Faith

Faith.... a struggle for me these days. I have it, but question it so much these days. 

2014 is coming to an end....

Remember me??? I am still alive and trying to be better about this blogging thing.....let's see how this goes. Back in the beginning of last year I wrote a blog called The Four Fs which broke down my vision and things I wanted to work on in 2014 and this weekend I will be attending a gathering to see how my vision board went. So in preparation I decided to look back on more Four Fs and see what I have done.

Faith

Fitness

Finances

Future

Faith

Well...this didn't go as plan. Maybe because I attempted to read more and study more I hit road blocks. I do believe my faith has grown, but I didn't read as much as I planned. I did take time out at least once a week to study scripture outside of what I got while at church and I did read a couple of books to help strengthen my faith. I also started following several blogs that help me have more of an educated faith. I also failed in the studying of other religions part of my goals, so this will be carried on till next year.

Fitness

Fitness went ok, but the end of the year was an epic fail, well not epic, but not great. Through my church's churchfit program I lost about 40 pounds.....but because I am an emotional eater I gained 20 pounds of that back :-( But what has been a plus is a friend who added me to a group on facebook and the group is a motivator. I am working on what I eat and working on working out more consistently, even in the cold weather. So this year was not a total loss, but not as great as I wanted it to be.  But I will say, that my clothes are getting looser so I am excited!!!

Finances

Finances I can say went in a positive direction. I received a promotion at my job that allowed me to not have to work 2 jobs which is a blessing, but I held on to the part time job working it PRN for extra money and to help save.  I have begun to stick to a budget, pay of stupid debt, and build up my savings. I am not ballin yet, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!! I have learned from my past mistakes and I am thinking more long term than short term gratification. Now I still make mistakes, but not as many and I am still improving. One step at a time.....

Future

Now comes my future.....What is my future? That is still developing and looking over this past year I think I have done several things to help me in grow into what my future is becoming.....I have experienced career growth, I am actually a supervisor now! There is someone in my life right now and I am seeing where this is going.....not saying I am heading toward a family, but I am trying "dating outside the box." Am I happier? Not really sure, these past couple of months have been interesting for me and challenging, but what  I do know is it has helped me grow which I am enjoying. Life is not always perfect or what you expect, but I do know God has a plan and I am seeing where this is going to take me.....

The Journey

The Journey has been interesting and I realize this upcoming year I will be 35!!! (shhh! don't tell anyone) I have begun to think about I will continue to accomplish and continue to do to grow and learn. So we shall see where this takes me.  When I was 30 I did a "30 while 30 list" which I think I might do the same while I am 35.  But, the biggest lesson I have learned this year is that my life my not look like others I and I might not be taking the same paths as others, but this is my life and I am living it and making my mark in this world. I am and will continue to enjoy the journey!!!

Pic from 2nd vision board I did last year. Had a blast

Recent picture of me, I always have to remember to smile!!!

The Four Fs

Faith

Fitness

Finances

Future

What are these? My focus in 2014. Last night I was working with the kids I mentor on vision boards and everything I have been thinking about during my Facebook break came together. Thank you God!!! These are 4 areas of my life that I want to target this year..... aggressively. Every year people, I, make goals or resolutions and every year I accomplish some and fail at others. This year I want to be more intentional about what is to come.

How am I going to do this? Good question...... One thing I that I sometimes have issues with is following through things that are hard for me. Easy things? I got this, but things that I struggle with, I say I am going to change, I start out great.....hit a road block and I am done. But I realize I need to make some major changes in my life. So each area listed above has to have a realistic plan.

Faith

This past year my faith has been on struggle. Why? I honestly don't know completely. Growing up in church faith was always apart of my life, but did I understand it? No.....I did what I was told, what was fun, and it became a habit for me. Through college I grew in my faith and began to understand things for me....not what my elders told me. Imagine being a college student almost failing out, losing scholarships and grants, parents divorce, mother gets breast cancer, sister dies (amongst 4 other close relatives), and father goes down a spiral of alcoholism that eventually lead to his death.....but I always had a mentality of but God!! My faith back then was the only stable thing in my life back then. So why is my faith shaky now? Still processing that. I question....a lot, it is my nature. I want to know why!!!!! Things have to make sense to me and right now.....there is a lot in my life that doesn't make sense.

