When do you stop???

Yesterday as I working and walking on campus the topic of this post popped in my head. I work in an academic setting and I encounter various people and most of them are very interesting...There is this one lady working on her academic studies and sad to say...she never looks happy. She is always the last one in the classroom, she is always talking to the teacher and she is always sitting working in the classroom.  Now most people would take this as hard work and dedication...well when I saw her the other day it sparked another thought process in my brain.

I am not negating the value of hard work, but when do you realize that maybe the profession, the career, the goal....just is not going to work out. Hear me out. If I want to be a doctor and in school I work hard and study 24/7, but still get Ds and Fs in my pre-med classes, don't understand anything and hate school....are you really meant to be a doctor? If you have dreams of becoming a rap star and you are 40 years old and have not cut a major deal, not even really known in your home city, are you really meant to be a rap star??? If the guy that you swear God has told you is your future husband has been HAPPILY married for 10 years, has 3 kids, and just sent you an invitation to the renewing of his vows ceremony...do you really think that this is the guy for you?

I did not write this to deter anyone from their dreams or visions. I do believe sometimes you do have to work harder, and some times things take longer for others, but when do you let that vision go?  I know even in my life I have not reached milestones that I need and want to accomplish. I realize that I might not get there when other people have gotten there, but I know I will get there...Example, people keep pushing me to buy a house. I want to buy a house, but right now with my student loans and the salary I make now buying a house is not in the cards yet. I do have a plan and a house is in the future (next 5 years) but right now if I were to buy a house I would have a house, but no money, and no fun.

People have to work hard for their dreams....but....there has to come a point.

You May Not Touch!!!!

This morning I was having a conversation with a colleague at work and this random lady in our office has the nerve to just grab and touch my hair!! I don't know if I was having a bad start, but this really irritated me. She did not even ask!!! I don't know if I have written on this topic before, but if I have oh well...I found this picture a little while ago and it pretty much sums up how I feel at this point with regards to people touching my hair!

I use to be understanding and polite about it if you were nice enough to ask, but now why? Why do you want to touch my hair? It is just hair!!! My motto is that if you have hair...it is good. I will admit that my hair might not look like what most people assume about black people's hair, but it is just hair. Rather I have it straight, curly, down, up, or in a ponytail people want to touch it. I get tired of going into explanations of my ethnicity, rather I am black (which I have been asked....by a black person), or conversations about what you would do if you had my hair.

Okay I think I am done with my venting and ranting for the morning....Hope everyone can go through the day without random strangers touching their hair!!

Thought I'd Never!!!

Been dealing with a lot of things lately and it has been quite interesting. Have you ever said in live that you would NEVER do something....then you find yourself contemplating the very thing that you said you would never do??? Well that is where I am at in my life right now and it is freaking me out. Okay not freaking me out but it is causing frustrations.

I think of myself that has pretty decent convictions and if I attempt to stick to them. Not to say I don't fall short or slip up, but I have my standards. Recently I have truly been contemplating something I would have said I would never do. Which I think it is crazy!!!

We shall see what happens...don't know if it will turn out for my good or bad, but we shall see ;-)

What's in a Word by Webb Garrison

It took me a while to get through this book. When I first saw the book I thought it would be interesting because I always like to know the why and where things come from. I thought it would be cool to know where some common phrases and what is behind the words.

This book was not that good to me and is the major reason it took me so long to finish it. I do like the fact that it is broken up into categories and different areas that words fit in.  It is organized well and it is easy to find words or phrases you might be interested in, but just reading to be reading it does not make a good read.

I think it is good to keep like a bathroom book or just around when you want to see if you can find the meaning of a word or phrase. 

Answer to Formspring Question

This post was inspired by a question on formspring that I received today. I am assuming it came from a twitter or blog follower (most people on facebook don't see my formspring tab). Here is the question:

In reference to your post dated March 8, 2010, "Being a woman...more than being single or married": As someone who has never been in a relationship, do you feel you have enough knowledge/experience to back this post up?

Original Post was me venting some of my thoughts after attending a conference at church.  I had to go back and read what I wrote to be able to respond to the question. I honestly wish I knew who sent the question I  do hope the read my response.

My response is simple and something I get frustrated about often. People often assume just because I have not been in a relationship that I don't have the knowledge or experience to comment on certain things. A lot of people also think I can't understand things about relationships.  I will admit I am not expert, but that does not negate how I feel and what I see.  I honestly do not know what points he was referring to in my original post so I am going to bullet point my response and hope that it answers the question.

