Great Quote

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles", Marianne Williamson

Mood Just Went Down :-(

Had this great post on education and is it meant for everyone, but I don't have the heart to finish it. Ever just heard something little and it was like the straw that broke the camel's back (never understood that expression, but you know what I mean)? That is how I feel right now. Just had a crying fit over something little...which is never good. Right now I have to work because I had to go home sick a little earlier. Wish I could vent about it, but people would just not understand. Maybe tomorrow will be better. It has to get better.

The picture to the left is the expression on my face right now as I attempt to do work. Luckily my eyes are not as red as they were a few minutes ago...It HAS to get better, I keep telling myself. As soon as I hear good news, bad news comes.  I just get frustrated! One thing that is bothering me right now is why do men let you down so much? I do not put my faith in men, but why do they always disappoint? I try to give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove themselves otherwise....but they always prove me correct which I hate. I am done.....time to work.

Do You Like Me or Not?

This weekend was great, but a lot of things were going on in my head. One thing I have said several times on this blog is the fact that I have never dated anyone. This has recently become an issue for me, well not an issue, but a topic of my inner thoughts.  I have had the opportunity, I have been approached (although most of the time it is inappropriately...do not yell or honk at me please), but no one has ever has seemed to make it to getting a date. Maybe it is the fact that I really was not allowed to date in high school, maybe it is the fact that I have standards that most people feel that I should compromise on (and no they are not extreme or superficial).

What gets me at this point is when people tell me I should approach the guy that I am interested in...I go back and forth in my mind about this and then I realize I can't. At this present moment there are a few  people that I am interested in or intrigued with. I like them as people, I find them attractive, and they possess the qualities that I would like in a mate.They are friends and people who I have met over the years. They all (hate the word all....sounds so big, but there is only like 2-3 people), know my history and know the fact that I have never dated or been in a relationship.  They know my stance on being approached and how I want to be approached. Sometimes their actions seem like they might be attracted me also, but they don't approach, then I begin to ask myself I am delusional?

For my birthday a male friend asked me about the guy that I had told him that I was attracted to in a previous convo, I then proceeded to tell him I think I am giving up hope.  He was shocked, but I then had to explain. I am happy being single, but I do want to be in a meaningful relationship. Every time that I believe that the person that I am attracted to feels the same way I am let down...so I have stopped hoping. A guy from my past recently informed me that at one point he was attracted to me, which I thought he was, but in my eyes he never acted on the attraction....saying it, asking me out on a date, or making attempts to get to know me better.  I am like how am I supposed to know if you like me or even if you might be interested in me unless you tell me. I am not psychic!

My question is how can I tell if a person is truly interested?

Having an Educated Faith

One thing that gets me about my faith is there is a lot to read & know and honestly....I have not done it. I think over the past year I have developed and want to learn more about what I believe in because of questions that came in my mind that I had yet to receive the answer for.

Merriam Webster's dictionary defines faith as:

1.a : allegiance to duty or a person : loyalty b (1) : fidelity to one's promises (2) : sincerity of intentions

2

a (1) : belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) : belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion b (1) : firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) : complete trust

3

: something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially : a system of religious beliefs faith>

I think all a great definitions, but the key that got me that I think that faith should be educated and backed up....even if there is no proof. II Timothy 2:15 says "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." Which I agree with, but how can every person have the education and the ability to dissect the scriptures and the history?

I think about my older family members and their faith some did not have a college education, or even a high school diploma, but they studied their Bible and were able to back up what they believed in. When I see some people who have a zealous love of the Lord, without any understanding of the scripture I wonder sometimes is that ok?  I mean they live out their faith without a complete understanding of what they believe....no proof.

I think rather you are person that believes in God or any religious faith you have to have some realization that some things you just can't explain. We do not have the answers to everything....probably will never have the answers to everything.

Just some things I have been thinking about when it comes to my faith this week.  We will see where this leads me.

Random Thoughts

Yesterday I was out sick from work and spent most of the day in bed with a major headache. I made it in to work today, but pain is still there, hopefully I can take the weekend to rest... NOT! But I am getting better, slowly.  What I did realize there are a lot of random thoughts that just go on in my head. Some good....some bad.  Decided to list today...might surprise you.

