Thursday, October 31, 2013

Waiting till marriage.....

Where do I begin........

This blog is coming out of recent feelings and ideas I have had in my head and initially was just a blurt in my random thoughts blog.  At first I was like could I actually do it? Could I be that open? Well we shall see, if you are reading this post the answer to the last question is yes.

Close friends and few others know that I am a virgin and honestly hope to stay that way until I married......yes you read correctly. I am a 33 year old virgin.....yes adult virgins do exist. Has it been easy? Nope, but it is the road I have decided to go down. Why did I decide to take this road?? Well mostly because of my faith, but also in part to me feelings, my life, and just what makes sense to me.  My thought process is often different than most people.....but it makes sense to me.

I will not tell you how long it took me to finish this post because I kept going back and forth in my mind if I should write it? If I should post it? If I write it should I share it? Should I share it with my friends? I honestly don't know if by the time I finish this what I will do......time well. Post my go into rambling, but they are all my thoughts on why I chose to wait.

Okay.......finally decided just do it as my random thought blog on it.


Here are my thoughts while waiting till marriage


Sunday, September 29, 2013

Why can't I post like I use to here???

Wish I could get more into updating this blog.....

My random thoughts blog is still going and I do enjoy posting everyday, although, my last couple of post have had technical difficulties, but they finally posted.  I really do miss my random posts here, and the consistency of how I use to post. This was my first....sometimes I go back and read old posts and think about where I was at the time in my life.

My life has changed so much in the last few years, I honestly look back at my past and it is a blur sometimes. I am thankful for what my past has taught me and I hope I continue to take what I have learned and use it to help me grow.  One thing I do know that I am definitely not the same person I use to be and I do think it is for the better.

There is a song that I am not what I ought to be, but thank God I am not what I use to be.....those words could not be so truer in my life right now.  After I few hard convos with some close friends I am learning so much about myself, how I view myself, and how others view me.  It is easy to say screw how others view you....but it is not that easy. I am me unapologetically, but I do think people should take the time to say hey, if 99 out of 100 people look at me and think I am a bitch....what am I portraying to these people? You get it?

I think this is all I can write for now.....started this blog yesterday, but got busy at work. Maybe I can commit to writing at least one post here a month to start.....We shall see


If you still want to follow me and some of the things that are going on in my world and my mind check out my new blog

Very Random Thoughts of Me

I promise you will enjoy my randomness, my thoughts, and a piece of me I like to share with the world.

Hope everyone is doing well!!!

recent pic of me! skin is on struggle these days, but slowly getting better :-)

Monday, August 5, 2013


I usually say no texting or tweeting while drinking.....but might need to add blogging to that list cause I am about to vent!

The narrow minds of some people irritate me!!! If people would listen to what they are saying and truly think about it. I believe everyone has the right to their opinion, but when your opinion is full of hate and contradiction???? It gets to me!

Me a reforming judgmental person I see how my words and actions of past and sometimes present can be hurtful and I am trying to stop, but when people are blatant and stupid with no desire to change or look at situation from a different perspective......just don't get it!!

A person of faith that is growing, learning, and questioning daily I just don't understand how you can say you are about love and hold do much hatred and ill in your heart.  In one of my recent random thoughts I said you don't have to force your beliefs on me and I shouldn't force mine on you....agree to disagree. Just because you shout out me louder is not going to make me change my thoughts or beliefs.

I think I am done venting for now......just needed to let off some steam 

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Update on 30 while 30......

Well since I will be 33 (SHHHH!!! don't tell anyone) this month I once again am updating my 30 While 30 list (which is turning into a 30 while in my 30s list).Updates are in RED!!!