1. Me being a woman is not based on who I am with or not with. Rather I have been in a relationship or not I still understand what being a woman is from my perspective. A person who chooses to be single their whole life (some people do) does not make them less of a man or a woman.
2. In original post I had issues with everything going back to men....if I never met a man in my life I would still be a woman.  My life does not revolve around a man...and no I am not the super "independant woman" (will write about more in next point)
3. Although I have never been in a relationship it does not mean I don't know what I want in a relationship. I have been approached by men...and women on various occasions, and have actually "talked" to a few, but a relationship never evolved. Dating in high school was not an option, had other things going on in college, and now I am an adult. Do I want to be in a relationship yes, but it is not the focus of my life...when it happens it happens. I do have my moments when I question, but overall I am good.
4. Being a wife or a mother does not make me a woman, but they are roles that women play. One day I hope to fill those roles, but am I less of a woman, because I am not in those roles at this point in my life...NOPE! I think so many people see a single person and assume that there is something wrong if they are single...maybe they are happy where they are in life, maybe they are working on some things for themselves.

I honestly don't know if this answers the question that was posed. If the person who posed the question will clarify that would be great!  I just said on twitter...I am so not a writer. I blog to vent and get out my thoughts. They don't always make sense, but they are a part of what is going on in my head.

What should I write about???

This morning I was reading my blogs and my daily subscriptions and I was thinking...what should I write about? I have about 5 or 6 blogs that are in draft mode...but honestly I don't know if I want to finish them, oh well. I was thinking I always write what is going on in my head and in my heart, but I never ask the people who read my blog what they would like me to write about.

I know I don't have a mega blog with lots of followers, but I thank you for the people who do take the time out to read my blog rather it be on occasion or whenever I post. I have about 38 followers which I am shocked, but once again thankful for.  Like the title of my blog says....if you only knew. The thoughts that I write are random and things that I can not always express to people I know so this blog gives me a chance to open up as much as I can to people who hopefully don't change me except my words for what they are....my words.

So...with all that said. Is there anything any of you would like to ask me? Anything you would like me to address or write about?  You can post a comment on this blog or if you want to remain anonymous you can ask on my formspring page (link is on right side of blog) or you can even send me a message on twitter...take your pick.

Looking forward to your responses or lack of responses.... Hope everyone is enjoying the weather. I am about to leave work and hopefully enjoy it myself too!!

Being Single is NOT a Disease!!!

The other day on facebook I played a little trick on my friends. It was the day after "April Fool's Day" and surprisingly no one suspected I might pull a little prank.  I don't put that much personal information on facebook...I know 99% of my facebook friends...but I do have work colleagues and kids I mentor on my page...they don't need to know everything about me.  For a couple of years I have not put my relationship status on my page, but I decided to change it to "In a Relationship." This shocked the world....LOL!! Most people do not know I have never been in a relationship, but most people assume I have and I don't correct them on the assumption (too much of a hassle to get into why when people are shocked.)

So I received comments, messages, texts, emails, and phone calls over this status change which I thought was HILARIOUS!!! One friend was even ready to plan a wedding....so special.  What was interesting and what made me change my status back to nothing (I don't put that I am single either) was a comment that was made by a family friend. She was older and is a friend of my aunt, we rarely talk on facebook, but we say hi and check up on each other from time to time. She was so excited that I was seeing someone and stated that must be the reason of the big smile on my face on the above picture. I then had to break the news to her....still don't think she understood or realized I was joking, but oh well.

I am happy that people were happy that I was in a relationship, but why? What is wrong with being single? I mean I want to be in a relationship one day, but I want a healthy relationship, I just don't want to settle for anything or anyone.  I am single and content and happy. Not to say I don't have my moments, but like the title says being single is not a disease!!! I think people get in relationships for the wrong reasons. Yes we are relational people, but being in a relationship to just say you have some one even though the person is not "the one" for you is a mess!

Just my thoughts...I am up, but sleepy, but can't go back to sleep. Oh Well! I need to do some research online and get some things done. I guess I will get started. Hope everyone is having a blessed day!

My thoughts on Good Friday

Today is Good Friday that is celebrated by Christians. Day use to remember the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.  This morning as I was starting my day I was checking emails and checking facebook and realized a lot of friends posted statuses about today. Statuses that inspired, made you think, and even made you laugh (appropriately). 

As I was going through the statuses I began to think about what this day means to me. I have said before my faith is a big part of my life. To be honest lately I have had major battles with my faith. Not that I didn't believe, but as I attempted to learn more and able to defend all areas of my faith I began to question so many things. Which I think people should do...another blog (read here). 

As I think about this day I begin to think of some of my struggles over the last few months.  I remember when I saw the Passion of the Christ in movie theaters when it first came out. You heard the story so many times, but to see the visualization without any censors...gets to you. Those images, that story sticks in my mind to this day. I think about the price that he paid on a consistent basis. I mean I ask myself  "you did this for jacked up me?" I am so thankful!!

I have said all this to say although today is a day set aside to remember the price that He paid, let us not forget this the rest of the year.