Saturday, December 5, 2009

Joy and Pain

This morning I woke up mad early and finally decided to write.  A lot has been going on....good and bad.  Sometimes I wonder do I over react or take things to seriously....I think not.

I started my new job and I love it. Yes I am going through the tedious training of all new jobs, but I love the reading (although it makes me sleepy sometimes) and the freedom I have.  One thing I don't like is clocking in and out. First full time job I have EVER had to do this. I guess it has is pluses because I can get overtime, but making sure you get your exact 40 hours, not being able to rand off your time, remembering to clock in and out for lunch can be a hassle.  The research that I have started working on is a new subject for me which is fascinating.  I have always worked with breast cancer research studies and this one is more general. I am looking forward to the new skills I am learning and will learn. 

Now on to the pain.  Has anyone ever said one statement that makes you question everything??? Or realize what you thought was reality is not??? This happened to me over the Thanksgiving holidays and I am still dealing with the after effects.  How can a person say they love you, but treat you like the step child that no one wants? How can a person say they care and understand and after you explain how you feel they don't acknowledge how they are wrong and do nothing to change?  If I tell you I hate when people do "A" why do you continue to do "A." If I tell you I am not doing well, yet you do nothing to help me is that love?  I am tired of attempting to explain, I am tired of playing games. You love me show it!!! 

I am doing better. The crying has slowed down, but the person still does not understand. I guess I expect them to do what I would do.  It will continue to get better. I will see the person to tomorrow, that will be the test. We will see what happens, but anyway it goes...I have to get better. I will be okay!!!


Unknown said...

Sad to say, but most don't know what love is all about...

achoiceofweapons said...

Just stopping by but one thing I've learned from my Buddhist friends is that we can not make someone do what we want them to do. Even love or respect us! We have to allow them to be whatever they gon be or do.

We however have a choice over what WE will do and how we will act and what we will accept!

So, with that I am sure that you have people who do treat you the way you want to be treated and LOVE You! Live in the Light with them.

God Bless! Stop by Follow and Comment! Comment alot!

Humbly Beautiful said...

Thanks!! I am learning to deal with it. It hurts that the person you love like family has no clue of how much I love them and truly does not care, which to me hurts worse. I have gotten some closure about the situation. Learning to let go and realize I can't change people.

godamongus said...

God bless you and your quest to understand human nature. I cordially invite you to read Godamongus, which addresses similar issues. Your comments are welcomed.