  1. Get a tattoo (I will not punk out!) Tattoo pic is here!
  2. Get my passport (overseas trip is not in the budget YET....but working on it, at least I can get prepared) Got passport and went to the Bahamas last year!!! Planning another overseas trip for 2015 (got some other big plans for 2014)
  3. Go on a date I got jokes!! Me and a friend had a long discussion about why he doesn't understand why I have not been on a date.....think I finally made him see why :-/
  4. Complete 30 random acts of kindness to strangers this will always be ongoing
  5. Read 30 books that aren't the typical books that I enjoy been busy but got 5 books under my belt this year and still have a stack I have to make it through
  6. Take a spontaneous road trip somewhere by myself, just wake up and go (I have to plan out everything....this is going to be hard) I am not a spontaneous person so this is still no
  7. Go white water rafting no one will go with me
  8. Apply to Masters of  Public Health Program (2 are on the radar) this in works for 2014 all I can say....
  9. Write letters to 30 people who have had an influence in my life and tell them why done!
  10. Run (not walk) a 5K walked one, working on running....
  11. Walk the Music City Half Marathon (still praying on this one....Jesus give me strength!!!) 2014!!!
  12. Save X amount of money (figure will not be disclosed to everyone, but will tell if it is met or not) this is my weakness so no :-(
  13. Donate hair to Locks for Love (length is almost there!) Did it! See!!!
  14. Lose at least 30 pounds (aiming for more....but sticking with the theme of 30)
  15. Purchase a Home (or be in the process...working on that now) have a fear of doing this....but making moves in 2014, house in 2015 is goal
  16. Become a Research Coordinator (next step in my career...making moves!) Just interviewed for this position!!!
  17. Travel west of the Mississippi River (been to Arkansas and Missouri, but that is about it...but have been to all the states east of the Mississippi) done!
  18. Purchase a big ticket item for my mother (have to see what she wants....I am thinking a REAL nice pair of earrings...this will be a surprise) getting close!
  19. Clean out my wardrobe (closet full of clothes and shoes...don't wear half of them, shame!!!) this will be an ongoing process...
  20. Visit the graves of my father and sister (have not done since the funerals) still can't do it :-(
  21. Ask some tough questions of a family member (nothing bad....just unanswered questions) afraid of the answers
  22. Learn how to knit, love to crochet, everytime I try knitting I get frustrated :-( still trying, but can't do it
  23. Write the vision plan for the next big project in my life (can't tell you what it is...yet) done!
  24. Go to a concert in a big venue (don't do crowds of people well, which is limiting me from seeing Maxwell in July...not cool) Can't!!!! Kendrick Lamar and Wale are coming to my alma mater in a few months.....not big, but not small, so might go, step closer.....
  25. Have my first kiss (yes I said it....don't trip) long I still say no
  26. Create a signature vegan dish for me (I love to cook...want to create something that people who are skeptical about vegan and vegetarian dishes will enjoy) Stuffed Mexican portabella mushrooms! They are amazing!!
  27. Complete a financial plan that will pay of my student loans before I die (I am so serious) starting to pay them off finally!
  28. Purchase a piece of artwork that will be handed down to my next generation nope
  29. Learn to speak my mind with no fear of others (some people might think I already do this....if you only knew!!) getting better
  30. Most important thing to do in my year of 30..... HAVE FUN!!!! yess!!!!

Social Media Detox

For those who follow me on my Random Thoughts blog you know that I am on a social media detox until my birthday......this is interesting and I am only on day 4.  I am doing it to first see if I can stay off of facebook, twitter, & instagram and also to focus on some other things going on in my life.

Although, I post at most 1-2 times a day on facebook I am realizing how much time I spend chatting, surfing, and just looking at what other people post. The first day I was on my detox I realized my morning routine consists of waking up checking my phone for what time it is and then to see if I have any alerts.  That is sad......Twitter is a bigger addiction. I would check all during the day for funny things that people post or articles or news stories about things that interest me. I never knew how much time I spent on social media sites.

Now I have begun to think about what will I do after the detox....will I go back to my usual browsing of twitter, fb, and instagram every spare moment I have? Will I not use it as much? I honestly do not know. I see now how much these sites have become so much a part of our lives. I mean I cannot have your phone number but fb message you as if we were texting.  I have several friends who plan outings and gatherings via facebook that I might miss will on my detox.

No matter what will happen after the detox I have learned more about the good and bad of the sites and will continue to use them in same way or form for a while.

recent pic of me after getting my hair done for first time in years! She actually cut a lot of it off!

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

33rd Birthday

Okay.....This morning as I was writing my random thoughts and procrastinating on facebook I once again realized my birthday is around the corner!!! I will be.......shhhh!!!! don't tell anybody

Yes 33!!!! Well 3 years ago if you remember I did a 30 While 30 list  that I am still working on (will update before my birthday) well this year I want to do 33 new/different/random things the month before my 33rd birthday! I want to try new things, do things in the city and maybe outside the city that I have never done before.  This should be interesting :-) Nashville is an AMAZING city and there are so many things that I have never done and want to try so I think I am going to venture out.  I have started my research and I would love most things to be FREE or little cost, but I know that is always possible.

