Why?????

Why do I continue to do this to myself??? I worry and fret over the things that I have no control over.  I need to just relax and let things happen.  Two things in my life right now are up in the air....but honestly what can I do? I can get an answer sooner, I can't worry about the outcome, I just have to continue to live life and if it happens....it happens.

I always do this to myself and I hate when I do it.  I had to stop in blog about it to process it out because I am really stressing myself out.  I mean it is becoming hard for me to focus at work, I am contemplating some things that I never thought I would contemplate, and I am crying when there is no need to. 

I have these emotions and feelings that I can't express and it is killin me!!!! I mean I keep asking myself why do this to myself? I am learning to be patient and learning to wait....it is hard.  What is sad is I know the outcome....the question is when will it happen, and I think to me that is worse.  It is like knowing you are about to give birth.  You know the baby will be born and closer to the date you are like is today the day?  How much longer do I have to wait?

I think I have written enough to calm me down and hopefully I can focus for the last hour of my main job.  I have to remain focused and get myself together!!!! Hopefully I will have answers soon.

Totally random free flowing thoughts right now....

Don't know if anything I write makes sense...but just typing whatever comes to mind...might not go together at all...OH WELL!!!!


Okay...I am having a very bad case of the Mondays!!!! This morning I woke up at the butt crack of dawn like I usually do, but today I felt like doing nothing...I mean I got up and cooked, but go to work...really did not want to at all. Then everything at work is irritating the crap out of me. That is not good.

I get in moods where I get tired of a job and I hope I am not getting in that mood. I love what I do and love how I help people....but today for some reason I am very frustrated. I am not looking for a new job nor do I want a new job, but I just sometimes feel that there is more that I can do. I have so many things that I want to accomplish and sometimes I question if what I am doing is what I want to do for the rest of my life? I love my coworkers and boss (most of the time) but for some reason today I will do not want to be bothered with them.

I had a great relaxing weekend and wish it could have been longer...Oh well. What did I do this weekend???? NOTHING!!!! I don't get to do that that often which was great. Did things not get done, of course...I will do them later maybe throughout the week.

I tried these new products on my hair this weekend, Mixed Chicks. I think I really like them, although I am not mixed, my hair is naturally curly and it worked wonders!!!! The shop was out of it so they gave me samples...I am on call list when the new shipment comes in. Only one store in Nashville sales it, but fortunately it is around the corner from my place!!!





I vented about my job which I try not to do, never know who is reading, but oh well. Now I will vent about people that I mentor with. Some people just frustrate me so much...I can't and will not be over every project that is set forth...do I want it to be a mess, not but it is not my responsibility to oversee everything. I use to be like let me step in, but I will not. I do not think tonight will be a mess....but if it is I won't be surprised. Order??? Is that too much to ask.

I know I should not let people get to me that don't know any better, but is it my fault that you are slow functioning. Now I always check myself because my mom says I can be stuck up and look down on people....which is not true. I can be bougie (never thought the word was spelled right) but I think all people deserve respect, but stupidness should not be tolerated. Laziness is not acceptable??? I hate to see things that I am in charge of a mess and feel that everyone should feel the same way!!! Might be wrong about my feelings....working on it, but no one else has convinced me that I am wrong.

This Sunday at church the guy the plays the piano sounded so beautiful... He is on facebook and I so want to add him, but I do not know him like that. Some of my other friends have added him, but until we are introduced formally....I will not.

Okay....I think I am done typing my random thoughts....if the layout is jacked up I will try to correct it, not very good at this. This is me procrastinating at work...Luckily a friend and I are going out to lunch!!!!