Why Men Lie...

Back from holidays and was following up on facebook posts and one of my friends posted the following video:



WTF??? Ok....As I watch the short video a few things cam to mind about the star of the video:

1. Why does he cover his face?
2. Where does he get his statistics from?
3. Why does he have on all red?

I decided to look at the census bureau and here are the facts. This does not account for availability but it does give generalized data. We can argue forever the lack of men and especially the lack of black men, but to me that is besides the point. This guy's argument in the video is because he has choices he has the right to lie.

If he uses the above mentioned argument it is alright to say someone leaves $1,000 on a counter you have the right to take it just because it is there even though you know it does not belong to you. He is saying you have the right to do wrong because you have choices...no it is called integrity, character, and honesty...great traits to have.

Also...women. If you know he lied to the woman before you why wouldn't he lie to you? Not all men are dogs and not all men lie, but if he has the mentality of the guy in the video why would you give him the time a day. Then...women why do you allow men to lie to you and you continue to take it??? Then...why would you cheat with a man knowing he is with someone else or being shady in life???

Ok...Just needed to let things out and ask questions. Would love feedback!

Am I the Only One???

Please watch the video then read the blog:



One of my friends posted this video on facebook and I was like "Are you serious???" I love working with kids and have been working with kids by profession and volunteering for years now. I have high standards for kids, my beliefs, not everyone agrees...Oh Well!!! Several people thought the post was cute and hilarious, I personally was like why does a child this young know the whole video???

Growing up my parents were strict, but they gave me direction. TV was not allowed, especially not long enough to learn a video. Then the words and the moves to the song...I am not a Beyonce hater or fan, but a child that age should not be doing the moves or even letting that music in her ears.

My thoughts are the parents should invest more time with the child and teach her something. One might argue that I do not if the child is a perfect student and learned the video in her spare time...not flying with me. Kids today usually spend more time watching TV than play games with friends, playing outside, learning...things that promote growth in children.

I am done venting....just my thoughts, you might beg to differ.

Her Heart

First thing Tuesday morning I woke up and downloaded the new Anthony Hamilton on I-tunes. This CD was a must have purchase and was fixed in the budget (trying to get better with this budgeting thing...I love spending money, but I do work hard for it so that is my justification). I love the CD!!! Last week I bought Musiq which I love too, but it took a few listens to find the tracks that I love. With Anthony Hamilton I had my songs on first listen which is very rare. Lately I have been going back to my first love...music.

There was one track on the CD that I makes me cry every time I listen to it...sad right?? That song is Her Heart. When you listen to the words to me it is a love song that inspires me which is very rare. When I listen to what is being said and the passion in his voice you feel the love he has for this woman....which today is rare, hate to say it. I truly believe to many people today fall in lust...not love. Sometimes loves comes eventually, but it takes time.

This man sees his woman crying from the hurt that he has caused her and he realizes how much she loves him and how much he loves her. Her heart is what he loves...Her inner being her soul, her personality. Her heart touched his heart. He sees the love she has for him and I think that so many people, men and women, miss this about the person who loves them unconditionally. The person who loves them through the good and the bad, the ups and downs, the highs and lows.

People always have their opinions on relationships and love, but do we really understand it fully? I mean do people really understand true love, unconditional love? A love that sees past all the flaws, all the hurts, and all the pains. I think people have this vision of what love is supposed to be based on movies, other people's relationships, and even songs, but they don't get to the heart of what love is. I think I Corinthians 13:4-13(NIV) says it best:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I keep listening to Her Heart on repeat...listen to it when you have the time. I must say the whole CD is a must have. Just not for the melodies, but for the words.