So.....this year my goal is to study more of why do I believe what I believe. Read the Bible more and have more quiet time. If I only read a chapter in the Bible a day.....it's a start. Also read more books explaining Christianity and what it means to be a Christian. Books to help me walk in my faith, just not talk about it, be about it. I also want to study other religions, I believe in God, but I think you can learn a lot from understanding what other people believe in. 

Fitness

I am fat....yeah I said it. I am actually obese. It is what it is. My last doctor's appointment was not great at all. No health problems, but the weight is the worst it has ever been. I admit I can be an emotional eater and learning to stop doing this, but it takes time. I also realize I don't workout regularly. This must change. I have to lose weight.....lots of it over time (didn't gain it overnight, won't lose it overnight)

My plan......I have to be more intentional on eating and exercise. I think I am going back to cutting out meat.....think this is when the weight loss sky rocketed, when I fell back in love with bacon. I also have to cut out fast food, now that I am not working as much this will be easier to accomplish. Green smoothies are great and I like! Just need to continue to get creative with them so I don't get bored. Next the workouts....my church is having an event called ChurchFit and I am hoping it helps give me a kick start. I have targeted 3 workout classes that actually fit into my schedule and I am excited about them!! I also want to aim for the Women's half marathon in September. I love to walk and I just have to focus and dedicate to training.....this cold weather keeps getting in the way. I think when I do these things I will see progress. For 2014 my goal is to lose 75 pounds. One pound at a time.

Finances

Another struggle for me......Coupled with ridiculous student loans and having problems sticking to a budget I need to make changes. Last year I paid off a lot of stupid debt and I hope to get all stupid debt paid off by March. So this year is going to be a year of savings. I am learning to pay cash for everything and not charging anything. I am admitting to myself I don't NEED the latest gadget or item I see. I am determined to put away a certain percentage of my check each month in an account that is not easily accessible. That way I can't just electronically transfer money when I want to splurge. I am also going to try real hard not to eat out at all.....you know how much money I waste eating out? I want to be a better steward of my money one day at a time.

Future

What does the future hold for me? I honestly don't know. What do I see in my future.....a variety of things. I want career growth, but right now I don't know what that end goal or ultimate job will be, but I do have some things in the work that I hope I can report on soon. I love what I do, but I don't want to do it forever. I need a new challenge (and more money.....just being honest). I want a family? But what does that look like? Good question.....each year I set and hope that my relationship status will change (been the same for a long time.....my whole life) but each year it doesn't. How do I change that? If you can answer that......please let me know. But, I realize I want a family in my future. I want children and I want someone to share that with. So......first step is going out on a date (don't think this goal is ever going to change until it actually happens). So as I was creating my vision board I came across an article that had the phrase "dating outside the box" which is something I am going to try.....hopefully. What I do know about my future is that is bright and 2014 I think is the beginning of a brighter future for me.

The Journey

It is going to be long and hard, but I think it is worth it. I will blog about successes and failures here.....I hope I will be transparent and learn from this journey. In the end I just want to be a better me.

Waiting till marriage.....

Where do I begin........

This blog is coming out of recent feelings and ideas I have had in my head and initially was just a blurt in my random thoughts blog.  At first I was like could I actually do it? Could I be that open? Well we shall see, if you are reading this post the answer to the last question is yes.

Close friends and few others know that I am a virgin and honestly hope to stay that way until I married......yes you read correctly. I am a 33 year old virgin.....yes adult virgins do exist. Has it been easy? Nope, but it is the road I have decided to go down. Why did I decide to take this road?? Well mostly because of my faith, but also in part to me feelings, my life, and just what makes sense to me.  My thought process is often different than most people.....but it makes sense to me.