1. Why do people in customer service jobs have to be rude, is it a job requirement?
2. Why do people equate love with sex? Just because I am waiting until marriage you won't even consider dating, although every other quality you want I have?
3. How do people let their teeth get brown? Mine are off white (just being honest) and I have have issues...I can only imagine how yours feel.
4. Why is it so hard to speak English? You have been here for 10 years, seriously?
5. When people go out looking a hot mess do they realize it?
6. Once again....people are very selfish!
7. When I see homeless people I wonder what do they do all day and how can they do that for so many years?
8. Why can't people agree to disagree? Just because I don't agree with what you say does not mean I hate you.
9. Have you just ever watched the actions of kids? They are interesting people, I wonder if I acted the same way when I was little.
10. If I told people my inner most struggle would they understand or would they judge me?

That is all...headache is coming back. So not cool!

No Wedding No Womb

 

Came across this site after reading a great post by blogger Citizen Ojo. I am exctied about what the movement is about and I am looking forward to reading the various post on the site.  Check it out!

Challenge!!!!

This is one of my favorite clips from the Cosby Show and it was the first thing that came to mind when I thought about what I was going to write about today. Have you ever felt that you were not challenged in life? I mean you have felt content with what you do and where you are, but there is something missing?

I think I am at a place in my life where I am not challenged....and this is of my own doing, which is not good. I mean I have a career that I love and a position that is preparing me for the next level, but I am not being challenged right now and it is because I am not pushing myself.  I was watching the Oprah Show the other day (very rare for me, because I don't care for her) and she had the Smith family on there and Will said "greatness lives on the edge of destruction." This stood out to me because am I living on the edge of destruction, NOPE, when it comes to my job....I am not even trying to find destruction, although I know I should.

I think a major problem is when I am commended for doing a great job, but I know deep down in side I could do better and I have not challenged myself. I have to be self motivated, just because others think I am doing a great job, does not mean that I can't do better. I have high expectations of myself and I need to live up to them.

I have talked about my career, but when I think about it I could challenge myself in several areas of my life, spiritually, academically, socially, and so on.  Am I really doing all I can do to be the best me that I can be???

The challenge has begun!! It is within me, rather people see it or not.

Relationship Hop

This morning as I was browsing through my friends facebook pages and statuses I thought about the topic for today.  Why can't people be okay with being single? Why do people jump from one relationship to another without truly getting over the last person?

Although I have never been in a relationship I have spiced up my page a few times by saying I am in a relationship or that it is complicated....the responses I got, TOO FUNNY! I have other people who do this too, I have friends who choose not to post their relationship status at all which I think is the best way to keep it.  Even had two friends who went from single to engage to each other and they kept their relationship so on the hush it shocked everybody. I am sorry.....got sidetracked.

My point is it is okay to be single. People should take time between relationships.  Some people can't stand to be alone and that is probably why they hop from relationship to relationship, but that is also why the keep breaking up in relationships. 

Just a thought.....

Insanity

Insanity....doing the same thing and expecting different results. I have heard this quote so many times, but when it comes to my faith I question "Am I insane?" I think yes, there are aspects of my faith that I do not understand and I do not have the answers to, but I think that is a part of faith....you don't have the answers. Some things in my life I do the same thing and I expect different results, which might considered insane, but in some ways to me it is an aspect of faith. People pray and hope things change, which I believe works, but I also believe you have to play a part...I mean if you are praying for a job, but not making yourself a desirable worker what is the point?

My church is doing a series on not quitting.....I am enjoying and learning from it.  I don't consider myself a quitter, but in some areas I am not a finisher....might explain in another post, just got some inspiration.

I struggle with the insanity, but sometimes I think it is a necessary insanity...we shall see.

I am tired, I went to the African Street Festival this afternoon and had fun, but the heat got to me and now I have a major headache and for some reason my face won't stop itching....not a good combo.  Time to lay it down! Good Night!

