Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Last Days of Work.....

Yesterday was probably the last full day of my current job...I have to go through a series of exit interviews and I started yesterday. When I got out my colleagues (coworkers, boss...whatever you want to call them) had surprised me with a going away party. I was totally shocked. My boss took me out to lunch with the other researcher on her team last week and hadn't planned on anything else. 

I have mixed emotions about leaving, but I know what I am doing is what is best for me in the long run...I have had ups and downs and my current job. It was not perfect, but I loved what I did and I actually liked the people that I worked with. Didn't always agree and we all had different styles, but we worked well together. My next job is a step in the direction I want to go in my career in the long term.  I am stepping outside of my comfort zone and allowing myself to learn new skills and really get exposed to more things. 

I know have becoming increasingly frustrated with the small things that irritate me....but I honestly believe that is because I know I am leaving.  I question sometimes should I leave, but I know it is the right decision. I have to do what is best for me. Honestly this job, I don't remember applying for because I was not looking for another full time job.  I will not go until details about everything that irritates me about my current job, but trust....I have put up with a lot. 

I am moving on and excited. I will keep in contact with my old job they have taught me so much and will use those skills for a long time.  I thank God for the experience and look forward to the experiences at my new job.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


I was trying to post my often and I have been slacking.  I am starting a new job next month and trying to wrap things up at the old one.  I have never had so much to do!!! Times like this I wish I could be trifflin and let things go undone....but I can't.

Well anyway,  I have still been working out and trying to eat better. My personal trainer is killin me!!! I got on the scale yesterday and I have lost 9 pounds, so that is a start...too many to go, plus it is the holidays. HELP!!!

Overall life is good, but in transition.  I am in love...but don't know if that is a good thing or bad thing or if the feeling is recipricol...I might explain in a later blog.  Making changes in my life for the better and I am excited and scared all at the same time...

We will see where this path takes me....Life is a series of lessons and I am hoping that I am not failing them and that I don't have to repeat them. Learn from mistakes and move thoughts.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Affirmation of a Parent.

This morning my mother and I had our usual early morning conversation.  I was venting frustrations about my job and just talked about plans for today.  What surprised me were the words she said in the midst of our conversation.  The more I think about those words, the more I am like WOW!!!

Does not matter what she said, but what she made me think about is how the words of a mother, words of a parent can mean so much. The affirmation of a parent can do magnificent things.  I began to think about what I can do and what I will do in the near future just because of a few words.

I also thought about the amount of children and even adults to this day who do not get affirmation from their parents and who still seek affirmation from their parents in so many ways....and not all of them good. Can you even imagine what a child can or would have become if their parent(s) told them what they could do? Can you imagine how many children would not be out in the world seeking negative attention just to get affirmation from people who truly don't love them because the people that were supposed to love them ignored them?

These are just my thoughts from a small, but meaningful conversation I had this morning. I am thankful for my mother and all that she has taught me and instilled in me.  More than she will ever know. I now think about and pray about the people who are still longing for the affirmation of a parent.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Why are Certain People in Your Life???

Last night I had a great text convo with a very dear friend...thought it would lead to a phone convo, but it was accomplished in a series of texts.  I have asked him the same question several times over and over in our friendship and he always avoids the answer or ends the conversation....this time it was different.  He actually responded to my text and did not ignore question and I was completely shocked.

The reason I asked the question was because I have begun to re-evaluate various relationships (friendship, work, associates, and others) in my life and beginning to ask myself why I am in the relationship??? I mean why are people in your life? Are they in it for reason, season, or a lifetime?  What good are they bringing to the relationship? Are you bringing any good into the relationship?  These are several questions I have asked myself lately and honestly....I do not know the answer for most people in my life, which brings me to my ultimate question...Why are they in my life?

Why do people stay in your life that do you more good than harm? I am realizing, or better yet accepting the fact that it is time to let some people go.  I have a handful of friends in my life that I can count on and no matter what I know they have my back. We may not always agree, we may not always get along, but in the end....I love them and they love me and we have each other's best interest in mind.  Sometimes the people that you have to let go have done nothing wrong, but their season is up and I am learning to accept that.  I can't force people to understand, I can only move on and do what is best for me and my life.

Time to make changes in my life, time for me to be stop being complacent and silent. 

