Don't Put Me in a Box

Why do people try to label you and put you in a box? I am me, I am different. Deal with it.  Some of the thoughts that I have had the past month or so have been outside of the usual me, but I am becoming okay with that.  Life is what you make of it and how you respond.

I realize I am an ever evolving person and I think life is better that way. One person in my life recently said that he feels that I really don't who I am and I am still discovering who that person is. I have to agree and disagree with this statement. I know who I am, but like I said I am ever evolving.  I am learning, no questioning that if how I feel will be understood by others.

Recently I told a male friend that I have given up on men, not becoming a male basher, but tired of the hurt of wanting and nothing happening......take that statement as you will. One person said I need to put myself out there, which I think I do....but nothing. It hurts, but I am slowly coming to grips with it.

Above it is recent picture of me.  Hair looked okay and I liked my smile eventhough my face is blurred. Cheese :-)

I am also admitting to myself that I overthink and question everything. Which can be difficult. I question people, motives, religion, and beliefs. I question why people do what they do why people who they feel.  There HAS to be a reason and logic behind everything in my mind. I NEED to know.....I get frustrated when I don't know....not a good place to be.

As  you have read my thoughts are random.....if you follow my blog you should know this by now. If you still follow me, thank you!!! I am more on twitter and tumblr, but as the year is winding down I really do believe that I will be posting on here more. 

Have a GREAT DAY!!!! Feel free to comment, also suggest some blogs you follow that I might find interesting.

A Conversation [ErykahBadu/J.Scott/Roots]

New Motto in Life

Just because I am not......does not mean I don't want to.

This is how I feel a lot of things in life these days. I think it has to do some with self discipline and some with afraid to just let things flow....

Below is a list of the things that I am referring to, but I will preface it by saying #dontjudgeme

1. I am not cursing you out.....does not mean I don't want to
2. I am not going to sleep with you....does not mean I don't want to
3. I am not going to buy that purse that is way out of my budget.....does not mean I don't want to
4. I am not going to kiss you and admit to you how I truly feel about you....does not mean I don't want to.

That is it for now. What are some things you are not doing that you want to do.....

Mystical Magical Creatures

The other day this was my facebook status

why do men (and women) create these mystical & magical creatures in their mind that they believe they will find as a mate?

People blamed on Disney and other things, but it made me think....why do we do this??? I mean we have these preconceived notions of what we want in the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with.  Below I will list some of the things I have heard.....

Women should be:

1. Beautiful
2. Skinny
3. Independent
4. Porn Stars
5. Making 6 figures
6. Make me look good
7. Take care of kids
8. Keep the house clean
9. No kids

Men should be:

1. Fine
2. Rich
3. Working
4. Big Feet (you know what I am saying)
5. The perfect gentleman at all times
6. Allways attentive
7. Making at least 6 figures (not the same as rich)
8. No kids
9. College Educated

What is on your list for the perfect mate? Are your expectations realistic or have you created the same magical creature I lot of people have?

Just some thoughts.....

Why Can't it Just Be Simple!!!!

A recent series of events makes me wonder why things are so complicated? I mean why do people make things so hard. If you like someone or want to be with someone tell them! Why do you have to play games, why do you have to flirt. Just say it I LIKE YOU!!!

People always say that life is complicated, why does it have to be? Can't we just be unfiltered and say what is on our minds, do what we want to do, and just be free? No, because that would be too much like right. I am not saying get rid of rules and structure, but I think too many people hide behind them.

This all I can say for right now......We shall see where this goes. Good Morning :-)

Is Sexuality Fluid???

Sexuality is Fluid....
I don't mean like: you wake up and turn gay (p.s. no one “turns gay”—that phrase kills me)
I was attracted to this Lesbian who was very masculine..Would I act on it? Iono but i remember forgetting she was a she and just concentrating on how sexy she was…
when it comes down to it attraction is not about parts, but rather the essence of the person standing in front of you!

This is a post from How to be Nola Darling (deux) a great tumblr site that I follow.  It got me to thinking coupled with a question about my sexuality from a friend lately.  The fact that I have never dated I have been asked on a few occasions (from a few bold people) was I a lesbian. Question took me off guard, but it also made me think.

I can say no I am not a lesbian, but I can see how sexuality can be fluid. Have I ever been attracted to a woman, yes, but that woman had very masculine traits, and some of my attraction was can I say....complicated, it was more about the person than the gender. I love men and what I desire when I am with a man that I am attracted to, but can't say the same thing about a woman. But I totally agree with his last statement....the essence of the person standing in front of you.

What are your thoughts on the subject? 

Life, Love, Me :-)

I promise I am trying to get better. Health is FINALLY under control, work is becoming manageable, and I am getting a social life. Still no date yet, but I am not giving up hope (although sometimes I get discouraged).  Tumblr and twitter have been my short random thought mistress. I still love blogger, but posting has been harder. The free times I have I just like to rest.

One thing that is different in my life is that I am really being tested on what I believe and who I have become. Ever thought you or see yourself becoming the antithesis of what you thought you would be, rather it be good or bad? Well that is where I am in life and I am trying my best to deal with. Not saying rather it is good or bad, but I do realize that everything in life happens for a reason and I am trying to figure out the reason for this phase in my life, so we shall see.

Love....think it is my motivation these days. Love of people, love of life, love of me.  After a few anonymous posts on tumblr (this option has been deactivated.....just ask if you want to know). I think love is an important emotion and action in life, and right now I am learning to love unconditionally. I am also learning that sometimes you can love someone, but it is better for you not to be in each others lives (don't assume romantic....friendships and family can be toxic too). So we shall see how this goes.....how I respond.....and what I learn.

Thanks for reading my thoughts. This is homecoming weekend for me!! It has been 9 years since graduating!! One of my good friends is coming in town and several events homecoming related and not that I plan on attending so we shall see.....

Till I blog again... Have a Great life!!! (was going to say week, but I am trying to blog again before week is over)