Insight into my random thoughts

Well....trying real hard to get back to blogging here and it looks like I am succeeding. For those who have not been following me or who have just stumbled across this blog, for the past almost a year I have been doing a Random Thoughts blog.  Check it out if you like.  Each day I write random thoughts for the day. For example, since today is the 22nd I wrote 22 random thoughts? This can be easy and hard some days. It gets harder when I get to the end of the month, imagine putting down 31 random thoughts??? Now all of the thoughts are not completely random, but they are my thoughts. Some are funny, some are cryptic, some are just blurts that come in my mind.

Here are a link to some of my favorites or most viewed thoughts.

Post Scandal Edition
Chest Pains are Never Good 
Thoughts While Waiting till Marriage
Things I have learned from 2 Chainz
The Yonce Did That!!!!!

Also, here is an example of the thoughts from today.....in case you don't go over to the original blog

1. Becoming more open

2. My love for you will it ever end?

3. Do you know that you are racist?

4. Pizza for breakfast is always good

5. I get that you want to change me but you can't

6. Should have sent to Starbucks

7. No good music has come out in a while

8. How well do you trust me?

9. I can make you smile

10. Looking forward to a day off

11. What did we so before smart phones?

12. Can I give up meat again

13. Facebook/twitter break is much needed

14. Going to make this a great day

15. Only you can prevent forest fires

16. Look for someone who challenges you intellectually

17. We will just agree to disagree

18. Liking that I am slowly getting back to my original blog

19. Jake from State Farm.....he sounds hideous

20. I will not get sick!!! 
21. Yes, I originally forgot #21

22. Big girls need love too

As you can say I am very random.....but they are my thoughts. They have been therapeutic, entertaining, and fun to do. Still deciding if I will continue to do them past a year....I committed to a year which is almost here.
So hope you enjoy and read!!!!
Back to our regularly scheduled program

Why can't I post like I use to here???

Wish I could get more into updating this blog.....

My random thoughts blog is still going and I do enjoy posting everyday, although, my last couple of post have had technical difficulties, but they finally posted.  I really do miss my random posts here, and the consistency of how I use to post. This was my first....sometimes I go back and read old posts and think about where I was at the time in my life.

My life has changed so much in the last few years, I honestly look back at my past and it is a blur sometimes. I am thankful for what my past has taught me and I hope I continue to take what I have learned and use it to help me grow.  One thing I do know that I am definitely not the same person I use to be and I do think it is for the better.

There is a song that I am not what I ought to be, but thank God I am not what I use to be.....those words could not be so truer in my life right now.  After I few hard convos with some close friends I am learning so much about myself, how I view myself, and how others view me.  It is easy to say screw how others view you....but it is not that easy. I am me unapologetically, but I do think people should take the time to say hey, if 99 out of 100 people look at me and think I am a bitch....what am I portraying to these people? You get it?

I think this is all I can write for now.....started this blog yesterday, but got busy at work. Maybe I can commit to writing at least one post here a month to start.....We shall see

BUT......

If you still want to follow me and some of the things that are going on in my world and my mind check out my new blog

Very Random Thoughts of Me

I promise you will enjoy my randomness, my thoughts, and a piece of me I like to share with the world.

Hope everyone is doing well!!!

recent pic of me! skin is on struggle these days, but slowly getting better :-)

40 Days of Thankfulness

Inspired by my best friend and a way of working on two things that I need to get better at.....blogging consistently and being thankful. I have decided to write a blog each of the next day for something I am thankful for.

I know a lot of people who give up things for lent, but this way I am adding something during this time. Something to remind me of everything that I have to be thankful for. The posts will be in no particular order, but just various things that I am truly thankful for. Some things will be serious, some light hearted, some might down right stupid.....but they will ALL be things I am thankful for.

I am excited about this task, and I do hope I follow through. I hope if you take time to read you might decide to do the same thing or just stop to think about what you are thankful for. So many times we focus on what we don't have or the tragedies in life, but we neglect to think about all that we do have and the happy moments in life. 

Also, I know the followers of this blog probably are like she really does not blog like she use to, I have noticed, and have said time and time again I was going to do better....each time I fail. I have let other people, work, and just the little things get in the way of something that I enjoy, something that helps me get out things that I can't always get out to people.....it was funny is recently I was having a meltdown moment with one of my guy friends and he suggested that I blog.....I was like I already do that (Not many of my person friends know about my blog and if they do they rarely read it). So to process a lot that is going in my mind and my hear right now blogging will be a great place to get those things out.....

Enjoy the ride!!!!!

