My Birthdaty!!!!

Today is my birthday. Did I do anything special? Nah! I took day to reflect and have me time. So many thoughts and feelings right now. Can't put into words. Thankful for another year of life. Excited but nervous about what is to come.....

Transition

in my life I am in a period of transition. Don't know if it is good or bad, but it is happening. I have happy moments, but I also have sad moments. Transition is not easy and makes me uncomfortable, but I guess that comes along with growth which is good. We shall see what is next.

Ego

You got a big ego? (so sang that like the Beyonce song) Why? Confidence is one thing but when you have an inflated ego....not cute, be humble. So often we think so much of self, without stopping to think of others and the bigger picture....we have to do better.

Trust

I trust very few people and I think this is a good thing. Not paranoid, but I think trust is earned.....and that takes time.

Beauty

Beauty I think is relative. We all find beauty in different things. Could be a picture, a word, actions of a person.  Things that we see beauty in can differ in so many ways/. Today is a day that I have to realize that I have beauty within myself.  Not just the physical but beauty in the fact that I can still smile in spite of circumstances going on around me.

Dreams

Dreams can be good and bad. Dreams can spark hopes of the future, things you want to become, and things you desire in life. They can also be a symbol of unfilled things in your life. What you do with your dreams can influence so much, even if you do not realize it. I have some dreams some that can be shared....some that cannot.  We will see where they lead me :-)

Relationships

Be careful who you get into relationships with. This is just not romantic relationships. Your time and personal space is valuable. Think how you let people into your life and how they change you, for the good and the bad. Relationships are hard, to keep up to balance, to maintain.

Time

My time is valuable and I HATE when people waste my team. Why don't people understand that?  Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day and it is up to you on how you use it. I waste time, we all do, but I am challenging myself to be a better steward of my time and of others time.

Joy

Testimony

Everybody has a testimony. One day I will tell my unfiltered one. We all have been through things and sometimes when others hear that you have made it out of whatever you have been through that gives them hope they can get out of it too. There is power in your testimony. Will you share yours?

Passion

In life I think one should find their passion. Not what will make you famous or rich, but what you are passionate about. In the days of social media it is easy to get caught up in what looks good to the outside world and what brings you attention, but is that your passion?  What are you passionate about? What am I passionate about?

Exposure

What are you exposed to? Do you think what you are exposed to shapes how you view the world? In my mentoring this has really been on my mind. I think too often we limit ourselves.  We refuse to think or look outside the box out of fear or complacency. Why do we settle so much and not seek out other things. How can you grow or expand without seeing other things that are out in the world?

Family

The past couple of weeks have been a little rough.  2 people I care about a lot were put on hospice care.  One passed last week, one past yesterday. One was a blood relative, one was as close to me as a blood relative.  I love my family, flaws and all. My extended family, the people I consider family all play a different role in my life. Value family, spend time with family, love family.

Rest....

Long weekend....no rest....and now I realize I need it. I was supposed to go see a favorite artist tonight at a local club, but what is my body telling me to do??? REST!!!! Sometimes we get so caught up in doing things and we crash when it is too late. Rest is a part of self care which is a must.

Purpose

So are you walking in purpose? Do you know what your purpose is? I have been asking myself these questions a lot lately. Why? Because I have hit a roadblock.....good or bad, I am in a funk. Will things change? Will I realize that yes I am in purpose and God never said purpose would be easy and I must press on! We shall see....

Friendship

I don't have that many friends in life, but I am very thankful for the ones I have. They love me unconditionally and challenge me to be a better person.  We don't always agree and at times we don't get along, but we all know in the end we have love for each other and we want the best for each other. No matter distance or time when we catch up it reminds me why they are my friends!

Toxic Masculinity

Toxic masculinity (not the positive thoughts I had been having) was on my mind this morning.  Why are men so fragile? Why does the male ego have to be stroked so much? Why does a man's sexuality get easily threatened?  Ones masculinity should not be tied to the actions of others so when someone rejects or is attracted to it one should not go the the extremes of it.  I have a lot of thoughts and questions on the topic....all for now

Peace

Peace is what I am learning to seek in life.  So many things around you try to disturb your peace, but you have to find peace in the midst of it all.