Facebook Double Standard

I thought about this topic the other day and just have found time to expand on it. I live on facebook. That is how my friends and I plan events, view pictures, and just be nosey about each others lives. Facebook can be fun and sometimes scandalous (pictures will appear...nothing is hidden these days), but it always entertaining. It helps me keep up with family, friends, and old classmates. It keeps you informed about people you may not talk to on the phone, but you would like to see what they are up to in life. The other day I was reading one of my friend's status and it got me to thinking...I am going to just list some of his very interesting statuses first. Names and faces have been left out to protect the innocent...

"***** loves to eat and use my hands...don't believe me? check out my profile pic :)"

"***** is loving the concept of Santa right now. A woman...sitting on my lap...telling me what she wants...now that's life right there!"

"***** is about to market the must-have fashion accessory...a belt with a mistletoe buckle!! meet me under the mistletoe."

"***** NEVER wants his dipstick to come up dry."

"***** was beating so hard it made her walls shake...so I turned the volume down on the stereo b4 my neighbor called the cops ;o)."

"***** is looking for a new old chick in blue...got one I can borrow? :-D"

"***** would gladly provide the meat for a Kreesha Turner/Sydney Poitier sandwich...good googly moogly."

These are just a just a few of his recent statuses. Most of them are not blatant, but they all send your mind somewhere... Every time one these statuses appear he receives 10-15 comments on it by various friends of his that are mostly female. My question is if a woman had similar statuses would she get the same responses? Will women comment in disgust and will men be so happy to comment? Just a recent observation.

The "Memphis" in Me

Yesterday I was having a rough day. The pain of getting car fixed after an wreck is very irritating. It was not my fault, but I have to do all the work...thankful my uncle is an attorney and my passenger's father is an attorney...love the advice, not in it for money, just want my stuff taking care of correctly. Ok....I have gotten sidetracked.

In dealing with the car people and everything going on in my life I posted a facebook status stating that I do not want to go "Memphis" on them. I was born and raised in Memphis and sometimes the hood of Memphis comes out. I love telling people that don't get it twisted, I may have graduated from Vanderbilt, but born in raised in Memphis. When work, personal, and all things in between are irritating the hell out of me sometimes the Memphis comes out. Don't know if this is a good or bad thing. I mean did I grow up in the hood???? Not really, but I have friends, family, and coworkers who have influenced me and it does come out when least expected. Just another part of me.

Just because I am educated and got it together and sometimes have a soft demeanor people assume that I will not go off...I will and when I do it is not pretty, because it takes a lot for me to get to that point and if I get to that point...not a good thing. I think people take my kindness for weakness...please do not underestimate me.

One friend from New York said that is ok to late some of the home town out from time to time...but people are not ready....

Something New

This is the title of a movie that came out a while ago with Sanaa Lathan. The movie talked about a successful black woman who wants to fall in love and get married to a successful black man, but she falls for a white man. I thought the movie was excellent and it talks about a topic that I think a lot of people think about.

This week I was having a convo with my mom and she once again tried to slip in that she wants to see me get married and have a family (I do too...one day). I always joke and tell her she will find out when she gets the invitation. Some of my friends and I have the convo from time to time about how everyone so wants to see you get married even if it is the wrong person. Why is this to so many people the ultimate goal in life??? Like you are half a person if you do not have a significant other in your life.

I think as a young girls grow up they always have this vision for their life and if you look at your life now I am pretty sure that it has not turned out completely the way you envisioned. They dream to go to college, get a job, get married, and have kids...at least that was my dream or the dream my family has put in me. I think being black it was always assumed that I would be with a black man. I remember a convo me and my father had as we were leaving the grocery store and he saw an interracial couple walking in the parking lot and he said if I brought a white man home that he would kill him...and knowing my dad I would never want to test that statement.