So......I am up for suggestions. What are some random things to do? Things that are outside the box! Fun things! Educational Things! Cultural Things! Random Things!!!

Here is the beginning of my list......

  1. Live on the Green Concert Series
  2. Warner Park (a jog, walk, or picnic there)
  3. Tennessee State Museum
  4. Want to go to a distillery somewhere or one of the local beer makers in the city.....need to research
  5. Shakespeare in the park
  6. Wild Horse Saloon (they have free line dancing classes)
  7. Southern Living Idea House
  8. Friend has me interested in going to the gun shoot a gun??? This is going to be interesting
  9. Dancing in the District
  10. Zip lining??     
  11. Talk to strangers while out at dinner (for me this is HUGE.....I don't talk to strangers)
  12. Go on a date
  13. Maybe Frist Fridays
  14. Nashville Sounds Game
Like I said up to suggestions thoughts of fun low cost or free things to do?

Thursday, June 13, 2013

That person that gets you.....but doesn't

Do you ever have that person in your life that you feel comfortable telling everything and truly understands you.....but doesn't get you?  I have a person like that in my life. I finally made the decision that the negatives outweight the positives and decided to just let go because obviously I was not important to them. is not so easy. I still care and I really want to ask the person why? Why do you keep doing what I say irks me, why do you keep doing the one thing that  I hate!!!!! I have to let go, I have to stope letting you get to me this. What is crazy....for a perston that gets don't

Friday, March 22, 2013

As you can see....

My 40 days of thankfullness didn't go as planned. Still things to be thankful, just didn't blog about them..... BUT I have started a new blog that hopefully will have my daily posts. It will be my random thoughts and my thoughts can be very random.....

Follow, read, enjoy !!!

Very Random Thoughts of Me

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Day 21: My beverages at work..

This is my desk at work right now...... Coca Cola, Tea, and Coffee....three beverages that got me through the day. I am thankful for all of them. So needed today!!!!

Monday, March 4, 2013

Day 20: This Pic

This morning my best friend posted the pic below on my facebook wall and it honestly gave me life.....why???/ Because it was already being tested it and it was barely 8:00am!!!! Hope this pic inspires you as much as it inspired me :-)

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Days 14-19: Several things......

This blogging daily is not going as planned.....

I got sick, took a few days off from work to get better and just was in a funk.   But.....Just because I was in a funk does not mean I did not have things to be thankful for.

One of my favorite quotes is....When life gives you lemons, find someone whose life gave them vodka and have a party!!!!! Makes me smile every time I say it :-)

But seriously.....when I started off on this task to blog about things I am thankful for my goal was to truly focus on the positives I have in life, but in this experience a lot of the negatives have reared their ugly head :-/

Well 6 days have gone by since my last blog of what have I been thankful for????

Thankful for the times when my hair does what it is supposed to do.....might not last long, but I do get a pic in here and there.

My thing I TRY real hard to keep on doing....not always the easiest, but sometimes when you just smile it makes you feel better.

For getting to see Melissa Harris Perry speak in person....she was AWESOME!!!!! Not the best pic in the world, but what she said....confirmation on my next moves :-)

This cd is coming out in less than a month......SUPER DUPER EXCITED!!!! For those who know me......Love the music of all these men!!!

Do you see this hair???? Love it!!!! Now I am not bold enough to do the style....but the color is giving my life!!! Will this be my next move???? We shall see.... Glad this pic gives me inspiration!

For receiving this text.....reminds me of a happier time in my was time of questioning a lot, but the person who sent it to me will always have a place in my heart.

Well.....those are just a few things that I have been thankful for.  Although I am not posting everyday, I promise that when I do post I will post things I have been thankful for over the time I have been absent. 

I am in a weird place in my life right now....questioning, wondering, longing......I do not know the answers, and honestly do not know if I am meant to know the answers, but what I do know is that I am still standing, I am still progressing.  Learning each day and growing each day.......

Monday, February 25, 2013

Days 11, 12, & 13: Frank, Ledisi, and Eric.....

This weekend I was under the weather and was resting this weekend so did not blogging :-( But I do want to keep up with my being thankful.  So I am combining the posts......

The 3 names listed in the title are 3 artists whose songs are speaking to me right now......

I am thankful that their lyrics were able to say what I am not always able to say.

