Tuesday, June 29, 2010

It just doesn't fit

Lately a lot of my blogs stem out of facebook statuses or conversations....interesting. Well, the other day I made this statement and no one commented on it, but it is pretty much how I feel these days.
Can't fit a square shape into where the circle shape goes...should have learned that back in preschool.
Recently I realized this is exactly what I have been doing. I think in my last post I put that someone has been intriguing me lately....well the more I think about that person the more I realize it is just like putting a square shape where the circle shape goes. What do I mean by this? This person is great, a cool friend, but as far as relationship compatibility it is a no go because we differ on a huge non-negotiable.  As much as I would like it to work at this point in both of our lives the situation does not make sense and forcing it is not helpful.

I came to this conclusion about a relationship, but I realized in so many areas in life we try to make stuff fit when it is not supposed to. Rather it be a job, friendship, relationship, or any decision we make. Most of the time for me it is out of pride and stubborness. I just refuse to believe I was wrong about the situation or maybe I just don't want to let go....but sometimes we do more damage when we don't let go. It hurts, but in the long run it is for the better.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Please Don't tell me how I should feel!

Earlier this week I had a very interesting conversation with a friend.  I have had this conversation time and time again, and honestly....tired of having it.  Something I have mentioned a few times on this blog is the fact that I have never dated or been in a relationship.  It is something I don't advertise, but if asked I will not lie.  Most people just assume I have...but that assumption is wrong.

What gets me is people like to tell me how I should feel or that I can't understand things because I have not been in a relationship. This is becoming increasingly frustrating.  I have the desire to be in a relationship, but it does not consume me and the fact that I am not in a relationship does not make me less of a person.  I had to tell a friend that I am grown woman and I have desires, dreams, and aspirations of what I want in a relationship and when meeting people I know what I want and what I don't want from a mate in life. 

What is crazy....I have always wanted that person that I actually end up dating to be "the one" some people might think this is weird, but knowing me it would not surpise me if it happened this way.  I sometimes think it might be someone I have known all along, but just waiting for the perfect time.  There is a person who sparks my interest right now....we shall see, but I am not holding my breath. I am believer that I will know when that person is right for me.

A quote that I stumbled upon awhile ago on twitter sums it up best how I feel about relationships....

“I am far from perfect. But I will be perfect for that imperfect somebody that is perfect for me.” -Unknown

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Check out my new blog

I will still be blogging at this site, but I decided to set up a seperate blog to chronicle my weight loss....Operation Death of Fat Girl. Please follow, comment, let me know what you think!!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

30 Books

This afternoon I was plotting and working on my 30 things during my 30th year and I decided to tackle my book selection which is #5. To go along with #12 I decided to look at my own book collection and see which books I have never read and the books that I might have started and for some reason or another I just never finished, not that the book wasn't good, just did not have the time or got side track.  Listed below are the books that I have so far.

  1. Black Planet Facing Race during an NBA Season by David Shields
  2. Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama
  3. Becoming a Vessel God Can Use by Donna Partow
  4. Toward the Beloved Community Martin Luther King Jr. and South Africa by Lewis Baldwin
  5. The Future of the Race by Henry Louis Gates, Jr. and Cornel West
  6. The yadayada Prayer Group by Neta Jackson
  7. UNCommon by Tony Dungy with Nathan Whitaker
  8. A Hot Mess Sin, Secrets, and Scandal S. James Guitard (My FAVORITE author)
  9. The Power of Passion Achieve Your Own Everests by Alan Hobson & Jamie Clark
  10. Andrew Jackson in the White House American Lion Jon Meacham
  11. Driven from Within by Michael Jordan
  12. Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World Joanna Weaver
  13. Mama by Terry McMillan
  14. The Classic Slave Narratives edited by Henry Louis Gates, Jr.
  15. Why Kingdoms Fall by Bishop Paul S. Morton
  16. The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith
  17. A Sin and a Shame by Victoria Christopher Murray
  18. The Blueprint A Plan for Living Above Life's Storms by Kirk Franklin
  19. April 4, 1968 Martin Luther King, Jr.'s Death and How it Changed America by Michael Eric Dyson
  20. What's So Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey
  21. Why I Love Black Women by Michael Eric Dyson
  22. Here and Now by Kimberla Lawson Roby
  23. Martin Luther King, Jr. Nonviolent Strategies and Tactics for Social Change John J. Ansbro
As you can see that only leaves me 7 books to find and read. I am open for suggestions???? What is crazy is I still have tons a books on my shelf that I have not read, but right now I don't want to add them to the list because I really have no desire to read them.

