Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Shock Value

This morning while checking facebook a classmate from high school began a conversation on Erykah Badu's new video. I might be one of the few people who don't like the video. I am not against the message it is trying to portray, but the way the video was filmed. This got me to thinking (which most things do) about the idea of "shock value."

A lot of time people do things for shock value to get a message across, but a lot of times the message is lost. A couple of weeks ago a lady spoke at my church and gave her testimony which was awesome and she even wrote a book about it...problem was people were shocked that she stayed in a marriage where her husband said he was bisexual and contracted AIDS and she stuck with him through thick and thin.  People were fascinated by events in her story, but did people really learn from her faith and what she learned from her experience.

Same thing for the new Erykah Badu video.  If Gabby Sidibe from "Precious" had done the same thing in the video would it have been accepted the same way?  Will people remember the video for her being able to be free and who she is or will it be remembered for the fact that she got naked and has a nice body?  Hearing more commentary on the"Window Seat" video has helped me understand it a little better (was totally lost at first I will admit) what the video was about, but do most people listen or read commentaries on videos?

Just my thoughts. Sometimes I think shock value has no value. People remember the shock, but not the message. That is all.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


 You might be asking what does this video have to do with memories. Well I was browsing the page of an old classmate who just added me on facebook and he had this video posted because I guess people said that Tyrese looks like him.  This video brought back some fun memories. I remember it was one student council trip, think it was my 9th grade year. We had gone to some student council convention either in Knoxville or Nashville forget which one. We had taken the bus on the trip and we were just acting crazy.  It was an older  guy who I had know since middle school that was in high school at the time who we joked with that he looked like Tyrese in the video. Someone dared him to go to the front of the bus and reenact this commercial.  Surprisingly he did. People in the front of the bus were confused and everyone who knew he was about to do it died laughing. This is a great random memory that I have to this day.

This got me to thinking about a lot of old happy memories that I have.  I think as I have grown up I have tried to deal with the bad memories, sometimes even forget them, I have found myself forgetting the great memories that I have. Fun times spent with family, good times spent in school, and the various activities that I have done in the past. 

Memories have made us who we are today....the good and the bad. We have to cherish our memories and make sure that we don't forget the things that make us smile and laugh.

The Majority

A lot has been going on in politics lately. I am not a very political person, but I like to make informed decisions when I make one. I am not a politics junkie, but it does interest me from time to time. I have been irritated a lot lately by what I have read about and seen on television. I think everyone should.

No matter what your thoughts or views are, hate is never acceptable.  What happened to civil discourse? What happened to being able to agree to disagree? Name calling is not cool and do not give me the bull about free speech. I am all for free speech, but hate speech is not good at all.

People keep saying "the majority of Americans" and this statement is getting on my last nerves!! Even if you take the argument that majority rules I honestly do not believe that the majority of Americans feel the way people are saying.  Secondly...the majority is not always right.  Back during the Civil Rights movement the majority of Americans did not want give rights to African Americans....if we used the argument of what the majority of Americans want where would be?

Health care reform is needed and the bill that was passed is not perfect, and I can even admit that I have not read everything in the bill, but most of what I have read and seen I am okay with and I have health care and have had it my whole life.  I have seen clips that interview people who are spewing out hate and they don't have informed arguments of why they are against health care. 

Just letting some thoughts out.  It is Saturday and I can't wait to enjoy the beautiful day one I am done with work.  Just a few more hours!!! Hope everyone is having a great day!!!!

Oh...extra quote that I stole from a friend on facebook...just had to post again :-)

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him to find her."

Friday, March 26, 2010

Missing You...

This morning I was going through my daily blog reads and I was thinking. Don't you hate it when bloggers just up and vanish? They just end their blog without any warning, nothing!!! There was one blogger that I thought had vanished, but looked back at their post and they are just on vacation because of technical difficulties for least he let us know! 

Now I might not comment on every blog I read, trying to do better, but I do enjoy reading all of them and I do miss them when they up and vanish.  Also, I will admit I don't have a steady method to when I post, but I at least try to post at least once a week. I hate when I find great blogs and their posts are weeks and sometimes even months apart!

