Say What You Will About Tyler Perry...

He makes valid points...

Don't Judge Me!!!

Back in the fall I went to visit a friend in Atlanta for a weekend and had a great time. When I got there we went out for drinks with some of her coworkers.  One of her coworkers we hung out with later that weekend also. One of her favorite phrases she said that had me crackin up was "Don't Judge Me." It was the way she said it and when she said it.  These words inspired this post.

In the past and sometimes in the present I struggle with judging people.  I have come a long way, but I still catch myself doing it and I do try to stop.  This being said I do think no one has the right to judge anyone else. We all have faults, weaknesses, and issues that we deal with daily.  We all are human and we are not perfect. Each of us has different belief systems and value systems and we can't judge people based on our own. People have to learn to agree to disagree....I think the world would be a better place if we could master this.

Lately I have been having various thoughts and ideas about how people view other people and how people treat other people.  They are a little drastic, but it is how I feel.  Still formulating some things, but I know soon things will become clearer. Time will reveal...

Just my thoughts! Have a superexcellentmarvelousstupendous day!!!

Is It Me???

This weekend was rough for me. I mean I got things accomplished, but a lot of things in my mind got me to thinking....and that is not always good.  I am a person who thinks a lot and sometimes over thinks. I don't always tell people what I am thinking because they might be shocked (Hence the title of my blog).

Recently I have made some major changes in my life. Some I am still struggling with, but I know for the better. Some are shocking to me...and shocking to the few people I have told.  Lent began Wednesday and I have giving up some things and have been focusing on the direction my life is going...

What is funny since I have been doing this the strangest things have been happening. In a blog post a few weeks ago I mentioned the fact that I had never dated anyone. This sometimes irritates me, but I am dealing with it better.  This weekend, or the past few days...the strangest men have come up to me and I am like do I look like a person that is willing to date you? I am not conceited and I try to be very open minded, but when I say the guys were far from any type of person I would date. It is all not based on appearance either. One guy was buying a 40 oz at 10:30 in the morning, with gold teeth, and staring me down like I was a piece of meat while at the gas station.  One guy even though he tried was not able to make a complete sentence, and although he was in his work uniform, he was unkept...take pride in what you do!!!!

I have said all this to get back to my title...Is it me? This weekend was an abundance of triflingness (is that how you spell it?) but in general the randomnest, most "special" people approach me. Why do I attract foolishness? See the picture above...that is me, and usually how I carry myself, I don't dress "hoochie", I know that I am articulate and intelligent, and can hold a conversation. I will not go any further because I am just talking about the initial qualities you see when you first meet a person. I don't think I am stand offish.

This just bothers me....

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So Wrong....

I was thinking a lot yesterday and one topic that popped up in my mind while reading various blogs really irritated me.  (This is happening a lot lately)

Why do women cheat with a married or taken man?  Honestly...this makes no sense to me. Why would you choose to be a home wrecker. I am not talking about women who had no clue that man was in a relationship or married. I am talking about women who knowingly get involved with men that they know for a fact that they are involved with someone.  Why? 

There are two famous or infamous stories that I have seen recently. The woman who posted billboards of her married lover all over major cities in the US and now the paternity test that is going to be done for the alleged child of Matthew Knowles...Seriously??? You choose to have an affair with a married man.

This post might seem cold and judgmental, but I am just venting. Like I said in the beginning I am not talking about women who had no clue and by no means am I giving the men a pass, I am just not writing about the men at this time.  But I just don't understand. Then women have the nerve to say they are not wrong in this situation...really?

I am done venting...just my thoughts and observations.

Change in lifestyle

New change in my life...I am embarking on something different.  Don't know how long it will last or if this is a life long change...I am experimenting with several vegan dishes.  This is interesting for me because I LOVE meat and animal products.  What I am doing is trying to find healthier ways of cooking foods and using no processed foods and no animal products was a start.

Now I love to cook...and love to eat, which is my problem. The picture to the right is of a cookbook that I have recently purchased.  It has some great recipes in it and it has truly inspired me.  I am really trying to do this long term....but I don't know.

