Days 14-19: Several things......

This blogging daily is not going as planned.....

I got sick, took a few days off from work to get better and just was in a funk.   But.....Just because I was in a funk does not mean I did not have things to be thankful for.

One of my favorite quotes is....When life gives you lemons, find someone whose life gave them vodka and have a party!!!!! Makes me smile every time I say it :-)

But seriously.....when I started off on this task to blog about things I am thankful for my goal was to truly focus on the positives I have in life, but in this experience a lot of the negatives have reared their ugly head :-/

Well 6 days have gone by since my last blog of thankfulness.....so what have I been thankful for????

Thankful for the times when my hair does what it is supposed to do.....might not last long, but I do get a pic in here and there.

My smile....one thing I TRY real hard to keep on doing....not always the easiest, but sometimes when you just smile it makes you feel better.

For getting to see Melissa Harris Perry speak in person....she was AWESOME!!!!! Not the best pic in the world, but what she said....confirmation on my next moves :-)

This cd is coming out in less than a month......SUPER DUPER EXCITED!!!! For those who know me......Love the music of all these men!!!

Do you see this hair???? Love it!!!! Now I am not bold enough to do the style....but the color is giving my life!!! Will this be my next move???? We shall see.... Glad this pic gives me inspiration!

For receiving this text.....reminds me of a happier time in my life......it was time of questioning a lot, but the person who sent it to me will always have a place in my heart.


Well.....those are just a few things that I have been thankful for.  Although I am not posting everyday, I promise that when I do post I will post things I have been thankful for over the time I have been absent. 

I am in a weird place in my life right now....questioning, wondering, longing......I do not know the answers, and honestly do not know if I am meant to know the answers, but what I do know is that I am still standing, I am still progressing.  Learning each day and growing each day.......

Really sucking at blogging right now :-(

This morning I got up and my bed held me hostage. I could not do anything....I just stayed in my bed and did nothing.

My life has been a whirlwind and I am trying to manage my time and get use to everything. I have had ups and downs, but I am still standing. The pic to the left is my hair now, it is finally growing back so I am truly getting excited about getting my tattoo.....but that might be put on hold (will explain later).

Work, mentoring, health, and my personal life has been on struggle lately and I honestly I am just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel....hopefully.

A lot has been on my mind and my heart and sometimes I just do not know how to express it all....so we shall see.


For those who still read my blog, THANK YOU!!! I microblog on my tumblr when I can and I still tweet the random things that go on in my head (most of the time). I am hoping that life will get back to some form of normal soon.....so we shall see. My biggest hurdle right now is my health, do not know know what is going on with my skin, which has delayed my tattoo, but I am worried about how they can not give me a definite answer. I get tired of people looking at my arms and staring, I have been breaking out for a while and it is getting worse, I have medications, get shots, go to the doctor every two weeks....but it is not improving. I hope when I go again this week something can be changed, but what is being down now is not workin....so we shall see.

I still have thoughts that I want to express that I think and hope I get out more on this blog. I am slowly realizing that I have to take my mornings to blog, right now one of the few free moments I have in my day.

Change in lifestyle

New change in my life...I am embarking on something different.  Don't know how long it will last or if this is a life long change...I am experimenting with several vegan dishes.  This is interesting for me because I LOVE meat and animal products.  What I am doing is trying to find healthier ways of cooking foods and using no processed foods and no animal products was a start.

Now I love to cook...and love to eat, which is my problem. The picture to the right is of a cookbook that I have recently purchased.  It has some great recipes in it and it has truly inspired me.  I am really trying to do this long term....but I don't know.

I think so often we are accustomed to food we grew up on and we are afraid to try new things.  I mean...if the food taste great and gives you the nutrients that you need  why not eat it? Even if it does not have meat or grease?  I am a southern girl at heart and love pork and fried food, but I also know these foods are not great for me in the long run. 

I have been trying this new way of eating for about a week now and so far so good. I have my moments where I want to go grab a burger or slice of pizza. I have my moments when I have to think about what I am going to eat and really plan out my meals, but in the long run I know this is better for my health.

Tonight's dinner....sauteed spinach, baked sweet potatoes, and I think I might do some black eye pea fritters.

Day One of Personal Trainer :-(

Today started first day of working out with a personal trainer. For Christmas (she gave it to me early) my mother gave me 2 months of a personal trainer just to give me a jump start. I am thankful for the gift, but like I said in the last post I have to do this with or without other people's help. 

This morning I barely made it to work...I still can't feel my legs, but in the long run it is worth it!!! The personal trainer did his job, eventhough I called him evil and the devil the whole session.  In my mind the first day I thought would be just discussing the plan and a light workout...I had jokes!!! He said he was just testing to see where I was, and to me I was at the bottom, but he says I was not the worst he has seen.  Gives me hope!

The test is tomorrow. I will wake up and will workout without him.  Yes I Can!!!

Tired of Being Obese!!!!

This is a very hard post for me to write.  I was sitting at my desk today and realized something...I am obese. Now...that statement could be looked at weird because how do you just all of a sudden realize you are obese???? That will be the discussion in the rest of this post. I wrote this as an accountability tool to me. I will start off by showing you pictures of me. Not the best pictures, but only ones I could find that show the change....

Now

Then

Yes the then picture I am half the size I am now (yes I said half) and it was taken my senior year of high school.  I do realize that I am 29 years old now and I will never be that same size again, but I posted to prove a point...I am fat, no obese now!!! Not good.  It is time to make a change. It is time for me to stop being in denial. My life and my health are too important. It is time out for excuses.

Why do I keep saying obese?? Because for the last few years I have justified it, said I am overweight, but in shape, said I am just fat, but no I am more than just fat...and that is not cool. I am tall and I always use that as an excuse. When I sit at my desk now I realize my stomach is getting in the way, when I try on clothes in my closet I realize they don't fit or they are a lot tighter, even in my shoes I can tell a difference, and all of this has to stop!!!

In the "then" picture I was a size 14 and almost had a flat stomach (remember I said almost). I was active in band and various activities. I was healthy.  Now I can get from point A to point B, I can climb a flight of steps, I can walk a distance, but do I always make it there without being out of breath....no (just being honest).  I workout in spurts, I eat right in spurts, and think about my health in spurts.  I have to be more consistent overall.  This is not just about physical appearance, but my overall health.  This has to be done!!!

I have done workouts, eat less, personal trainer, almost any and everything to lose weight....but I have a problem.  I am not consistent with it. I depend on other people to help me...this is about to change.  Starting today (was about to say tomorrow, because I was going out to dinner tonight) I will no longer wait for others or depend on others to do this for or with me.  I am doing this for me and I have to do this without expecting others being supportive or helpful.  I will do fine as long as I have a trainer but paying $200-400 a month can be expensive.  I have the information, I have and know what I need to do, now I just have to do it!!! And keep doing it!!!

Okay...the mission begins.  Yes I Can!!!!

Loving Myself today!!!

By no means am I conceited, but I am confident. Today is one of those days where I just love being me!!! I tried new products on my hair and I am loving them. Check them out... Mixed Chicks!!! I am having a productive day at work. It is Vandy's homecoming weekend and I am actually going to be social. I have a job interview next week and might be able to work ONE job and keep the lifestyle that I love. I went to the doctor yesterday and my health is good! (not great...still got to lose some weight, working on it) Nothing will stop my joy and happiness today. My goal is to approach each day with this mindset. Life is too short and too great to do otherwise. Got to focus on the positives and let everything else go. God is good! Life is good! I am good!!!