I will not tell you how long it took me to finish this post because I kept going back and forth in my mind if I should write it? If I should post it? If I write it should I share it? Should I share it with my friends? I honestly don't know if by the time I finish this what I will do......time well. Post my go into rambling, but they are all my thoughts on why I chose to wait.

Okay.......finally decided just do it as my random thought blog on it.

So..........

Here are my thoughts while waiting till marriage

My Thoughts

Enjoy!!!!

Faith and Science

Found this on a tumblr that I follow and had to repost!!!


An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the problem Science has with God. He asked one of his new Christian students to stand.


Professor: You are a Christian, aren’t you, son?

Student: Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in God?

Student: Absolutely, sir.

Professor: Is God good?

Student: Sure.

Professor: My brother died of cancer, even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is God good, then? Hmm?

(Student was silent)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?

Student: Yes.

Professor: Is Satan good?

Student: No.

Professor: Where does Satan come from?

Student: From.. God.

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student: Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes.

Professor: So who created evil?

(Student didn’t answer)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immortality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student: Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them?

(Student had no answer)

Professor: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son.. have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your God.

Student: No, sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God, for that matter?

Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student: Yes.

Professor: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, Science says your God doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student: Nothing. I only have my Faith.

Professor: Yes, Faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as Cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student: No, sir, there isn’t.

(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of Heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was a pon-drop silence in the Lecture Theatre)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student: You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light… But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and it’s called Darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, You would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is, your Philosophical Premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?

(The class was in uproar)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter)

Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? .. No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable and Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on Faith, son.

Student: That is it, sir.. exactly! The link between man and God is Faith. That is all that keeps things alive and moving!

The student's name was Albert Einstein. Brilliant. <----don't know if this is true, but I love what it is trying to get across

30 + 1

Friday is my 31st birthday....I am kind of excited. Last year around this time my grandmother had just passed and I was not in the best of moods. This year has been rough. Didn't accomplish all that I wanted to, but I did make some important changes in my life.  Life has been difficult, faced with some challenges I never thought I would, but guess what.....I am still alive.

My faith has been tested (still being tested) and I have questioned a lot of what I believe and what I have been taught. I do not know the answers to all the questions I have in my head, but I have more clarity. I still believe in God, just question a lot of what people do in the name of religion. Ritual without knowledge. I believe it is okay to question to gain understanding, an educated faith is a powerful thing, people act so much out of emotion, but when it comes to defend their faith....fall very short.

I am slowly finding my own path....

My thoughts on Good Friday

Today is Good Friday that is celebrated by Christians. Day use to remember the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.  This morning as I was starting my day I was checking emails and checking facebook and realized a lot of friends posted statuses about today. Statuses that inspired, made you think, and even made you laugh (appropriately). 

As I was going through the statuses I began to think about what this day means to me. I have said before my faith is a big part of my life. To be honest lately I have had major battles with my faith. Not that I didn't believe, but as I attempted to learn more and able to defend all areas of my faith I began to question so many things. Which I think people should do...another blog (read here). 

As I think about this day I begin to think of some of my struggles over the last few months.  I remember when I saw the Passion of the Christ in movie theaters when it first came out. You heard the story so many times, but to see the visualization without any censors...gets to you. Those images, that story sticks in my mind to this day. I think about the price that he paid on a consistent basis. I mean I ask myself  "you did this for jacked up me?" I am so thankful!!

I have said all this to say although today is a day set aside to remember the price that He paid, let us not forget this the rest of the year. 

Am I Insane???

This picture and quote recently came to my attention from a friend. By this definition aren't most people insane? I will admit that I am different and don't think like most people, but I sometimes wonder if being labeled insane is necessarily a bad thing?  How many great thinkers would fit this definition? How many people in the world kept doing the same thing and expected different results...but one day they got them???

I am currently by this definition practicing insanity... I question daily should I continue on this path?  In hopes of one day things will change. I don't know.  To me part of me realizes that maybe the situation will not change, but I continue to hold out faith.  Sometimes when we do the same thing over and over again we do get different results, but is this just because you are persistent?