New Series: Faith

Yesterday while I was reading and thinking I decided to start a series on my blog about faith. On a few of my posts I have talked a little about my faith and what I believe in and even some of what I question. I think faith is a process and we have to grow and learn more about what we believe in. 

One of the girls I mentor through my church stated she was an atheist, I said okay and asked why, she then said she was joking, but was shocked at how I responded. A lot of people like to quote the scripture Joshua 24:15...."but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." I am not saying the agree or disagree with that, but I believe that people have to come to a decision about their faith for themselves. I feel that people have to be educated about their faith and not follow blindly, if the girl I was speaking with could articulate why she believed what she believed, I might disagree, but it might be a part of her figuring out her faith in the long run.

I question a lot of things, just not about faith, but life in general, so why should my faith not bring up questions in me.  I know what I have been taught, and I know what I have been told, but I am in the process of learning and reading for myself. This series will help me process some of what is in my head and in my heart. Some things will be funny, some things will be serious, some might even be controversial, but everything will be what I observe, question, and feel. 

I think a lot of times people subject their faith to a feeling, an emotion, or just ritual.  I am not saying those things do not play a part, but I do think whatever you believe in should be backed up by knowledge, you don't know everything, but you should be able to defend your faith....even if others disagree.

These posts will usually be on Sunday afternoons after I leave Church because it will give me a time to reflect and think. I am open for questions and suggestions. Hope you enjoy and join in the convo...

Sidenote.....It is 2:00 am and I am up, WHY???? I need to go to sleep because I will be up in a few hours. It is going to be a long day!

Refelctions from 30 Day Blog Challenge

Yesterday I finished my 30 Day Blog Challenge and I was very excited that I finished it for various reasons. I set out a goal and I completed it! Although it was interrupted by the death of my grandmother I was able to finish it and actually blog every day.  Some days were short posts, some were random, and some sucked (in my opinion), but they all were done.  What I thought was funny was one of my other blogs that I read, Mama's Boy, is doing the same thing, but his topics for the 30 days are different.

This experience has inspired me to blog more and also become more creative with some of the things that I write about.  When I entitled this blog "If You Only Knew..." I started the blog as a place to get out things that I can't tell people who know me personally and to get out some of the interesting thoughts that go on in my head....they don't always make sense, but it is how I fell and think from time to time.

I have 40 followers and not sure how many of you actually read my blog, rather you read or not, at some point in time you found my blog interesting and I thank you. 

I am open for ideas and suggestions and even your views on what I write, rather you agree with me or not.  I think the world would be boring if we all thought and felt the same way on various topics.  I hope you continue to read and comment when you feel led too.  I am going to start updating more about my 30 Things While 30 and other things that are going on in my head so hope you enjoy!

Day 30: One Last Moment

My 30 Day Blog Challenge has come to an end! I am glad, but sad at the same time.  I am actually happy of the topic for today, because yesterday I had a moment which I think will change how I go about some major things in my life these next few months.

About a couple of years ago I took a career change, my part time hustle became my career and the beginning of a new direction my life was going in. When I went to college I studied engineering and economics, but always had the goal of helping me and working with non profits. So once I graduated I started working with at risk teenagers which I did for about 6 years from direct care, to supervision of kids and staff, to overseeing that  care was give to kids, then finally adoption work. I love it all the good and the bad, but honestly....never really paid the bills so I worked as a research analyst to supplement my salary for 4 years....then when my adoption worker job made some changes I began to do research full time and LOVED IT!

This is just a background to my moment. I was in a meeting yesterday and I realized what have I gotten myself into? Am I ready for the career I am going into? I am usually the youngest, only female, and only black in the room, and I am saying I want to be the boss one day? Am I serious? What am I doing to prepare myself for this moment? Am I studying? Am I working harder? Am I bringing my "A" game?

I can honestly answer yes and no to the questions above....but my moment yesterday made me realize that I have to get to the point of being able to answer yes to all of the questions. Failure is not an option. I know what I am here to do, I can no settle for being average. I have to be the best! I have to stop planning and put my plan into action. Excuses are up! It is time to put in the work. 