I think so often we are accustomed to food we grew up on and we are afraid to try new things.  I mean...if the food taste great and gives you the nutrients that you need  why not eat it? Even if it does not have meat or grease?  I am a southern girl at heart and love pork and fried food, but I also know these foods are not great for me in the long run. 

I have been trying this new way of eating for about a week now and so far so good. I have my moments where I want to go grab a burger or slice of pizza. I have my moments when I have to think about what I am going to eat and really plan out my meals, but in the long run I know this is better for my health.

Tonight's dinner....sauteed spinach, baked sweet potatoes, and I think I might do some black eye pea fritters.

House Effect

A few days ago everyone was a buzz about the statements that John Mayer made in a Playboy interview. I found it interesting the different responses people made during the day.  I was not able to read the complete article until later in the evening because of the website it was on.  I did post a comment on facebook stating the contradiction in how people responded to John Mayer's comments and how people respond to the negative lyrics, statements, and actions of a lot of African American  Hip Hop and R &B artists.

One person I know was very dissapointed in John Mayer's statements and now she refuses to listen to his music.  I then thought about how people respond to celebrities when they make a mistake. They are human.

So my question becomes will you support someone in their business if you knew they had a huge character flaw that did not interfere with them providing you a service?

What is getting under my skin right now...

Yesterday I posted a link to a blog that I wrote during the presidential election.  Looking back over my thoughts I pretty much feel the same way, but feelings resurfaced after watching Palin's speech at the Tea Party convention. I posted a comment on my status on facebook and that sparked a political debate that became interesting because I have friends on all spectrums of political views.

One guy summed up how I felt. I can agree to disagree, but I still think Palin is a moron. I even brought up the question what if Palin were black? Do you think she would be where she is in politics today?  NOPE! Rather you agree or not I do feel how a person runs their home life is a good way they will run their professional life. If a black person in politics had all the same issues that have come up about her they would not be elected by a majority (not talking about black districts...that is another situation). 

As I think about the speech and what she said...I honestly don't remember at this point half the things she said, but I do remember the condescending statements she continue to make. I do remember the arrogance that she continued to portray. I remembered how people continued to applaud her no matter what she says (some Obama supporters do this too...I don't discriminate) I think Proverbs 19:2 (NIV) says it best: It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way. Which I think is the majority of the problem. 

I am far from a political expert and honestly....I don't have the time to learn all the inner workings of government and politics. What I do know are the basics of government and what I look to in a leader and the basic policies that I stand firm on. Overall President Barack Obama exemplifies those qualities an I appreciate that. Yes he has made some mistakes and I don't agree with everything he does, but overall I think he is doing a good job. He is thinking and processing what is good for the country and doing what he feels is the best thing to do.

In some ways I want Palin to continue doing what she does, but only if the people who disagree with her go out and vote!! (we get mad, but a lot of "us" don't vote....another topic in itself).  I think the clip for Chris Matthew's sums up my feelings quite well right now!

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Foundation for Next Blog...

Before I post my next blog I had to take a flashback...Please read this old post that I wrote during the Presidential election.  This was a long venting blog, but I had to get it out and is a foundation for the blog I am working on now. Feel free to comment here or on the old blog. New post will be up later today...hopefully :-)

I Can't Do it All!!!! 

KREATIVE BLOGGER AWARD

I am the proud recipient of the KREATIVE BLOGGER AWARD. Marq over @ THEGAYTEKEEPER has chosen for me this award.

What I am supposed to do:

