Grace and Mercy!!!!

Couldn't use one word today....these, at least for me always go together. I am so thankful for both! Things I should have received, things that I have been prevented from experiencing.... Just when I think about the grace and mercy that I have been extended in so many areas of my life??? THANK YA!!!!

Update on 30 while 30......

Well since I will be 33 (SHHHH!!! don't tell anyone) this month I once again am updating my 30 While 30 list (which is turning into a 30 while in my 30s list).Updates are in RED!!!

1. Get a tattoo (I will not punk out!) Tattoo pic is here!
2. Get my passport (overseas trip is not in the budget YET....but working on it, at least I can get prepared) Got passport and went to the Bahamas last year!!! Planning another overseas trip for 2015 (got some other big plans for 2014)
3. Go on a date I got jokes!! Me and a friend had a long discussion about why he doesn't understand why I have not been on a date.....think I finally made him see why :-/
4. Complete 30 random acts of kindness to strangers this will always be ongoing
5. Read 30 books that aren't the typical books that I enjoy been busy but got 5 books under my belt this year and still have a stack I have to make it through
6. Take a spontaneous road trip somewhere by myself, just wake up and go (I have to plan out everything....this is going to be hard) I am not a spontaneous person so this is still no
7. Go white water rafting no one will go with me
8. Apply to Masters of  Public Health Program (2 are on the radar) this in works for 2014 all I can say....
9. Write letters to 30 people who have had an influence in my life and tell them why done!
10. Run (not walk) a 5K walked one, working on running....
11. Walk the Music City Half Marathon (still praying on this one....Jesus give me strength!!!) 2014!!!
12. Save X amount of money (figure will not be disclosed to everyone, but will tell if it is met or not) this is my weakness so no :-(
13. Donate hair to Locks for Love (length is almost there!) Did it! See!!!
14. Lose at least 30 pounds (aiming for more....but sticking with the theme of 30)
15. Purchase a Home (or be in the process...working on that now) have a fear of doing this....but making moves in 2014, house in 2015 is goal
16. Become a Research Coordinator (next step in my career...making moves!) Just interviewed for this position!!!
17. Travel west of the Mississippi River (been to Arkansas and Missouri, but that is about it...but have been to all the states east of the Mississippi) done!
18. Purchase a big ticket item for my mother (have to see what she wants....I am thinking a REAL nice pair of earrings...this will be a surprise) getting close!
19. Clean out my wardrobe (closet full of clothes and shoes...don't wear half of them, shame!!!) this will be an ongoing process...
20. Visit the graves of my father and sister (have not done since the funerals) still can't do it :-(
21. Ask some tough questions of a family member (nothing bad....just unanswered questions) afraid of the answers
22. Learn how to knit, love to crochet, everytime I try knitting I get frustrated :-( still trying, but can't do it
23. Write the vision plan for the next big project in my life (can't tell you what it is...yet) done!
24. Go to a concert in a big venue (don't do crowds of people well, which is limiting me from seeing Maxwell in July...not cool) Can't!!!! Kendrick Lamar and Wale are coming to my alma mater in a few months.....not big, but not small, so might go, step closer.....
25. Have my first kiss (yes I said it....don't trip) long story.....so I still say no
26. Create a signature vegan dish for me (I love to cook...want to create something that people who are skeptical about vegan and vegetarian dishes will enjoy) Stuffed Mexican portabella mushrooms! They are amazing!!
27. Complete a financial plan that will pay of my student loans before I die (I am so serious) starting to pay them off finally!
28. Purchase a piece of artwork that will be handed down to my next generation nope
29. Learn to speak my mind with no fear of others (some people might think I already do this....if you only knew!!) getting better
30. Most important thing to do in my year of 30..... HAVE FUN!!!! yess!!!!

Life and what has been happening

Remember me???? I am still alive and I am hoping this is the last time I write that I am going to do better at blogging!