So that is my last moment....I think it is a great moment.  I am thankful for that moment :-) 

I will write about what I learned from my 30 Day Blog challenge soon, maybe today or tomorrow.  I also have some ideas for some new blog posts....my goal is to write everyday, a lot has been on my mind and I feel better when I get those things out. Hope everyone has a stupendous day!  I know I will!!

Day 29: My Aspirations

My aspirations are growing each day. I am learning what they are day by day. Growing up you think your life will turn out a certain way and that you would do certain things as an adult, but I honestly don't know a lot of people who are doing exactly what they dreamed of as a child.

I have aspirations of being very successful in my career, having a family, traveling the world, and leaving an impact on those I come in contact...and some I don't.

My overall aspirations are simple...be joyful & impact the world... #thatisall

Day 28: Something I Miss

One thing I truly miss is family.  When my grandmother passed away I spent a lot of time (okay more than usually....but maybe not a lot) with my mother. For most of my close friends know....me and mom love each other and we talk everyday, several times a day....but visits never last more than 48 hours or an argument errupts over the stupidest stuff.

Well...one thing my mom misses the most are the big family gatherings we use to have. My family is no perfect, but they are family. We use to have parties, celebrations, cookouts, and so on and both sides of my family.  When my parents got divorced my mom did not go to as many of my dad's family functions as she use to...eventhough most everybody still considered her family. Now that my grandmother has passed she was the last link holding my family together on my mother's side. We have relatives, but just lets say....the bond is not there.

The picture I have posted was me and my cousin (have no clue where she is now) and two of my great aunts. This pictures was of them walking us to school when we were little. I could have been no more than 9, because I left that school in the 4th grade.  The time was spent enjoying the weather and just bonding.  I miss the wisdom they shared and their unconditional love. I miss just how happy they were when we succeeded in life.

I am attempting to develop bonds with some of my younger cousins and cousins around my same age, but is hard. We are scattered across the country. The only time we see each other is at funerals and Christmas.  I love my family all of them, the good and the bad. I just wish we were closer and spent more time together.

Also...blog challenge is almost over. WOW! I actually have made it through besides the short interruption. I am getting excited!

Day 27: My Favorite Place

This was a very easy one for me. I am not going to try to get all deep. My favorite place to spend time is....

ATLANTA!!!!

I visit there often and I love to spend time there with friends and family. I fell in love with the city when I was 16 years old when I went to a summer program at Georgia Tech. I love the scenery, the museums, the shopping, the people, shall I go on???

I sometimes think about moving there, but I  think moving there might take the pleasures of my visits there away.  Sometimes I think my career will take me there, but I always end up staying in Nashville (love this place too). 

I have great memories in Atlanta and I hope to keep it that way. From the time I went to my cousin's graduation from Spelman, to the time I just had a girls weekend with some of my friends, from the time I met my great aunt face to face for the first time in my life a couple of years ago.

These are just a few of the reasons why I love Atlanta :-)

Da 26: My Fears

My fears are few but they exist.  I will not go into depth of all of my fears, because everyone does not need to know all of that. As a Christian a lot of people like to quote the scripture II Timothy 1:7...."God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." Which I believe....but it is easier said than done....like a lot of other things in the Bible. 

I think fear is based off things you have seen, learned, and or taught. I mean when I watch children and their behaviors the younger they are the less fear they have because they don't know until they are taught. When they do something wrong their parent disciplines them which causes pain and they are afraid of the pain again....so they don't do that action out of fear of what their parents will do.  Sometimes fear is of the unknown. You do not know what to expect which causes fear because you do not know how to respond.  At least this is how I see fear.

I will tell you about two of my fears. The first is not living up to what God has called me to do.  I think everyone has a purpose in life (no matter what you believe in). I know what mine is no matter how hard I try to run from it. I am working toward that goal, but sometimes I get distracted. Which I believe has delayed a lot of my goals.  I fear that sometimes I miss the mark and I am lost.  I think the world would be a better place if people learned to stay in their lane and walk in their purpose. A janitor should not be performing brain surgery and vice versa.  Neither job is more important than the other, but each play a vital role in the day to day lives of people.

