Waiting till marriage.....

Where do I begin........

This blog is coming out of recent feelings and ideas I have had in my head and initially was just a blurt in my random thoughts blog.  At first I was like could I actually do it? Could I be that open? Well we shall see, if you are reading this post the answer to the last question is yes.

Close friends and few others know that I am a virgin and honestly hope to stay that way until I married......yes you read correctly. I am a 33 year old virgin.....yes adult virgins do exist. Has it been easy? Nope, but it is the road I have decided to go down. Why did I decide to take this road?? Well mostly because of my faith, but also in part to me feelings, my life, and just what makes sense to me.  My thought process is often different than most people.....but it makes sense to me.

I will not tell you how long it took me to finish this post because I kept going back and forth in my mind if I should write it? If I should post it? If I write it should I share it? Should I share it with my friends? I honestly don't know if by the time I finish this what I will do......time well. Post my go into rambling, but they are all my thoughts on why I chose to wait.

Okay.......finally decided just do it as my random thought blog on it.

So..........

Here are my thoughts while waiting till marriage

My Thoughts

Enjoy!!!!

Sexuality and Gender

This morning a conversation I had with a friend popped in my head and got me to thinking...

The conversation was with one of my friends that happens to be a lesbian.  She made a statement that sticks out in my mind to this day....She loves being a woman and she does not want to be a man.

The thought that goes in my head is why do people equate who or how many people you sleep with to rather or not you are a man or a woman? I think I touched on the topic in an earlier blog, but want to go more in depth of my thought process.

One statement that my pastor makes often (I love my pastor, but don't agree with everything he says) or says on occasion is "that I have been a man all my life." In the context of what he is saying he is is alluding to sexuality and how a man portrays himself. My question becomes why do people equate who I choose or choose not to sleep with determine my gender?

I am a woman, love being a woman, and have no desire to be anything else, but the fact that I have slept with no one does that make me less of a woman? Does a man who chooses not to sleep around or even sleep with men make him less of a man?  I think not! No matter what your stand on a person's sexuality I don't think a person's gender she be determined but who they sleep with.

Just some of my thoughts this morning....will continue the 30 day blog challenge in a few. Cooking for a cookout, but needed to get my thoughts out before they slipped my mind.

Quote that touched me today....

One of my mentors is a celibate monk, and he says we can live without sex but we can't live without love. And there are a lot of people who have a lot of sex and never experience love, and people who never have sex [but] have deep experiences of intimacy and love.

-Shane Clairborne

What is Love???

I have been going through a lot lately and have been processing a lot that has been going on in my life and in the world. I think I while ago I might have written a similar blog about true love...but I guess this time I am posing the question what is love? I can quote scripture, what people tell me, or cute sayings that I have seen in various media, but truly what does love mean to you? What does love mean to me?

Should love hurt? Is love a physical act or an emotional state of being? Why do people equate sex with love? Can you love someone enough to let them go? When you think of love why do we always think of a romantic type of love? Can a woman love a man without wanting to be with that man? Can a person every truly fall out of love with someone?

These are just a few questions that have been running through my head. Can a person love someone else if they don't love themselves? Can you have love without passion? Do people really know what love is?

These thoughts keep going through my head. I have thoughts on the subject, but not ready to express...yet. I am in love, in love with life, all the good and the bad. I love and I love hard, but what scares me is the person who I love the most does not see it and if they do they do no reciprocate that feeling. This may or not be a romantic love, but I know it is love. Can I see myself with this person...yes and no. Do I want to be with this person...yes and no. This might not make sense to most, but I am trying to process the feelings I have through my mind and soul.

So what is love to you???

Is there anything wrong....

with being a freak??? It take me a while to decide to write and even post this blog. I was reading a couple of blogs and it really made me think. I consider myself pretty conservative, but there is a lot of things that I think about and ponder rather I agree with them or not. I think this blog will go to the heart of the title of my blog. Most people who know me might be shocked if they take the time to read this entry, but oh well...I think I am moving more in the period in life where I believe what I believe, I stand where I stand, and I question everything!!! Think more people she does this, maybe would not be a society of blind followers.

Ok...back to the subject at hand. I was reading two blogs that I follow and one was talking about a couple who did not kiss until they got married and one was talking about sex as a art. Two different thoughts but both made me think. One article talks about the abstaining from sex by extreme majors and one talks about it as a form of art...but made me think. But what I got from both is a question....is there anything wrong with being a freak???

I honestly do not know rather or not I can answer this question with a yes or no. I do think I am leaning toward no....but with limits. I feel that sex is something special and should not be shared with just anyone. If the person you are with wants to experiment or be creative there is nothing wrong with that...within reason, but being a freak with anyone and everyone...not cool. Like the blog author said sex is an art and people should good get creative with it, if not it would probably get boring, which in my opinion sometimes leads people to cheat. When I say within limits I know there are extreme things that can be done, but if you both know what that limit is what is wrong with pushing it to the limit??