Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Growth and Change

In the past few months a lot has been going on in my life. I am beginning to question so many things that I have been taught and believe. I am becoming a person who is understanding more and more about how she feels and what she wants to become. I am realizing through out my whole life I have been a person who has lived my life for other people and not myself....that is so not good. I am currently in a process of rediscovering the true me and living my life for what makes me happy and what makes me have joy. What is sad a lot of the things I have been questioning goes against the norm and what I have been taught. If my friends knew what I was thinking or contemplating doing they would be shocked. Not that it is good or bad, but it is not the norm for what they see in me.

When I realized I was not happy with who I was becoming I had to make a change, but for me change is hard and change hurts. Change means to me that you are embarking on something new, changing what you are use to and it might be uncomfortable. I have an issue with being complacent in so many areas and that makes it hard to grow. But I can say now that I am ready to go and I understand that it will be a process and I am ready for it...the good and the bad.

One issue that I have been dealing with the most is that can you help who you fall in love with? Can you control the emotional feelings you have for a person even though you know you can't be together? Love is funny and is a strong word and should not be used lightly, but when it is used it has deep meaning. I know love should not hurt, but when the feeling is not reciprocated it can hurt.

I am changing and hurts, but it is for the better.

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