I am 28 years old now and I am my own person and have grown to have my own beliefs and views in life. I feel that love is love no matter what color the person is. Do I want to marry someone of my own race??? Yes, but I am open. I don't like when people say they only date a certain race because you are closing the door to a person who might be everything else that you find attractive in a mate. Since Barack Obama has been elected someone made the statement that if a black (African) man did not end up with a white woman then we would not have Barack as the first black president. Love is love, people have to accept it or leave it. Now I do believe that I have more in common with someone of my own race, but that does not have to do with the color of their skin, I think it is more of a cultural thing more than anything. When it comes down to it skin color is a physical trait and does not have anything to do with how a person treats you or who the person is in the inside.

Just some of my thoughts...I woke up this morning and was procrastinating. The work week is started. I love my job, but I think I enjoy my weekends of leisure more. Plus...got rear ended last week and have to handle all the things with getting my car fixed, never fun :( Ok...that was an aside. Hope you enjoyed reading :) I have a lot on my mind lately and probably be writing a lot soon, but just have to get my thoughts together.

The Approach

A little while ago I wrote a blog about we have to be able to have a conservation which I still see as a problem. My question now is why when you are interested in someone you don't know how to approach? I mean "hey shawty" is not cute or the other random lines that people come up with. Why is it so hard to approach a person that you are interested in. I recently had someone who I am pretty sure is interested come by my office and comes up with random questions and I am like what the hell? I mean if you want to talk to me ask me for my number come at me with a question that will help you and me to get to know each other. Don't ask about random things such as do you have the last CD from Soul for Real (love the group, but a random request). I do believe first impressions are long lasting and you only get one chance.

Interesting Questions....

I am not: who you think I am
I hear: "So Beautiful" from the new Musiq
I regret: not always being honest with myself
I care: about other people too much, sometimes they would feel the same way about me
I always: think of others before I think of myself too much
I long to: be open and honest with the world
I feel alone: because I sometimes feel like no one else in the world goes through what I do
I hide: a lot...
I drive: too much, my car is probably mad at me
I sing: all the time, although my friends think my voice is horrible...I like it :)
I dance: when I am alone...black girl with no rhythm
I write: to vent and express what I can't say to others
I breathe: therefor I am...God is good
I play: well with others...most of the time
I miss: the carefree days of my youth
I search: for meaning in everything
I say: random things that do not always make sense....but they make sense to me
I feel: like my life is going in the right direction.
I succeed: at what I love
I fail: to open up when I need to
I dream: in color
I sleep: not enough
I wonder: why people do not understand
I want: people to think beyond themselves
I worry: too much
I have: so much inside
I give: too much
I fight: for what is right
I am: me!!! gotta love it :)
I can’t: understand the person who has no motivation to improve themselves
I stay: in constant thought
I will: be what I am supposed to be
I can: do whatever I put my mind to
I would: give you the world if I could
I might: make a drastic change in my life soon
I like: White Chocolate
I love: You!
I smile: rather I am happy or sad...you would never know.
I frown: at stupidness
I read: a lot...reading is fundamental
I work: and love it!!!

You Can't Change Me

This is a statement people need to realize. Let people be who they are because you can't change them. I think people try to hard to change people...rarely does it work. I am not saying you can't help people improve, but they have to want to. In relationships, friendships, and with family members people have this idea of how people are supposed to be and when they do not fit that mold they get upset, why? Everyone is different and everyone is unique, let people be who they are. I am not saying allow people to be trifflin or not to encourage people to do better, but don't feel that you can change a person. People are who they are for a reason, good or bad. People need to learn how to see this and work with it and not be consumed by a person who does not change to what they want them to be.

I think too many people, men and women, get into relationships and feel they can change the person they are with. If he was an ass when you met him, what makes you think he will not be an ass while you are together? If she did not have a work ethic before you started dating what makes you think she is going to work hard when you get together? To me there are certain qualities of people that make them who they are rather you like it or not, love it or leave it. I am not saying people can not grow or become better people, but I think it has to start with them and no matter what you do you can't force a person to change unless they want to do it themselves.

