Why Men Lie...

Back from holidays and was following up on facebook posts and one of my friends posted the following video:



WTF??? Ok....As I watch the short video a few things cam to mind about the star of the video:

1. Why does he cover his face?
2. Where does he get his statistics from?
3. Why does he have on all red?

I decided to look at the census bureau and here are the facts. This does not account for availability but it does give generalized data. We can argue forever the lack of men and especially the lack of black men, but to me that is besides the point. This guy's argument in the video is because he has choices he has the right to lie.

If he uses the above mentioned argument it is alright to say someone leaves $1,000 on a counter you have the right to take it just because it is there even though you know it does not belong to you. He is saying you have the right to do wrong because you have choices...no it is called integrity, character, and honesty...great traits to have.

Also...women. If you know he lied to the woman before you why wouldn't he lie to you? Not all men are dogs and not all men lie, but if he has the mentality of the guy in the video why would you give him the time a day. Then...women why do you allow men to lie to you and you continue to take it??? Then...why would you cheat with a man knowing he is with someone else or being shady in life???

Ok...Just needed to let things out and ask questions. Would love feedback!

Am I the Only One???

Please watch the video then read the blog:



One of my friends posted this video on facebook and I was like "Are you serious???" I love working with kids and have been working with kids by profession and volunteering for years now. I have high standards for kids, my beliefs, not everyone agrees...Oh Well!!! Several people thought the post was cute and hilarious, I personally was like why does a child this young know the whole video???

Growing up my parents were strict, but they gave me direction. TV was not allowed, especially not long enough to learn a video. Then the words and the moves to the song...I am not a Beyonce hater or fan, but a child that age should not be doing the moves or even letting that music in her ears.

My thoughts are the parents should invest more time with the child and teach her something. One might argue that I do not if the child is a perfect student and learned the video in her spare time...not flying with me. Kids today usually spend more time watching TV than play games with friends, playing outside, learning...things that promote growth in children.

I am done venting....just my thoughts, you might beg to differ.

Her Heart

First thing Tuesday morning I woke up and downloaded the new Anthony Hamilton on I-tunes. This CD was a must have purchase and was fixed in the budget (trying to get better with this budgeting thing...I love spending money, but I do work hard for it so that is my justification). I love the CD!!! Last week I bought Musiq which I love too, but it took a few listens to find the tracks that I love. With Anthony Hamilton I had my songs on first listen which is very rare. Lately I have been going back to my first love...music.

There was one track on the CD that I makes me cry every time I listen to it...sad right?? That song is Her Heart. When you listen to the words to me it is a love song that inspires me which is very rare. When I listen to what is being said and the passion in his voice you feel the love he has for this woman....which today is rare, hate to say it. I truly believe to many people today fall in lust...not love. Sometimes loves comes eventually, but it takes time.

This man sees his woman crying from the hurt that he has caused her and he realizes how much she loves him and how much he loves her. Her heart is what he loves...Her inner being her soul, her personality. Her heart touched his heart. He sees the love she has for him and I think that so many people, men and women, miss this about the person who loves them unconditionally. The person who loves them through the good and the bad, the ups and downs, the highs and lows.

People always have their opinions on relationships and love, but do we really understand it fully? I mean do people really understand true love, unconditional love? A love that sees past all the flaws, all the hurts, and all the pains. I think people have this vision of what love is supposed to be based on movies, other people's relationships, and even songs, but they don't get to the heart of what love is. I think I Corinthians 13:4-13(NIV) says it best:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I keep listening to Her Heart on repeat...listen to it when you have the time. I must say the whole CD is a must have. Just not for the melodies, but for the words.

Facebook Double Standard

I thought about this topic the other day and just have found time to expand on it. I live on facebook. That is how my friends and I plan events, view pictures, and just be nosey about each others lives. Facebook can be fun and sometimes scandalous (pictures will appear...nothing is hidden these days), but it always entertaining. It helps me keep up with family, friends, and old classmates. It keeps you informed about people you may not talk to on the phone, but you would like to see what they are up to in life. The other day I was reading one of my friend's status and it got me to thinking...I am going to just list some of his very interesting statuses first. Names and faces have been left out to protect the innocent...

