Am I Appreciated????

This morning I woke up and read some interesting news....at first I was like cool, but then I was like what a minute.  I have very few friends in my life because it takes a lot for me to trust someone.  I think I can be loyal to a fault and I truly value the friendship I have, but.....I really do feel like I am being taken for granted. I do not expect people to be perfect, but I do expect people to show friendship back.  Sometimes they do.....sometimes they don't and when they don't it really irritates me. Sometimes I just wish that people appreciated you more.

I do not do things for recognition, but I do believe that people should know that their are valued. Saying you love me and that I am a great friend is different than showing me that I am appreciated for the love you have for me and the friendship we have. I feel I keep going in this cycle of rejection and being let down.  One person said that you should not have expectations of people because they will always let you down....and I think that is a sad way to look at people and life. I am not asking people to be perfect, but just to care. 

One time I was having a heated venting convo with one of my friends and I made the statement that sometimes I feel if I were to just disappear tomorrow....I would not be missed. I hate to think like that sometimes, but that is how I feel.  I get tired of explaining myself and looking out for other people when they don't do the same back.  Are people that selfish?

I don't know....thinking about making more changes in the new year, but we shall see. 

Don't want to end year off with a sad blog, so might have to write something silly later....we shall see ;-)



A lot Better!

Guess what I got right before the holidays!!!! My new car!!! If you follow me on twitter you already knew, but I just have not had time to do a blog post.  I am loving it!!! Still having issues with the insurance company, but hopefully they will get resolved soon.

Things are turning around since the holidays. Had a great time with the family and got to see some friends I had not seen in a while.  Operation Death of Fat Girl died over the holidays....but she is experiencing a resurrection. Got my workout on this morning!!! If I really want to walk the half marathon in April got to get to it!

I have had a lot of things on my mind lately from selfishness, to redemption, to mistakes, to accountability, to.....just a whole bunch of stuff. Will be blogging about it in the next few days, hopefully, depending on work, might get one out today.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas and has great plans to bring in the New Year!!!!

Not My Fault

This is how I feel right now. If you follow me, you all know I was in a car accident at the beginning of November. This has been a headache from the beginning. I was not at fault in the accident, but everything is falling on me. My car was totaled out, my neck, my back, and my leg experienced a lot of pain and I had to go to the doctor and the chiropractor for a while (just gone done with that) and I am the one having to buy a new car (with a car note) and do all the leg work.

I have become very frustrated with this whole situation and it has sent my holiday mood into a funk and that is not good. Everyday I attempt to blog....but I can't finish. Everyday I am on the phone with insurance companies, car dealers, doctors, attorneys (long story), and banks.  I finally picked out a car and it should be here by the end of the year(prayerfully). 
I am just tired and emotionally drained. The other person's car was fine, her car just lost a little paint, her car did not spin around and go in the opposite direction.  I am trying not to be bitter and focus on the positives, but the negatives keep popping up.

I have to remind myself, that I am alive, once the insurance situation is taken care of I have the money to purchase a new car, I have the mind and knowledge to deal with everything.  I just get frustrated!!!

I think I am done. Off to finish some work and then out to lunch with old coworkers.  Tis the season! Have eaten out for lunch everyday this week for free! Wonder if the streak will continue today????

Day 31: Something that always makes you smile

FRIENDS!

Work, Life, Car Shopping!

Okay, my life has been CRAZY and blogging has not been in the schedule...and the passed couple of days tweeting has been a minimal also. I don't know what is going on and try to get caught up with life and work.

If you follow my blog you know I was in a car accident in November and my car was totalled out :-( Well now I have to find a new car.  A car not was so not in the budget and that is not cool, but God has blessed me with a part time gig that will help offset the cost of a new car. I have a couple of cars on the radar, but the Jeep Patriot is standing out to me right now.....

We shall see, I have found a used one, but the new ones might be in my price range since it is the end of the year. Was going to go look today, but once again, work is keeping me late :-(.

I will definitely do a post once I have picked out my car!

Day 30: Another self portrait

ME!!!!!

Day 29: An action shot

Close to an action shot as I could find....was in DC all yesterday and trying to get back too life......



Day 28: A before & after shot of anything

Of my hair....taken a while ago, but still have same issues, eventhough it is short now. 

Day 27: Something that gives you purpose

Mentoring! I love the kids! Picture from our retreat this weekend. The girls were cooking lunch! (We try to teach them how to cook!)

This Weekend

This weekend I organized a weekend retreat for the girls and mentors that I work with.  We had a blast! The girls had bonding time they got to pig out on food and just have good clean fun.  We rented a vacation home in Lieper's Fork, TN and it was GORGEOUS!!! See.....

They want to make this an annual event.....we shall see. I know next time I can't plan all on my own (not my choice).  That was one reason I have not blogged or posted pics for the photo challenge lately.I am trying to be more consistent with my posts, but been ripping and running the past week and I have not had time.

Next weekend's project is to find a car.....I HATE car shopping. Hope everyone starts the week off great!

Day 26: Where you go to relax/get away

Centennial Park! This is the view from my office building. I love to just sit in read when I have time....which is a rarity.

Never been tested....

Do you know what today is???? If you have been online, facebook, or twitter you should know that it is World AIDs Day. Friends have changed their avatars, they have posted links, blogs, and videos of what you should get tested today.  I have even done so....but one of my last tweets I said this:

really wants to post something....but people might take it the wrong way

Was going to post on twitter, then I decided to blog about it because I would have the give an explanation.

Every year I post that people should get tested, that people should know their status and so on, but guess what....I have never been tested. I have always had this debate in my mind should I or shouldn't I.....

Some may call me a hypocrite, some might say I am crazy, but if you follow my blog you might know why I am none of the above. Honestly I have debated about being tested, but why should I?  Something I have posted on my blog is that I am virgin and plan on staying that way until married.   All the behaviors that I have seen listed on how you can get it....done none of that.

Will I ever get tested...yes, but right now I have not. One of my friends on facebook stated that she gets tested every year even though she is married and her doctor laughs, but she knows if she gets something she knows who gave it to her. This will probably be my mentality one day.

You might read this and disagree with my thought process, I am open for opinions....not judgment.  I believe that everyone should know their status and AIDS should be taken seriously and there needs to be a cure found. As I read the various posts today from people attempting to raise awareness about the disease it is a disease that affects so many people and it is a disease that can be prevented.

If you think I am wrong, let me know. I go back and forth every year, but my thought process is....when I go to the doctor (which I am doing now....I am afraid of doctors) I am not going to have me test for everything I could have just because people say I should.

Day 25: Self portrait myspace-esque

Okay....this is how my teenagers take pictures and most of them still have myspace pages.....and are migrating over to facebook. This is an AWFUL pic, but I did it.

Oh....holidays got in the way, but I am back!