Frank Ocean's Bad Religion

Ledisi's We are One

Eric Roberson's At the Same Time

Friday, February 22, 2013

Day 10: This Beautiful Day!!!

Today is a beautiful day outside. The weather is amazing!!! I am thankful to just be able to go outside and enjoy it when I get off from work :-)

Day 9: My Job

Sorry....forgot to post yesterday, oops!!!

Well.... I am thankful for my job!! I love it!!! I work with cancer research, been doing it for about 6 years now. It has its ups and downs, but I can truly say I love what I do.  Makes me see the bigger picture and how things come together.  Life is short, value every moment of it!!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Day 8: This Facebook Post

This morning I was in a not so great mood.....then this pic pops up in my news feed. Seeing forever families formed was the highlight of my former career. To see how the kids grow up still make me smile :-)

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Day 7: The end of today

Today was a rough day, but.....I am at rest now. I use to work from sun up to sun down, now I can come home and chill.

TV or a nice book, glass of wine and dinner are the small things I enjoy and I am thankful for at the end of the day!

Monday, February 18, 2013

Day 6: Unconditional love

I am thankful for unconditional love. There are a few people in my life that have this for me, but I love them back unconditionally and I appreciate them. To be loved without any stipulations of pretenses. LOVE IT!!! We are all flawed human beings and some people will only love you if.....which can hurt and leave a void, but unconditional love? AMAZING!!!!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Day 5: The Wire

This has to be one of my favorite shows!!! Why??? Because it solidified my love (don't judge me) for Idris Elba!!!! This scene was the scene that had be jacked up for days!! I was so drawn in by the character of Stringer Bell, see my original blog post here. He was the main reason that got me started watching the Wire and eventually hooked.

I am thankful for this show because it opened my eyes to a few things, it helped develop one of my biggest celebrity crushes to this date.  I loved how the show talked about a lot of the components that make up the drug dilemma in the United States and showed you the bigger picture.  The fourth season where they followed the kids was also a favorite of mine. Working with kids in the past stories like that I saw too often.

So yes I am very Thankful for the show The Wire and will be purchasing the entire DVD set this year so I can watch it whenever I want!!!!

Oh....and this is another favorite scene of mine....MY NAME IS MY NAME!!!!!

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Day 4: Friends

I stole each picture from facebook (SHHHH!!!!)
My friends mean the world to me and I am forever thankful for each one of them.  Above are pictures of some of my dearest friends that put up with all of my ups and downs and love them all!!! (probably because they are just as crazy as I am, HA!!!) Just kidding.......or am I????  Will talk about them from left to right.....

Ashley: The picture is the most recent one I could fine (she does not do social media) We met in college, became close through church, she has been a sister, inspiration, and just a support since I have grown to love her.

Amanda: Met her a few years back and although we are complete opposites, she has taught me a lot and exposed me to things that I have been close minded to in the past. She was one of the motivators for me to get a tattoo!!!

Dorian: We have been friends since the days of band in high school. We do not talk as often, but when we do it is just like old times. She knows a lot of my ups and downs and we have had similar experiences and it is great to have someone to talk to that understands.

Eloise: Known her since I was SEVEN!!!! She is my sister from another mother....sometimes I think my mother likes her better, HA! She has been there for me and understands (at least I hope she does) by rants and ramblings. I am thankful she has been in my life and she is an inspiration!!!  Can you believe she is a MD??? I got smart friends!!!

Starling: We met freshman year of college and he is my brother!!! I can honestly say he is the only person that has seen me cry outside of family. He has been there throughout the years. We have had our moments, but he has always been there. He listens to my rants, samples my new recipes (although I think for selfish reasons), tries new restaurants with me when I get the urge.  He holds accountable and is a true support.

I guess this is a brief overview of why I am thankful for my friends. I love them all, but just highlighted a few!

Friday, February 15, 2013

Day 3: My Hometown of Memphis, TN

This blog will be short....typing from my iPhone. Thankful for being born and raised in Memphis, TN. It molded and shaped me into the person I am today.

