Saturday Morning Muses: The Start

This morning as I sit in bed I think about writing, what do I want to say?  In attempts to do better about blogging I have decided that Saturday Morning Muses will be my regular posts...a way to start my weekend and get thoughts off chest of how the week went. It won't be my only blog posts, but will me way of at least blogging once a week.

Often times Saturday morning I wake up and I am in my bed just thinking wondering why my bed is holding me hostage, what am I going to do for the day, what is going on wrong (or good) with my life. I know I have to get up and be an "adult" but so often (as I am doing now) I just stay in bed thinking "I don't wanna!!!!!"  So now I will write....

I will keep this going, I will get thoughts and feelings out that I have been keeping inside. I am going back through old posts and seeing how much I have changed and grown that I realize more and more why continuing to blog or write my thoughts is important. Rather people read them or not, my way of letting things out.

Enjoy the ride :-)

I wanna love you

This title came to me while I was working on my Random Thoughts blog and figured since I had a block just go with it.

I do wanna love you, but it is not that simple. Last night I had convo with a cousin on why we won't work.....it hurts, but it is life. When two people have an attraction to each other but life just doesn't have it in the cards. I want love to be simple, I want love to be with you, but don't think it can happen.

Are you worth the risk? I really want to love you, all of you, but I can't.....

Unlovable?

Having a rough week and the thought "am I lovable?" has crossed my mind several times and it is scary. I often wonder if someone will ever love me? Take me for me?

Don't know if this feeling will go away, but right now it is constant. Wish I could write more, wish I could verbalized more how this post came to be, but right now......I can't 

Life

So much on my mind......Next month I will be 35 and honestly not looking forward to it. The one thing I want I am tired of wanting and it is becoming frustrating. Something I cannot control, something I cannot make happen. Hurts......can't lie and say it doesn't trying to finish up my 35 while 35 list but I have come to a block and don't know if I can move past it. 

As I write this post I think on the fact that I am blessed and question why I let the little things get to me and how I am focusing on one thing I don't have, but attempting to remind myself of all the things I do have and it is hard to do. It is easy to say just deal.....well tired of dealing and settling or just being complacent. 

Don't know if things will change, but just needed to let this out.

 New hair color.......and actually smiling. All I got for now.

Words and actions

I don't even know where to start. Couldn't sleep and a lot on my mind and all I could do was blog. So honestly don't know where this post will go.

I never thought words could hurt so much.....for a person that always wants to know they why, I really want to know why you made the statement and the fact that you said it was not important hurts even more. You said it so to me it is important. Words mean things! Not only so words mean things, but the actions that go along with those words mean things and your lack of action hurts even more.

I don't ask for much and couple with the one thing I have asked of you and your recent words......I just don't know. My past and my present I am learning so much and right now coming to terms with the lessons I am learning are hard. It should not be this difficult!!!!!

One thing I have believed my whole life what is important to you make time for me, period! So when your words and your time don't add up it confuses me and I hate confusion.

So what will happen? I don't know, but just needed to let that out. Hopefully I can get some sleep before work in the morning, but doesn't look promising :-(

More blogging in 2015 is a must........

Emotions

Emotions are not always easy to control. I sit at home thinking about the events over the past few weeks and I am really asking myself how could I have handled it better? One thing about me is that when I want something I want it. Not spoiled, but when I REALLY want something if I don't get it......not good.

This past few weeks a friendship has been forever changed, a person that I truly had feelings for just dismissed what we had at one time had, and now a part of my life is in limbo (will write more once the limbo is over), but with all of this I have finally looked at how I have or how I am dealing with all of this. I often wear my emotions on my sleeve which is weird for person who can't cry in front of other people. Looking over my actions these past couple of weeks.......I have been a bitch, I can admit.

Now as I deal with all of this going foward, how will I choose to act? I honestly don't know.  I do know whatever the outcome is I do know that I will be alright, life goes on, I a still have worth, and I am still amazing!!! I am going to try hard not to take the emotions I have going on inside out on other people and I will continue to try to be the best person I can.

Recently I cam across a quote that exemplifies exactly how I feel most days......

"I am a master of my spoken words and slave to those which remain unspoken"

My thoughts right now....

“Sometimes you can’t explain what you see in a person. It’s just the way they take you to a place where no one else can.”