A while ago I read a blog from a pastor that I follow that talked about his belief in the Bible and his insane faith...It was inspirational because it showed what he stood for and why he stood for it, rather it be insane or not.  I do think parts of faith are insane...which I think is good. You have to believe in the unbelievable and expect the impossible.

Will I continue to live up to this definition of insanity? I don't know. It could have good and bad consequences. I do know that in some areas I do have to change my insane behaviors. 

Defending what you believe in....

I was having a convo with one of my best friends when I left church yesterday and I recurring theme came up....People thinking and knowing for themselves what they believe in.  I will be the first to say that I am not where I think I should be in this, but it is a process and I am learning and reading daily to improve....which I think most people are not.

My friend and I use to go to the same church and did the majority of our college lives and I still go there as an adult. She is now married and lives in Atlanta so she goes to a new church.  One thing that irritates us both is sometimes people will be quick to quote the pastor....but can't quote the Bible.  They will say:

• My pastor says....
• Bishops says....
• Whoever says....

Shall I continue??? My point is people hear things and never question them.  I mean if your pastor told you that your hair was green would you take him at his word or think, hey my hair has always been black, let me go look for myself???  I value the roles of pastors and leaders, but I think people become people followers and they don't study the Bible for themselves.

Now...this being said I strongly believe in respecting other people's faith, religions, and beliefs.  I think more and more of society and the world need to learn to agree to disagree....peacefully.  Everyone has to come to their own understanding and I can't and I will not force my beliefs on someone else and I hope they will respect me the same way.  I do think a problem becomes when people cannot defend what they believe in. 

I can only speak from my perspective, but I think a lot of times Christians are not able to defend their faith...including me in the past (still a process).  If you believe in something you should be able to defend what you believe with a valid argument.  If I make the statement that private school kids are smarter than public school kids I need to be able to show documentation and test scores to prove it (I don't believe this...I am a public school kid!). But I should not just make a blanket statement or believe in something that I am not able to back up.

I think I am done...just wanted to pose the question are you able to defend what you believe in?

Decisions.....

This weekend was great, but had a lot of things to think about....I am about to make some tough decisions in my life and honestly I don't know which direction I will take.  I mean I had the next few years of my life all planned out.  I have debated back and forth for a while and finally made the decision to move on in my life....now another opportunity has presented itself...still moving on, but more options.

I am thankful for those options. I am thankful that I am moving forward in my career and that I am meeting challenges head on.  I am not dependent on parents and family as much which is a good thing.  They always have my back, but I don't want to take advantage of family and friends.  I am learning to stand up for what is best for me and not pleasing others.  Sometimes the decisions that I make that are best for me, might not be best for others and I have to realize that is not me being selfish.

Yesterday at church the message was about changing your crowd. It was a great word, and an awesome service.  It made me think about the people in my life that I need to let go of and the people that I should keep around. Not that the people to let go of are bad, but their season in my life has passed.  I have this issue on so many levels...I am loyal to friends to a fault at times and I try to see the good in everybody, and it is very hard for me to let go of people who really have no reason for being in my life right now. I want to surround myself by positive people and forward thinking people.  Friends should not be stagnant.  My circle of friends is small....and is about to get smaller and I am okay with that. 

I am about to make some hard decisions, but they will be decisions that will be better for my life and the direction I am going. God has a plan and I am trying to follow that plan. I have to to stop doubting self and step out on faith...

All I Can Do is...Pray

One of my recent posts talked about how my grandmother is getting sicker...Today my mother is putting her in a nursing home. I talked to mother this morning and she is okay, but...I don't know what to do in this situation. I want to go home to help my mother, but she says no. I want to call, but I don't want to disrupt the moving process. All I can do right now is pray.

I am a person of faith and believe in God. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I try to find the positive in everything. Every experience is a lesson. I know God knows what is best. It is hard for me to focus on work right now because all I can think of what is going on with my mother and my grandmother...and what is sad my mother has a sister who is not on board with moving my grandmother to a nursing home which brings in family drama...but that is not the point.

I am having this internal debate to call or not to call, go visit or stay in Nashville. I know if I were to go home my mother would be mad. I think I will wait until I get a call from her and then decide. All I can do at this point is pray. I think logically about so many things, but I do have a heart. I am hurting, but okay. I am at peace, but still have feelings.

