Assumptions

I remember when I was in elementary school and my first band instructor wrote the word ASSUME on the board and then said when you assume you make an ass out of you and me....get it? This has stuck in my head ever since then.

Why am I writing about assumptions? Because lately I have been thinking about the assumptions so many people make. Rather it be regarding me, others, or assumptions about things in general. I recently was in a meeting and as people talked and voiced their opinions I could not help but think about the assumptions people made when trying to defend their statements. I left that meeting really thinking about what assumptions do to people and how the can be very bad.

Here are some of the common assumptions that people have about me.....

1. nice
2. mean
3. straight
4. gay
5. nerd
6. anti-social
7. naive
8. innocent

I could keep going......but I won't. The ones I have listed are the ones that irritate me the most.  People make these assumptions before they even take the time to get to know me and seem shocked when I turn out the way that they assumed.  

I think the world would be a better place if assumptions were not made and if you want to know something or find out about something just ask. How hard is that????

Please Don't tell me how I should feel!

Earlier this week I had a very interesting conversation with a friend.  I have had this conversation time and time again, and honestly....tired of having it.  Something I have mentioned a few times on this blog is the fact that I have never dated or been in a relationship.  It is something I don't advertise, but if asked I will not lie.  Most people just assume I have...but that assumption is wrong.

What gets me is people like to tell me how I should feel or that I can't understand things because I have not been in a relationship. This is becoming increasingly frustrating.  I have the desire to be in a relationship, but it does not consume me and the fact that I am not in a relationship does not make me less of a person.  I had to tell a friend that I am grown woman and I have desires, dreams, and aspirations of what I want in a relationship and when meeting people I know what I want and what I don't want from a mate in life. 

What is crazy....I have always wanted that person that I actually end up dating to be "the one" some people might think this is weird, but knowing me it would not surpise me if it happened this way.  I sometimes think it might be someone I have known all along, but just waiting for the perfect time.  There is a person who sparks my interest right now....we shall see, but I am not holding my breath. I am believer that I will know when that person is right for me.

A quote that I stumbled upon awhile ago on twitter sums it up best how I feel about relationships....


“I am far from perfect. But I will be perfect for that imperfect somebody that is perfect for me.” -Unknown

Remember Assumptions???

OK...I fell off on my assumptions series. Lot has been going on and I have not been writing as much as I should. Been needing to get a lot out...have not. This entry is heading back to my assumptions that people assume about me.

Picture above is some of my best girls at our friends wedding. Can you guess who the bride was??? (Made myself laugh, HA!) We were hostesses in the wedding and worked hard to make sure that our girl had a day she would never forget. I think she enjoyed her day and had no clue of all the behind the scenes things we had to do. That is what friends are for, right?

I love my girls, the good and the bad. We have been friends for a while through the ups and downs. We don't always get along, we all have different personalities, but in the end we have each others back.

I know I can ramble, but this leads me to my assumption. During the wedding activities and everything most people never knew the internal struggle I have. Being supportive while hurting in the inside. The theme of this blog has always been "If You Only Knew" and in some ways that goes to my friends to. Sometimes I think do they ever think about what is going on in my mind? I mean I truly believe people assume so much and never take the time to ask. Sometimes I want to ask them do they ever think how I might feel when things are said or done? I don't know...I guess with a lot of my actions and in my life I try to think about how others see or feel about a situation. I am learning most people don't think like that.

Her wedding and the events that surrounded the wedding were very hard for me personally. For reasons related to relationships, friendships, work, and a lot of other things that were going on in my world at the time. Her wedding is over, her marriage has begun and I will continue to pray for her marriages and all marriages. The wedding is day, marriage is a lifetime...with that said the internal struggle still continues....

Tried to talk about it with a friend and chickened out, but in the process got confirmation on what I should have done a long time ago. It is time for me to speak up and get some things off of my chest....slowly a change is going to come!!!

Oh....next assumption entry I think is going to be about my weight!

He Loves Me....He Loves Me Not???

Why can't I get him out my head? I mean I love him, but what type of love that is I am really not sure about. I mean I know he loves me, but does he love me in that way? If he were able to tell me he loves me, would I be able to tell him I love him in that way too? I sometimes feel that I am delusional.