Each day on facebook I try to post a quote that means something to me or to inspire and/or just make people think. This was today's quote.  Why did I pick this one? I have been asking myself what did or what do I see in a certain person? Why no matter what they do I can't let them go?

Who you are attracted to or what you see in a person can be such a mystery to the outside person, but to you it makes PERFECT sense. It could be the way they talk, the way they make you feel, the memories you share together, or how they treat you.  Question or issue for me is how do you let that person go when in the big scheme of things they cause you more harm than good :-(

Don't know how this is going end up, but we shall see....

Sidenote.....

Trying to blog more, too much going on in my head right now. Maybe soon I won't be afraid to post, but until then, they sit in my drafts. 

Current pic, I always need to remember to smile :-)

Insight into my random thoughts

Well....trying real hard to get back to blogging here and it looks like I am succeeding. For those who have not been following me or who have just stumbled across this blog, for the past almost a year I have been doing a Random Thoughts blog.  Check it out if you like.  Each day I write random thoughts for the day. For example, since today is the 22nd I wrote 22 random thoughts? This can be easy and hard some days. It gets harder when I get to the end of the month, imagine putting down 31 random thoughts??? Now all of the thoughts are not completely random, but they are my thoughts. Some are funny, some are cryptic, some are just blurts that come in my mind.

Here are a link to some of my favorites or most viewed thoughts.

Post Scandal Edition
Chest Pains are Never Good 
Thoughts While Waiting till Marriage
Things I have learned from 2 Chainz
The Yonce Did That!!!!!

Also, here is an example of the thoughts from today.....in case you don't go over to the original blog

1. Becoming more open

2. My love for you will it ever end?

3. Do you know that you are racist?

4. Pizza for breakfast is always good

5. I get that you want to change me but you can't

6. Should have sent to Starbucks

7. No good music has come out in a while

8. How well do you trust me?

9. I can make you smile

10. Looking forward to a day off

11. What did we so before smart phones?

12. Can I give up meat again

13. Facebook/twitter break is much needed

14. Going to make this a great day

15. Only you can prevent forest fires

16. Look for someone who challenges you intellectually

17. We will just agree to disagree

18. Liking that I am slowly getting back to my original blog

19. Jake from State Farm.....he sounds hideous

20. I will not get sick!!! 
21. Yes, I originally forgot #21

22. Big girls need love too

As you can say I am very random.....but they are my thoughts. They have been therapeutic, entertaining, and fun to do. Still deciding if I will continue to do them past a year....I committed to a year which is almost here.
So hope you enjoy and read!!!!
Back to our regularly scheduled program

Attraction

What makes you attracted to someone? Is it their looks? Their personality? How they treat you? I think there is a lot that goes into attraction.

Recently a friend questioned me and who I was attracted to which I find odd because she is always talking about her struggle with people not accepting who she is attracted to or judging her for it. But when she questioned my thoughts I really began to think about what attracts me to a person......

What do I find attractive? I love a smile, great convo, the ability to listen and understand. A person who can get past the introvert I sometimes can become and get me to be completely honest and free. I think it as hella attractive for someone to be silly yet serious, fun, but knows how to get down to business. 

When I truly think about what attracts me to a person....it is honestly not about looks. I have to be able to look at you, but when I think back to the people I have been most attracted to in my life.....looks played a very small role.

Grant it I can say I love a person's eyes, their lips, their hair or lack there of (I do love a bald head), a person's hands, I could keep going, but to me.....that does not make the person. Like I said I have to be able to look at you, but rather you are big or small, tall, or short, missing a tooth or even an eye? To me those are superficial.

I look back to the people I have been most attracted to (some are present attractions) it is their ability to listen, to make me laugh, get me when no one else does, a person who has intelligence and wisdom, the ability to just be unapologetically themselves. To me......that is a big turn on. 

One thing that people laugh at when I say this is.....I can be attracted to you and find you attractive......but I don't want to be with you. Why is that? This especially goes for people that I physically find attractive. I realize attraction is not the key to a successful relationship or companionship because when they attraction becomes cold what do you do? How do you get through those times? 

Below is a pic of some people that I am attracted to, some are pure physical some are more than physical. Now all are famous, but each possesses qualities that I find very attractive.....

Why? Why? Why?

After my last blog post there have been a lot of things going on in my head and my heart....One big question is why?