"***** loves to eat and use my hands...don't believe me? check out my profile pic :)"

"***** is loving the concept of Santa right now. A woman...sitting on my lap...telling me what she wants...now that's life right there!"

"***** is about to market the must-have fashion accessory...a belt with a mistletoe buckle!! meet me under the mistletoe."

"***** NEVER wants his dipstick to come up dry."

"***** was beating so hard it made her walls shake...so I turned the volume down on the stereo b4 my neighbor called the cops ;o)."

"***** is looking for a new old chick in blue...got one I can borrow? :-D"

"***** would gladly provide the meat for a Kreesha Turner/Sydney Poitier sandwich...good googly moogly."

These are just a just a few of his recent statuses. Most of them are not blatant, but they all send your mind somewhere... Every time one these statuses appear he receives 10-15 comments on it by various friends of his that are mostly female. My question is if a woman had similar statuses would she get the same responses? Will women comment in disgust and will men be so happy to comment? Just a recent observation.

The "Memphis" in Me

Yesterday I was having a rough day. The pain of getting car fixed after an wreck is very irritating. It was not my fault, but I have to do all the work...thankful my uncle is an attorney and my passenger's father is an attorney...love the advice, not in it for money, just want my stuff taking care of correctly. Ok....I have gotten sidetracked.

In dealing with the car people and everything going on in my life I posted a facebook status stating that I do not want to go "Memphis" on them. I was born and raised in Memphis and sometimes the hood of Memphis comes out. I love telling people that don't get it twisted, I may have graduated from Vanderbilt, but born in raised in Memphis. When work, personal, and all things in between are irritating the hell out of me sometimes the Memphis comes out. Don't know if this is a good or bad thing. I mean did I grow up in the hood???? Not really, but I have friends, family, and coworkers who have influenced me and it does come out when least expected. Just another part of me.

Just because I am educated and got it together and sometimes have a soft demeanor people assume that I will not go off...I will and when I do it is not pretty, because it takes a lot for me to get to that point and if I get to that point...not a good thing. I think people take my kindness for weakness...please do not underestimate me.

One friend from New York said that is ok to late some of the home town out from time to time...but people are not ready....

Something New

This is the title of a movie that came out a while ago with Sanaa Lathan. The movie talked about a successful black woman who wants to fall in love and get married to a successful black man, but she falls for a white man. I thought the movie was excellent and it talks about a topic that I think a lot of people think about.

This week I was having a convo with my mom and she once again tried to slip in that she wants to see me get married and have a family (I do too...one day). I always joke and tell her she will find out when she gets the invitation. Some of my friends and I have the convo from time to time about how everyone so wants to see you get married even if it is the wrong person. Why is this to so many people the ultimate goal in life??? Like you are half a person if you do not have a significant other in your life.

I think as a young girls grow up they always have this vision for their life and if you look at your life now I am pretty sure that it has not turned out completely the way you envisioned. They dream to go to college, get a job, get married, and have kids...at least that was my dream or the dream my family has put in me. I think being black it was always assumed that I would be with a black man. I remember a convo me and my father had as we were leaving the grocery store and he saw an interracial couple walking in the parking lot and he said if I brought a white man home that he would kill him...and knowing my dad I would never want to test that statement.

I am 28 years old now and I am my own person and have grown to have my own beliefs and views in life. I feel that love is love no matter what color the person is. Do I want to marry someone of my own race??? Yes, but I am open. I don't like when people say they only date a certain race because you are closing the door to a person who might be everything else that you find attractive in a mate. Since Barack Obama has been elected someone made the statement that if a black (African) man did not end up with a white woman then we would not have Barack as the first black president. Love is love, people have to accept it or leave it. Now I do believe that I have more in common with someone of my own race, but that does not have to do with the color of their skin, I think it is more of a cultural thing more than anything. When it comes down to it skin color is a physical trait and does not have anything to do with how a person treats you or who the person is in the inside.