Work, illness, working out, and just life have consumed me.  But I have realized that I have to make time to blog, blogging helps me get out my frustrations, my thoughts, my angers, my feelings.... A lot of my social networks have become so intermingled and this blog as one of the few places where I can just express myself freely, no judgment just be.

Few updates in life:

1. Love my job! Working me like crazy, but I love it!!!!
2. Started new part time job, not working as much, still getting use to it so we shall see....
3. Weight is going DOWN!!! Still have a way to go but doing better :-)
4. I have a guy that I have my eyes on.....we shall see. This will be a first :-/
5. Got my passport!! (#2 on my 30 while 30 list that I FINALLY got accomplished)

Please don't give up on me blogging.....

31 now......

Been meaning to update my life on my 30 while 30 list......so here it goes;-) Learned a lot about myself and although I did not complete everything I have not given up. Some things will be added to my bucket list. (sorry for typos....did from my new tablet and have no spellcheck)

1.  No tattoo, have a skin condition and want to get under control before I try, but design is finalized.

2.  No passport, but going to Bahamas next year and although you don't need a passport they suggest you have in case of emergency.

3.  Date.... I wish :-(

4.  Completed 30  random acts of kindness.....you should try it.

5. Read 10 books, once I got two jobs spare time was minimal.

6.  No spontaneous trip, unless you count trip to Atlanta I planned in a week.....that was spontaneous for me.

7.   No white water rafting, but going to still do.

8.  No grad school apps yet, had a career sidetrack, but in a good way. Going to work on a certification first that is really good in my profession.

9.  30 letters done, email and typed & hand written notes.

10. 5k happening in November.

11. Got injured during marathon training, trying again next year.

12. Saved money.....but doctor bills and meds took it up, but thank God I could afford them.

13. Donated hair and my hair has grown back!!!!

14. Lost 20, but also found some medical reasons why I haven't been losing weight and doctor is trying to figure out.

15.  No home......can't decide on where I want to live.

16. Became a clinical trials associate, close and better money.....one step closer!

17. Went to San Antonio and Dallas, past the Mississippi!!!!

18.  No big ticket item for my mother....but still will do.

19. Closet cleaned and goodwill blessed!

20. Did not visit graves of my father and my sister.......can't yet.

21. Some tough questions asked, but still have more.

22. Knitting is hard!!! Worked on more crocheting techniques.

23. Vision plan......still formulating work in progress.

24. No BIG concert, but did see Eric Roberson at Centerstage in Atlanta......progress!

25. First kiss...not so much :-(

26. Signature vegan dish...made. Brown rice and veggie dish, still working on a name.

27. Financial plan done! Now I just have to stick to it.

28. Art not purchased, money had to be spent somewhere else.

29. Speaking my mind........a little bit more.

30. I did have a fun year in spite of!!!!!

Blogging Once a Day is my goal

Recent pic of me! I like it! Hair is growing back so tattoo is in the near future. A lot has been going on in my life and have not been blogging as much, but I am determined to blog once a day to get some things off my mind. It makes me feel better.

Life has been challenging, but I am pushing my way through. Love my new job, but keeps me busy (hence less blogging).  Second job is great too, it has it issues, but I love helping the kids! Personal life....you will be hearing about in my next few blogs. I have not given up on my 30 while 30 list, but I have not made as much progress as I had planned....will update you all on that soon. 

So hope all is well in your world! Lots on my mind, wonder what I will blog about first????

Half Marathon Training

Been busy at work and training for half marathon. Really trying to complete #11 on my 30 Things While 30 List Check out my post over at my other blog Operation Death of Fat Girl . Feel free to comment and provide suggestions

30 things while 30 Update

Another update.....I need to do better :-)

1.Get a tattoo (I will not punk out!) Hair is on my neck now....tattoo will come soon

2.Get my passport (overseas trip is not in the budget YET....but working on it, at least I can get prepared) Have not even started...I think I will make this a project for June

3.Go on a date Been in a funk about this lately....long story, so the answer is no :-(

4.Complete 30 random acts of kindness to strangers A few things, given money away, helped random lady at drink machine. Donated some things randomly.....not really keeping track, this is more of a symbolic act.