Today is a rough day...but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Back to my regularly scheduled program...work!!!

Not What I Use to Be!!!!

Okay this might not be the best picture of me, but it is the most recent. Wanted to show where I am now. I was thinking of a topic to write about and could not decide because several were going through my head. The one that you are reading now won out.

As I was looking at my friends' posted links on facebook a childhood friend posted a video of her performing a song. It was very good. She is a recording artist with Jive records and I think she will blow up soon. The words of her song and things I have been dealing with lately. Sorry...digressed (I do that a lot)

I continually say that I am a work in progress, something I thing everyone should be. There use to be a gospel song that says (don't quote me) I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I use to be. I think life is a continuous process where we learn and grow daily.

With this being said I have a lot of faults that I am working on and trying to improve daily. I find myself a lot lately do things I know I should not be doing or saying things I should not be saying, and feeling bad after the fact...but I continue to do these things. I think Romans 7 says it best...I keep doing what I don't want to do. To stop....if it were only that simple. I think each day is a test, some days we pass....some days we fail, but I think the key is we keep trying. We are human, we are not perfect. We all have issues that we deal with daily.

I am very thankful that even though I fall I am not what I use to be. We all have a past and I pray that people don't judge me for mine, like I try not to judge people for theirs. We have to give people chances to have a restart in life. If we always bring up a person's past they will never get over their past.

This is the beginning of a new season in my life. I am excited and putting my faith to work. Life is too short to not enjoy it and make the best of it. I love me and God loves me and that matters most. I am thinking outside the box and making some drastic changes. I would love the support of those closest to me...but they are not ready. We willl see what happens...

I am a Woman....and I can't do it all!!!

Okay I finally decided to write this post. This might be a long post and you might not get the title to the end, but I have to get some things off my chest. Just my opinions and thoughts, you don't have to agree...just had to vent. I have more on my mind, but I will try to keep it condensed. I think I will do an outline as I write so that people can have an idea of my thought flow...If you make it through the whole blog...impressive!!!

1. Why I support Obama
2. Democrat vs. Republican
3. Christians vs. Evangelicals
4. DNC vs. RNC
5. John McCain
6. Sarah Palin
7. Finally Back to my title....I am Woman...and I can't do it all!!!

Why I support Obama

Yes, I am an Obama supporter, No I have not drank the kool-aid like so many people say. Obama's policies for improving America I love, the way he talks about personal responsibility is great, the fact that he inspires me and shows me that if I can work hard I can do whatever I want to is amazing, the fact that he is an example of black love and a great father to his wife and daughters is inspiring, and yes he speaks about hope and change and I believe it!!! I can go on and on about why I support him, but these are just a few reasons. No I don't think he is perfect, no human is, but he is doing this for his country...not for his own personal career (as some people like to say). He is willing to admit his mistakes and learn from them. He thinks about what he does before jumping the gun and I love his judgement. To me...he exemplifies what a leader should be.

Democrat vs. Republican

I can honestly admit that until this recent election I have not been a big follower of politics. I do vote and value my right to vote and I think everyone should understand the process. I have had conversations with a few people on why they are democrat and why they are a republican and they have been interesting...not hateful, not name calling, but a difference of opinion. I can be thankful to Aaron for explaining to me the differences and why he changed from being a democrat to a republican. The main difference in my eyes is big government versus little government...I can feel it theory, but not in practice. I do think the government should help the people and the country and sometimes that does call for big government. I love to help the people and yes I love the social programs that the government funds. I do think they should be productive and if the programs are not working they need to be revamped, but I don't think we should just get rid of them. Do I want to pay more taxes...no, but if it is to help my country, if it is to ensure good education for our youth, if the money is used wisely...I understand. I work...I work hard, but I know a lot of the programs and a lot of the reasons with this country has so many of the things that it has is because of my taxes...I am thankful. Yes I am a democrat, and yes I have voted for a republican before, but these are just a few of my views.