Finding and keeping my peace is one reason why I decided to start this series. Last few months I have been in pain and stressed over so many things. I had to get back to what gives me peace and calm in my life. I have to remember to focus on these things and make sure that I don't let anyone steal my peace.

Humble

Humility and remaining humble is not always easy. To be confident in yourself without becoming cocky.  Where does confidence end and cockiness begin?

Knowledge

Today was the first day of school for a lot of kids today. My facebook timeline was filled with back to school pictures. Just got me thinking about all the experiences and things they will learn this year. Hope that they gain knowledge throughout the year....just not what is taught in classroom, but life experiences and things that are not always found in a book.

Faith

Faith.... a struggle for me these days. I have it, but question it so much these days. 

Determined

1. I will be unapologetically me
2. I will lose weight
3. I will be a better steward of my money
4. I will challenge systems that try to destroy me
5. I will love and be loved

This is just a start......

Grace and Mercy!!!!

Couldn't use one word today....these, at least for me always go together. I am so thankful for both! Things I should have received, things that I have been prevented from experiencing.... Just when I think about the grace and mercy that I have been extended in so many areas of my life??? THANK YA!!!!

This morning I work up thinking...contemplating several things. Yesterday I found out two men that I have played a part in my life have been put in hospice.  I knew both were ill, but to hear the news....just got to me.  It made me think about life, love, death. How we each process so much in this journey we all are on.  Just thoughts, hard to put in words....one day.

Love

What is love? Do you feel loved? Do you know how to love? These are questions that I have been asking myself lately. Being forever single I have often wondered am I missing something? Am I destined to never be in a relationship or loved by another human being? Then I had to pause...and say, wait, I am loved! This seems so simple, but a thought that is often overlooked. I have friends and family who love me and would do anything for me. They show me what true love is and I am thankful for that. Do I have my moments where I question if I am loved? Of course! Who doesn't? But I realize the more I focus on who loves me and who I love I don't dwell on those moments of wondering why certain people don't love me.

Blessed

Meant to write last night, but.....sleep was calling my name. One of my favorite sayings is "words mean things." I think I first heard it on my favorite podcast, The Read, stated by Crissle. It stuck out to me for so many reasons and I often use this phrase in life.

So yesterday I was thinking about the word blessed. I think it is often used in church and in life, so I looked up the definition and some definitions are as follows:

1. Held in reverence
2. Honored in worship
3. Of or enjoying happiness 
4. Bringing pleasure, contentment, or good fortune

I often say that I am blessed, but do I mean it? Do I just say it to convince myself or do I really mean it? We often say things out of habit and because they sound good, but do I really think that I am blessed???

Yes I do think I am blessed! When I think over my life and opportunities that I have had I truly am blessed. I have had hard times in life, but overall when I think about my life....I am blessed. We often take things for granted in life, and assume things that we receive or have are things we are owed or a given...they are not. So when I think about that I truly realize that I am truly blessed.  

Today (well should have been yesterday) is the start of a series....I will explain at the end, but for now...enjoy the ride!

Vacations

Realizing this week of the importance of getting away, unwinding, and stepping away from work.  It revives you, refreshes you, helps you.  Although I am back to reality and my vacation as at an end I had time to reflect and think about what is next. I am in need of a change, something new.

Let us see.....

Friends and Family

I know....I missed last week. I was travelling and spending quality time with friends and family.  Which reminded me of how much they mean to me. I often get consumed with work and attempting to figure out my next moves in life, but I was reminded this weekend to enjoy the moments you have with the people that you love and love you.  That's all I have this morning....

Saturday Morning Muses: Self Care Saturday

Yesterday I was plotting what I would get into this weekend because I realized I have been wasting my weekends away. I have been in a funk and realized that I needed to take Saturday for self care....things that make me feel better. So what I am going to do today???? Well.... the goal is the following:

1.  Walk a mile at the park
2.  Go to my favorite juice bar
3.  Get a pedicure
4.  Do a little shopping (I need, word used loosely, a new purse)
5. Attempt to find this bellini champagne I have been wanting, I think they sell it at Trader Joes
6. Finish up season 3 of Game of Thrones

Of course I have to do some "adulting" today, but that is going to be fit in as I feel.  Today is about trying to get back to me....