I wrote a blog a while ago entitled Just Do you.... and I talked about people just being themselves. People should not try to fit the mold people have made for them or try to fit in with certain people out of their own insecurities. People change for so many reasons but a lot of times they do not have the right motives. I am who I am, I love me, so what if you don't like me oh well. I think our differences make the world interesting. If everyone was the same or fit the mold that others put them in I think the world would be a very dull place.

I wrote this all this to say you can't change me and I can't change you...be who you are and love it despite what others say.

Can You Force Morality???

Ok...another oldie. It is funny how life goes in cycles. This is something that has come up in my life again.

Original Post September 28, 2007

This is a topic that I have been thinking about a lot. Can one force a person to have moral values?? Can we legalize a person's morals? I looked up the definition of morals and the dictionary stated that morals as relating to the principles of right and wrong behavior. Can what a person think is right and wrong be relative. I actually heard the statement of a porn star on television and she stated "that she has very high morals and there are certain things she would not do...." I think this prompted me to think about this topic even more. I am a believer in not forcing my faith and my beliefs on anyone and my faith and beliefs are what I consider my way of determining what is right and wrong. So in a sense if I don't force my faith on anyone I should not force my view of morals on someone? But I am not saying that we should just allow people to run around and do whatever. I am just posing some questions that I have in my head, not to say that I have formulated a complete answer. When I write I just attempt to get some things off my chest that I have been thinking about lately.

Being a social worker(not anymore, was in original post) working with people from all backgrounds and causes me to look at situations differently by attempting to be nonjudgmental with people and meeting them where their need us. In saying this in our society who defines morality and why has it in my opinion become so "out there?" Has the fact the people have skewed morals so much caused society to take a turn for the worse? If we force morality by law is that going to help or make things worse? These are just some of the the questions and things I have been thinking about lately and just wanted to get other people's opinions.

Bedroom Bully-Tag!

Thought this was an interesting. I was tagged by She W0rd Hustlez.

Peep the rules:

1. Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
2. Share 3 confident statements and then 3 questions about sex.
3. Tag 6 random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
4. Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Statements

1. Might not be the popular thing to say, but I think people jump to have sex to quickly these days. You see somebody you want to have sex with and just because you are horny you don't think about the long lasting implications of your actions.

2. Don't think people truly experience sex to the fullest. Don't think both partners get theirs before they are done.

3. There are different levels of sex...fuckin, sex, making love...most people don't make it to making love.

Questions

1. What is the best and worse place you have had sex?

2. Would you have sex with a random person just because you found them physically attractive?

3. What do you get out of sex?


I am tagging anyone who reads this...really don't know who reads my blog.

Why are we so judgmental???

Ok...I use to blog a lot on myspace and stopped because I got tired of myspace. I was going through some of my old blogs and decided to post some on here from time to time. Hope you enjoy and comment.



Original Post May 8, 2007:

I have been thinking a lot lately how we as people are so quick to judge someone else. I am guilty of it and is what of my biggest struggles. I know it is wrong, but sometimes I find myself doing it. I was just encountered a situation and the shoe was on the other foot. A person felt comfortable making comments around me about something and thinking about the situation I was honestly offended. I mean I have been known to stick my foot in my mouth and I have to catch myself and think about the next time I am in the situation how do I handle it differently. As many of blogs have expressed I am changing and becoming a new person or a better person and by doing this some things that I have seen and/or done in the past I begin to question. Rather you are Christian or not this should be something you should think about, how I treat or act towards other people who are different than me. I honestly do believe Christians are worse when it comes to judging people. We like to point out other people's faults, but never look at our own. We are quick to say a person should not do this or act this way, but we fail to look at why they are doing what they are doing. What happened to coming to people in love? What happened to loving in spite of? I am developing, or living out a mindset of love overcoming all. I mean my new screen name(Teach Me How to Love) is inspired by one of my favorite songs of Musiq's new album. If you get a chance listen to the words it is how I feel sometimes. I am honestly understanding that my heart has become so cold that I honestly do not know if I possess the capability of loving someone. I understand the love that God had for me and how it is unconditional, but I don't know if I can give that love. I want to but sometimes don't know how. I know I have gone off on a tangent, but I believe if we love more we would not judge as much. I think the church has missed the mark of ministering in some aspects. People want to hold people accountable harshly, but no where that I can remember when Jesus was ministering to people did he beat them down or make them feel like they were less than nothing. He met the people where they were. People should not assume things about people and people should take the time to get to know people. Get to know what makes a person who they are. I know I have issues in this area. I can even say one of my mottoes in life is that I do not talk to strangers, but when you see a person on struggle, don't jump to conclusion about that person, or judging them, maybe if you look at what got them to that point you can have a better understanding of who that person is in the inside.

