My Birthdaty!!!!

Today is my birthday. Did I do anything special? Nah! I took day to reflect and have me time. So many thoughts and feelings right now. Can't put into words. Thankful for another year of life. Excited but nervous about what is to come.....

Transition

in my life I am in a period of transition. Don't know if it is good or bad, but it is happening. I have happy moments, but I also have sad moments. Transition is not easy and makes me uncomfortable, but I guess that comes along with growth which is good. We shall see what is next.

Ego

You got a big ego? (so sang that like the Beyonce song) Why? Confidence is one thing but when you have an inflated ego....not cute, be humble. So often we think so much of self, without stopping to think of others and the bigger picture....we have to do better.

Trust

I trust very few people and I think this is a good thing. Not paranoid, but I think trust is earned.....and that takes time.

Beauty

Beauty I think is relative. We all find beauty in different things. Could be a picture, a word, actions of a person.  Things that we see beauty in can differ in so many ways/. Today is a day that I have to realize that I have beauty within myself.  Not just the physical but beauty in the fact that I can still smile in spite of circumstances going on around me.

Dreams

Dreams can be good and bad. Dreams can spark hopes of the future, things you want to become, and things you desire in life. They can also be a symbol of unfilled things in your life. What you do with your dreams can influence so much, even if you do not realize it. I have some dreams some that can be shared....some that cannot.  We will see where they lead me :-)

Relationships

Be careful who you get into relationships with. This is just not romantic relationships. Your time and personal space is valuable. Think how you let people into your life and how they change you, for the good and the bad. Relationships are hard, to keep up to balance, to maintain.

Time

My time is valuable and I HATE when people waste my team. Why don't people understand that?  Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day and it is up to you on how you use it. I waste time, we all do, but I am challenging myself to be a better steward of my time and of others time.

Joy

Passion

In life I think one should find their passion. Not what will make you famous or rich, but what you are passionate about. In the days of social media it is easy to get caught up in what looks good to the outside world and what brings you attention, but is that your passion?  What are you passionate about? What am I passionate about?

Exposure

What are you exposed to? Do you think what you are exposed to shapes how you view the world? In my mentoring this has really been on my mind. I think too often we limit ourselves.  We refuse to think or look outside the box out of fear or complacency. Why do we settle so much and not seek out other things. How can you grow or expand without seeing other things that are out in the world?

Family

The past couple of weeks have been a little rough.  2 people I care about a lot were put on hospice care.  One passed last week, one past yesterday. One was a blood relative, one was as close to me as a blood relative.  I love my family, flaws and all. My extended family, the people I consider family all play a different role in my life. Value family, spend time with family, love family.

Rest....

Long weekend....no rest....and now I realize I need it. I was supposed to go see a favorite artist tonight at a local club, but what is my body telling me to do??? REST!!!! Sometimes we get so caught up in doing things and we crash when it is too late. Rest is a part of self care which is a must.

Purpose

So are you walking in purpose? Do you know what your purpose is? I have been asking myself these questions a lot lately. Why? Because I have hit a roadblock.....good or bad, I am in a funk. Will things change? Will I realize that yes I am in purpose and God never said purpose would be easy and I must press on! We shall see....

Friendship

I don't have that many friends in life, but I am very thankful for the ones I have. They love me unconditionally and challenge me to be a better person.  We don't always agree and at times we don't get along, but we all know in the end we have love for each other and we want the best for each other. No matter distance or time when we catch up it reminds me why they are my friends!

Words and actions

I don't even know where to start. Couldn't sleep and a lot on my mind and all I could do was blog. So honestly don't know where this post will go.

I never thought words could hurt so much.....for a person that always wants to know they why, I really want to know why you made the statement and the fact that you said it was not important hurts even more. You said it so to me it is important. Words mean things! Not only so words mean things, but the actions that go along with those words mean things and your lack of action hurts even more.

I don't ask for much and couple with the one thing I have asked of you and your recent words......I just don't know. My past and my present I am learning so much and right now coming to terms with the lessons I am learning are hard. It should not be this difficult!!!!!

One thing I have believed my whole life what is important to you make time for me, period! So when your words and your time don't add up it confuses me and I hate confusion.

So what will happen? I don't know, but just needed to let that out. Hopefully I can get some sleep before work in the morning, but doesn't look promising :-(

More blogging in 2015 is a must........

Emotions

Emotions are not always easy to control. I sit at home thinking about the events over the past few weeks and I am really asking myself how could I have handled it better? One thing about me is that when I want something I want it. Not spoiled, but when I REALLY want something if I don't get it......not good.

This past few weeks a friendship has been forever changed, a person that I truly had feelings for just dismissed what we had at one time had, and now a part of my life is in limbo (will write more once the limbo is over), but with all of this I have finally looked at how I have or how I am dealing with all of this. I often wear my emotions on my sleeve which is weird for person who can't cry in front of other people. Looking over my actions these past couple of weeks.......I have been a bitch, I can admit.

Now as I deal with all of this going foward, how will I choose to act? I honestly don't know.  I do know whatever the outcome is I do know that I will be alright, life goes on, I a still have worth, and I am still amazing!!! I am going to try hard not to take the emotions I have going on inside out on other people and I will continue to try to be the best person I can.

Recently I cam across a quote that exemplifies exactly how I feel most days......

"I am a master of my spoken words and slave to those which remain unspoken"

Are words more important than actions???

This morning I woke up and should have done some work...but I just played around on the internet.  What did come to mind after reading a blog post that criticized the words of a reporter in his covering of the Haiti situation. What surprised me about the post was I had just seen a news clip from that reporter doing something selfless and not focusing on reporting, but saving a life in the midst of turmoil....

This got me to thinking about do people focus too much on words and not the actions of people. I then begin to think about the words of Senator Harry Reid and the firestorm that happened after those words were published.  I am not arguing for against what was said, but people began to talk about his history with civil rights, his voting rights, and what he has done over the years.  Does the speaking of "words" negate all the good that someone has done?

If you ever think about the words you have said are conversations you have had in the past could someone use them to paint a picture of you in a negative way??? Probably so...but this does not negate the good you do.  Recently I have spoken about wanting a person to back up the words "I Love You" with actions... You say something it is the direct contradiction of how you treat a person.  Is it okay to talk about you negatively in public, but do nothing but good things for you out of the spotlight....or even the spotlight? 

This post might be a little confusing, but I wrote all this to say...Are words more important than actions?