1. Why do I feel this way?

2. Why is it hard for me to be completely open and honest?

3. Why don't people understand?

4. Why do I let YOU get to me like this?

5. Why am I so different?

6. Why? Why? Why?

One thing I realize when I blog I get things out, but when I get things out I have to deal with them. I have to deal with why I am still attracted to you. I have to deal with what I have to work on internally. I have to deal with what are you to me, I mean are we just friends? I don't just a lot of things I am not necessarily ready to deal with.

This evening was a rare evening when I had nothing to do, no work, no meetings, no activities, no errands to run. So what did I do? I came home and read and watched tv. I came home to "me time" and that left me to my thoughts and my feelings....not always good. My mind begins to drift off to the what ifs and the past and what will be the outcome in the future....seems harmless, but not really.

How do I process these things without becoming self destructive. One of my coping mechanisms is food which has led to me being way to big so I must stop. So I think now....When I have the desire to eat when I know I shouldn't be eating I will write a blog no matter how long or small, no matter how random or nonsensical it is, just write to get things out. What else can I do? I am going to have to continue to think on this.

Think this is it for now....random I know :-)

Forever Single?

Well.....writing here more this year is the goal. My random thoughts blog should be coming to an end this year and really want to focus on writing a lot of my thoughts out here now again.  This is my first attempt......When I started this blog I always maintained that I was not a writer, but this was just a space that I can get out some of the things that I just can't express to people.....so here we go :-)

Recent text convos with a friend really helped me process some thoughts and feelings on relationships, sexuality, and life. It made me take a real hard look on my life and how I interact with people and the crux of this blog post.....why I have been forever single and what it will take for that to change. (really can't believe I am writing this, and if someone reads this besides me really surprised that I am actually sharing this) My life is not an open book, I don't share a lot of details with people and to actually know what truly is going on in my head......that is a miracle. But I digress :-/

Why I am forever single? Why no matter what I do I am the person that can't get a date, never approached, always the third wheel? I could keep going. This is not to diss me or an issue with self esteem, just an honest look at one one of my struggles. I am not "whoa is me" but I am acknowleding the desire to be in a relationship, the desire to share love, companionship, a family with someone else. I have a career, personal life, friends, hobbies, goals, a sense of humor, and things that I enjoy and make my life a life I enjoy, but the desire for a person to share my life with is forever present.  I am not perfect, no one is and I don't expect a mate to be perfect either, just want them to be there.

I question is my weight a reason? But I know people bigger, same size, or smaller than me with someone. I don't want to say I am happy with my weight, for health reasons I want it to go down, but I am still beautiful and that is not all of me so take it or leave it, work with me to help change it or shut up about it. I question if it is my looks, but I am beautiful, yes on the outside (will talk about inside later) and this is not a cocky statement. I love my smile, my eyes, my hair, my lips, blessed in the boob area, butt.....work in progress (just honest). Is it my personality? I am fun, intelligent, kind, thoughtful, and just all around nice person (do have mean streaks at time). Is it once people find out that I am waiting till marriage? Well....I know people who do this and I have said this a goal and not an absolute, I am learning to be real about it....not giving up, but realize people slip, people grow and have other desires, and thoughts. This goal is not just a spiritual one, but a personal one.....can elaborate if asked, but too much to put here. Check out my post on it if you like. Is it my flaws? Not going to list them......typed them once and they were accidentally deleted so I took that as a sign (ask if you really care).

Now how can I change the status of my relationship besides clicking a box on facebook? Joke, get it??? I crack my self up!!! Not really, okay back to topic. I have gotten so many suggestions and none have them have worked. Let's see what I have tried, online dating, asking someone out, meeting someone off social networks, being more open, doing random things with random people......I can keep going. None of these things worked. So what have I decided to do? Just do me, just be me and see where the cards fall. Is this the best thing to do? Don't know, but at least it makes me happy.

I have even questioned my sexuality because of recent convos and events in my life.....can't believe I am actually putting this in the post.  Won't go into detail here and believe this is still a work in progress, but what I do know is who I have been and currently attracted to. I also know what I feel and think and process with regards to sexuality and me and I am okay with that.....this part is vague for a reason. This part of my life like so many others is a work in progress, and maybe a blog post will come of it in the future, but for right now....all I will say.