Change

I am still alive and I continue to suck at blogging consistently.  I have no excuse.....I am open up blogger and I just don't have the words to express what is going on in my life right now. Life is not bad, but it is not good either.

Lots of change is happening and I honestly do not like change.....I know it is for the better, but I am never good at it.  Hope everyone is doing well.  One thing I will say is I am looking forward for the future. Change is ahead.....

Sidenote I FINALLY got my tattoo :-) Shhhhh!!!!

This is before it was healed, need to take a new picture. It is on the back of my neck so hard to take a self pic.

Look forward to writing again.....think that is a part of my problem, not letting things out.

Really sucking at blogging right now :-(

This morning I got up and my bed held me hostage. I could not do anything....I just stayed in my bed and did nothing.

My life has been a whirlwind and I am trying to manage my time and get use to everything. I have had ups and downs, but I am still standing. The pic to the left is my hair now, it is finally growing back so I am truly getting excited about getting my tattoo.....but that might be put on hold (will explain later).

Work, mentoring, health, and my personal life has been on struggle lately and I honestly I am just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel....hopefully.

A lot has been on my mind and my heart and sometimes I just do not know how to express it all....so we shall see.


For those who still read my blog, THANK YOU!!! I microblog on my tumblr when I can and I still tweet the random things that go on in my head (most of the time). I am hoping that life will get back to some form of normal soon.....so we shall see. My biggest hurdle right now is my health, do not know know what is going on with my skin, which has delayed my tattoo, but I am worried about how they can not give me a definite answer. I get tired of people looking at my arms and staring, I have been breaking out for a while and it is getting worse, I have medications, get shots, go to the doctor every two weeks....but it is not improving. I hope when I go again this week something can be changed, but what is being down now is not workin....so we shall see.

I still have thoughts that I want to express that I think and hope I get out more on this blog. I am slowly realizing that I have to take my mornings to blog, right now one of the few free moments I have in my day.

Blogging Once a Day is my goal

Recent pic of me! I like it! Hair is growing back so tattoo is in the near future. A lot has been going on in my life and have not been blogging as much, but I am determined to blog once a day to get some things off my mind. It makes me feel better.

Life has been challenging, but I am pushing my way through. Love my new job, but keeps me busy (hence less blogging).  Second job is great too, it has it issues, but I love helping the kids! Personal life....you will be hearing about in my next few blogs. I have not given up on my 30 while 30 list, but I have not made as much progress as I had planned....will update you all on that soon. 

So hope all is well in your world! Lots on my mind, wonder what I will blog about first????

My drafts....will I ever finish them???

This is a list of the blogs that I have in my draft folder.....I had forgotten about the posts. I mean some have writings in them, some just are thoughts that popped in my head that I never took the time to write on. I wonder if I will ever finish them up or write on them.

Any of the topics look interesting to you?

What should I write about???

This morning I was reading my blogs and my daily subscriptions and I was thinking...what should I write about? I have about 5 or 6 blogs that are in draft mode...but honestly I don't know if I want to finish them, oh well. I was thinking I always write what is going on in my head and in my heart, but I never ask the people who read my blog what they would like me to write about.

I know I don't have a mega blog with lots of followers, but I thank you for the people who do take the time out to read my blog rather it be on occasion or whenever I post. I have about 38 followers which I am shocked, but once again thankful for.  Like the title of my blog says....if you only knew. The thoughts that I write are random and things that I can not always express to people I know so this blog gives me a chance to open up as much as I can to people who hopefully don't change me except my words for what they are....my words.

So...with all that said. Is there anything any of you would like to ask me? Anything you would like me to address or write about?  You can post a comment on this blog or if you want to remain anonymous you can ask on my formspring page (link is on right side of blog) or you can even send me a message on twitter...take your pick.

Looking forward to your responses or lack of responses.... Hope everyone is enjoying the weather. I am about to leave work and hopefully enjoy it myself too!!

KREATIVE BLOGGER AWARD

I am the proud recipient of the KREATIVE BLOGGER AWARD. Marq over @ THEGAYTEKEEPER has chosen for me this award.

