Needed to vent

I was really about to have a venting session on twitter today.....then I realized I have added a few people that don't want to share my vents with.

I am working on positive thinking, making the best out of every situation, and blah blah blah.....but right now I am truly having a moment.

Why? A question I ask to often and still don't know the answer. Life is interesting and full of surprises and some of my recent ones......not sure how to take them.

I still blog, more on my random thoughts blog, but hoping to get back into this one soon. We shall see......

Hope everyone is doing well and hope 2014 is a good one

Alone????

This post will be very random and might not make sense, but I am just letting out some frustrations and thoughts that I have been having over the past couple of weeks.  I have been going through a lot, more than I wish to share with most people...which causes a lot of my frustrations. Why are people so selfish and settle for mediocrity???

Has a convo with a friend last week and I became so irritated because he could not see my point of view.  I have issues with people...which might seem crazy, but let me explain.  I love people and I want to see the good in people, but guess what people continue to let me down. I do not expect people to be perfect, but some things to me are common sense (I know the saying if sense was so common everyone would have it...which they don't).  I am not perfect and I have my issues too, and I continue to work on them and I try not to justify them. If I am wrong....I am wrong.  Just like when a parent goes to a child after they have done something they were not supposed to do....9 times out of 10 that child knew what they were doing was wrong and they chose to do it anyway. I got off in a tangent...but like I said I really have no theme to what I am venting about right now.

What bothers me the most right now is I really want to cut myself off from people....because every time I interact on a personal level with people I get hurt. What is weird I love working with people.  I love to mentor, I love to interact with people and I love to help people.  What is crazy I am in the zone when I volunteer or mentor, but as soon as I have personal (or deep...not to say I don't get deep with mentoring, but they don't get to know me on that level) interactions with people I am always the giver and never the recipient, if that makes sense.  I am tired of trying, I am tired of giving people the benefit doubt and attempting to be understanding. It is sad when the people who hurt you the most or the people who claim to love you the most....the word love should be backed up with actions. 

Do I really think I can do this...no, but the thought has crossed my mind on several occasions.  One friend once made the statement that people make time for what they want to do...I am tired of people's excuses, I am tired of being run over and taken for granted.

People always come up with New Year's resolutions and like to start or stop things when the new year roles around. Don't know if this is a good or bad thing.  Most people do not continue the things for the long run...

I think I am done venting.  Back to work.  ARGHHHH!!!!

How I Feel

Okay....I have been going through a lot lately and honestly I don't know how to express it. I have long phone conversations with a friend, with the majority of the time I am crying. I have 1-2 hour text messaging conversations getting things out. I have long facebook chats with a friend. What is sad I still feel the same way and honestly I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing.

This morning I responded to a text with a series of 4 texts (150 character limit gets me) and person responded with a phone call. I was not expecting phone call cause it was 6:30 in the morning. I am an early morning person, but most of my friends are not. I just thought the person would read the texts when they woke up and then respond....I guess the texts woke them up (my alerts are never that loud). Well anyway. We had a convo and got some more things out, but guess what...still feel the same way. I explained to the person that I know how I should feel and what I should do...but that I can't feel or do that right now.

I always try to have a positive outlook and try to see the best in every situation, but right now I don't feel like it. What was so interesting my pastor on Sunday preached from Galatians 6:9...Really got to me. Because that is exactly how I was feeling. What is sad is, and I guess where I am right now is I am frustrated. Like I told my friend I can give you the answer of what you want to hear, or what I should do, but I would just be lying to you and just saying what you want to hear.

My feelings right now are all over the place and most people can not understand what I am going through. Have you ever been in a point in your life where you are happy and things are going well, but there is one area of your life that frustrates you beyond belief??? I think that is where I am at now. When I discuss the topic you would think that life sucks, but it doesn't. I am honestly at a great point in my life....except that one thing. ARGHHH!!!!

Okay...I am done. Need to get back to work, several things I need to finish before I leave today. I think I am going to open up tomorrow, more than I have done with alot of people that know me personally. I can always talk around the subject, but I think it will help me if I truly talk about the subject, oh well.

We will see....Hope everyone has a had a great day. I honestly did, should have got more work done, but will start that now.