Okay, done with my vent for the day. Has any one had this experience? Are there any blogs that you wonder what happened?  Just my thoughts!

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Living on the Edge!!

I was told by a friend recently that I was too conservative and that I need to live on the edge...this got me to thinking. Do I?  I can admit that I am conservative and do not do things that most people do, but I truly enjoy my life and the things I do.  I do have a wild side which most people don't get to see because honestly....they choose to ignore it.  There are some things that I would like to do that might be considered living on the edge...but I am afraid.  I honestly don't know if I will ever do them, but they are things that cross my mind on a regular basis.  Listed below are a few of those things.

  1. I want to get a tattoo on the back of my neck. Something small, but cute. I have had the design picked out for a year. I want it where it can be covered up while I am at work, but seen when I am out at play.  My hair is long again...we will see.
  2. I want to go up and talk to a complete stranger. This may sound weird, but for me it is not. I do not talk to strangers...honestly. If you speak to me I will speak to you, but just to talk and live it up with a random person...never done.
  3. I want to just get up one day and take a road where I have no clue. I just want to pack my bags and go. Just see where the open road and my GPS takes me.
  4. I want to get another piercing on my body....where is a surprise ;-) I have had my nose pierced twice, my eyebrow, and my tongue pierced.  I love piercings!!  But now that I am an adult (even though I had my nose re-pierced a few years ago) and work in a corporate setting it makes it kind of hard now.
  5. This may sound crazy, but I want to get drunk with out being drunk. I guess be loose of any inhibitions. I have never been drunk in my life. I truly hate when people are sloppy drunk, but I just want to do it, but still have control...which does not make sense, but I hope you get my point.
  6. One day I want to be free to say WHATEVER is on my mind.  Screw who agrees or disagrees.  I just want to be able to express my thoughts and feelings without worrying how it will be taken by other people.
Okay...I think these are few things that I consider "living on the edge" for me.  What are some things that you think are "living on the edge"? What are some things you would do if you had no fear? Some of things on this list I honestly doubt I will ever do, but they have crossed my mind.  Some things I realistic, and some I have not listed because I am still formulating them in my mind.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Is it really love???

This morning I woke up and I had the same headache I have been having every morning for about a week. I am really thinking about not going to work this morning because I feel just that bad.  I eventually made it to work (guess I now have the energy to finish this blog post).  Yesterday at church the sermon hit me where it hurt and I truly needed that. It was confirmation on a lot of things I have been dealing with and I know what I am supposed to do now.

One thing that is getting to me is this four letter word....LOVE.  This is something we all desire and hopefully something that we all give.  But my concern is do people truly understand love? What do people really think what love is? I really believe that people take love for granted.

I have been dealing with feelings of love for a certain person. I love this person and want the best for this person...but I don't want to be with the person. Which is hard to understand for me.  I have thought about and processed it over and over. I love this person with all my heart. I want the best for them, I want them happy, and I want to see them prosper.  I love spending time with them, I love the way they look...but the desire to be with them. People force us together in their minds, and I have honestly pondered the idea based off what other people have said.  I realize I can not be who others want me to be and I can't be with someone just because others think you would make a "cute couple."

These are the thoughts that have been on my mind lately.  Still trying to figure things out....

Friday, March 19, 2010

I messed up :-(

I messed up. I have made a lot of mistakes lately and I am trying to correct them.  I have not been writing like I use to because of my mistakes.  Today is a day of reckoning...We will see what happens. I am at fault, I have to except the consequences.  I have not hit rock bottom, but I have learned a valuable lesson.  No matter the outcome I am blessed. I think about what other people have to go through in life and what I am dealing with does not compare. 

All I can say at the moment....not sad, but not glad either, at this point.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Issues from last night....

Last night was an interesting night for me....I did something that I usually don't do and in same ways this morning I am still asking myself why did I do it.  Last night I went to a griefshare group at my church.  They had announced it a while ago and I decided I would go to see what insite or see if I can learn better ways with dealing with grief and  the issues I have from the deaths of closed loved ones. Needless to say my experience last night was somewhat helpful...but still not what I expected.