One suggestion that keeps coming up is for me to initiate or approach someone....Can't do it!!! Much as I try or want to, just can't. I freak out, I over think, don't know if I have an anxiety attack, but I think I come close. If you approach me? If you start the convo? I will talk, reciprocate, and give you a chance, but for me to start it? Nope, not happening!!! I think, process, over think so many things, I try to stop....but can't. I am a very logical person and it has to make sense in my head, and past and present interactions prevent me from approaching anyone....and this is just not in potential relationships. Don't know if this will ever change, but for right now it is what it is.

So where does this leave me? I honestly don't know. I mean for me to even write and POST and possibly even SHARE this post is a big step for me.  The fact that I was able to write out some of what I think and what I have been having in my head for the longest is a step in the right direction. Now that I am being more open and honest with myself and not living a life to please and meet the expectation of others is another good move for me. Excited about what is to come, excited that I actually got these things out, just excited.  

Surprise!! You made it to the end! Haven't wrote this much in a while and actually this post has been in my head and has been in several drafts that I have deleted and restarted over a while now.  Open to thoughts, encouragement, suggestions, open to everything except judgment. This is my life, my walk.....where it will lead me, only God knows, but I know in the end there is a reason for it all. 

Have a blessed day! Make the best of it and remember to smile :-)

40 Days of Thankfulness

Inspired by my best friend and a way of working on two things that I need to get better at.....blogging consistently and being thankful. I have decided to write a blog each of the next day for something I am thankful for.

I know a lot of people who give up things for lent, but this way I am adding something during this time. Something to remind me of everything that I have to be thankful for. The posts will be in no particular order, but just various things that I am truly thankful for. Some things will be serious, some light hearted, some might down right stupid.....but they will ALL be things I am thankful for.

I am excited about this task, and I do hope I follow through. I hope if you take time to read you might decide to do the same thing or just stop to think about what you are thankful for. So many times we focus on what we don't have or the tragedies in life, but we neglect to think about all that we do have and the happy moments in life. 

Also, I know the followers of this blog probably are like she really does not blog like she use to, I have noticed, and have said time and time again I was going to do better....each time I fail. I have let other people, work, and just the little things get in the way of something that I enjoy, something that helps me get out things that I can't always get out to people.....it was funny is recently I was having a meltdown moment with one of my guy friends and he suggested that I blog.....I was like I already do that (Not many of my person friends know about my blog and if they do they rarely read it). So to process a lot that is going in my mind and my hear right now blogging will be a great place to get those things out.....

Enjoy the ride!!!!!

Issues from last night....

Last night was an interesting night for me....I did something that I usually don't do and in same ways this morning I am still asking myself why did I do it.  Last night I went to a griefshare group at my church.  They had announced it a while ago and I decided I would go to see what insite or see if I can learn better ways with dealing with grief and  the issues I have from the deaths of closed loved ones. Needless to say my experience last night was somewhat helpful...but still not what I expected.

I am the first to admit that I have issues and maybe I make things issues that should not be. Last night I had several issues and I tried to see past them, but it was very hard.

1. Location of session was at the original church...which is not in the best neighborhood. Session was at 7pm at night...just say I saw 3 or 4 people that made me lock my door while waiting and some that had clear mental illnesses. The safety of the location is really making me not want to go back.
2. As soon as I got in the people leading the session scared me...Like I said in previous posts I sit and observe people and sometimes I just don't get good vibes.
3. I really don't like when people like to hear themselves talk.  I know you are trying to get a point across...but some things are just not necessary!
4. I HATE bad English. Is it too much to ask to speak correctly? Subject/Verb agreement is not too hard. I can't concentrate and listen to someone when the way the speaks gets on my last nerve?
5. If you speak for 30 minutes (which I do not think is part of the program), then say we will watch a 30 minute video (which was longer than 30 minutes), then say we will have a 15 minute discussion (which took 40 minutes...and it was mostly her the leader talking)...My time is valuable! Plus look back to issue #1...do not want to be in that neighborhood that late at night.
6. I know I am weird and I don't talk to strangers (my mom taught me at an early age). Some people truly do scare me...that is all I will say to that.
7. I know my life experiences are different than others, but it does get frustrating when

Okay. I have listed my issues from last night.  They might be valid...might just be me frustrated with the situation last night, but those are things that I felt. I wrote all this to get out my thoughts. I know people might not think the way I do or feel the same way about situations...but that does not negate my feelings and thoughts.  Sometimes I wish people would be more understanding even when they might not think or feel the same way that I do....all I have to say.