Let's see how this goes!!!

Saturday Morning Muses: Online Dating

I came across this meme this week and I could not stop laughing.  Recently I have tried multiple dating sites (including tinder) and realized over and over.....it is not for me.  I mean I desire to be a relationship, but I won't let it consume me, and I won't just settle.  I have friends who have found exactly that they are looking for on various dating sites.....me not so much.

So this week I decided to delete or hide profiles on the various sites that I have tried.  I am not saying I won't ever try again, but for now....not where I am at in my life.

Saturday Morning Muses: Happy but sad

One thing that I struggle with so often is balancing happiness and sadness. So often I when I am sad I still have to be happy for my friends, which I am.  But it hurts sometimes.....my pain should not overshadow the joys of my friends.  Still trying to figure out that balance :-/.

Saturday Morning Muses: questions

I missed last week :-( so I have put a reminder on my calendar....I need this

Yesterday I was browsing instagram and came across a picture which once again caused me to ask why me? What did I do wrong? Sometimes you can have so much confidence in yourself, but the littlest things make you question so much.

Life comes at you sometimes and you think about how things will be, how could the past be different, what is happening in the present.  I am a questioner, I question a lot period, but when life is not going how you think it should???? So many questions.....

Maybe this mood will pass, I hope it is a learning experience.

Saturday Morning Muses: Tears

Tears are pretty much all I got this morning....can't keep taking hit after hit. Tired of asking why and sick of saying why not.  Having a real moment....

Saturday Morning Muses: Relationships

Got to get better at this :-/ Last Saturday I was traveling so I forgot to write.....not a good start.

But today I am on it! Well kind of.  This morning I was inspired by a facebook memory which had my thoughts on relationships.

Tricky subject....Just saying be content in whatever relationship status you are. Don't let being single break you and don't let being married make you.


Just a few thoughts...simple, but thoughts.

Thoughts.....

"She fell for her not just for her looks, although her looks were pretty breathtaking as well. She fell for her personality, and for her beautiful mind."

Saturday Morning Muses: The Start

This morning as I sit in bed I think about writing, what do I want to say?  In attempts to do better about blogging I have decided that Saturday Morning Muses will be my regular posts...a way to start my weekend and get thoughts off chest of how the week went. It won't be my only blog posts, but will me way of at least blogging once a week.

Often times Saturday morning I wake up and I am in my bed just thinking wondering why my bed is holding me hostage, what am I going to do for the day, what is going on wrong (or good) with my life. I know I have to get up and be an "adult" but so often (as I am doing now) I just stay in bed thinking "I don't wanna!!!!!"  So now I will write....

I will keep this going, I will get thoughts and feelings out that I have been keeping inside. I am going back through old posts and seeing how much I have changed and grown that I realize more and more why continuing to blog or write my thoughts is important. Rather people read them or not, my way of letting things out.

Enjoy the ride :-)

It has been a while

This morning I got up and was really like I truly have not blogged in a while. Not on any of my blogs. I began to think about why I started blogging in the first place and wondering if I should continue.....the answer to that is yes.

Think this blog over the years has been a safe place for me. No judgment, not rules, just a space for me to get out thoughts. Right now, good or bad, that is really what I need to do.  I need to step away from this "life" I have created and just get back to what makes me think, what makes me happy, what makes me feel free.  I might not always make sense on here, but it helps, it makes sense to me.

Writing in a space where people don't really know you who read what you write because they stumble across your blog or just find what you say interesting is good for me.  Hopefully someone who reads what I write might find something good for them too.


Life is taking an interesting turn I would say and I honestly don't know which direction I will go in.  What I do know it is time for me to just do me. Fuck what others think and just live. Easier said than done, but it is a goal.....I can only be me, take it or leave it.