Just some of my thoughts...I woke up this morning and was procrastinating. The work week is started. I love my job, but I think I enjoy my weekends of leisure more. Plus...got rear ended last week and have to handle all the things with getting my car fixed, never fun :( Ok...that was an aside. Hope you enjoyed reading :) I have a lot on my mind lately and probably be writing a lot soon, but just have to get my thoughts together.

The Approach

A little while ago I wrote a blog about we have to be able to have a conservation which I still see as a problem. My question now is why when you are interested in someone you don't know how to approach? I mean "hey shawty" is not cute or the other random lines that people come up with. Why is it so hard to approach a person that you are interested in. I recently had someone who I am pretty sure is interested come by my office and comes up with random questions and I am like what the hell? I mean if you want to talk to me ask me for my number come at me with a question that will help you and me to get to know each other. Don't ask about random things such as do you have the last CD from Soul for Real (love the group, but a random request). I do believe first impressions are long lasting and you only get one chance.

Interesting Questions....

I am not: who you think I am
I hear: "So Beautiful" from the new Musiq
I regret: not always being honest with myself
I care: about other people too much, sometimes they would feel the same way about me
I always: think of others before I think of myself too much
I long to: be open and honest with the world
I feel alone: because I sometimes feel like no one else in the world goes through what I do
I hide: a lot...
I drive: too much, my car is probably mad at me
I sing: all the time, although my friends think my voice is horrible...I like it :)
I dance: when I am alone...black girl with no rhythm
I write: to vent and express what I can't say to others
I breathe: therefor I am...God is good
I play: well with others...most of the time
I miss: the carefree days of my youth
I search: for meaning in everything
I say: random things that do not always make sense....but they make sense to me
I feel: like my life is going in the right direction.
I succeed: at what I love
I fail: to open up when I need to
I dream: in color
I sleep: not enough
I wonder: why people do not understand
I want: people to think beyond themselves
I worry: too much
I have: so much inside
I give: too much
I fight: for what is right
I am: me!!! gotta love it :)
I can’t: understand the person who has no motivation to improve themselves
I stay: in constant thought
I will: be what I am supposed to be
I can: do whatever I put my mind to
I would: give you the world if I could
I might: make a drastic change in my life soon
I like: White Chocolate
I love: You!
I smile: rather I am happy or sad...you would never know.
I frown: at stupidness
I read: a lot...reading is fundamental
I work: and love it!!!

You Can't Change Me

This is a statement people need to realize. Let people be who they are because you can't change them. I think people try to hard to change people...rarely does it work. I am not saying you can't help people improve, but they have to want to. In relationships, friendships, and with family members people have this idea of how people are supposed to be and when they do not fit that mold they get upset, why? Everyone is different and everyone is unique, let people be who they are. I am not saying allow people to be trifflin or not to encourage people to do better, but don't feel that you can change a person. People are who they are for a reason, good or bad. People need to learn how to see this and work with it and not be consumed by a person who does not change to what they want them to be.

I think too many people, men and women, get into relationships and feel they can change the person they are with. If he was an ass when you met him, what makes you think he will not be an ass while you are together? If she did not have a work ethic before you started dating what makes you think she is going to work hard when you get together? To me there are certain qualities of people that make them who they are rather you like it or not, love it or leave it. I am not saying people can not grow or become better people, but I think it has to start with them and no matter what you do you can't force a person to change unless they want to do it themselves.

I wrote a blog a while ago entitled Just Do you.... and I talked about people just being themselves. People should not try to fit the mold people have made for them or try to fit in with certain people out of their own insecurities. People change for so many reasons but a lot of times they do not have the right motives. I am who I am, I love me, so what if you don't like me oh well. I think our differences make the world interesting. If everyone was the same or fit the mold that others put them in I think the world would be a very dull place.

I wrote this all this to say you can't change me and I can't change you...be who you are and love it despite what others say.

Can You Force Morality???

Ok...another oldie. It is funny how life goes in cycles. This is something that has come up in my life again.