How I Feel

Okay....I have been going through a lot lately and honestly I don't know how to express it. I have long phone conversations with a friend, with the majority of the time I am crying. I have 1-2 hour text messaging conversations getting things out. I have long facebook chats with a friend. What is sad I still feel the same way and honestly I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing.

This morning I responded to a text with a series of 4 texts (150 character limit gets me) and person responded with a phone call. I was not expecting phone call cause it was 6:30 in the morning. I am an early morning person, but most of my friends are not. I just thought the person would read the texts when they woke up and then respond....I guess the texts woke them up (my alerts are never that loud). Well anyway. We had a convo and got some more things out, but guess what...still feel the same way. I explained to the person that I know how I should feel and what I should do...but that I can't feel or do that right now.

I always try to have a positive outlook and try to see the best in every situation, but right now I don't feel like it. What was so interesting my pastor on Sunday preached from Galatians 6:9...Really got to me. Because that is exactly how I was feeling. What is sad is, and I guess where I am right now is I am frustrated. Like I told my friend I can give you the answer of what you want to hear, or what I should do, but I would just be lying to you and just saying what you want to hear.

My feelings right now are all over the place and most people can not understand what I am going through. Have you ever been in a point in your life where you are happy and things are going well, but there is one area of your life that frustrates you beyond belief??? I think that is where I am at now. When I discuss the topic you would think that life sucks, but it doesn't. I am honestly at a great point in my life....except that one thing. ARGHHH!!!!

Okay...I am done. Need to get back to work, several things I need to finish before I leave today. I think I am going to open up tomorrow, more than I have done with alot of people that know me personally. I can always talk around the subject, but I think it will help me if I truly talk about the subject, oh well.

We will see....Hope everyone has a had a great day. I honestly did, should have got more work done, but will start that now.

To feel or not to feel....

This weekend I had a lot of fun, but also came to a conclusion in my life about a very hard subject in my life. I am not in a relationship right now....but I do have feelings for two people. I have never been in this place before. What is crazy is that one of the people I could be with if I truly wanted to...but I know that in the long run that me and that person could never be together. The other person I honestly do not know if they feel the same way, but I can't help my feelings about that person. Lets call them person #1 and person # 2...

Person #1 is a great friend. They have my back and we connect on so many levels. There is a physical attraction and an emotional attraction....problem is we are two different people who live in 2 different worlds. We have fun together one on one. We can talk about almost anything. This person knows a lot more about me than most people. My question becomes does my feelings for this person supersede my feelings for others or how others view me? I don't live for others, but me being with this person would cause a rift in several areas in my life.

Person #2 is very similar to person #1....and might even know more about me than person #1. We connect on a different level. We are exact opposites, but alike in so many ways. Once again one on one we are an awesome duo. We have flaws and we accept each other for who we are...but...do they like me the way that I like them....not sure. I mean they know me in and out and the know what I expect from love yet they can't show it to me??? I know this person cares for me, if they felt like I felt all they would have to do is say something...SAY SOMETHING!!!! I don't know if I am reading into statements that have been said.

I just don't know what to do. I am at the point where I just want an answer...yes or no. If we will not be together...cool, I can put it out of my mind and move on.

What is Love???

I have been going through a lot lately and have been processing a lot that has been going on in my life and in the world. I think I while ago I might have written a similar blog about true love...but I guess this time I am posing the question what is love? I can quote scripture, what people tell me, or cute sayings that I have seen in various media, but truly what does love mean to you? What does love mean to me?

Should love hurt? Is love a physical act or an emotional state of being? Why do people equate sex with love? Can you love someone enough to let them go? When you think of love why do we always think of a romantic type of love? Can a woman love a man without wanting to be with that man? Can a person every truly fall out of love with someone?

These are just a few questions that have been running through my head. Can a person love someone else if they don't love themselves? Can you have love without passion? Do people really know what love is?

These thoughts keep going through my head. I have thoughts on the subject, but not ready to express...yet. I am in love, in love with life, all the good and the bad. I love and I love hard, but what scares me is the person who I love the most does not see it and if they do they do no reciprocate that feeling. This may or not be a romantic love, but I know it is love. Can I see myself with this person...yes and no. Do I want to be with this person...yes and no. This might not make sense to most, but I am trying to process the feelings I have through my mind and soul.

