Black Marriage Negotiations

This video was posted by a friend yesterday on facebook. I did not comment, because I had no words. Then several of my male friends reposted (surprisingly it was posted by unrelated friends). I sometimes feel that I am naive in the world, because I can't believe that a lot of women think like this. I get frustrated because most of the qualities this woman says she wants in a man or not want, most women I know don't think like that.

I am pretty sure this video was made by a guy, because it puts the black woman in a bad light, I wonder if a woman will make a counter video....that would be interesting. One of my friends said it best.....if you want to marry Beyonce, then you need to become Jay-Z.

But based on this video I decided to list some of the things that I want in a mate. Also made a list of things that are not important that some men feel woman want. List is not all inclusive, but some things that I desire. A while ago I wrote a list of about 30 specific things that I want in a mate, and the few friends that I told about the list asked were the things superficial....and my answer was no. (although there are some things that I want that are superficial, but they are not deal breakers, just playful wishes...like someone who can sing).

Ask if you want more detail, tried to keep characteristics short

Wants:

1. Intelligent (does not necessarily mean college educated)
2. Wise
3. Caring
4. God fearing
5. Be willing to wait for marriage to have sex
6. Knows purpose and working in it
7. Fun
8. Good money manager
9. Giving
10. Able to Communicate
11. Able to take the lead
12. Compatible with each other
13. Healthy
14. Supportive, as I am supportive to you (I got your back, you got mine!)

Not Important:

1. I don't care how much money you make
2. Looks are not important (although I have to be able to look at you)
3. What you do for a living (as long as it is legal and ethical and does not compromise what I stand for)
4. I don't have to take charge, I am so down for you being the lead
5. Your past, as long as you have changed (if it was bad)
6. What kind of car you drive
7. Rather you are college educated or not

These are just a few things that came in my mind after watching this video and past experiences.

What are some of the qualities you possess in a mate?

What makes a good wife???

This past Sunday at church a couple of us were having a conversation in between services and a college friend of mine made a statement that me think back to a blog post I read several months ago. Check it out here.

In the conversation a couple of females were talking and one male.  The statement was made out of frustration of being single.  She made the statement sarcastically that men don't want a woman who has her stuff together...own house, own car, educated, and so on....This got me to thinking.

What do men want in a mate or wife? Just because a woman has a house, a car, and is educated, does that make a woman a good wife? A mate needs to be stable and have certain qualities, but I do think more people look at relationships more like business mergers, and less like love.  People want to be the "power couple," but is love in the equation???

If you think about the qualities that make a good mother and a good wife having a Ph.D., JD, Masters, even just having a Bachelor's degree does not mean you can be a good wife or mother?  I think back to hearing and seeing stories of couples that have been married for 50 years or more...and most of them barely had a high school education.  Yes the grew up in different times, but they had successful marriages and loved each other.

So my question is what makes a good wife, husband, or mate?

Do you expect too much out of a mate????

Last night at church we had "Women's Night Out #2" which was a discussion on relationships, men, and women.  It was interesting...I mean I have a unique perspective on relationships (really want to blog about it...not ready yet) and I guess I listened to the advice given, but I always have a different view than most people.

One thing that is a topic that always comes up is expectations of the person you want to be with. People have this image, or vision for the "perfect" person for them...but does that person exist?  I am not saying have expectations or lower your expectations, but do people have realistic expectations for a mate?  Does one flaw discount a person from being "the one?"  Not everybody will look like Halle Berry and have a perfect compatible personality.  Are looks that important?  If you are married is the person you are with the person you always envisioned for yourself? Are people's expectations actually delusions???

I mean what do you expect in a mate?  What is important to you? Are your expectations realistic???

These are just some questions I ask myself and that I think about....