Thursday, February 4, 2010

"Not Me" Mentality

I was thinking today about the "not me" mentality. I was listening to statistics about how all black women are single (exaggerating, but you get my point). Someone brought up raw statistics and this got me to I have not been able to look them up, but the overall message of what was said does not change based on the specific numbers. The statistics basically pointed out that there are way more African American women than African American men out there (not even counting inmates and so on....).

With this being said why do African American women have the "not me" mentality when it comes to dating outside their race? Most black women who I have talked to have this dream of a successful black man that sweeps them off their feet....what if this is not the destiny you have?  In no way am I saying give up on black men, because I think they are beautiful and have qualities that most people overlook, take for granted, and miscategorize (another whole topic in itself), but what I am saying if the right White, Hispanic, Asian, or other person walks into your life and has all the qualities that you have dreamed for why does the color of their skin knock him out?

One might argue so many other reasons for why black women don't date outside their race, but I just want to bring up the question of what black women are so opposed to it? Just my thoughts that came up yesterday. 

Posted a status on facebook yesterday and here are a few of my friend's responses:

Friend #1: LOL...well, although I'm in a relationship now, I never had a problem envisioning myself dating someone from a different racial background. But I think it has a lot to do with how you were raised sometimes and that mindset of if you're open enough to date outside of your race. Some people might think it's a slap in the face to date another race, More like you're "diluting" the gene pool so to speak. I look at it as beautiful either way. Race shouldn't really be at the forefront when it comes to who you fall in love with and marry.

Friend #2: I'm sure it goes deeper than my following comment, but I wonder if what causes Black men to break free much easier is the fact that, as men, it is much more socially acceptable for us to try and gain as many "conquests" as possible. So since female promiscuity is seen as "bad" for it to even be close to socially acceptable for Black women, it has to be with Black men. Men in general, however, don't care, and physically, we just want women. Any women.

Friend #1: I think some women probably don't like the idea of the few eligible black guys dating outside of their race, but my thing is, unless you wanted to date him specifically, why does it even matter?? The world is practically full of mixed races and noone is 100% anything anymore - especially black people - that's one thing that makes us so unique!!People place so many limitations on themselves as far as who they'll date that by the time they're in their 40s, they're wondering why they're still single lol. God says love all people; so I think that means don't limit yourself either - but on the other hand, don't settle for whatever either :D ... just my thoughts. :D

Friend # 3: ok so i'm just gonna say it...i do agree love is love..BUT I think we as black women endure the most & we throughout history have been holding our men down..we don't know how to do anything different...i feel men outside of my race don't have my same struggle so at the core we can't relate bc they will never be black..i personally don't have a problem with interracial relationships..i have bi-racial family members...however I want ever non black woman to realize that when u make babies with black men, your creating black babies..society will only view them as black regardless of who their mama is (pres obama as an example) you have to be cool with that..i know the last part of my response is off topic but I just had to say it


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LC said...

I think Friend #3 summed it up best for me. Great Post!