So what is love to you???

I am a Dork...So What?

This morning I work up mad early like I usually do and did some reading and organizing. I began to think to myself that I am dork and I love it. A while ago I wrote about just doing you and that is something I am trying to do daily. I am trying to be who I am rather people like it or not. Some people think it is so easy, but it is not. I mean so many people will never admit it will change who they are to please other people, it may be subtle, but they do it.

I write to get emotions and ideas out, it helps me process things. I don't know if people understand what I write or even care about what I write. My life is not always an open book and I like to keep it that way. Not everyone needs to know everything about you. One thing I am trying to do is accept who I am flaws and all (Great Beyonce' Song!). Life is short and you have to enjoy it. I love me and God loves me and that all that matters. I am not perfect, no one is, but I am great person if you take the time to know me.

So I have decided to list some qualities about me that I love and make me who I am. Some people might not like...oh well it is me :).

Oh...Picture above is an old picture of me at a friend's wedding rehearsal dinner...one of my crazy moments.

On to the list of things that make me who I am

1. I am tall, take it or leave it...I use to want to be 6 feet tall...I stopped at 5'11.5" oh well...when I have on heels it is on.
2. I am not the smallest person in the world. Oh well. I have gained weight and not happy about it, but I am in shape and will not have a heart attack walking up stairs, when I loose the weight it will be because I have worked hard (which I am doing...slowly) not because people keep commenting on my weight.
3. I can be needy...I give all to people, and sometimes I expect it back. Sometimes this irritates people, but I honestly care about people and their well being and wish more people did the same.
4. Back to the title...I am a dork and I do stupid things from time to time. Too many thing to put in one bullet point, you will see evidence as you read.
5. I love to cook and can throw down....a lot of women can not do this today, which is sad. Take out is not economical and healthy, plus homemade food taste so much better
6. I am a facebook addict. My page has merged with personal and work and now I don't put as much on it...I tried to go a week without logging on it lasted two days.
7. I love to read and will read almost anything. Although I am a very conservative person I will read almost anything. I have books ranging from Zane, to Zora Neale Hurston, to Michael Eric Dyson, to Harry Potter, to T.D. Jakes...and so on. I have books on sex, history, erotica, love, friendships, sports, history...I can go on.
8. The Last Dragon is one on my favorite movies of all time!!! I have it on VHS and DVD...anytime it is on TV I have to watch!
9. Something I rarely tell people and must people assume the contrary is that I have never been on a date or in a relationship....long story partly due to my own issues and partly due to my standards(my friends say I am too picky, I say I know what I bring to the table...meet me or beat me) I can explain more in depth...but it would take forever, ask if you want to know.
10. I love to dance, but never in public. When I am alone or in my car with no one around it is on.
    
11. Music...my first love can be an addiction for me. I love everything from gospel to gangsta rap....even some country. I am from Memphis and it comes out from time to time which my friends love to remind me
12. I am a lazy perfectionist. I love things to be right, but sometimes I hate to work hard sometimes unless I am passionate about it.
    
13. I love going to the movies by myself.
    
14. I am rhythmically challenged. I can keep a beat, but my dancing and soul is on the slim sad.
15. I do not talk to strangers...people look at me crazy when I say this, but oh well. People are special to me and just don't talk to anyone.
16. I love cartoons...old school ones. I use to love Pepper Ann on Saturday mornings...not completely old school, but it was the last of a dying breed of cartoons.
17. Friends think that I feel I always have to be right...no, but 9 times out of 10 if I open my mouth to say something or voice my opinion I have done my research and I am more than likely right...try me.
18. Friends and family are important to me. I think you have to keep good relationships with people.
19. I question everything most times. I think we have to many people who are feed information without thinking for themselves.
    
20. Most people will be shocked by what goes on in my head because they do not take the time to listen to what I have to say...inspiration for the title of my blog.
21. I love Hannah Montana...sad I know
22. I have come to the realization of who I love, but they do not know and honestly at this point in our lives they do not feel the same. I am ok with that. If it is meant to be it will happen. I know the person I will end up with will value me for who I am...flaws and all. If the person I love is to blind to see it, that is their loss. They will always hold a special place in the back of my heart.

Ok....I think that is all that I want to reveal now. It is time to go get my hair done and have a "ME" day. Hair, maybe pedicure, movies and a meal. I love Saturdays!!!