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Day One of Personal Trainer :-(

Today started first day of working out with a personal trainer. For Christmas (she gave it to me early) my mother gave me 2 months of a personal trainer just to give me a jump start. I am thankful for the gift, but like I said in the last post I have to do this with or without other people's help. 

This morning I barely made it to work...I still can't feel my legs, but in the long run it is worth it!!! The personal trainer did his job, eventhough I called him evil and the devil the whole session.  In my mind the first day I thought would be just discussing the plan and a light workout...I had jokes!!! He said he was just testing to see where I was, and to me I was at the bottom, but he says I was not the worst he has seen.  Gives me hope!

The test is tomorrow. I will wake up and will workout without him.  Yes I Can!!!

Friday, November 6, 2009

Tired of Being Obese!!!!

This is a very hard post for me to write.  I was sitting at my desk today and realized something...I am obese. Now...that statement could be looked at weird because how do you just all of a sudden realize you are obese???? That will be the discussion in the rest of this post. I wrote this as an accountability tool to me. I will start off by showing you pictures of me. Not the best pictures, but only ones I could find that show the change....



Yes the then picture I am half the size I am now (yes I said half) and it was taken my senior year of high school.  I do realize that I am 29 years old now and I will never be that same size again, but I posted to prove a point...I am fat, no obese now!!! Not good.  It is time to make a change. It is time for me to stop being in denial. My life and my health are too important. It is time out for excuses.

Why do I keep saying obese?? Because for the last few years I have justified it, said I am overweight, but in shape, said I am just fat, but no I am more than just fat...and that is not cool. I am tall and I always use that as an excuse. When I sit at my desk now I realize my stomach is getting in the way, when I try on clothes in my closet I realize they don't fit or they are a lot tighter, even in my shoes I can tell a difference, and all of this has to stop!!!

In the "then" picture I was a size 14 and almost had a flat stomach (remember I said almost). I was active in band and various activities. I was healthy.  Now I can get from point A to point B, I can climb a flight of steps, I can walk a distance, but do I always make it there without being out of (just being honest).  I workout in spurts, I eat right in spurts, and think about my health in spurts.  I have to be more consistent overall.  This is not just about physical appearance, but my overall health.  This has to be done!!!

I have done workouts, eat less, personal trainer, almost any and everything to lose weight....but I have a problem.  I am not consistent with it. I depend on other people to help me...this is about to change.  Starting today (was about to say tomorrow, because I was going out to dinner tonight) I will no longer wait for others or depend on others to do this for or with me.  I am doing this for me and I have to do this without expecting others being supportive or helpful.  I will do fine as long as I have a trainer but paying $200-400 a month can be expensive.  I have the information, I have and know what I need to do, now I just have to do it!!! And keep doing it!!!

Okay...the mission begins.  Yes I Can!!!!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

This Weekend

This weekend I went to visit a friend and her husband in Atlanta. It was a much needed getaway and I had a great time....but it made me think of some other issues I am dealing with. Everytime I go to Atlanta I get the urge to move down there, but surprisingly this time I didn't.

Don't get me wrong I had a great time chillin, going out, and hanging out with friends, but this time I asked myself is Atlanta really for me?  We went out for drinks and I met my friend so I had to drive....getting there was fine, getting back...not so fine.  Luckily I had GPS, but it was not the best.  Once I get to the expressway I was good, but navigating all the different interstates really get me confused!!! I did get excited when I did not get lost getting out of Atlanta (last 2 times I went down there I ended up going the wrong direction and having to turn around...not good.

Anyway...while down there I realized I was running away from my problem(s). I was avoiding the obvious and refusing to accept what I have known in my heart all along.  It is so hard for me to let go and express my feelings about people.  I love people and they continue to let me down, but I still give them chance after chance, why do I do this when they continue to hurt me?

One of my friends had an interesting facebook status and I acutally "liked" it...but the more that I thought about it the more it did not sit right with me...The status said:
just because a person doesn't love you the way YOU want them to doesn't mean they don't love you the best way they know how
Now....on the surface this sounds like something great, but if a person loves you the way they want to is that truly love? I mean this statement can justify so many wrongs.   I love someone dearly, but he does not know, or will not show love back...or he is showing the best way he knows how, but that is not enough, because I still feel like he does not care, but it is sad I know he does....

What shall I do???