Another fear I have is of change. I like things to remain consistent....and I hate to say it for the good or the bad, because of become use to it. I think this also goes with the fear of the unknown.  When things change you don't know how things will go. When you start a new job, meet new people, or start a new project in life you are stepping out on faith. That is not always easy. 

Each day I am overcoming my fears slowly and becoming more confident and who I am and the direction my life is going. I am learning I can only be me and enjoy all moments in life and treasure the experiences that I have.  We shall see if my fears will go away with experiences in time.

Day 25: A First

I have had a lot of first in my life. As I was typing and thinking about what I would write about I decided to talk about something I have not had a first of....that is a date. I am opening up more about this and coming to terms with this.  One of my male friends is always encouraging and says it is going to happen, but I am like when? Sometimes I have thought my standards are too high, sometimes I think I am just too picky, and sometimes I wonder if I am ever meant to go on a date?

I think it will happen, don't know when or where, but one friend said I can not give up hope. I sometimes think back on the guys that have approached me and why it did not work out. Was it me or them?  Whatever happened it is the past.  I don't have this fairytale view of relationships and dating and I think I am realistic about my expectations. I know what I want and I refuse to settle. Despite what people assume....money and type of job are not a requirement (you do have to HAVE a job....man that does not work, does not eat). 

Those are my thoughts this morning on the topic. It is 9/11, been thinking about that this morning.....don't know if I will blog about it later, but we shall see.

Day 24: Something that makes me cry

Something that makes me cry....it takes a lot to make me cry because I feel that I am not a very emotional person. One thing I never do is cry in front of others, I have tried, but I just can't.  I can name maybe two people who have seen me cry and that is my mother and a close friend of mine.

I think the one thing that makes me cry the most is when people take me for granted. Sometimes I feel that I do for others, but they could care less.  The saying "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" is something I do, but I don't think it is recipricated.  This becomes frustrating to me then I cry.

People then say stop caring and stop doing....if it were only that simple. It hurts me more when I am not there for others. As much as the actions of people irritate me, I love people, I love helping people, and I love  being around people.  I am slowly learning to deal with my feelings. I am crying less and understanding people more.

This a process that I am going through. Don't know if I will ever stop letting people get to me, but I am learning to not get as hurt when they don't treat me how I feel I should be treated.

Day 23: Something that makes you feel better

I hate to say it, but honestly you know what makes me feel better???? Food, I have come to realize that I am an emotional eater.  That is probably why I gained all this weight. I am learning to control it, but it is still an issue. I do other things to make me feeel better, but that's the one I have been doing lately.


Side note....I typed this on my EVO!

Day 22: Something that Upsets Me

Well can I only pick one thing???? There are a lot of things that upset me. A friend told me once that I only can be concerned with what is in my basket and not worry about other people's baskets....if it were oh so simple. I think what other people have in their baskets affect me and others rather to want it to or not.

So here is a short list of things that upset me (I could go on and on....but trying to let some things go)

1. Glorificaiton of baby momma's
2. Glorification of mistresses and homewreckers
3. What kids are becoming
4. The fact that people just don't get me most of the time
5. The person I love the most has no clue
6. I don't make enough money....yet (changing soon)
7. People say they love you, but their actions do not show it.
8. People not taking responsibility for their actions.
9. The fact that it is hard for me to except the things I can not change
10. Stupid People!!!

Okay this was a true venting blog.  I felt good letting some things out. 

Day 21: Another Moment

This morning I got up thinking about what I was going to write about today. I was kind of excited because yesterday I had an "Aha! Moment." I got this syaing from Oprah, and my close friends know I truly do not like Oprah (another post all by itself). What do I mean by this? I was thinking yesterday and got some revelations about some things I had been doing and what I need to do, so I said Aha!

Well...in that moment I realized that more than ever I am truly a jacked up person. This might sound bad, but in all honesty it is really not.  In my post about my beliefs one of my beliefs was that all people are selfish even if they do not want to admit it.  This I think is an issue I have. When I look back over what I do in life and most of my actions have been selfish....even when I am helping others.