Original Post September 28, 2007

This is a topic that I have been thinking about a lot. Can one force a person to have moral values?? Can we legalize a person's morals? I looked up the definition of morals and the dictionary stated that morals as relating to the principles of right and wrong behavior. Can what a person think is right and wrong be relative. I actually heard the statement of a porn star on television and she stated "that she has very high morals and there are certain things she would not do...." I think this prompted me to think about this topic even more. I am a believer in not forcing my faith and my beliefs on anyone and my faith and beliefs are what I consider my way of determining what is right and wrong. So in a sense if I don't force my faith on anyone I should not force my view of morals on someone? But I am not saying that we should just allow people to run around and do whatever. I am just posing some questions that I have in my head, not to say that I have formulated a complete answer. When I write I just attempt to get some things off my chest that I have been thinking about lately.

Being a social worker(not anymore, was in original post) working with people from all backgrounds and causes me to look at situations differently by attempting to be nonjudgmental with people and meeting them where their need us. In saying this in our society who defines morality and why has it in my opinion become so "out there?" Has the fact the people have skewed morals so much caused society to take a turn for the worse? If we force morality by law is that going to help or make things worse? These are just some of the the questions and things I have been thinking about lately and just wanted to get other people's opinions.

Bedroom Bully-Tag!

Thought this was an interesting. I was tagged by She W0rd Hustlez.

Peep the rules:

1. Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 3 confident statements and then 3 questions about sex.
3. Tag 6 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Statements

1. Might not be the popular thing to say, but I think people jump to have sex to quickly these days. You see somebody you want to have sex with and just because you are horny you don't think about the long lasting implications of your actions.

2. Don't think people truly experience sex to the fullest. Don't think both partners get theirs before they are done.

3. There are different levels of sex...fuckin, sex, making love...most people don't make it to making love.

Questions

1. What is the best and worse place you have had sex?

2. Would you have sex with a random person just because you found them physically attractive?

3. What do you get out of sex?


I am tagging anyone who reads this...really don't know who reads my blog.

Why are we so judgmental???

Ok...I use to blog a lot on myspace and stopped because I got tired of myspace. I was going through some of my old blogs and decided to post some on here from time to time. Hope you enjoy and comment.



Original Post May 8, 2007:

I have been thinking a lot lately how we as people are so quick to judge someone else. I am guilty of it and is what of my biggest struggles. I know it is wrong, but sometimes I find myself doing it. I was just encountered a situation and the shoe was on the other foot. A person felt comfortable making comments around me about something and thinking about the situation I was honestly offended. I mean I have been known to stick my foot in my mouth and I have to catch myself and think about the next time I am in the situation how do I handle it differently. As many of blogs have expressed I am changing and becoming a new person or a better person and by doing this some things that I have seen and/or done in the past I begin to question. Rather you are Christian or not this should be something you should think about, how I treat or act towards other people who are different than me. I honestly do believe Christians are worse when it comes to judging people. We like to point out other people's faults, but never look at our own. We are quick to say a person should not do this or act this way, but we fail to look at why they are doing what they are doing. What happened to coming to people in love? What happened to loving in spite of? I am developing, or living out a mindset of love overcoming all. I mean my new screen name(Teach Me How to Love) is inspired by one of my favorite songs of Musiq's new album. If you get a chance listen to the words it is how I feel sometimes. I am honestly understanding that my heart has become so cold that I honestly do not know if I possess the capability of loving someone. I understand the love that God had for me and how it is unconditional, but I don't know if I can give that love. I want to but sometimes don't know how. I know I have gone off on a tangent, but I believe if we love more we would not judge as much. I think the church has missed the mark of ministering in some aspects. People want to hold people accountable harshly, but no where that I can remember when Jesus was ministering to people did he beat them down or make them feel like they were less than nothing. He met the people where they were. People should not assume things about people and people should take the time to get to know people. Get to know what makes a person who they are. I know I have issues in this area. I can even say one of my mottoes in life is that I do not talk to strangers, but when you see a person on struggle, don't jump to conclusion about that person, or judging them, maybe if you look at what got them to that point you can have a better understanding of who that person is in the inside.

