My Birthdaty!!!!

Today is my birthday. Did I do anything special? Nah! I took day to reflect and have me time. So many thoughts and feelings right now. Can't put into words. Thankful for another year of life. Excited but nervous about what is to come.....

Transition

in my life I am in a period of transition. Don't know if it is good or bad, but it is happening. I have happy moments, but I also have sad moments. Transition is not easy and makes me uncomfortable, but I guess that comes along with growth which is good. We shall see what is next.

Ego

You got a big ego? (so sang that like the Beyonce song) Why? Confidence is one thing but when you have an inflated ego....not cute, be humble. So often we think so much of self, without stopping to think of others and the bigger picture....we have to do better.

Trust

I trust very few people and I think this is a good thing. Not paranoid, but I think trust is earned.....and that takes time.

Beauty

Beauty I think is relative. We all find beauty in different things. Could be a picture, a word, actions of a person.  Things that we see beauty in can differ in so many ways/. Today is a day that I have to realize that I have beauty within myself.  Not just the physical but beauty in the fact that I can still smile in spite of circumstances going on around me.

Dreams

Dreams can be good and bad. Dreams can spark hopes of the future, things you want to become, and things you desire in life. They can also be a symbol of unfilled things in your life. What you do with your dreams can influence so much, even if you do not realize it. I have some dreams some that can be shared....some that cannot.  We will see where they lead me :-)

Relationships

Be careful who you get into relationships with. This is just not romantic relationships. Your time and personal space is valuable. Think how you let people into your life and how they change you, for the good and the bad. Relationships are hard, to keep up to balance, to maintain.

Time

My time is valuable and I HATE when people waste my team. Why don't people understand that?  Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day and it is up to you on how you use it. I waste time, we all do, but I am challenging myself to be a better steward of my time and of others time.

Joy

Testimony

Everybody has a testimony. One day I will tell my unfiltered one. We all have been through things and sometimes when others hear that you have made it out of whatever you have been through that gives them hope they can get out of it too. There is power in your testimony. Will you share yours?

Passion

In life I think one should find their passion. Not what will make you famous or rich, but what you are passionate about. In the days of social media it is easy to get caught up in what looks good to the outside world and what brings you attention, but is that your passion?  What are you passionate about? What am I passionate about?

Exposure

What are you exposed to? Do you think what you are exposed to shapes how you view the world? In my mentoring this has really been on my mind. I think too often we limit ourselves.  We refuse to think or look outside the box out of fear or complacency. Why do we settle so much and not seek out other things. How can you grow or expand without seeing other things that are out in the world?

Family

The past couple of weeks have been a little rough.  2 people I care about a lot were put on hospice care.  One passed last week, one past yesterday. One was a blood relative, one was as close to me as a blood relative.  I love my family, flaws and all. My extended family, the people I consider family all play a different role in my life. Value family, spend time with family, love family.

Rest....

Long weekend....no rest....and now I realize I need it. I was supposed to go see a favorite artist tonight at a local club, but what is my body telling me to do??? REST!!!! Sometimes we get so caught up in doing things and we crash when it is too late. Rest is a part of self care which is a must.

Purpose

So are you walking in purpose? Do you know what your purpose is? I have been asking myself these questions a lot lately. Why? Because I have hit a roadblock.....good or bad, I am in a funk. Will things change? Will I realize that yes I am in purpose and God never said purpose would be easy and I must press on! We shall see....

Friendship

I don't have that many friends in life, but I am very thankful for the ones I have. They love me unconditionally and challenge me to be a better person.  We don't always agree and at times we don't get along, but we all know in the end we have love for each other and we want the best for each other. No matter distance or time when we catch up it reminds me why they are my friends!

Toxic Masculinity

Toxic masculinity (not the positive thoughts I had been having) was on my mind this morning.  Why are men so fragile? Why does the male ego have to be stroked so much? Why does a man's sexuality get easily threatened?  Ones masculinity should not be tied to the actions of others so when someone rejects or is attracted to it one should not go the the extremes of it.  I have a lot of thoughts and questions on the topic....all for now

Peace

Peace is what I am learning to seek in life.  So many things around you try to disturb your peace, but you have to find peace in the midst of it all.

Finding and keeping my peace is one reason why I decided to start this series. Last few months I have been in pain and stressed over so many things. I had to get back to what gives me peace and calm in my life. I have to remember to focus on these things and make sure that I don't let anyone steal my peace.

Humble

Humility and remaining humble is not always easy. To be confident in yourself without becoming cocky.  Where does confidence end and cockiness begin?

Knowledge

Today was the first day of school for a lot of kids today. My facebook timeline was filled with back to school pictures. Just got me thinking about all the experiences and things they will learn this year. Hope that they gain knowledge throughout the year....just not what is taught in classroom, but life experiences and things that are not always found in a book.

Faith

Faith.... a struggle for me these days. I have it, but question it so much these days. 

Determined

1. I will be unapologetically me
2. I will lose weight
3. I will be a better steward of my money
4. I will challenge systems that try to destroy me
5. I will love and be loved

This is just a start......

Grace and Mercy!!!!

Couldn't use one word today....these, at least for me always go together. I am so thankful for both! Things I should have received, things that I have been prevented from experiencing.... Just when I think about the grace and mercy that I have been extended in so many areas of my life??? THANK YA!!!!

This morning I work up thinking...contemplating several things. Yesterday I found out two men that I have played a part in my life have been put in hospice.  I knew both were ill, but to hear the news....just got to me.  It made me think about life, love, death. How we each process so much in this journey we all are on.  Just thoughts, hard to put in words....one day.

Love

What is love? Do you feel loved? Do you know how to love? These are questions that I have been asking myself lately. Being forever single I have often wondered am I missing something? Am I destined to never be in a relationship or loved by another human being? Then I had to pause...and say, wait, I am loved! This seems so simple, but a thought that is often overlooked. I have friends and family who love me and would do anything for me. They show me what true love is and I am thankful for that. Do I have my moments where I question if I am loved? Of course! Who doesn't? But I realize the more I focus on who loves me and who I love I don't dwell on those moments of wondering why certain people don't love me.

Blessed

Meant to write last night, but.....sleep was calling my name. One of my favorite sayings is "words mean things." I think I first heard it on my favorite podcast, The Read, stated by Crissle. It stuck out to me for so many reasons and I often use this phrase in life.

So yesterday I was thinking about the word blessed. I think it is often used in church and in life, so I looked up the definition and some definitions are as follows:

1. Held in reverence
2. Honored in worship
3. Of or enjoying happiness 
4. Bringing pleasure, contentment, or good fortune

I often say that I am blessed, but do I mean it? Do I just say it to convince myself or do I really mean it? We often say things out of habit and because they sound good, but do I really think that I am blessed???

Yes I do think I am blessed! When I think over my life and opportunities that I have had I truly am blessed. I have had hard times in life, but overall when I think about my life....I am blessed. We often take things for granted in life, and assume things that we receive or have are things we are owed or a given...they are not. So when I think about that I truly realize that I am truly blessed.  

Today (well should have been yesterday) is the start of a series....I will explain at the end, but for now...enjoy the ride!