Emotions

Emotions are not always easy to control. I sit at home thinking about the events over the past few weeks and I am really asking myself how could I have handled it better? One thing about me is that when I want something I want it. Not spoiled, but when I REALLY want something if I don't get it......not good.

This past few weeks a friendship has been forever changed, a person that I truly had feelings for just dismissed what we had at one time had, and now a part of my life is in limbo (will write more once the limbo is over), but with all of this I have finally looked at how I have or how I am dealing with all of this. I often wear my emotions on my sleeve which is weird for person who can't cry in front of other people. Looking over my actions these past couple of weeks.......I have been a bitch, I can admit.

Now as I deal with all of this going foward, how will I choose to act? I honestly don't know.  I do know whatever the outcome is I do know that I will be alright, life goes on, I a still have worth, and I am still amazing!!! I am going to try hard not to take the emotions I have going on inside out on other people and I will continue to try to be the best person I can.

Recently I cam across a quote that exemplifies exactly how I feel most days......

"I am a master of my spoken words and slave to those which remain unspoken"

Waiting till marriage.....

Where do I begin........

This blog is coming out of recent feelings and ideas I have had in my head and initially was just a blurt in my random thoughts blog.  At first I was like could I actually do it? Could I be that open? Well we shall see, if you are reading this post the answer to the last question is yes.

Close friends and few others know that I am a virgin and honestly hope to stay that way until I married......yes you read correctly. I am a 33 year old virgin.....yes adult virgins do exist. Has it been easy? Nope, but it is the road I have decided to go down. Why did I decide to take this road?? Well mostly because of my faith, but also in part to me feelings, my life, and just what makes sense to me.  My thought process is often different than most people.....but it makes sense to me.

I will not tell you how long it took me to finish this post because I kept going back and forth in my mind if I should write it? If I should post it? If I write it should I share it? Should I share it with my friends? I honestly don't know if by the time I finish this what I will do......time well. Post my go into rambling, but they are all my thoughts on why I chose to wait.

Okay.......finally decided just do it as my random thought blog on it.

So..........

Here are my thoughts while waiting till marriage

My Thoughts

Enjoy!!!!

What should I write about???

This morning I was reading my blogs and my daily subscriptions and I was thinking...what should I write about? I have about 5 or 6 blogs that are in draft mode...but honestly I don't know if I want to finish them, oh well. I was thinking I always write what is going on in my head and in my heart, but I never ask the people who read my blog what they would like me to write about.

I know I don't have a mega blog with lots of followers, but I thank you for the people who do take the time out to read my blog rather it be on occasion or whenever I post. I have about 38 followers which I am shocked, but once again thankful for.  Like the title of my blog says....if you only knew. The thoughts that I write are random and things that I can not always express to people I know so this blog gives me a chance to open up as much as I can to people who hopefully don't change me except my words for what they are....my words.

So...with all that said. Is there anything any of you would like to ask me? Anything you would like me to address or write about?  You can post a comment on this blog or if you want to remain anonymous you can ask on my formspring page (link is on right side of blog) or you can even send me a message on twitter...take your pick.

Looking forward to your responses or lack of responses.... Hope everyone is enjoying the weather. I am about to leave work and hopefully enjoy it myself too!!

Memories

 You might be asking what does this video have to do with memories. Well I was browsing the page of an old classmate who just added me on facebook and he had this video posted because I guess people said that Tyrese looks like him.  This video brought back some fun memories. I remember it was one student council trip, think it was my 9th grade year. We had gone to some student council convention either in Knoxville or Nashville forget which one. We had taken the bus on the trip and we were just acting crazy.  It was an older  guy who I had know since middle school that was in high school at the time who we joked with that he looked like Tyrese in the video. Someone dared him to go to the front of the bus and reenact this commercial.  Surprisingly he did. People in the front of the bus were confused and everyone who knew he was about to do it died laughing. This is a great random memory that I have to this day.

This got me to thinking about a lot of old happy memories that I have.  I think as I have grown up I have tried to deal with the bad memories, sometimes even forget them, I have found myself forgetting the great memories that I have. Fun times spent with family, good times spent in school, and the various activities that I have done in the past. 

Memories have made us who we are today....the good and the bad. We have to cherish our memories and make sure that we don't forget the things that make us smile and laugh.

The Majority

A lot has been going on in politics lately. I am not a very political person, but I like to make informed decisions when I make one. I am not a politics junkie, but it does interest me from time to time. I have been irritated a lot lately by what I have read about and seen on television. I think everyone should.

No matter what your thoughts or views are, hate is never acceptable.  What happened to civil discourse? What happened to being able to agree to disagree? Name calling is not cool and do not give me the bull about free speech. I am all for free speech, but hate speech is not good at all.

People keep saying "the majority of Americans" and this statement is getting on my last nerves!! Even if you take the argument that majority rules I honestly do not believe that the majority of Americans feel the way people are saying.  Secondly...the majority is not always right.  Back during the Civil Rights movement the majority of Americans did not want give rights to African Americans....if we used the argument of what the majority of Americans want where would be?

Health care reform is needed and the bill that was passed is not perfect, and I can even admit that I have not read everything in the bill, but most of what I have read and seen I am okay with and I have health care and have had it my whole life.  I have seen clips that interview people who are spewing out hate and they don't have informed arguments of why they are against health care. 

Just letting some thoughts out.  It is Saturday and I can't wait to enjoy the beautiful day one I am done with work.  Just a few more hours!!! Hope everyone is having a great day!!!!

Oh...extra quote that I stole from a friend on facebook...just had to post again :-)

"A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him to find her."