Irritated!!!

I did not want to blog about it, but I head to say something so it will be short and to the point. There are two people in the news that are irritating the hell out of me!!!! I have been saying that I would not give them time in my blog, but I had enough!!! These to people are:

O.J. Simpson















Sarah Palin


Enough Said!!! Why do people care about these people anymore!!! Ok...I am done...

Shocked by what is right

I had trouble with this title, but it finally come up with something, but not too happy...open to suggestions. A lot of times when we see people doing what is right we are shocked...I think one person said it best was Chris Rock in his HBO special. When a man wants props for taking care of his kids...that is what you are supposed to do. I pay my bills on time...that is what you are supposed to do. These are just a couple of examples of things that people want recognition for, but in a sense that is what you are supposed to do. There are few things that stick out in my mind about when people are shocked by what is right.

I have a friend who is married and I love her and her husband (just using him as one example...I have more). I had a conversation with a person and I used her husband as an example. Her husband is caring, smart, great friend, great husband, and so much more. When I describe him sometimes I feel as if he is the exception...not the norm. People are amazed when we talk about his qualities because they are so rare, but he is only doing what he is supposed to do. I am not saying he is perfect and I do not compare other men to him, but to me he is a role model as a husband, friend, black man, man, just human being in general. He lives a life as an example which a lot of people do not do.

Another area where people are shocked at what is right is kids...You see kids that have great manners, respectful, and behaving and you find that shocking. So many kids today are not being raised by their parents, they are left to do whatever, and are given no structure. This leads to a lot of problems. When I was growing up I was not a perfect child and I did not have perfect parents, but there were expectations and if I acted a fool...my parents acted a fool. When I was growing up I use to ask my parents for money for good grades...their response was you do not get paid for what you are supposed to do. I think this concept is lacking with today's parents and kids. I think you have so many kids out of control today that when you see a kid acting semi right you are so surprised...this is not right.

I am pretty sure there are several more examples, but these are just a couple that stick out to me.

A Picture is Worth a 1000 Words

I was reading the news on CNN during my lunch break and I came across the picture and was like interesting. The first thing that came across my mind was what is Obama thinking, what was Hillary thinking???

Me being the "special" person that I am...I thought the worst. Just contemplating the private conversations they have had, the bitter primary, and the speculations of each others' feelings toward each other. One can only imagine what is going on in their heads. I just think they both were thinking the following:

Barack: You better behave or don't expect to be in this position for long and you can kiss your chances of running in 2016 goodbye, because you know I got 2012 on lock!

Hillary: You think you are smart??? You stole this election from me, but I will have the last laugh!!! This year was just a fork in the road...I will be back on the road to the White House in 2016...earlier if you mess up!

Is there anything wrong....

with being a freak??? It take me a while to decide to write and even post this blog. I was reading a couple of blogs and it really made me think. I consider myself pretty conservative, but there is a lot of things that I think about and ponder rather I agree with them or not. I think this blog will go to the heart of the title of my blog. Most people who know me might be shocked if they take the time to read this entry, but oh well...I think I am moving more in the period in life where I believe what I believe, I stand where I stand, and I question everything!!! Think more people she does this, maybe would not be a society of blind followers.