5.Read 30 books that aren't the typical books that I enjoy I am up to 5, and have found some more I want to read :-) Actually thinking about purchasing a kindle.

6.Take a spontaneous road trip somewhere by myself, just wake up and go (I have to plan out everything....this is going to be hard) semi did----took a not so planned out trip to Atlanta couple of weeks ago. The fact that is was planned in like a week vs. the months I usually take, it is a step!

7.Go white water rafting I think I am going to aim for August for this, maybe if I set date goals easier to accomplish

8.Apply to Masters of Public Health Program (2 are on the radar) Still studying, car accident threw me off. But I have narrowed down schools and set a target date for enrolling :-)

9.Write letters to 30 people who have had an influence in my life and tell them why  Gave one letter away, finished 3 more but not given....the one letter given was very therapeutic
10.Run (not walk) a 5K walking again, thinking this summer I will be ago!

11.Walk the Music City Half Marathon (still praying on this one....Jesus give me strength!!!) renegotiating this one.....might find half marathon in another city.... I have failed so far on training.

12.Save X amount of money (figure will not be disclosed to everyone, but will tell if it is met or not) Still saving, had some unexpected expenses so we shall see....

13.Donate hair to Locks for Love (length is almost there!) COMPLETED!!!!

14.Lose at least 30 pounds (aiming for more....but sticking with the theme of 30) Lost 5 more pounds, been fluctuating since the holidays. Getting back at it now!
15.Purchase a Home (or be in the process...working on that now) making plans.....

16.Become a Research Coordinator (next step in my career...making moves!) Glitch in plan, but God is still good..... (all I can say)

17.Travel west of the Mississippi River (been to Arkansas and Missouri, but that is about it...but have been to all the states east of the Mississippi) Will be going to Houston in July, might take another trip by myself if time permits.

18.Purchase a big ticket item for my mother (have to see what she wants....I am thinking a REAL nice pair of earrings...this will be a surprise) Still thinking....

19.Clean out my wardrobe (closet full of clothes and shoes...don't wear half of them, shame!!!) Started, but bag is sitting by my front door...just need to drop off at Goodwill

20.Visit the graves of my father and sister (have not done since the funerals) Nope (punked out during the holidays....might take a day trip and do it one weekend)

21.Ask some tough questions of a family member (nothing bad....just unanswered questions) Still punking out...

22.Learn how to knit, love to crochet, every time I try knitting I get frustrated :-( Forgot about this one.....need to do some research on classes

23.Write the vision plan for the next big project in my life (can't tell you what it is...yet) Putting it into a scrapbook (one of my favorite hobbies)
24.Go to a concert in a big venue (don't do crowds of people well, which is limiting me from seeing Maxwell in July...not cool) Eric Roberson concert seated 1000 people does that count????

25.Have my first kiss (yes I said it....don't trip) Nope :-(
26.Create a signature vegan dish for me (I love to cook...want to create something that people who are skeptical about vegan and vegetarian dishes will enjoy) still experimenting

27.Complete a financial plan that will pay of my student loans before I die (I am so serious) Still working on it

28.Purchase a piece of artwork that will be handed down to my next generation nope

29.Learn to speak my mind with no fear of others (some people might think I already do this....if you only knew!!) Getting better at this ;-)

30.Most important thing to do in my year of 30..... HAVE FUN!!!! ALWAYS!!!!

Finishing

I have come to realize that I am not always good at finishing things. I start a project and get the majority of it done....then I get distracted. This is so not good. If you follow me you know that I am working on my 30 Things While 30 list and it is actually coming along....but not at the pace that I want too, not because of outside forces, but because of me. This is disheartening to me, because I need to get more motivated.