Christians vs. Evangelicals

This is a topic that irritates me a lot. Since it has come up a lot in politics a had to express my opinion. I am a Christian...follower of Christ. I am not ashamed and I am not perfect. We all fall short. This has been a walk for me and I have had good and bad times, but I know what I have been through has all been for my good. Some of the major things that I have gotten from my faith are love, forgiveness, and being nonjudgmental (still working on this one...as the song says I am not where I aught to be, but thank God I am not what I use to be). Me and my white grandmother, Miss Ju Ju, were having this convo the other day. She calls herself an evangelical, but she understands and walks in faith and love...and she is a supporter of Obama...even when she usually votes republican. To me she shows the love of Christ to everyone she meets...and ask anyone they see it in her and love her. Yes...I do have extreme views on several issues, but I am learning not to press my views on other people, like I said it was a walk...some people are not on the same walk that I am, some people are walking the same walk, but they have not got as far as I have, and some people have gotten further than I have...part of life. I believe we should respect each other's faith... Yes we are supposed to go out and teach the nations, but I do not feel that we have to cram it down people's throats. Would I have an abortion...no, but I am pro-choice...the government should not tell me what to do with my body. My goal is to not have sex until I am married....but do believe in Sex education for our kids in which all forms of protection need to be taught..abstinence, birth control, and condoms (might be more, but those are main). How can a person be pro-life, but for the death penalty...just my opinion. I have said these few things to say my opinions, not to force you, but just to say some of my views as a Christian not an Evangelical.

DNC vs. RNC

I watched both...it was hard, but I did. When I watched the DNC...I saw America, I saw love, I saw what I wanted this great country to be. You saw diversity and people who were happy to be an American, a part of the political process, a part of history. The speakers talked about change. They showed the difference it what each political party was campaigning on. Did they bash Bush, yes, but on what he has done, not his character. Barack's speech was historical, inspiring, and policy. He explained what he wants to see for this country...Loved it!! Michelle...cried, she is so what I want to be when I grow up. Now on to the RNC...so not feeling it and fell asleep most nights. A looked at the audience and all I saw....white men. I think one night CNN made it a point to put the camera on all the black people in the audience, but that still was only a few. All the speeches I heard were not policy driven, did not say what they wanted to do for the country and did not inspire me at all. Sarah Palin's speech...pure scripted hate...not cool. McCain's speech was boring and he tried, but no success. He really did not tell me anything but his biography. He tried to be bipartisan, but after all the partisanship before...even he is fighting for it I really don't trust the rest of them. Just my thoughts....

John McCain

The Maverick...as I read about his policies, as I watch the news, as I hear his life's story I have mixed opinions. I think he is a hero and a survivor. I think he means well...but not enough to be the leader of my country. Yes he was POW...wow...I couldn't do it, but that does not make you qualified to be president. He loves his country(only after being a POW...this was not put on media like Michelle's comment that was miss quoted) which is a testimony in itself, but that does not make you qualified to be president. He graduated at the bottom of his class (I am one to talk, my GPA was not great either, but I am trying to run the country). In his CNN Revealed special it is constantly shown how he lived a wild life and did not care, yes he was young, but not feeling it. He cheated on his wife even after she waited on him while he was a POW and he admits it was because of her changing physically after her accident amongst other things. He does not inspire me and honestly I do not trust his judgement. He says he is not like Bush...but I don't see how. Look at how he is voted, look at his academic record, look at his political party...just some things i have noticed. McCain might love his country...but I don't think I want him as our president.

