Issues from last night....

Last night was an interesting night for me....I did something that I usually don't do and in same ways this morning I am still asking myself why did I do it.  Last night I went to a griefshare group at my church.  They had announced it a while ago and I decided I would go to see what insite or see if I can learn better ways with dealing with grief and  the issues I have from the deaths of closed loved ones. Needless to say my experience last night was somewhat helpful...but still not what I expected.

I am the first to admit that I have issues and maybe I make things issues that should not be. Last night I had several issues and I tried to see past them, but it was very hard.

1. Location of session was at the original church...which is not in the best neighborhood. Session was at 7pm at night...just say I saw 3 or 4 people that made me lock my door while waiting and some that had clear mental illnesses. The safety of the location is really making me not want to go back.
2. As soon as I got in the people leading the session scared me...Like I said in previous posts I sit and observe people and sometimes I just don't get good vibes.
3. I really don't like when people like to hear themselves talk.  I know you are trying to get a point across...but some things are just not necessary!
4. I HATE bad English. Is it too much to ask to speak correctly? Subject/Verb agreement is not too hard. I can't concentrate and listen to someone when the way the speaks gets on my last nerve?
5. If you speak for 30 minutes (which I do not think is part of the program), then say we will watch a 30 minute video (which was longer than 30 minutes), then say we will have a 15 minute discussion (which took 40 minutes...and it was mostly her the leader talking)...My time is valuable! Plus look back to issue #1...do not want to be in that neighborhood that late at night.
6. I know I am weird and I don't talk to strangers (my mom taught me at an early age). Some people truly do scare me...that is all I will say to that.
7. I know my life experiences are different than others, but it does get frustrating when

Okay. I have listed my issues from last night.  They might be valid...might just be me frustrated with the situation last night, but those are things that I felt. I wrote all this to get out my thoughts. I know people might not think the way I do or feel the same way about situations...but that does not negate my feelings and thoughts.  Sometimes I wish people would be more understanding even when they might not think or feel the same way that I do....all I have to say.

What if we saw your life on the big screen???

A little while ago I wrote a blog on casting your first stone. Recently I was in a conversation with a friend and like always I over analyze so many things. Well....I got to thinking about what if people could see all of our issues on a big screen???

People always judge people or make comments about other people's lifestyles, choices, and issues, but they don't realize what if we call could see what you are struggling with??? We all have issues and we all dealing with something, but our issue might not be as visible as other's.

Have you ever wondered what would people think if they knew all about your past, or all about the things you struggle with on a daily basis? I know I have as many issues as the next and I would say I don't try to hide my issues, but the person who would encounter me on a daily basis might not ever know what I deal with daily.

I will give you an example...A lady who sleeps around with anybody and everybody, she might be quick to be labeled a hoe, but has anybody taken the time to get to the root of her issue, which might be needing and searching for love in all the wrong places? People are quick to snap or judge her (I am guilty too) without considering what has gotten her to the point where she is now. People would like her to stop sleeping around, but once you convince her to do that she still had the same issue and she just manifests it in a different way...

I think about daily how I choose to grow and change and how if people knew my inner most issues would they look at me the same....probably not. This makes me more cognisant of how I view and approach other people. You never know what they have been through or what they are going through.

If my life was on a big screen...Everything I have been through, everything I have thought, every good AND bad thing that I have done, I just can only imagine what people would say. I am learning daily to not judge, love in spite of, and be patient. I can't change anyone only God can. All I can do is be thankful for His grace and mercy that have kept me thus far!!!

Drop Your Stone

This week my pastor eulogized the great football player Steve McNair. His death was a shock and a big news story. Everyone has their opinions and assumptions about what happened. People have speculated this, and speculated that, but the only people who know is Steve, the girl, and God. But that is not what I am here to talk about...

One of the main points my pastor tried to get across is that we all fall short. We all have issues, struggles, sins, and downfalls we deal with on a daily basis. We are in no position to judge anyone for their actions. We have to learn from the mistakes of others and move on.

John 8:7

So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

My pastor stated that we need to learn from the sum total of Steve's life...the good and the bad. I think this is a great message. We all have issues and have all made mistakes, but we have to take the good and the bad and learn from them. People are not perfect and we cannot expect them to be. We can't judge others for their shortcomings because you wouldn't want people to do that to you.

Wrote all this to say. When you see some one fall short, when you see some one who has sinned, remember to drop your stone.

Dysfunctional Love

I started this blog on Myspace and decided to expound on it....

Why do people get into relationships out of their own issues? I mean why enter into a relationship to feel a void? I think relationships should compliment each other not complete each other. I was listening to my Ipod today and one of the songs from the CD that was inspired by Passion of the Christ came on. It was called Relearn Love. The words are so simple but so meaningful. I mean so many peole need to relearn what love actually is. I think in today's society love is so often confused with lust. I do believe when you have a twisted view of love you always end up getting hurt and sad to say you never understand why. When I talk about love I am talking love in all relationships, just not romantic ones. I think so many people's definition of love or idea of love is so dysfunctional and jaded that they have no clue...Just me venting, hadn't wrote in a while.

I was talking to a friend the other day and her life is a series of dysfunctional love...but what hurts she does not see it. She is actually content in jumping from relationship to relationship out of her own issues. Although she stays in relationships for long periods of time she does not heal before going to the next one, which creates a series of unfortunate events. What hurts about it all...she is now bringing a child into her chaos. You try to offer advice, but when she asks it is too late and she has already made the mistake. How can you help someone like this???

People often say that I am too picky and need to lower my standards when it comes to love, but the more that I look at other people's relationships I learn and I know what I want in a relationship. Will I have the peferct relationship? No, but I will try not to make the same mistakes I see so often. I am open to love, I am open to learn, but I am not open to dysfunction. I know we all have issues and have to deal with the them, but they do not need to be the basis of a relationship..

The Struggle Within

Within me there is a constant struggle to do what is right. I mean it is a struggle that goes against everything that I have been taught and I have been fed my whole life. Have I lived my life a lie? Have I become what others want me to be just to get by in life?? I know I have issues, we all do, but will I be able to come. My father died still dealing with his, I don't want this to happen to me. I want to be able to conquer this. I mean why do I have to learn the hard way? I mean I knew I should not have introduced it into my spirit, but it is there now and I am having the hardest time letting go. A friend made a statement yesterday, or rather an action, and it made it even worse. She meant to do me no harm, but it did. She does not realize how I internalize statements like that. Is this a phase I am going through??? I honestly don't know, but I am constantly asking my self why, why, why. I mean it should be simple to just stop thinking about it, but I can't, I can't. If I could I would, but I can't. Life is so interesting. This struggle within is consuming my thoughts, my mind, and my soul. Can I let it go, or will it always be a part of me?