How Dare I have Expectations????

The title is pretty much how I feel. I am tired of people looking at me crazy when I have expectations of people. I do not place my faith in people, but I do expect people to stand by their words and be accountable for their actions.  People always make excuses, but I am honestly tired of them.

I mean I don't expect people to be perfect, but I am tired of people letting me down. One cousin stated that I should expect the best, but prepare for the worst. Which I kind of like that statement, but I think it takes too much work. 

I love people and I see the good in so many, but the negatives stick out too much at times. 

Letting People Down

Last night I left a meeting and I was very, very frustrated!!! Did I mention I was frustrated??? So I vented on facebook a question that I ask myself from time to time...

Why Do I Mentor????

One of the parents commented that her daughter loves me and looks up to me.  This made me shed a tear. I posted the statement to vent, but at that point last night I was truly contemplating this question. I love mentoring, I love giving back, and I love making a difference, but one thing that irritates me or gets to me is the idea of letting people down.

I know I am far from perfect and have as many issues as the next, but I wonder what if people knew all the thoughts and issues that I deal with.  I know my thinking can be abstract and different from the norm, but that makes me who I am. People always say in church that a person has a past, but what if your past is your present? What if your struggles are real and they are daily (which I think for most people they are)? Sometimes I wonder if the title of my blog came fully to life and people knew everything (within reason).

I am living my life for me, but I still have the fear of letting people down, rather it be friends, family, the kids I mentor, and even myself. My new change of becoming a vegan is something that I have not told my family yet, not out of shame, but out of they will really look at me crazy and more than likely not understand.  This is a simple thing in my life. What about the more complicated things...I know my family will not understand just by statements and actions of the years.

We will see what my next steps are. I honestly do not know. I do know that I can only be me, but me is an evolving person and on a journey and right now I am stalled. Life is going in the right direction, but in a funk. I need to get it together. Not a bad funk, but a stagnant funk....