I am the first to admit that I have issues and maybe I make things issues that should not be. Last night I had several issues and I tried to see past them, but it was very hard.
  1. Location of session was at the original church...which is not in the best neighborhood. Session was at 7pm at night...just say I saw 3 or 4 people that made me lock my door while waiting and some that had clear mental illnesses. The safety of the location is really making me not want to go back.
  2. As soon as I got in the people leading the session scared me...Like I said in previous posts I sit and observe people and sometimes I just don't get good vibes.
  3. I really don't like when people like to hear themselves talk.  I know you are trying to get a point across...but some things are just not necessary!
  4. I HATE bad English. Is it too much to ask to speak correctly? Subject/Verb agreement is not too hard. I can't concentrate and listen to someone when the way the speaks gets on my last nerve?
  5. If you speak for 30 minutes (which I do not think is part of the program), then say we will watch a 30 minute video (which was longer than 30 minutes), then say we will have a 15 minute discussion (which took 40 minutes...and it was mostly her the leader talking)...My time is valuable! Plus look back to issue not want to be in that neighborhood that late at night.
  6. I know I am weird and I don't talk to strangers (my mom taught me at an early age). Some people truly do scare me...that is all I will say to that.
  7. I know my life experiences are different than others, but it does get frustrating when
Okay. I have listed my issues from last night.  They might be valid...might just be me frustrated with the situation last night, but those are things that I felt. I wrote all this to get out my thoughts. I know people might not think the way I do or feel the same way about situations...but that does not negate my feelings and thoughts.  Sometimes I wish people would be more understanding even when they might not think or feel the same way that I do....all I have to say.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Have You Ever Just Observed People?

Yesterday I was mentoring my teenagers and during the session when they were working in groups I just stood back and observed the people in the room.  I tend to do this a lot. Just like watching people and seeing how they interact with others. I love observing people when they have no clue that I am watching so that they don't change their behaviors and their actions. 

When I was observing a lot of things were going on in my mind. I often times get frustrated when I mentor because I care so much. I get frustrated with the adults because they sit around and do nothing and I get frustrated with the kids because they just don't get it. But out of my frustration I also get inspiration of how to change the existing mentality of the people that I am observing. If you see a problem....try to help fix it.

By no means do I think I have the ability to change a person, but I can, I think all people can help encourage growth in others.  I know personally I am not the same person I was a few years ago and I think differently which I think is a good thing and I got to this point by broadening my experiences and my perspective on things. How can I help someone if I can't understand or be able to reach them where they are?

Observations give you better insight and also help you understand more about a person or a situation.  Observations can be positive and negative, but they all work together to help see the bigger picture.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Being a woman...more than being single or married

This weekend I went to a woman's boot camp at church. It was actually informative and I learned a lot. I usually get irritated about these things, but I gave it a chance and enjoyed it.  There were different speakers and interesting topics.  My church is to have a boot camp for men later this month and then a discussion with men and women in April.  Things were addressed that were not usually addressed in the church. Open and candid discussions were interesting.

Although I have said positive things there was one thing that continued to irk me.  Not necessarily negative or positive, just irritating.  Why (there goes the question again) do people define womanhood between being single and married? Not to negate the lessons on emotional, physical, and spiritual health. Topics were great, but one thing...every topic went back to men.  What I mean by this is that this was a boot camp geared toward equipping women to be great women...but a lot of things were being defined as being single or being married. I am a single woman with the hopes of one day getting married, but me as a woman is not defined by rather I am married or single.

I am not the independent woman who thinks that she has no need for a man, but I am also not a woman who is totally dependent on a man. I have dreams, aspirations, and visions that I want to fulfill in my life. Yes, a husband will compliment those things, but my life is not predicated on him. Being a great woman is so much more than baring children and being a wife.

I am a beautiful, smart, caring, and loving woman. I work hard, give back, and try to make a difference. I bring in my own income (rather it be small or big) and I provide for myself. I mentor, I teach, I reach out, I give back. I listen, I learn, I love, I live. I am me flaws and all, take it or leave it. I am far from perfect but I am on a journey of growth. 

These are just my thoughts. Debating if I will share with my friends on facebook...We will see.

Why ask Why????