What made me realize this is one of my goals was to walk the half marathon in April....only way this is going to happen is by a miracle. I have been working out, but not the pace that I need to be to be ready by April. I still want to complete a half marathon while I am 30, but I am going to have to push it back.  I am going to expand more on my other blog....which I have so neglected :-(.

This being said I am determined to finish what I have started! It is a new year and I have been working on a new me and I will not let distractions and things stop me from doing what I have said I was going to do and what I am supposed to do......

Is there anything in your life that you have not finished that you wish you had?

Update on 30 while 30

Decided to do an accountability check on my list....updates are in pink :-)

1. Get a tattoo (I will not punk out!) Can't do until hair grows back out.....just got cut
2. Get my passport (overseas trip is not in the budget YET....but working on it, at least I can get prepared) Have not even started
3. Go on a date Ha! Thought I would get this accomplished recently, but I think I am becoming delusional. Why do I have to approach a guy????
4. Complete 30 random acts of kindness to strangers I have done a few things....but I don't think I can give an accurate count
5. Read 30 books that aren't the typical books that I enjoy 3 books down (I need to step it up)
6. Take a spontaneous road trip somewhere by myself, just wake up and go (I have to plan out everything....this is going to be hard) Not in budget right now, think I will do this summer
7. Go white water rafting I have not even planned this out yet....
8. Apply to Masters of Public Health Program (2 are on the radar) Studying for GRE has in full force and list is now 3 schools, one with a dual program ;-)
9. Write letters to 30 people who have had an influence in my life and tell them why Written parts of letters, but have not mailed off
10. Run (not walk) a 5K so far I have failed on this one....still trying
11. Walk the Music City Half Marathon (still praying on this one....Jesus give me strength!!!) need to find a running group, this is in April...JESUS!!!
12. Save X amount of money (figure will not be disclosed to everyone, but will tell if it is met or not) Started saving, still not a lot, but doing a lot better.
13. Donate hair to Locks for Love (length is almost there!) Hair is ready to be shipped off, Mailing in the morning :-)
14. Lose at least 30 pounds (aiming for more....but sticking with the theme of 30)  I have lost 15 pounds, but a way to go....want to lose more than 30 pounds
15. Purchase a Home (or be in the process...working on that now) still want too, but some things have come up....not a bad thing, but change in life, house might have to be put on hold, but in the long rung will be better
16. Become a Research Coordinator (next step in my career...making moves!) Should know very soon
17. Travel west of the Mississippi River (been to Arkansas and Missouri, but that is about it...but have been to all the states east of the Mississippi) Maybe this summer
18. Purchase a big ticket item for my mother (have to see what she wants....I am thinking a REAL nice pair of earrings...this will be a surprise) Bought her roses for her birthday....not big enough yet
19. Clean out my wardrobe (closet full of clothes and shoes...don't wear half of them, shame!!!) have not even started :-(
20. Visit the graves of my father and sister (have not done since the funerals) Nope (plus I have to add grandmother to list)
21. Ask some tough questions of a family member (nothing bad....just unanswered questions) plan to do during holidays
22. Learn how to knit, love to crochet, everytime I try knitting I get frustrated :-( I think I am going to sign up for a class. Teaching myself has not worked.
23. Write the vision plan for the next big project in my life (can't tell you what it is...yet) working on that now, got revelation recently now I have to put it down in writing and in action
24. Go to a concert in a big venue (don't do crowds of people well, which is limiting me from seeing Maxwell in July...not cool) U2 is coming to Vandy....but this is not what I was thinking about
25. Have my first kiss (yes I said it....don't trip) You got jokes!
26. Create a signature vegan dish for me (I love to cook...want to create something that people who are skeptical about vegan and vegetarian dishes will enjoy) made these cupcakes I love....but it was not "it"
27. Complete a financial plan that will pay of my student loans before I die (I am so serious) working on it
28. Purchase a piece of artwork that will be handed down to my next generation nope
29. Learn to speak my mind with no fear of others (some people might think I already do this....if you only knew!!) I have tried, been still get looked at crazy and no one understands, becomes frustrating, oh well
30. Most important thing to do in my year of 30..... HAVE FUN!!!! ALWAYS!!!!