This might sound little, but yesterday I was updating my phone contacts and linking my facebook account and I noticed a person was no longer my friend on facebook. I initially thought that they had deleted their account, but when I got on facebook, I was just deleted as their friend. That made me ask why? Was it something I done or said? I honestly do not know, and it might just have been an accident, but what I do know is I remember one time saying something or doing something that was not nice which pertained to this person.  Maybe they found out and they were deleting negative people out of hteir facebook world....I am okay with that.

But I did realized that my actions do affect others and the things I say and do, even when they are not on purpose, can hurt.  I learned from this moment that I have to improve what I say and do toward others. This world is not about me.

Okay....I wanted to write more, but I have a massive headache this morning and it is not going away :-(  Things I need to do. Wish I could have called out sick, but there is a lecture I want to hear on campus at noon plus tons of work to do today. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Day 20: This Month

This month....well I think I will right about the upcoming month.  I hope it will be a good month.  It will be a busy month professionally and personally. Have a lot to do and several projects that are starting.  I am excited about hanging out with friends and getting my life back to normal since my grandmother passed. I have house warmings, tailgating, few out of town trips, and just having fun on the schedule. 

I have learned when I am busy I do better. When I am idle my mind starts to wonder and that is not always good....I will also continue to work on my 30 things while 30. This month I hope to finish up more letters and get some books finished. 

Life is good! Not perfect, but good!

Day 19: Something You Regret

Nothing.....Everything that I have done, good and bad, has shaped me to be the person I am today. I am not perfect, but a work in progress.

Sexuality and Gender

This morning a conversation I had with a friend popped in my head and got me to thinking...

The conversation was with one of my friends that happens to be a lesbian.  She made a statement that sticks out in my mind to this day....She loves being a woman and she does not want to be a man.

The thought that goes in my head is why do people equate who or how many people you sleep with to rather or not you are a man or a woman? I think I touched on the topic in an earlier blog, but want to go more in depth of my thought process.

One statement that my pastor makes often (I love my pastor, but don't agree with everything he says) or says on occasion is "that I have been a man all my life." In the context of what he is saying he is is alluding to sexuality and how a man portrays himself. My question becomes why do people equate who I choose or choose not to sleep with determine my gender?

I am a woman, love being a woman, and have no desire to be anything else, but the fact that I have slept with no one does that make me less of a woman? Does a man who chooses not to sleep around or even sleep with men make him less of a man?  I think not! No matter what your stand on a person's sexuality I don't think a person's gender she be determined but who they sleep with.

Just some of my thoughts this morning....will continue the 30 day blog challenge in a few. Cooking for a cookout, but needed to get my thoughts out before they slipped my mind.

Day 18: My Favorite Birthday

Really don't have a favorite birthday. Honestly most of my birthdays have been a blur. I remember when I was little I had a slumber party that was fun. We celebrated birthdays, but was not a major deal.  As I grew older as an adult a birthday was a birthday.   I like to spend them with friends. One year a lot of people came out and we went to Kobe's one of my favorite places.  That was a lot of fun. This year was a good birthday, not exactly what I wanted, but I enjoyed it.

I think each year that you are alive you are blessed! Have to focus on the good things in your life. I think since I have turned 30 each year I want to see how I can make the next year better. 

30 things are starting to happen....

Okay....I have been really feeling this 30 Day Blog Challenge (will write about what I learned at the end of the 30 posts) and I have neglected to really talk about the 30 things for my year of 30. I have been working on  my list and will update as I finish things....thought about starting another blog to chronicle my progress, but that is too much for me to keep up with. I randomly talk about some of the things I am working on.

I know this evening I will work on #5 & #9.  #5 is reading 30 books and #9 is writing letters to people.  Both things I have been working on, but my goal is too finish a book over this weekend and get one letter out to a person.  These seem like simple tasks....but not so.

The letter is going to be the hardest. I started on it a while ago, but recent events have pushed me to finish it and give to a person.  I don't know if it will bring a closed door or open door to the future of the relationship, but we shall see.   