What I am supposed to do:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award. Marq, I was shocked, but thanks! I just write what is in my mind, does not always make sense, but I like to get things out this way. I have blogged for a while, but not consistently till recently. Thanks again!
2. Copy the logo and place it in your blog. DONE!
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award. You can find the blog here: THE GAYTEKEEPER
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
• I have never dated anyone....
• My faith is very important to me, which sometimes cause conflicts in my thought process, but I think it is all for the better
• I can throw down in the kitchen...a lot of people know, but very few get to experience
• I have a degree in Engineering Science with a focus in Economics and Management of Technology...Yeah, I am kind of smart, and I choose not to use my degree. I love what I do!!!
• Most people under estimate my intelligence and are shocked. I am a dork and weird and I love it!!! My career field is dominated by people who look and act NOTHING like me and most of the time and more than likely can't relate to me... I love it because they never know what to expect!
• I look at life beyond me. This might sound crazy, but I am a very selfish, unselfish person......ask and I will explain.
• I regret nothing!! Everything that has happened in my past has made me who I am today, the good and the bad.  Life is full of experiences and I appreciated all of them...even the ones that hurt so bad.
5. Nominate 7 Kreative Bloggers and post links to the 7 blogs you nominate. All of these blogs are wonderful places to find creative people and indpendent thinkers. My Choices are.
• Alisha N. Tillery: Because I Said So
• Freestyle Theology 
• The Desultory Life & Times of a Public Citizen 
• This Week in Blackness 
• Until I Get Married 
• Shaun in the City 
• Black & Bougie
6. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated.  Hmmm...not good at this, but I will tweet the post...Most of the people I will nominate read my blog anyway so they will find out!

Comments???

I really enjoying blogging and have been doing a lot more lately.  I actually had a comment from an anonymous reader that complimented me on the growth of my blog, which I was surprised by, but thankful.  I read (or scan) hundreds of blogs each day and very rarely do I comment on them...Why is that???

Honestly I don't know. I mean I enjoy the blogs and they spark thought and ideas in me, but usually don't feel the need to comment.  I might not agree with the statements on all the blogs I read, but I respect the opinions and thoughts of others. I remember when I use to watch Saturday morning cartoons a commerical that always stuck in my head....Great minds think alike, no, great minds think for themselves.  People have to learn to think for themselves and come to their own conclusion or views on a topic. People need to be able to back up their views and learn how to respect people who do not have the same views. 

A lot of times I don't comment because I am at a loss for words.  I don't necessarily agree or disagree, but I am taking time to formulate my own thoughts or opinions on the subject matter.  Sometimes I have no opinion and sometimes I am left confused, but oh well.  Sometimes people get mad when you don't comment, get over it (not trying to be rude). 

I blog to vent, to express myself, to get things out.  I read blogs to get inspiration and to see how others view things. Comments are extra....

My 100th Post!!!!

Guess what post this is??? Yesterday was a bad day for me, but I am determined to make this day a better one....so far so good. Since this is my 100th post I really have no idea what to write about. I looked back at my first post on August 31, 2007...that seems like it was forever ago. I have done this blog thing off and on since then, but have become more consistent with it over the past year.

Looking at my first post. I have actually continued to encompass what I set out to do with this blog. Write about my random thoughts and feelings that I can not express to people closest to me. The blog is entitled If You Only Knew.... Most people don't and that is still true to this day. I sometimes ask myself do people really want to know the real you?? I mean not that you are fake, but what if everyone knew EVERYTHING that is going on in your mind and your though process...are they ready....doubt it!

Just my thoughts. Yes my view of the world, people, and life does not always fit the norm, and not everyone might agree with me, but that is how I feel. I am still on a journey of growth and understanding about so many things...I am loving the direction I am good. I have set backs, but I learn from them and move on.

Thanks to all that read, who comment, who don't comment. A few posts ago I wrote about why I blog and the more I blog the more I realize why...it helps me if no one else. Those of who you who enjoy my blog I am glad. I will continue to post, continue to vent, and continue to grow...Would love feedback and love suggestions.

Have a great day!!! I know I am trying too!!!

Why Do I Blog???

I thought about this today while I was going through the many blogs that I read during the day to break the monotony of going through numerous excel spreadsheets and access databases (don't get me wrong, I love my job...but some tasks can be tedious). As I read and looked at some of my favorite blogs they all have a theme or a general method for the postings...Then I looked at my blog. What was I, or what am I trying to accomplish with the blog.

Honestly....I don't know. I have so many random thoughts in my head and I just wanted a place to get them out. I use to blog on myspace...but rarely sign on to myspace. My facebook account has intersected business and personal so I dare not post on there (too much work to restrict various parts of page).

I know sometimes people might read my post and be totally confused...sometimes I am too. But in my posting I process things out in my mind. I get things out that I am not always able to articulate to other people. I get things out without being judged for my thoughts or looked at crazy by those closest to me that truly do not understand.

So why do I blog??? I still don't have a complete answer for that. Sometimes I would like more people to read or respond to my posts...most don't. Sometimes I wish that I would tell more people that are close to me about my blog...but then I might not be as open. Sometimes I feel like I blog to vent about things that irritate me. I guess I have various reasons...guess it is a work in progress?

So...Why do you blog???