Tuesday, December 29, 2009

42% of Black Women Single...So What???

Yesterday I found it interesting that several of my friends on facebook and a few of my twitter friends commented and/or posted on the dateline piece that you can watch below. 

I became very irritated by it and actually refused to watch it, but then I remembered something an older cousin of mine told can't really comment or defend your argument against something unless you know exactly what it is about. Funny...while I was typing this blog, another blog post I read posted something similar.  So I finally decided to watch it, and no surprise to me I was still irritated by the story...and this is why.

A few post ago I was talking about how I was feeling and the pain I was happening in my life.  Did not go into all the details, but will reveal some of it now.  I once did a post about random things about me and did not reveal the one thing that I don't tell most people about me....I have never been in a relationship or dated.  Usually when I tell people they are shocked and in disbelief so I try not to put it out there unless it is blatantly asked in a question that I can't get a round, because I try not to lie. This causes mixed emotions for me, but I have learned to deal with them, the good and the bad.  Have I ever been approached...yes, and honestly by men and women. Have I ever been attracted to someone...yes, but they have not felt the same way, and these people have been few (can count on one hand).  Am I happy being single, at this point in my life yes, do I want to be in a relationship, yes, when the right person comes along....which leads me to why I am irritated with the post.

The clip and the women had one major flaw that I saw....Just because you are successful and are an "independent woman" does not make you a woman that a man wants to be with.  Just because a man is "successful" does not make him the man that is for you.  The clip also brought about statistics about black men in America...which might be true, but why do you have to limit yourself to black men? Yes that is what I have thoughts of the majority of my life, but why should I limit myself because of other's preconceived notions of who the perfect person for me would be???  I am of the mindset when it is time for me to be in a relationship, when it is time for me to get will happen. I think too many people approach relationships as a business merger, which is not always good. What I want in a mate is not always demonstrated from a person's degree. Also in the clip...just because you don't fit what society says is beautiful and successful does that not mean you can't have love??? Every woman on there was described as beautiful, had great careers, and had all these "things," but once again, there are people in the world who don't have any of those and have love and marriages that have stood the test of time!!

I know what I have to offer in a relationship and the right person will value that and appreciate that. I recently realized I loved someone and could not decide if that love was more than a friend, because I know what I offer and that person could not see it so I can't continue to feed into someone who does not see that.  It hurts, but I am getting better. I have said this time and time again...saying you love me needs to be followed up with actions, words are just words.  I am single and good, which does not mean that I don't desire a relationship, but does not mean that I am walking around pitiful thinking about when will I get married and that might my life is incomplete without not true.  I have not always felt this way and sometimes I wonder when it will happen, but I can't lose faith that it can and will happen.

Just because I am apart of the 42% does not mean that I will always be. Why do people have such a negative stigma on being single?  Hate to say it the church even contributes to it...amongst other things, but that is another post in itself. 

I know my thoughts were all over the place in this post, but just needed to get it out.


LC said...

Thank You for this post!! Like you I have seen this video posted everywhere I turn and like you I was becoming annoyed and angered by it. I’m so sick of these articles about the single black women. We know that we are single, we know the statistics. How many more of these articles/news stories do we need? At this point it is becoming redundant and unnecessary to report. Can we please move on!

Anonymous said...

It is upsetting to see that it is looked down upon to be single sometimes. I wonder what the statistic is of how many non black relationships are happy, successful, committed ones either. That song "My mama told me, you better shop around" is right. If you look in the right places for good men, you will find them. If you want an apple, you don't go to a bar right? You go to an apple orchard. What you want is where you should be. Spiritual men are at houses of worship. Thoughtful men are at the library. Fit men are at the gym. Women need to not settle, but also be realistic about imperfect men. Cause that's who we all will end up with for now. okay. i'm done. :o)

My best, Lynn
*swing on by my spot, I'm hosting a mega giveaway of sorts all week.