1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award. Marq, I was shocked, but thanks! I just write what is in my mind, does not always make sense, but I like to get things out this way. I have blogged for a while, but not consistently till recently. Thanks again!
2. Copy the logo and place it in your blog. DONE!
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award. You can find the blog here: THE GAYTEKEEPER
4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
• I have never dated anyone....
• My faith is very important to me, which sometimes cause conflicts in my thought process, but I think it is all for the better
• I can throw down in the kitchen...a lot of people know, but very few get to experience
• I have a degree in Engineering Science with a focus in Economics and Management of Technology...Yeah, I am kind of smart, and I choose not to use my degree. I love what I do!!!
• Most people under estimate my intelligence and are shocked. I am a dork and weird and I love it!!! My career field is dominated by people who look and act NOTHING like me and most of the time and more than likely can't relate to me... I love it because they never know what to expect!
• I look at life beyond me. This might sound crazy, but I am a very selfish, unselfish person......ask and I will explain.
• I regret nothing!! Everything that has happened in my past has made me who I am today, the good and the bad.  Life is full of experiences and I appreciated all of them...even the ones that hurt so bad.
5. Nominate 7 Kreative Bloggers and post links to the 7 blogs you nominate. All of these blogs are wonderful places to find creative people and indpendent thinkers. My Choices are.
• Alisha N. Tillery: Because I Said So
• Freestyle Theology 
• The Desultory Life & Times of a Public Citizen 
• This Week in Blackness 
• Until I Get Married 
• Shaun in the City 
• Black & Bougie
6. Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated.  Hmmm...not good at this, but I will tweet the post...Most of the people I will nominate read my blog anyway so they will find out!

"Not Me" Mentality

I was thinking today about the "not me" mentality. I was listening to statistics about how all black women are single (exaggerating, but you get my point). Someone brought up raw statistics and this got me to thinking...now I have not been able to look them up, but the overall message of what was said does not change based on the specific numbers. The statistics basically pointed out that there are way more African American women than African American men out there (not even counting inmates and so on....).

With this being said why do African American women have the "not me" mentality when it comes to dating outside their race? Most black women who I have talked to have this dream of a successful black man that sweeps them off their feet....what if this is not the destiny you have?  In no way am I saying give up on black men, because I think they are beautiful and have qualities that most people overlook, take for granted, and miscategorize (another whole topic in itself), but what I am saying if the right White, Hispanic, Asian, or other person walks into your life and has all the qualities that you have dreamed for why does the color of their skin knock him out?

One might argue so many other reasons for why black women don't date outside their race, but I just want to bring up the question of what black women are so opposed to it? Just my thoughts that came up yesterday. 

Posted a status on facebook yesterday and here are a few of my friend's responses:

Friend #1: LOL...well, although I'm in a relationship now, I never had a problem envisioning myself dating someone from a different racial background. But I think it has a lot to do with how you were raised sometimes and that mindset of if you're open enough to date outside of your race. Some people might think it's a slap in the face to date another race, More like you're "diluting" the gene pool so to speak. I look at it as beautiful either way. Race shouldn't really be at the forefront when it comes to who you fall in love with and marry.


Friend #2: I'm sure it goes deeper than my following comment, but I wonder if what causes Black men to break free much easier is the fact that, as men, it is much more socially acceptable for us to try and gain as many "conquests" as possible. So since female promiscuity is seen as "bad" for it to even be close to socially acceptable for Black women, it has to be with Black men. Men in general, however, don't care, and physically, we just want women. Any women.

Friend #1: I think some women probably don't like the idea of the few eligible black guys dating outside of their race, but my thing is, unless you wanted to date him specifically, why does it even matter?? The world is practically full of mixed races and noone is 100% anything anymore - especially black people - that's one thing that makes us so unique!!People place so many limitations on themselves as far as who they'll date that by the time they're in their 40s, they're wondering why they're still single lol. God says love all people; so I think that means don't limit yourself either - but on the other hand, don't settle for whatever either :D ... just my thoughts. :D

Friend # 3: ok so i'm just gonna say it...i do agree love is love..BUT I think we as black women endure the most & we throughout history have been holding our men down..we don't know how to do anything different...i feel men outside of my race don't have my same struggle so at the core we can't relate bc they will never be black..i personally don't have a problem with interracial relationships..i have bi-racial family members...however I want ever non black woman to realize that when u make babies with black men, your creating black babies..society will only view them as black regardless of who their mama is (pres obama as an example)...so you have to be cool with that..i know the last part of my response is off topic but I just had to say it

What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do

I recently read the book What to Do When You Don't Know what to Do. I picked this book because that was exactly where I was in my life. Took my a couple of weeks to finish the book, but once I did, it was a great and easy read.

