The Struggle Within

Within me there is a constant struggle to do what is right. I mean it is a struggle that goes against everything that I have been taught and I have been fed my whole life. Have I lived my life a lie? Have I become what others want me to be just to get by in life?? I know I have issues, we all do, but will I be able to come. My father died still dealing with his, I don't want this to happen to me. I want to be able to conquer this. I mean why do I have to learn the hard way? I mean I knew I should not have introduced it into my spirit, but it is there now and I am having the hardest time letting go. A friend made a statement yesterday, or rather an action, and it made it even worse. She meant to do me no harm, but it did. She does not realize how I internalize statements like that. Is this a phase I am going through??? I honestly don't know, but I am constantly asking my self why, why, why. I mean it should be simple to just stop thinking about it, but I can't, I can't. If I could I would, but I can't. Life is so interesting. This struggle within is consuming my thoughts, my mind, and my soul. Can I let it go, or will it always be a part of me?

Does the end justify the means?

Last night I was watching the conclusion of Hip Hop versus America on BET (been trying to catch it since it aired) and it brought up the topic of video "models." There were so many topics that spun out of this dialogue, but this one stuck out to me. They had Melyssa Ford, a video "model," TI, Nelly, Andre Crouch, and Michael Eric Dyson. All of them made very interesting points. Ms. Ford stated she just did videos for extra money while she was in school and to pursue her education. Is this ok? Can you degrade yourself for a dollar now and expect the world to except you as the next great leader of tomorrow?? When the pictures or videos of you come up when you are running for mayor of Atlanta or interview to become the CEO of a major corporation will they understand that you just did that to get yourself through college? Is it alright for the drug dealer to sale drugs to support his education or support his family? Does his end justify his means? A friend on facebook posted an article about a teacher having her children do an assignment advertising the pros of slavery and we were like are you serious? Is the mighty dollar the driving force behind what we do even if it gets rid of our standards? The rappers even glorify sex, drugs, and money, but say it is okay as long as they are giving back to the community in the spare time. It is ok for a community center or non-profit to except the one million dollar donation from Nelly or TI, eventhough a lot of their videos and lyrics are promoting what they are trying to combat in today's youth in their center?

I do not think the end always justify the means. One of my own personal thoughts is that sometimes you have to work harder to get where others have got, is it fair, no, but life is not fair. I might have to work 12 hours to get the same pay as a person who works 10 hours. It might take me 10 years to graduate from college flipping burgers at McDonalds when it only takes the stripper 4, just because she makes her money faster. Might take me 10 years to save a million dollars working as a social worker, when it take the financial analyst 5, but I get to go home at night and rest because I know I am in my purpose and I am not stressed. These are just a few broad examples. People really need to think about is it really worth it?

My point in saying all this is to just think about why we do what we do? Is it ok to sell our morals and souls out just to meet an end, then say I had to do it to get to where I am? I started talking about video "models" and rappers, but it is not only in that line of work. Is your main goal on your job the dollar and to get it by any means? Just my thoughts and vents.

Shake the Haters Off!!!

I got this inspiration from what I found out to be a slogan of the newly reelected mayor of the GREAT city of Memphis. I will not get into my view on Memphis politics today, because that can be a lonnnnnnnnng blog, but I digress. The word "hater" has been coming up a lot lately in a lot of people's mouths and honestly I am tired of it. I understand that "haters" will be out there, but why are we so focused on them??? I mean is your soul goal in life to get haters? If I am doing well that is by the grace of God, but my complete motivation for doing well should not be prompted by those that hate. I would say even in the church the word haters is becoming a common theme when people talking about their blessings and what God is doing in their life...I am going to be blunt, How can I hate on your when you are flipping burgers at McDonald's and riding the bus????(simple example, don't think too deep, but you get the picture). I am just being real, because most of the people who get to shouting on the the term "haters" at church have the quality I just stated. Then they view haters in a materialistic way, which is another subject in itself. Why are we worried about the people who become so called jealous of what we have in life and what we are doing?? I am not saying that the haters do not exist, but the emphasis on them in society has become crazy.

Then I get to the point of why do people hate. What is the point? I am a believer in what is mine is mine and what yours is yours(not getting to the point of sharing and helping others). Just like you got it I can get it, I might have to work harder and it might take longer, but I can get it...if it is meant for me. Life is too short and there are so many more things that we as human beings should focus on. It is not to say a person has a moment of jealousy, we are human, it happens, but to continuous jealousy over something you can not control does not make sense.