Sarah Palin

Or should I say a pit bull with lipstick. She scares me...A LOT!!!! When she got up to speak I was like, Are you serious??? She talked about nothing, she read her given speech (most of which was written even before she was picked), she gave women a bad name. She is calling sexism...no, she is a VP candidate is getting talked about like everyone else has been in this political process. People...I am sorry, republicans are energized by her...energized by hate? She said nothing but cliches and one liners. To me all I have seen is a puppet...She was picked because she was a woman...end of story. What can she bring to the White House...the next generation of the Jerry Springer Show. The more that the media finds out about her the more she makes me scared...and remember she already scares me...A LOT!!!! 5 colleges in 6 years(one website says 6)....I can see 2...maybe even 3...but 5(or 6) and she only has a B.S. in Journalism(oh...and a minor in political science). I am not against the working woman, but you have a 4 month old down syndrome baby and a 17 year old pregnant teenager...to me home and family comes first and I would be saying this if she was a man or a woman. I saw her speaking somewhere on Friday....scripted once again and nothing but cliches and hate, unless she was talking about John McCain and then he was a god. She gives women a bad name...and women are voting for her because she is a woman...hot mess!!!

I am a Woman....and I can't do it all!!!

Finally back to my title. As I look at the Palin family I am trying not to judge(said I was working on it), but I am trying to understand. I was talking to my mother and she brought up the question how does this woman do it??? My answer she does not. My mom and dad were married, both worked and had 2 children. Those of you who know my sister had cerebral palsy and was confined to a wheel chair. My mom was a teacher/guidance counselor and my dad was a computer programmer of the Post Office. They worked and spent time with us and loved us, but they both had help. My Aunt Mary walked me to school, helped get my sister on the bus, had dinner ready for us when we got home, and helped clean. My grandmothers helped too. There is no way my parents could have done all they did without their help. My mom was there for me she picked me up from school, went to school events, she was there when I needed her, but she admits it was hard. Sarah Palin has 5 kids and one with special needs...how is she doing it...she is not. There is no way you can tell me these kids are getting the love and attention they need from their mother...this is important especially in their formative years(or months...for some of her kids). I am single have 2 jobs, volunteer, and I try to have fun...it is hard. I can't even imagine doing that with a husband and kids to take care of(one day Lord, one day). I am not saying a woman has to stay at home, but I do think when mothers (and fathers) put their career ambitions before their kids lives that causes a problem. Children need to be nurtured and loved, they need attention. If Sarah Palin becomes the VP of the United States (please don't let this happen...register people to vote and make sure they go out and vote) what is going to happen to her family. If she has to be in Iraq and her children have a doctor's appointment what will she do? If the president has a press conference and her teenagers need help applying to college who will help them? When she has to pick between her family and a press conference...what will she do? Yes, Barack has small kids and he has showed how he has balanced everything. He has Michelle his wife who was leery of leaving her kids to campaign...thank God for Michelle's mother. Barack talks about how he spends time with his wife and his kids and how he makes sure they have the attention they need. Sarah Palin...talks about events for her kids. I do believe our powerful and strong and can do whatever they point their minds too, but we can not do it all (not to say men can, they have help to).

Okay...I am through venting... if you made it through my whole blog, bless ya and thank ya! I just had to get some things out. I have so much more on my mind...but I think this will do for now. Some thoughts may be random...but that is me...got to love it!!!Feel free to comment :)

Can you Force Morality???

This is a topic that I have been thinking about a lot. Can one force a person to have moral values?? Can we legalize a person's morals? I looked up the definition of morals and the dictionary stated that morals as relating to the principles of right and wrong behavior. Can what a person think is right and wrong be relative. I actually heard the statement of a porn star on television and she stated "that she has very high morals and there are certain things she would not do...." I think this prompted me to think about this topic even more. I am a believer in not forcing my faith and my beliefs on anyone and my faith and beliefs are what I consider my way of determining what is right and wrong. So in a sense if I don't force my faith on anyone I should not force my view of morals on someone? But I am not saying that we should just allow people to run around and do whatever. I am just posing some questions that I have in my head, not to say that I have formulated a complete answer. When I write I just attempt to get some things off my chest that I have been thinking about lately.

Being a social worker working with people from all backgrounds and causes me to look at situations differently by attempting to be nonjudgmental with people and meeting them where their need us. In saying this in our society who defines morality and why has it in my opinion become so "out there?" Has the fact the people have skewed morals so much caused society to take a turn for the worse? If we force morality by law is that going to help or make things worse? These are just some of the the questions and things I have been thinking about lately and just wanted to get other people's opinions.