Monday, January 31, 2011

30 things while 30 Update

Another update.....I need to do better :-)

1.Get a tattoo (I will not punk out!) Hair is on my neck will come soon

2.Get my passport (overseas trip is not in the budget YET....but working on it, at least I can get prepared) Have not even started...I think I will make this a project for June

3.Go on a date Been in a funk about this lately....long story, so the answer is no :-(

4.Complete 30 random acts of kindness to strangers A few things, given money away, helped random lady at drink machine. Donated some things randomly.....not really keeping track, this is more of a symbolic act.

5.Read 30 books that aren't the typical books that I enjoy I am up to 5, and have found some more I want to read :-) Actually thinking about purchasing a kindle.

6.Take a spontaneous road trip somewhere by myself, just wake up and go (I have to plan out everything....this is going to be hard) semi did----took a not so planned out trip to Atlanta couple of weeks ago. The fact that is was planned in like a week vs. the months I usually take, it is a step!

7.Go white water rafting I think I am going to aim for August for this, maybe if I set date goals easier to accomplish

8.Apply to Masters of Public Health Program (2 are on the radar) Still studying, car accident threw me off. But I have narrowed down schools and set a target date for enrolling :-)

9.Write letters to 30 people who have had an influence in my life and tell them why  Gave one letter away, finished 3 more but not given....the one letter given was very therapeutic
10.Run (not walk) a 5K walking again, thinking this summer I will be ago!

11.Walk the Music City Half Marathon (still praying on this one....Jesus give me strength!!!) renegotiating this one.....might find half marathon in another city.... I have failed so far on training.

12.Save X amount of money (figure will not be disclosed to everyone, but will tell if it is met or not) Still saving, had some unexpected expenses so we shall see....

13.Donate hair to Locks for Love (length is almost there!) COMPLETED!!!!

14.Lose at least 30 pounds (aiming for more....but sticking with the theme of 30) Lost 5 more pounds, been fluctuating since the holidays. Getting back at it now!
15.Purchase a Home (or be in the process...working on that now) making plans.....

16.Become a Research Coordinator (next step in my career...making moves!) Glitch in plan, but God is still good..... (all I can say)

17.Travel west of the Mississippi River (been to Arkansas and Missouri, but that is about it...but have been to all the states east of the Mississippi) Will be going to Houston in July, might take another trip by myself if time permits.

18.Purchase a big ticket item for my mother (have to see what she wants....I am thinking a REAL nice pair of earrings...this will be a surprise) Still thinking....

19.Clean out my wardrobe (closet full of clothes and shoes...don't wear half of them, shame!!!) Started, but bag is sitting by my front door...just need to drop off at Goodwill

20.Visit the graves of my father and sister (have not done since the funerals) Nope (punked out during the holidays....might take a day trip and do it one weekend)

21.Ask some tough questions of a family member (nothing bad....just unanswered questions) Still punking out...

22.Learn how to knit, love to crochet, every time I try knitting I get frustrated :-( Forgot about this one.....need to do some research on classes

23.Write the vision plan for the next big project in my life (can't tell you what it is...yet) Putting it into a scrapbook (one of my favorite hobbies)
24.Go to a concert in a big venue (don't do crowds of people well, which is limiting me from seeing Maxwell in July...not cool) Eric Roberson concert seated 1000 people does that count????

25.Have my first kiss (yes I said it....don't trip) Nope :-(
26.Create a signature vegan dish for me (I love to cook...want to create something that people who are skeptical about vegan and vegetarian dishes will enjoy) still experimenting

27.Complete a financial plan that will pay of my student loans before I die (I am so serious) Still working on it

28.Purchase a piece of artwork that will be handed down to my next generation nope

29.Learn to speak my mind with no fear of others (some people might think I already do this....if you only knew!!) Getting better at this ;-)

30.Most important thing to do in my year of 30..... HAVE FUN!!!! ALWAYS!!!!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I Have a Song

How does is feel to finally be free
I wonder will I ever know
Sometimes I dream of how that can be
To have a life that I own

When you look at me
what do you see
do you understand my story
all I want is love
For someone else to see
If you took the time I have a song

For so, so long I've been searching
For something that were probably not meant to find
But no matter how hard it gets no matter if the tears fall
Nothing should stop us from trying ohhh?