Ok...back to the subject at hand. I was reading two blogs that I follow and one was talking about a couple who did not kiss until they got married and one was talking about sex as a art. Two different thoughts but both made me think. One article talks about the abstaining from sex by extreme majors and one talks about it as a form of art...but made me think. But what I got from both is a question....is there anything wrong with being a freak???

I honestly do not know rather or not I can answer this question with a yes or no. I do think I am leaning toward no....but with limits. I feel that sex is something special and should not be shared with just anyone. If the person you are with wants to experiment or be creative there is nothing wrong with that...within reason, but being a freak with anyone and everyone...not cool. Like the blog author said sex is an art and people should good get creative with it, if not it would probably get boring, which in my opinion sometimes leads people to cheat. When I say within limits I know there are extreme things that can be done, but if you both know what that limit is what is wrong with pushing it to the limit??

If I were a boy, would he be a girl???

The other day I was browsing blogs and I came across a comment that inspired me ask the question. When I first heard the song by Beyonce' I was so not feeling the song. If you have not seen the video check out If I Were A Boy. Then I saw the video and I was like deep. I understand the thinking behind the lyrics and the video, but is it that simple...no.

I mean just because you act like a guy does not mean he will act like a girl. Plus the actions are not just done by males or just done by females. I think when a person cheats there are so many things that go into the equation that most people do not think about and most people just assume. I think females assume so many things about men...and men do the same, but the problem is assuming is not good.

I just wanted to pose the question. So many things can go into this blog, but did not want to go to deep, sometimes when I do I ramble. Plus I want to hear what others think.

Logical Love...

I was talking with my aunt the other day and she just laughed at me about our conversation. Every time we get on the topic of relationships, unwed pregnancies, and topics like those she says every time that I think to logically about them when I try to process the actions of others. This got me to thinking about how I view things. I have a very, very unique perspective on relationships(rather not go into detail, shoot me an email or ask if you want to know more) and sometimes I wonder if that is why I think so logically about them...but then I think no, I just think logically about a lot of things in my life, it makes sense to me.

I have extreme views and do not apologize for them. Just how I feel. I do understand and know love is a feeling and emotion, but I also realize there is some logic to it. Any relationship you get in you are selfish...Your goal is to seek pleasure or enjoyment for yourself. I think you grow to be selfless and do things for the other person, but deep down in side you are still out for self. I think as the relationship grows and you grow to love a person you then think about them before you think about yourself....but this is not always. I think want key to life is self preservation, you can't help others unless you help yourself. When your whole life revolves pleasing another person then a relationship can become one sided.

I think when you love someone there is a process of thoughts and emotions that you go through. When you are getting to know someone you think about the qualities that this person possesses and if you like them or not. You think about if you enjoying spending time with this person and if they make you happy. You think about what time of relationship you both share. Now I think people even more think about what type of power couple you will be. You look for someone that can compliment you...not complete you, I hope you are whole already. So many state they have requirements when it comes to a person they will date...this might be a short or long list, but they are things that help a person decide if they are going to be with a person. To me...these are all logical choices. You think about about all of these above things and decide if you want to be with a person or not.

I do feel emotions play a part, but I think love is a choice and hopefully you can control your emotions. If you make decisions completely off of emotions then I think your emotions you can take you in the wrong directions sometimes...a lot of times. Most people might not agree with me, but I believe love is a choice. You choose who you allow in your inner space, you choose who you open up to, you choose who you allow to get to know you...this all leads to getting to know someone with the hopes of one day you might fall in love. Emotions can blind you to the obvious at times and make you think you are in love and honestly you are in lust. Emotions together with logic and choices lead to a relationship.

I can go on and on about this topic, but it would take forever. I wrote this blog to just talk about what I am contemplating....logical love. I think some ways everybody loves logically if they want to admit it or not...