I see him as a friend, a brother, someone I can depend on. But when so many people assume that we will end up together it makes you think. I think sometimes I succumb to people ideas in my head and I begin to wonder. Are my thoughts that we can be more than friends because people assume that our friendship is more than what it is? I have become a person who never says never, and I am learning to expect anything. He is my boy, my friend, my brother, he knows almost as much as my best friend knows about me, but why?

I ask myself why are we friends frequently. I ask why do we continue to remain friends even though we live in different circles. But when we kick it as friends it is all good. Is it my imagination? Am I holding on to a friendship that needs to be let go? He loves me and will do anything for me, but is this out of history or love? Does he feel obligated to be there for me, because I count on him when times are hard? I wonder if he was a female would our friendship be the way it is?

I really just needed to vent these thoughts in my head. I honestly do not know the answer to any of the questions that I pose. I just wanted to get them out of my head, because I can not express them to others right now. I almost deleted post, because I thought someone I know might read it, but honestly...I doubt it, and if they do, oh well.

Assumption #1 (Relationships)

Yesterday I wrote a blog on assumptions and stated that I would write about assumptions people usually make about me. The first one I decided to write about is relationships. I think this will be a hard one for me to talk about and was going to avoid it, but decided to just let it flow and see what happens. I write to get things out, sometimes things don't make sense, but oh well.

For me relationships are interesting...I won't go into a lot of details, but I am very unique in my experiences and most people have no clue what I think about relationships. When discussing relationships I offer my thoughts when I feel inclined to, but most people don't understand or listen, oh well.

A few years ago I made a list of everything I wanted in a mate, I honestly do not know where that list is, but I do remember that most of the things were not superficial which shocks most people. I think one day I will rewrite the list and might even add a few things. We will see.

But one thing most people assume that I want in a relationship is a man with money, so not true. People assume because I like (okay...love) to spend money that a person that I am in a relationship with should be able to have money. I am not saying I want someone that is broke, but is not a top priority for me. I work hard for what I want and I want the other person to do the same. My friends so I can be bougie (still can't spell that word) and will not talk to someone who might be a mechanic cashier, janitor, or so one...you get the picture. Once again not true!! I love to have conversations about various topics and I like to associate with people who can do the same. I love to read and challenge my brain and would like a person who can do the same. Is that too much to ask?

I just touched on a couple of things people assume about me and what I want in a relationship...There are so many things that go into making a relationship work and so many things that I think about when it comes to relationships that I could go on and on. I did not want to be too transparent on this blog because don't know who might be reading, but just put out a couple of thoughts.

Right now I am not in a relationship and I am cool with that...most of the time. I have my moments, but it has allowed me time to work on focus on me. We are all works in progress. Keyshia Cole (who I think can't sing at all) has a song with the words "you complete me," This is NOT what I want in a relationship. You do not complete me, you compliment me. I am whole and want you to be whole to. I got your back and I am down for you and your vision, but if you can't live or function when I am not there...not good.

Okay, I am done for now. I think the next assumption people make about me that I will write about is that when I am out in groups I am not having fun...didn't know how to word it completely, will explain when I write next. I am trying to write and read more. Right now reading having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, great book by Joanna Weaver.

Assumptions....

I remember there was a day when I was in band class, 5th or 6th grade and my band instructor, Mr. Holcomb made a statement that I will never forget. When you assume you make an ass out of u and me. This statement is so true. I am learning in my life that you assume nothing about anyone or any situation. When you do most of the time it does not turn out the way you expect.

When you assume nothing you go into situations with no preconceived ideas or notions. You are more open to the situation and to me that works out better for all involved. Assuming causes prejudices, no being completely open, and a lot of problems that can be avoided.

Most people make assumptions about me and I find them very, very funny. What is sad people have no clue. Goes back to the title of my blog. If people would take the time to ask questions and not assume so much you might learn more about the people that you encounter on a day to day basis.

Started writing this based of a blog I read earlier and just got to thinking. I think I am going to do a series of blogs about the assumptions that people make about me, I will be a little bit more transparent than I have been in the past. I think the first assumption I will dispell is on relationships....don't know when I will publish, but coming soon.

I am trying to write more and get more out....more to come.