Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Lost Hope (might be rambling.....sorry)

This morning (or night....considering I woke up at 2 am) I started thinking about some things going on in my life. Last night I sent a text to one of my friends saying that I had given up hope.....that is not good.  Think I wrote about the convo before, but something I said and something he said has stuck in my mind. I said I had given up hope on guys and he said don't give up hope....I then rephrased my statement, but the more I think about it I really think that is what I meant.

I have written about relationships, men, and my past (the fact that I have never dated), but recently the more I think about it or the more I hope, the more I lose hope. I am one not to let past experience taint future ones, but when you keep doing the same thing and expecting different results....that is insanity. About a month ago I truly thought about all the male relationships in my life from father, family members, friends, professional, and so on and they all have not been good, so I begin to question....all men can't be bad????

I mean what is was wrong with desiring positive male relationships? I mean why do men continue to let me down.  I honestly do not ask for much and only expect people to treat others how they want to be treated, but if how you treat me is the way you want to be treated, that is very sad. I can even take my best male friend, I love him I do, but I really think he does not feel the same way, or at least I don't think his actions show it. He has my back when I am down, but does he go out the way or think about me unless I am in need, nope.

Sometimes I think I care too much. I think I expect people to be unselfish...HA! I might even think people to act like me, but I realize that is not going to happen.  I realize I care too much and I try not to care, but it is not that simple, to me it is like turning off who I am. 

I hate to admit it, but right now my hope is lost, I hope it returns, but I can't continue to be let down. I can't continue to hope that a man will be a man.  I honestly do not think that is too much to ask....but recently I think it is.

A couple of days ago I had a twitter post....

refuses to believe that all men suck....but right now someone would have a very hard time proving me different

Still waiting for someone to prove me different....


Anonymous said...

you are right, all men aren't bad. the only thing all of these men have in common it is your reaction to these circumstances and the men you are choosing that is the problem.

Humbly Beautiful said...

Anonymous....some relationships are not by choice. Yes, one thing has to do with relationships but family relationships and professional relationships are not avoidable and it is not a choice.

Anonymous said...

you are always responsible for your own reactions. you cannot avoid all situations, but you choose how you react and you are responsible for that. these men in your life you say are causing you trouble, you are causing your own trouble. you can quit a job, you can confront a family member. if you let other people determine whether or not you will have hope, then hope is already lost.

Humbly Beautiful said...

I see your points, and I think I have confronted, removed, and avoided. I just get tired of hoping and most men proving me correct...that I should give up hope. I want to believe, but there comes a time(which is where I think I am at now) that until someone proves or shows me different, I have to expect nothing from men to avoid being let down....and I just don't think that is right.

Anonymous said...

"Blessed is he who expects nothing for he shall never be disappointed" Alexander Pope

What exactly is it you are expecting from a man? What are you offering to give a man? You have never had a relationship or a date, etc, so I think it is odd that you speak about giving up hope. Are you pursuing a date, and being upfront with the men that have let you down? You cannot expect someone to be a mind reader, and I think that most men are not out there to use, abuse, mislead or hurt anyone. But if they do not know your intent and desire, they do not have an opportunity to match that. Are you on a dating website? You speak about guy "friends" that you like but they do not like you back or let you down, perhaps they have no idea you have feelings for them. Hope springs eternal, but you should have a clear idea of what you are really genuinely looking for and manifest that hope there. And be forewarned, dating is not easy. Finding someone to be with is an arduous task and you will be let down and you will let others down, but as long as you are down on men as a whole and have a negative attitude, you will only continue attracting the wrong men.

Humbly Beautiful said...

All I want is a positive relationship. Not necessarilly dating, if that comes about, that is cool. Like you said a man is not a mind reader, well I am not either.

I have spoken about male friends, yes, but nothing has panned out honestly. We are friends at that is it, and some male friends I like to keep that way, but some the friendship has ended for various reasons.

I am not on a dating website and don't think I can be, honestly not my style. I know people who have done it and I have heard good and bad things about it.

What I expect out of men? Just to be a man, which is a broad statement, but that is the best way to say it. If you are supposed to be a father figure in a person's life than do it. If you are supposed to be a friend, be a friend. If you are supposed to be a boss or a colleague, just do it.

I hate generalizations, and like I said I try to hold out hope. I think I said it best in a conversation. I can't honestly name one man who has not let me down in my life and to me that is sad and I do not base the actions of past men on new ones I meet, which can be hard.

Based on your comments you follow my blog, but you post your comments anonymously. Do I know you or do you just prefer to stay anonymous.