I remember for as long as I can remember I was the type of person that liked to ask the question why. As a senior in high school I was voted most inquisitive (not because I was nosey...surprisingly). I don't know if it was because my mother use to make me read news paper articles and write the who, what, when, where, and WHY of the articles.  Things always fascinate me and I like to know the meaning or cause behind it.

Sometimes it frustrates me because I can't always get the answers to my questions. Sometimes it can be actually fascinating.  I do have to learn is that sometimes I might not get the answers to my questions.  This is hard for me, but I know...I can't always get the answer. 

Here are a few questions that I find myself asking frequently.

First list is I guess what you would call "deep questions"

  1. Why are people so selfish?
  2. Why do we let fear prevent us from doing things we know we should do?
  3. Why have I yet to experience true love?
  4. Why don't people get it?
  5. Why do I keep making the same mistakes over and over again?
  6. Why can't people handle the truth?
  7. Why do people judge others without looking at their own flaws?
  8. Why do people still prejudge people without knowing them?
  9. Why is it so hard for people to see other people's perspectives?
  10. Why can't I communicate my true feelings to some people?
Second list is just random why questions I have

  1. Why do people ride your bumper when it is obvious that you are coming to a stop light?
  2. Why am I getting gray hair already...I AM NOT OLD!!!
  3. Why do men think young women can't cook?
  4. Why can I wake up at the butt crack of dawn, but can't motivate myself to get up and productive?
  5. Why do people want to speed in bumper to bumper to traffic?
  6. Why do broadcast all the intimate details of their lives on facebook and get upset when they get put on blast by friends (and sometimes sites making fun of people)?
  7. Why do music CDs have less music, but cost more?
  8. Why do people not know their breath stinks?
  9. Why did I try hookah and love it now?
  10. Why ask why?
Okay just a few questions. If you have the answers feel free to let me know. If you have questions post them. Might and probably don't know the answers, but sometimes it is good just getting them out. Hope everyone has a great day! I have another blog post I am about to write. Don't know if I will publish yet...but need to get some thoughts out.

Friday, March 5, 2010

So Weak Right Now!!! HELP!!!

Okay...I am really weak right now. I am on this whole vegan kick and I am thinking about giving it up. It is not just the vegan thing, it is also giving up on the fast that I am doing for lent. HELP!!!

It has been about 3 weeks (started a little befand I am doing well...until yesterday. I have been researching more on vegetarianism, veganism, and so on.  I want to make sure I am getting all the nutrients and things I need to be healthy, which I can still do, but it is hard.  Also, going out to eat and eating with friends is VERY HARD!!! 

I recently decided to attempt to become a Pescetarian. This is a whole lot easier for me and I will not feel like I am depriving myself of foods that I enjoy.  This way I still get the nutrients that I need and I don't feel like I am missing out on things that I like.

I will make it through the day. The food smells will not get to me. The pictures of food that I can't eat that my friends are posting on twitter and facebook will not make me slip. The coworkers making homeade lasagna tomorrow is not tempting me!!! I will have positive thoughts. I am doing this for a reason and I have to think about the bigger picture!!!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Letting People Down

Last night I left a meeting and I was very, very frustrated!!! Did I mention I was frustrated??? So I vented on facebook a question that I ask myself from time to time...
Why Do I Mentor????

One of the parents commented that her daughter loves me and looks up to me.  This made me shed a tear. I posted the statement to vent, but at that point last night I was truly contemplating this question. I love mentoring, I love giving back, and I love making a difference, but one thing that irritates me or gets to me is the idea of letting people down.

I know I am far from perfect and have as many issues as the next, but I wonder what if people knew all the thoughts and issues that I deal with.  I know my thinking can be abstract and different from the norm, but that makes me who I am. People always say in church that a person has a past, but what if your past is your present? What if your struggles are real and they are daily (which I think for most people they are)? Sometimes I wonder if the title of my blog came fully to life and people knew everything (within reason).

I am living my life for me, but I still have the fear of letting people down, rather it be friends, family, the kids I mentor, and even myself. My new change of becoming a vegan is something that I have not told my family yet, not out of shame, but out of they will really look at me crazy and more than likely not understand.  This is a simple thing in my life. What about the more complicated things...I know my family will not understand just by statements and actions of the years.