I have to be able to talk to you!!!!

I like to write on different topics and I usually write about things that I am dealing with and this is something that has been really irking me. Why approach someone, male or female, when you can't hold a conversation? I do believe the art of face to face conversation is dying with the growth of social networking websites and texting, but really... Is it too hard to be able to approach someone and have a convo that makes sense???

A while ago I wrote about should a guy's job matter which ties in with this to me. I am not saying if you clean floors or just have a high school degree you can't hold a convo, but if I value education and being able to talk about and discuss different topics that are more complex shouldn't you be able to do the same? One of my friends had a great example. If a man is a physical fitness trainer and nutritionist would it make sense for him to date a woman who is morbidly obese and can't walk up two steps without having a heart attack?? No, it wouldn't, he values health and that is something I am assuming he would like in a mate. I have met several people who are not formally educated, but can hold a great conversation and think & process things better than people with a graduate degree. I do think this the exception, not the norm.

If all you can say is hello and you look nice and you smart...what the??? If we are having a topic on politics or the election of Barack Obama and all you can say is "My President is Black!"...yes that was direct quote of all a person could say about Obama's win. If we are talking about what you want to do with your life and all you can say is I want to make bank...is your only motivation in life to make money? I even go back to one of my favorite movies, Love & Basketball, when Shawnee sent that message by Monica to Quincy and Monica stated(not exact quotes) "She is not trying to get to know you, She is just trying to bone." That is a classic example. All Shawnee could talk about was Q's body, not his mind, his thoughts, or who he was as a person. If we are talking about what we do for a living you might not understand exactly what I do, but a general idea might be helpful. All I am saying conversation can be a good thing versus one liners or shallow statements.

I have said this to say in any relationship rather it be friendship, professional, romantic, or even with family I have to be able to talk to you. I really do not think this is too much to ask. I know people have their moments and their days. I know everyone is not well versed in all topics, but simple conversation can be accomplished. Have a complete thought, have an original idea, have your own opinion on something...is that too much to ask??? One of my favorite quotes is by Ralph Waldo Emerson, he says "Don't recite other people's opinions. ...Tell me what you know." I think this is one key component to having a meaningful conversation. Just my thoughts. Could not sleep and had to vent :)

Wanting More

I think each day I wake up I want more. Isn't that how all people should feel? I mean I desire to have more in life, just not material things, but more knowledge, more love, more understanding of why we are placed here on this earth. I think if you do not wake up wanting more what is the point of waking up? If you have become stagnant in your life (which I have) what do you have to look forward to? I mean each day you have to find the greater meaning in life or what you re put on this earth for. I think each day I wake up I want to have the desire the mindset of wanting more.

Time to get to work...

After this week of history a lot has been on my mind. I have had a lot of different thoughts going through my head (more than normal). I really believed that I was becoming stagnant in my life, or rather being a long term procrastinator. After so much has gone on and in combination with church on Sunday, once again my motivation has be sparked and hopefully it will stay. It is time to do better, it is time to be better. When I started this blog description of me on the side goes back to my motto in life that it is not about you. We have to think beyond ourselves to others and the generations to come. My friend Terry talked to the girls that I mentor a few weeks back about what type of legacy will you lead...so on point and something that not only kids need to think about, but also adults. President-Elect Obama talked about what we can do to make America better and that we ALL have to do our part. My pastor then talked about having a plan and impacting others, you will face opposition, but you still have to push on. Then...even True Hollywood Story spoke to me in the life of Star Jones (not her biggest fan, but show was good). The show demonstrated how she worked hard to get where she was getting and that she has been through some things (rather thy be by others or self inflicted) but she is still standing. I think all of these messages said something to me and have inspired me to work harder and be a better person.