Irritated!!!

I did not want to blog about it, but I head to say something so it will be short and to the point. There are two people in the news that are irritating the hell out of me!!!! I have been saying that I would not give them time in my blog, but I had enough!!! These to people are:

O.J. Simpson















Sarah Palin


Enough Said!!! Why do people care about these people anymore!!! Ok...I am done...

Shocked by what is right

I had trouble with this title, but it finally come up with something, but not too happy...open to suggestions. A lot of times when we see people doing what is right we are shocked...I think one person said it best was Chris Rock in his HBO special. When a man wants props for taking care of his kids...that is what you are supposed to do. I pay my bills on time...that is what you are supposed to do. These are just a couple of examples of things that people want recognition for, but in a sense that is what you are supposed to do. There are few things that stick out in my mind about when people are shocked by what is right.

I have a friend who is married and I love her and her husband (just using him as one example...I have more). I had a conversation with a person and I used her husband as an example. Her husband is caring, smart, great friend, great husband, and so much more. When I describe him sometimes I feel as if he is the exception...not the norm. People are amazed when we talk about his qualities because they are so rare, but he is only doing what he is supposed to do. I am not saying he is perfect and I do not compare other men to him, but to me he is a role model as a husband, friend, black man, man, just human being in general. He lives a life as an example which a lot of people do not do.

Another area where people are shocked at what is right is kids...You see kids that have great manners, respectful, and behaving and you find that shocking. So many kids today are not being raised by their parents, they are left to do whatever, and are given no structure. This leads to a lot of problems. When I was growing up I was not a perfect child and I did not have perfect parents, but there were expectations and if I acted a fool...my parents acted a fool. When I was growing up I use to ask my parents for money for good grades...their response was you do not get paid for what you are supposed to do. I think this concept is lacking with today's parents and kids. I think you have so many kids out of control today that when you see a kid acting semi right you are so surprised...this is not right.

I am pretty sure there are several more examples, but these are just a couple that stick out to me.

A Picture is Worth a 1000 Words

I was reading the news on CNN during my lunch break and I came across the picture and was like interesting. The first thing that came across my mind was what is Obama thinking, what was Hillary thinking???

Me being the "special" person that I am...I thought the worst. Just contemplating the private conversations they have had, the bitter primary, and the speculations of each others' feelings toward each other. One can only imagine what is going on in their heads. I just think they both were thinking the following:

Barack: You better behave or don't expect to be in this position for long and you can kiss your chances of running in 2016 goodbye, because you know I got 2012 on lock!

Hillary: You think you are smart??? You stole this election from me, but I will have the last laugh!!! This year was just a fork in the road...I will be back on the road to the White House in 2016...earlier if you mess up!

Is there anything wrong....

with being a freak??? It take me a while to decide to write and even post this blog. I was reading a couple of blogs and it really made me think. I consider myself pretty conservative, but there is a lot of things that I think about and ponder rather I agree with them or not. I think this blog will go to the heart of the title of my blog. Most people who know me might be shocked if they take the time to read this entry, but oh well...I think I am moving more in the period in life where I believe what I believe, I stand where I stand, and I question everything!!! Think more people she does this, maybe would not be a society of blind followers.

Ok...back to the subject at hand. I was reading two blogs that I follow and one was talking about a couple who did not kiss until they got married and one was talking about sex as a art. Two different thoughts but both made me think. One article talks about the abstaining from sex by extreme majors and one talks about it as a form of art...but made me think. But what I got from both is a question....is there anything wrong with being a freak???

I honestly do not know rather or not I can answer this question with a yes or no. I do think I am leaning toward no....but with limits. I feel that sex is something special and should not be shared with just anyone. If the person you are with wants to experiment or be creative there is nothing wrong with that...within reason, but being a freak with anyone and everyone...not cool. Like the blog author said sex is an art and people should good get creative with it, if not it would probably get boring, which in my opinion sometimes leads people to cheat. When I say within limits I know there are extreme things that can be done, but if you both know what that limit is what is wrong with pushing it to the limit??