We will see what my next steps are. I honestly do not know. I do know that I can only be me, but me is an evolving person and on a journey and right now I am stalled. Life is going in the right direction, but in a funk. I need to get it together. Not a bad funk, but a stagnant funk....

Monday, March 1, 2010

Me...Creative??? Sure?!?!

Thanks to LC over at Loving Me for giving me this Creative Blogger Award!

Here are the rules of the award:

1. Thank the person who gave this to you.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you.
4. Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth.
5. Nominate seven "Creative Writers" who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies.
6. Post links to the seven blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know you nominated them.

Seven things about me.....(or not) ;-)

  1. When I graduated from college my first job was being a professional shoplifter.  I would  go into department stores and attempt to steal things to see how to get past security.  This was done to test staff and security measures in the stores.
  2. When I was 4 years old my mother use to make me read the newspaper for an hour each night.  I was learning to read so she thought show me tough words and I might learn quicker.
  3. My most memorable kiss...was with a woman. Still have thoughts about it from time to time. 
  4. My mother use to travel across Africa on missions trip and teach women about sewing.
  5. My bestfriend and I one summer traveled to NYC and spent the night in Central Park.
  6. Growing up I use to want to drive around all day in a taxi just to see how much the bill would be and to see at what point the cabbie would kick me out.
  7. I can walk around on a handstand while in the split position....I GOT SKILLS!!!
Okay....Which one is true???? (I will let you know if you are right....I promise!)

Nomination of blogs....not good at this. So if you read this you are nominated :-) 

You are a what????

Recently I announced on facebook that I was becoming a vegan. Well... I said I was removing all meat products from my diet and a couple of friends just assumed I mean vegetarian. Then I had to explain that I am giving up eating ALL meat products which includes dairy products also. Several people were very supportive, others were like really??? Most people who know me know I love meat and even have joked in the past with my friends that are vegetarian or vegan about tricking them into eating meat.

I wrote a little about the change a couple of posts ago, but didn't go into detail.  Why did I become a vegan??? It started off as me doing the Daniel's fast for lent and I took it a step further and decided to make it a lifestyle.  I will not say it has been easy, but it is not as hard as I thought. I just have to be creative.  Some people assume that you can only eat salads and fruits, which is so not true. I have experimented with several different recipes and after Lent I am excited to try some of the dessert recipes I have found and friends have suggested (I do have a couple of friends that are vegan).  

Do I miss meat. YES!!!! But I don't think of it as depriving myself.  I am just making different choices in the foods that I eat.  As many of my close friends know I love seafood, crab legs are my weakness.  I was actually in Whole Foods one day and walked past the seafood section and that was so hard.  I just make a choice not to eat those things.  Nothing wrong with them, just for me trying something different.

Will this change be forever....I have no clue.  I hope it will be for a while. I even think in the long run I might add seafood back into my diet, but don't think I will do anytime soon. I mean they say have 21 days you make it a habit. The longer I go without eating those things I think the easier it will be for me not to crave or miss those things.

I hope my friends continue to be supportive and understanding.  It is easy when I cook for myself, but going out to eat or going over to a friend's house to eat can be hard. Most people are like more power to you and they feel they could never become a vegan....I use to say the same thing, but trust it is not that hard. If I can do it, I am pretty sure anyone can do it!!!

Revolve 2010 The Complete New Testament

I think this book is an excellent read for teenage girls.  As a mentor I try to think of creative ways of getting my kids to read and this book does it.  It is the complete New Testament with added features that appeal to teenagers. It gives great tips on clothing, boys, make-up, and various topics that teenagers deal with.  It is a lot easier to read the other translations of the Bible which I think will help people or make people want to read it more. When I received the book in the mail it looked like a magazine which adds to the attractiveness of the book.  It is easy to carry around, slip in your backpack, and it's format will also be an eye catcher to people who see you reading it.

The content of the book is the Bible and it portrays the message and makes it clear and easy to read.  It even gives "facebook" profiles of various people in the Bible which appeals to the younger generation (and even me).  One thing I did notice that maybe the book might not appeal to inner city kids, because some of the stories and examples they may not be able to relate to. Overall I think the book gets its message out and serves its purpose. I would suggest to any teenager or parent trying to find a Bible translation for teenagers.