, but when no one takes the time to get to know that person it hurts.

A friend said I should spice it up, dress up more, which I think I do, but just because I don't like to wear heels, make up a lot, does not mean that a person should pass me over. I look nice, love a nice pair of pants and a shirt and I am good. I will wear a dress from time to time (more in the summer).  Plus I feel if I am not approached either way why not be comfortable???

Yes you have to be attracted to a person, but what if you miss out on something amazing just because it does not "look" like what you think it should?  If someone gave you a funny looking car that got you from point A to point B, but because it did not look like what you wanted you don't take it, but it had $1,000,000 in the trunk? You have missed something great over something superficial. 

Just some thoughts in my head right now....really needed to get those out. Have a had a lot going on health, professional, work, and spiritual......might be blogging a lot more to get some things out. Hope everyone has a great day. Trying to make the best of mine. On my way to the doctor!

Do you expect too much out of a mate????

Last night at church we had "Women's Night Out #2" which was a discussion on relationships, men, and women.  It was interesting...I mean I have a unique perspective on relationships (really want to blog about it...not ready yet) and I guess I listened to the advice given, but I always have a different view than most people.

One thing that is a topic that always comes up is expectations of the person you want to be with. People have this image, or vision for the "perfect" person for them...but does that person exist?  I am not saying have expectations or lower your expectations, but do people have realistic expectations for a mate?  Does one flaw discount a person from being "the one?"  Not everybody will look like Halle Berry and have a perfect compatible personality.  Are looks that important?  If you are married is the person you are with the person you always envisioned for yourself? Are people's expectations actually delusions???

I mean what do you expect in a mate?  What is important to you? Are your expectations realistic???

These are just some questions I ask myself and that I think about....