When you look at me
what do you see
do you understand my story
all I want is love
For someone else to see
If you took the time I have a song

Think this is my theme song.......

My drafts....will I ever finish them???

This is a list of the blogs that I have in my draft folder.....I had forgotten about the posts. I mean some have writings in them, some just are thoughts that popped in my head that I never took the time to write on. I wonder if I will ever finish them up or write on them.

Any of the topics look interesting to you?

Monday, January 24, 2011

How do you read your blogs?

Recently I went out of town and did not take my laptop (this was a first) and had like 500 blogs to read when I got back home. I usually read my blogs in Google Reader which I think is a great way to keep up with your blogs.

A while ago I use to just read them in my blogger dashboard, but the more blogs I read the harder they became to keep up with.  Google Reader allows me to see which posts I have and have not read, search older posts, and star posts that I want to go back to easily.

Is there a specific reader to access the blogs you read?? Why do you like it?

Got to stop crying....

Over the past week I don't think I have done that much crying in my whole life....A little while ago I wrote a post on Letting Go and I said no matter the outcome I was going to be okay....well I have the outcome and I have had to process the outcome and I don't know how to take it in my life right now. In my mind I had two ways the situation could have gone....and it went neither way. Honestly, I don't know how to handle it or I am struggling to handle it. It is like I got 50% of each scenario that I expected. This actually could be a good thing if I handle the situation properly, but right now I am working through the pain. This is where all the tears and pain came from. What is scary a friend suggested I listen to the sermon from church yesterday and all I can say is I really don't want to because I would not hear it or process it right now....I have never been like this.

How can I let other people get to me like this??? I mean when processing some things with a friends I can finally admit that I really care too much and I wish that people cared back. Then he stated that people that people do care, but not the way you want them to, so I am like what is the point??? I mean if someone says that they love you, but their actions do not line up with their words is it really love? If I tell you what hurts me yet you continue to do it but insist that you love and care for me does that really make sense????

When I look at the people in my life from friends, family, acquaintances, and so on there are very few people that I can say truly care and love me....and even those don't show it in the best way.  One might say you choose to have these people in your life so you can let them go.....if it were only that simple.  These are people who have been there for me through the good and bad....people who are family by blood and by actions. I have to realize that no one is perfect and I can't expect them to be everything I expect them to be....but when they fail on the small things, it hurts.

The crying is stopping slowly, I hope I can get past this hurdle in relationships. We shall see....

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


I have come to realize that I am not always good at finishing things. I start a project and get the majority of it done....then I get distracted. This is so not good. If you follow me you know that I am working on my 30 Things While 30 list and it is actually coming along....but not at the pace that I want too, not because of outside forces, but because of me. This is disheartening to me, because I need to get more motivated.

What made me realize this is one of my goals was to walk the half marathon in April....only way this is going to happen is by a miracle. I have been working out, but not the pace that I need to be to be ready by April. I still want to complete a half marathon while I am 30, but I am going to have to push it back.  I am going to expand more on my other blog....which I have so neglected :-(.

This being said I am determined to finish what I have started! It is a new year and I have been working on a new me and I will not let distractions and things stop me from doing what I have said I was going to do and what I am supposed to do......

Is there anything in your life that you have not finished that you wish you had?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Aren't I the same person????

Recently I was having a conversation with a male friend and he kept on saying that I need to "sexy" it up when I went to a concert....I was like I am going to look nice, but I am going to be comfortable. What was funny is I took part of his advice....but left the outfit on my bed and did not pack it.  I ended up wearing what I wanted to, fitted jeans and a nice top, with comfortable shoes (I knew I was going to be standing in line to get in).

After this convo and because of other various events that have been happening in my life I began to think about why I am still single and why so many people focus on the outward you without getting to know the inward you. What do I mean?