Memphis was and is a great place and until I left the city I didn't realize the experiences and people I was able to be influenced by growing up.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Day 2: Saving our Daughters

I am thankful for the group Saving our Daughters. It is a group of kids I mentor through church. I love them!! The mentors, the girls, the lessons, and activities keep me on my toes. Yes, I mentor to give back, but I have been poured into through this group also. We have our ups and downs, but in the end we are a supportive group trying to make a difference in the lives of the next generation. 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Day 1: My tattoo

This might seem weird, but I am truly thankful for my tattoo....why? Because of what it represents and why I got it.  I use to be the person who was like I could NEVER get a tattoo, why? Because they are permanent, forever!!! Throughout my college and young adult years I was the one who got multiple piercings (oh how I miss them), but with piercings I can take them out whenever I got the nose, tongue, and eyebrow piercings are all gone :-( But a tattoo....I have to have that for LIFE???? That was always my thought process.

So once I decided to get a tattoo it took me years to decide! I wanted something that was meaningful to me and something that I could hide at work (which I really don't do anymore) yet show off when I am chill mode. So what did I get? A music heart, a heart made out of the treble and bass clefs and I LOVE IT!!! It is placed on the back of my neck so that I can cover it with me hair but when out for play and the curls are up it can be seen. 

But why this? Because I love music!!! Music gives me a place of escape and it has inspired me most of my life. I put the tattoo on my neck because when I am really stressed or irritated I rub the back of my neck and the tattoo is a reminder of what calms me and something I love. 

I am thankful for my tattoo because I had the guts to get it (but still don't have the guts to show my mother) and it is a daily reminder that things that I use to think I would never do.....I can do. It is a daily reminder that music is one place when everything else around me is in chaos....I can always escape to my lyrics, my melodies, my beats. 

So if you follow me you have seen the tattoo, but if this is your first time coming across my blog, her is my tattoo that I love!!

My Tattoo!!!!!

40 Days of Thankfulness

Inspired by my best friend and a way of working on two things that I need to get better at.....blogging consistently and being thankful. I have decided to write a blog each of the next day for something I am thankful for.

I know a lot of people who give up things for lent, but this way I am adding something during this time. Something to remind me of everything that I have to be thankful for. The posts will be in no particular order, but just various things that I am truly thankful for. Some things will be serious, some light hearted, some might down right stupid.....but they will ALL be things I am thankful for.

I am excited about this task, and I do hope I follow through. I hope if you take time to read you might decide to do the same thing or just stop to think about what you are thankful for. So many times we focus on what we don't have or the tragedies in life, but we neglect to think about all that we do have and the happy moments in life. 

Also, I know the followers of this blog probably are like she really does not blog like she use to, I have noticed, and have said time and time again I was going to do better....each time I fail. I have let other people, work, and just the little things get in the way of something that I enjoy, something that helps me get out things that I can't always get out to was funny is recently I was having a meltdown moment with one of my guy friends and he suggested that I blog.....I was like I already do that (Not many of my person friends know about my blog and if they do they rarely read it). So to process a lot that is going in my mind and my hear right now blogging will be a great place to get those things out.....

Enjoy the ride!!!!!

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

To tell or not to tell?????

Ever have something you wanted to tell so bad.....but you couldn't???

That is how I kind of feel right now.  Do I put it in a letter, do I put it in a blog, or do I just tell it face to face??? Or do I keep it to myself. I sometimes feel if I could just tell one more person I could get it off my chest, not worry about it anymore, but....things will never be the same if I did.

Music Themes

I am here!!! Work is not consuming my life as much which is good. But I wanted to write a blog themes. About a month ago I decided to have music themed days at my desk.  On facebook I usually do statuses about my musical choices and things I enjoy and what I do not like.... So I would like to share you my themes....

Ratchet Music
Trinidad James, 2 Chainz, Crime Mob, Three Six.....are just a few examples that I listen to on that day. Ratchet music is my guilty pleasure and gives me laugh at times.

New Music
This week new music selection was B. Slade's Stunt Bitch......I liked it!! But this day I usually listen to what new that has come out or select something that I have never listened before and give it a try.

Gospel Music
Today I have done the best of Fred Hammond, but I usually listen to a variety of gospel music from rock, contemporary, rap, old school, etc. It is a mid-week motivator for me.

Neo Soul
I listen to a variety of my favs. Dwele, MeShell Ndegeocello, Eric Roberson, India Arie, etc....I chill out and listen to music soul.

Ipod/Rhapsody Shuffle
ANYTHING GOES!!! I listen to randomness!! Classical, reggae, rap, rock, R & B, whatever pops up!!
So here are my musical themed days. What types of music do you like to listen to?