The book spelled out principles that really anybody could use. I think we all come to a point where we question our faith and you know there has to be a bigger reason for everything, but you don't honestly don't know why. Sometimes in life you get to a point where you have problems and issues, but you have no clue what to do.

To me, this book gave me basic principles that I can apply to my life. One issue for me has always been that I want things on my time, not God's time. I can be a very impatient person. I have to learn to wait patiently.

One plus at the end of the book that I did like was the section on "Real Life Answers for Tough Situation." It gives you a start in finding help in areas that a lot of people experience that are hard to deal with. It uses tools and gives realistic things you can do to help get you through a situation.

I found this book helpful and I am currently and will use several of the principles in my life. It is a great quick read.

Being S.M.A.R.T.

A while ago I read this blog and it really inspired me. I have begun to set several goals in my life...some short term and some long term.  With each goal I am being S.M.A.R.T: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-Bound.  This is important to me because a lot of times I set goals and then I get distracted. Not to say things don't get accomplished, but they are pushed aside and not completed in a timely manner.

This year I am setting some specific goals that I will share with you.  This way I can hold myself accountable and track my progress. Also, I can go back and look to say what I was going to do and see if I really did it...It is not as easy to deny when you put it out there on the web. 

Listed below are areas in my life that I am working on this year and my goals for them.

1. My weight: I wrote in an earlier blog about the fact that I am obese now. This will end!!! I need to look up the medical definition of obese, but I have come up with target weight goals.  I have a Baby Shower in Atlanta in June and I want to lose 40 pounds by then. I have been exercising and eating better and this is attainable.  This is for my health. I can never get this fat again.  Then, by the end of 2010 I would like to lose another 30 pounds. I know as time progresses it will be harder to lose the weight, but I will keep working. I will work out 3-4 times a week consistently. I will NOT eat cupcakes from Cupcake Collection more than once a week...they are so my weakness. Each year I will set new goals until I am physically fit, inside and out.
2. Finances: I want to build my savings back up.  I want my emergency fund to be consistently back at $1000 by the end of 2010. Yes I have taken a pay cut because I am only working one job, but I think it still can be done.  I also want to pay CASH for my trips to Atlanta and Philadelphia in June and July.  No borrowing, not credit cards, not robbing Peter to pay Paul...Feel me?  Once my emergency fund has been established I will continue the steps that I use to follow in Dave Ramsey's class.
3. Hair: This may seem little, but it is big to me. I want to grow my hair out for Locks for Love. My hair has to be 10 inches...which is possible, but I always cut hair in stages and never grow it out long enough to donate or I color it or do something crazy. I am blessed with a lot of hair, and hair that people like to call "good" (that's a whole nother post) so I would love to share with someone who needs it, not the greedy people who continue to touch my hair without permission and ask for my hair!!! Sorry...having a moment.
4. Career/Education: I am in a position right now that I love, but I know I do not want to do this forever. It is a stepping stone for the next level.  I have the work experience now I just need the education to back it up. I am taking the GRE this year and applying for Graduate School. I really want to be a research coordinator.  This position does not need more education, but in the long run I don't want to be stuck . I am beginning to research schools and mapping out a plan.
5. Love: This is a hard one...Been a big struggle for me and hard to put goals on something that is really out of your control, but I felt I need to address it.  This year I will let my guard down.  Melanie Fiona (from India Arie) said it best...I am Ready for Love. I know I am different and I can't change my past, but I know it has made me who I am today and whoever can accept that and understand that this is a first step for me will be a journey and hopefully for the best. I am not asking for perfection...just a chance.
6. Mentoring: I have been a mentor for several years now.  I have had my frustrations of the status quo. It is time for me to do what I have always know I should do no matter what others say because it is so not about me. It is time for me to implement and work on a how to more effectively impact the kids lives. Not leaving things to the last minute and doing mediocre work.  We claim to work in the "spirit of excellence" but so often we don't. I have ideas that I will follow through with and that will get accomplished.

Okay...These are just a start.  Some of my goals and plans. I have tried to apply the S.M.A.R.T. principle to all of them.  It is easier to see them written out and easier to hold myself accountable. So a year from now I will revisit this post and see where I am. Wish me luck!!