#1 (get a tattoo) & #13 (donate hair to Locks for Love) kind of go together.My hair is finally grown out, just have to get my ends trimmed this month. The problem is that the tattoo I want is on my neck (I promise that I am not hood) and my hair has to be long enough to cover it.  I figure my hair was shaved in the back less than a year ago so if I go ahead and cut hair off now it will be long enough before I turn 31 to cover up my tattoo...I so hope this pans out. I also have seen several people in my office that have tattoos that are visibile (one girl has one all the way across the back of her neck and she does not hide it). So even if the tattoo is not completly covered I should still be good. The design is small and means something to me so I am getting excited about getting it.

One thing that I am kind of bumbed about is that I was so excited to do #10 (run a 5k) in October, but because of my poor planning and life's unexpected events I am so not ready. I will still run a 5k, but not sure if it will be the one in October. I know I will get one under my belt soon....plus I need to step the training up. Half Marathon is in April....no way I can skirt out of that one.

Think that will be all for the update on my progress for now. Some of the items are in the works and can't wait to finish some.  I will definitely keep you posted!

Day 17: My Favorite Memory

Hmmm....This is hard because I really do not have a favorite memory. I mean I have a lot of memories that are special to me in different ways, but I can not say one is my favorite. 

Maybe my favorite memory was the day I graduated from Vanderbilt. I had all of my family (even my dad came) there to celebrate with me.  To see the look on my family's faces and how proud of me was amazing...the struggles that I encountered while in college from academic, financial, personal, and spiritual it was nothing but God who got me through college with a degree...a job...and a career!!

Maybe it was a recent dinner with a friend. I truly enjoyed the company of this friend which has become a rarity in our friendship. The friend I saw at dinner was the friend that I have come to love and depend on and I appreciated that especially since lately I have been going through a lot, more than I can ever put in my blog.

Maybe it was all the times my mom, my sister, and my grandmothers use to go shopping on Saturdays to the outlet malls.  We might not by a thing, but just walk up and down the malls looking at things. My sister would always request a corn dog to eat and we would get it....but she would not eat so my grandmother would end up eating it.

Maybe it was the times when I was little and my dad took my fishing early in the morning. I would never put the worm or cricket on the rod or pole, but I would always get excited when I caught a fish, no matter how little it was.

Maybe it was my prom my senior year of high school. I truly enjoyed myself and the company of my date....my crush for so many years.

I know I have listed several of my favorite memories. I probably could go on and on, but I will stop. Writing this post made me realize all the good memories I have had during my life.  Sometimes I focus on the bad ones which seem to stick out, but I need to focus on the things that give my happiness and joy.

Day 16: My First Kiss

When I first saw the title of this post a while ago I was honestly scared to write about, or be open about it. I have said in other posts that I have had on occasion that I have never kissed anyone.  I use to not tell people, but I never denied it. I guess people just assume.

I was in a situation where someone attempted to kiss me (I so hope he does not read this post....) and I just couldn't do it.  The situation was weird and I did not feel comfortable with him being my first kiss. I knew he knew that I never dated and we were just hanging out and I would say the beginning of the "talking" phase and he attempted and I just gave him a hug and moved on.

I do think I get frustrated about the situation, but have come to terms with it. I sometimes get irritated with the looks and responses when I tell people I have never dated or kissed, but oh well. Just part of me being me.  I know it will happen one day.

Think that is all I have to say at this point....wanted to write more, but could not get it together.

Guess What I got to today????

Okay, I had a fairly productive day at work, but I was distracted because I FINALLY got.....

My HTC EVO!!!! I am so excited and I am loving figuring out all the things that it can do....one friend says it can even divide by zero.

I attempted to take a self pic with the front facing camera (makes it so much easier) and upload to add to this post, but reception sucks in my office. so I could not send it :-( I actually had to look at and read the owners manual for this phone. I am so loving the kickstand!

Day 15: My Dreams

Dreams....I have a lot of them. Not the dreams you have at night, but dreams of what I want to do, what I want to be, and what I want to see happen in the world. I do think sometimes people chase after dreams when they should not and the reality becomes fantasy and that is not always good.  I am living out some of my dreams, I am looking forward to accomplishing all of my dreams, and I am excited about the dreams I have yet to discover. One thing that I have learned is that you can not always tell people your dreams because they might not understand.