Closure...

I was having a text conversation with a friend a couple of weeks ago about an issue I was having.  She left me with the statement:

CLARITY + CLOSURE = PEACE

This statement seems so simple and makes sense, but what if you never get closure? What if you never get the answer to your questions or resolve the issue? Are you able to let it go?  Closure can come in various forms, but if it does come in the way that you want it to???

A couple of years ago, my father passed away. It was unexpected and I was shocked.  We were not on the best of terms, but I was at peace about the situation.  Is this the closure I wanted for my father, no.  There were things left unsaid and questions still not answered to this day, but I am at peace about the situation. I had to find closure in a different way. I always thought my father and I would talk things out, he would get his life together, and things would get better...not back to the way it use to be, but better.

I think people going their whole lives looking for their form of closure and sometimes never reach it.  Tonight I am going to have a closure for myself.  I know how I want it to end...but I am ready for closure in other ways. Even if it means spending time alone, losing a friend, changing my life as I know it and have become comfortable with. 

Tonight will be a great night. I am excited and scared, but I know whatever happens tonight it will be for the best!!!

Meditate

This is one of my favorite songs of all times. I am a huge Out of Eden fan and this was one of the songs that got me hooked on their music.  This song got me through some hard times in college and still helps me get through some things today.  If you just listen to the words and the melodies the song really says something.

I am hitting a critical point in my life and really making some difficult decisions in my life. To others they might not seem big, but to me they are. It could determine where I see my life in a few years, my career, my family, and my friends.  I have been praying and thinking a lot lately and I do think I am coming to a conclusion or the begining of what direction I am going....only God knows what is in store and I am excited about what is going to happen and what is happening.

All I Can Do is...Pray

One of my recent posts talked about how my grandmother is getting sicker...Today my mother is putting her in a nursing home. I talked to mother this morning and she is okay, but...I don't know what to do in this situation. I want to go home to help my mother, but she says no. I want to call, but I don't want to disrupt the moving process. All I can do right now is pray.

I am a person of faith and believe in God. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I try to find the positive in everything. Every experience is a lesson. I know God knows what is best. It is hard for me to focus on work right now because all I can think of what is going on with my mother and my grandmother...and what is sad my mother has a sister who is not on board with moving my grandmother to a nursing home which brings in family drama...but that is not the point.

I am having this internal debate to call or not to call, go visit or stay in Nashville. I know if I were to go home my mother would be mad. I think I will wait until I get a call from her and then decide. All I can do at this point is pray. I think logically about so many things, but I do have a heart. I am hurting, but okay. I am at peace, but still have feelings.

Today is a rough day...but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Back to my regularly scheduled program...work!!!