Hopefully I really enjoy each of these books and I finish the ones I never finished before.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I'm Back!!!

I am back!!! Although my break from twitter and facebook only lasted one day (so sad) I did not blog while on my break and a lot has happened.  I still took time to think and clear things out of my head...Life has been interesting to say the list.  I have gotten some answers about some things and still processing others. We shall see what happens in the future. 

Listed below are some things that happened while I was away from blogger.

  1. I realized how much money I was wasting...I so have to get it together!
  2. Met my mom's half sister for the first time (mom met her for the first time too)....interesting story, might share one day.
  3. Had a great trip to Atlanta! Was tired, but got to see some old friends.
  4. Finished a scrapbook, which was gift. They enjoyed!
  5. I had a lot of "me" time which I needed...still need some more.
  6. Began questioning a lot more things in life.
  7. Almost became the bitter black best friend snapped me out of it. I can't give up hope!!!
  8. Stepped on a scale....queso and chips is not good for the weight loss plan, but it is so good for my taste buds!
  9. Found out my email was taking up all the space on my phone. So not good.
This is all I can share for now....there are a couple of things I am working on and one very exciting event in my life next week that I can't wait to share....but not yet.

Hope everyone is doing well. Why is it in the 90s in Nashville and it is not even technically summer yet? You know how much water I have to drink???? JESUS!!!! 

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Goodbye....just for a little while

Just wanted to let me readers know that I am taking a break for a couple of weeks. I don't blog everyday now, but it is going to be at least two weeks before I blog again. Taking a break for facebook, twitter, and blogger to get some things cleared in my head.  Making some changes in my life and need clarity.  I shall return!!! You can always email me which I will check. I am even going to try to not read my daily blogs. The fact that I have at least 200 a day that I have to sort through....I might limit this to every few days. We shall see.

I promise I will be back with my random thoughts, ideas, and vents.  I will miss those I read and those who take the time to comment....even the people who read who never say a word. 

You can email me if you like. Email is listed on my page. Will miss ya!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Public vs. Private

Yesterday I finally decided to blog about some thoughts that have been in my mind for a while. One of my biggest issues that I struggle with is being judgmental....I have come a LONG way, but I still find myself falling in this area. I realize everyone has issues that they struggle with some are more visable than others, and I hate to say it society and people have a hierarchy of how they lable a person's issues. What people (including me) fell to realize that a visable issue is usually a manifestation of something rooted deeper inside that someone has not dealt with....just my thoughts.

One thing that gets me is the difference in private vs. public issues. What do I mean??? Well... a lot of times I see people who stand for something, but they contradict themselves....we all fall short, but when it becomes a lifestyle, I begin to question.


The rapper that cusses out everyone, sleeps with anyone, smokes anything, and does anything that he wants....then thanks God for his (or her) success.


The person who has a secret affair while being married. This person knows having an affair is one knows about the affair, and person truly feels that his or her actions or wrong, but still has an affair.

Which is worse? The person who struggles or the person who openly does something wrong?

I understand people have different value systems, but where is a standard. I will give you my own personal example....I have struggles and do things that I find are wrong, not that I try to hide them, but most people have no clue or choose to ignore when I get "caught up" I know what I am doing is wrong and I struggle to stop, but not so simple....but when I see person "X" do the same thing that I do, but they have not struggle or pass it of as something that is acceptable I have a problem with it. Don't have a problem with the person., but the action. Make Sense??/

Just me processing things in my head. Starbucks is kicking in, but still mad sleepy. I so need to get it together. So many emails to respond to today. HELP!!!