Well I am in the process of working out and losing weight. Recently I have learned that some of my weight gain is due to a medical condition. I have target goals for weight loss and the doctor is working with me on the condition so eventually I will lose the weight, but aren't I the same person?? Sometimes I wonder if someone who might approach me because I am a size 10-12 (I am being realistic.....) but never approached me when I was a size 18-20 even sees the problem with this? I mean I am healthy, no health problems because of my weight. I can walk up stairs, do a basic workout and live a healthy life, the only difference will be is my size. I am beautiful, smart, intelligent, caring, funny, silly, and so many other things.....but most people do not take the time to notice because of my weight.

This is why I posed the question above. Agree with me or not, but I wonder how many people you pass by because of how they look or perceptions of them. I speak in terms of my weight, but how many people have you not gotten to know because they might not look the what you think they should look like.....

Just a thought....take as you will.

Several men have said (even my pastor....which irks me) that men are physical beings and they have to be attracted to you physically, that is fine, but if your significant other physical appearance changed due to something beyond their control does that give you the right to leave them? 

Monday, January 17, 2011

This Weekend

This weekend I had some me time. Which was great! I took a short trip down to Atlanta to see Eric Roberson live and I had a blast!!!! I caught up with some great friends and enjoyed myself. I really needed this in order to release some frustrations from the last couple of weeks.

If you have never seen Eric Roberson in person you are missing out. I will definitely be going to see him again if he is in the area....or even just a short road trip away.  I was so excited when he took to the stage.  Here is the only clip I can find of his performance....

Seeing him perform live made me even a bigger fan! 

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Letting Go!

I think I have finally let go of something that has been bugging me for a while. By letting go I mean I am at peace about the situation. I mean whatever the outcome is I am okay with it.  Change is hard, but I know the changes I am making are for the better. I have to think about me and my mental and emotional health. Tired of giving and people taking without pouring back into me. 

Life should be enjoyed and it should be an experience that you take each day and learn something from it. I have learned a valuable lesson this past week.....

We shall see what happens, I know what I want to happen, but at peace if it does not happen. I have to focus on the positives and think about bettering me so I can help others.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Powerful Message

Hoped you watched this entire video. It has a very powerful message. I had heard the song before, but never would have thought this is the direction that the video would take.

Whatever your thoughts on homosexuality, this video has a very powerful message. No one deserves to be ostracized, beat up, and bullied over their sexuality, who they are, or anything else that they choose to do or be.

You never know what a person is going through and you never know how a person might internalize their feelings.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Tired of Asking

This morning....or this past week I started thinking about a lot of things that I want to do this year.  I had this debate with myself about inviting people to join and this is why....

A while ago I use to love doing things with other people. Loved going to the movies, going out to eat, and going to functions with others. But recently not so much. Why??? I get tired of inviting people to do things and they always come up with excuses or say no.  I am a strong believer in people do what they want to do and make time for what they want to make time for.

Maybe I expect too much out of people, but you make time for friends. I mean I kick it with people, I go out, and do things with others, but when I get the notion to do things I am very hesitant of inviting other people because 9 times out of 10 they are busy or they say no. Just had a friend say that they appreciate me after venting that people don't....but honestly they have a funny way of showing it.  I just feel that I get put to the back burner on so many occasions by so many people.

So this is why I do a lot of things by myself. I go to the movies by myself, I go shopping by myself, I even go to concerts by myself when I have the urge. Do I always want to...nope, but I can't take being told no or I don't have time over and over again by people who say they care about you.

Just my thoughts....

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

You are what you post

Yesterday I posted a status on facebook that stated:

#notsorandomthought Just because you follow me on facebook or twitter please do not assume you know a lot about me......if you want to know please just ask. #thatsall
A friend responded with "You are what you post." This got me to thinking. Are you really what you post? I mean I am pretty transparent, but I don't post everything about me and what is going on in my world. I do spend a lot of time on the computer because of my job. I will post some of the things I do and some of the random thoughts that pop up in my mind, but it is not all inclusive of who I am as a person.

I think my blog covers more of who am inside, but still I don't post everything that I do or think. I started my blog to write about things that I am not necessarily able to express to those close to me, but surprisingly more people I know are checking out my blog.....don't know if that is a good or bad thing. 
So do you think you are what you post? For my readers who are on facebook, twitter, blogger, and myspace (is anyone still on myspace?) do you think your posts say a lot about you expose people to all of you?