The Big Chop!!!

Some of you who follow my blog may know that I am working on 30 things to do while 30 list. Well yesterday I scratched off #13!!!!! That was growing my hair long enough and cutting it and donating it to Locks for Love. This was a big deal for me because I HATE cutting my hair. I love the option of having a ponytail and right now I do not. It is not as short as I thought it would be, but it is the shortest my hair has ever been. Below are the pictures of the process.

First she had to wash and flat iron my hair. This it is in a ponytail before the big chop.

She then cut the ponytail off. Still kind of shocked that much hair was left.

I then put the hair in a bag to mail off for Locks for Love!

Lastly, she styles my hair and I go home!

My hair will grow back and I have to keep telling myself that. I am more than my hair, but oh how I love my hair.  Now once my hair grows back I can accomplish #1 on my list....get a tattoo!!!

Refelctions from 30 Day Blog Challenge

Yesterday I finished my 30 Day Blog Challenge and I was very excited that I finished it for various reasons. I set out a goal and I completed it! Although it was interrupted by the death of my grandmother I was able to finish it and actually blog every day.  Some days were short posts, some were random, and some sucked (in my opinion), but they all were done.  What I thought was funny was one of my other blogs that I read, Mama's Boy, is doing the same thing, but his topics for the 30 days are different.

This experience has inspired me to blog more and also become more creative with some of the things that I write about.  When I entitled this blog "If You Only Knew..." I started the blog as a place to get out things that I can't tell people who know me personally and to get out some of the interesting thoughts that go on in my head....they don't always make sense, but it is how I fell and think from time to time.

I have 40 followers and not sure how many of you actually read my blog, rather you read or not, at some point in time you found my blog interesting and I thank you. 

I am open for ideas and suggestions and even your views on what I write, rather you agree with me or not.  I think the world would be boring if we all thought and felt the same way on various topics.  I hope you continue to read and comment when you feel led too.  I am going to start updating more about my 30 Things While 30 and other things that are going on in my head so hope you enjoy!

30 things are starting to happen....

Okay....I have been really feeling this 30 Day Blog Challenge (will write about what I learned at the end of the 30 posts) and I have neglected to really talk about the 30 things for my year of 30. I have been working on  my list and will update as I finish things....thought about starting another blog to chronicle my progress, but that is too much for me to keep up with. I randomly talk about some of the things I am working on.

I know this evening I will work on #5 & #9.  #5 is reading 30 books and #9 is writing letters to people.  Both things I have been working on, but my goal is too finish a book over this weekend and get one letter out to a person.  These seem like simple tasks....but not so.

The letter is going to be the hardest. I started on it a while ago, but recent events have pushed me to finish it and give to a person.  I don't know if it will bring a closed door or open door to the future of the relationship, but we shall see.   

#1 (get a tattoo) & #13 (donate hair to Locks for Love) kind of go together.My hair is finally grown out, just have to get my ends trimmed this month. The problem is that the tattoo I want is on my neck (I promise that I am not hood) and my hair has to be long enough to cover it.  I figure my hair was shaved in the back less than a year ago so if I go ahead and cut hair off now it will be long enough before I turn 31 to cover up my tattoo...I so hope this pans out. I also have seen several people in my office that have tattoos that are visibile (one girl has one all the way across the back of her neck and she does not hide it). So even if the tattoo is not completly covered I should still be good. The design is small and means something to me so I am getting excited about getting it.

One thing that I am kind of bumbed about is that I was so excited to do #10 (run a 5k) in October, but because of my poor planning and life's unexpected events I am so not ready. I will still run a 5k, but not sure if it will be the one in October. I know I will get one under my belt soon....plus I need to step the training up. Half Marathon is in April....no way I can skirt out of that one.

Think that will be all for the update on my progress for now. Some of the items are in the works and can't wait to finish some.  I will definitely keep you posted!