With that being said I look back to about a year ago. I had written out a plan for some of the things I wanted to do and I have accomplished some of those things, but some are still in the air. I was working out more, eating better, working on myself a lot more...I need to get back to that. Why? Because how can I help others without helping myself. I made one step this year by going to the doctor (yes...I know sad) this was something I have been putting off for years. I have to example in all areas of my life. I have slipped in various areas and it is time for me to get to work. It is on, the sky is the limit. I am excited about what the future holds, but I am more excited about what the person that I am coming. I know God has a reason for everything and despite my falls, despite my hypocrisy(not justifying it, but acknowledging it and working on it), despite my issues he still loves me and he still uses me. The best is yet to come!!!!

Few of My Thoughts on History....

Today I finally decided to put into words my feelings over the election of our first African American President. That night I experienced joy, happiness, nervousness, scaredness(don't even think that is a word), and so many other emotions. I witnessed history, I was a part of history. I thought about how this will impact generations to come. When President-Elect Barack Obama and his family walked across that staged it made me see what was to come. I saw a great representation for all people just not Blacks, but ALL people. He is a role model in so many ways and his family is also.

I thought about those who fought to give all people the right to vote. I thought about how people died, people went to jail, people experienced so much to give me this opportunity, and yet so many people don't vote...but in this election we did better, not great but better. My vote counted, my vote meant something. When you look at how close some states where EVERY vote counted.

When I was watching the television and looking at what was going on in Chicago...to me that is what America should be. People of all colors, faiths, and ethnicity united and enjoying this historic occasion. People getting along and celebrating, not hatred, not anger, just love. This was beautiful.

I have written a lot about the emotions that I have felt and now I think about how my state voted. I live in Tennessee...the south and put up a picture of how the presidential election went by county in my state...I am pretty sure if you go to a lot of the other Southern states you might find something similar. Yes more people voted and yes the urban areas predominately voted for Obama, but when you look at the make up the votes by county...the map has not changed. The south is still the south. Yes he won Virgina and North Carolina, but largely due to larger urban areas and increased African American voting.

I had a conversation with so many people and asked the question "If Barack was white, do you think the race would have been this close?" Most people in response said no. Yes he crossed color lines, and yes he is of mixed heritage, but the majority of Americans....including African Americans just see him as a Black man.

Those of who have read my blogs on myspace or my notes on facebook know that I can be random and my thoughts can be everywhere, but I write to get them out. I pray for the Obama family daily, I pray that he is protected and he makes the right decisions for this country and his home. He has a tremendous burden on his shoulder and we all need to help lift that burden. We have to live the motto "Yes We Can!" Not just Barack, not just our government, but all of us as Americans. No man can do it alone, we are out brother's keeper. This election has gone down in history, but we still have to continue to make history...the work does not stop here....

If I Cried...Could You Hear Me???

This is a thought I have had for a while now. I know everyone has the issues they deal with and everyone deals with them differently. I am the type of person who internalize a lot...no I am not the kind of person that will go postal, but I can honestly say very few people if any take the time listen to what is going on with me. My life is good right now and I am loving, but there are some things that have been on my mind that most people ignore. I think people are so self absorbed they do not see what is going on with the people around them...I ask the question again, If I cried could you hear me????

You have to know the whole story...

You have to know the whole story... Current mood: contemplative
I honestly do not know if I have written on this before, but it is something going on in my mind right now. I think this has become my basis for a lot of things that I feel. So many people like to judge and put you down for what you do, but they do not know they half of it. I am learning to realize that you have to know a person's history to understand why they do what they do. People are so quick to judge a person for their current actions, but the fail to look at what has gotten them to that point. For example...if your dad was a drug dealer, and your grandfather was a drug dealer...you are more than likely will be a drug dealer (I know that is not the politically correct thing to say) , but this is what you are exposed to and not to say you cannot get out the game, but if you are stuck in the game and that is all you know I believe it is harder for you to overcome, not to justify your behavior, but just looking at the bigger picture. If you were in that situation what is to say you would overcome??? If a way of life is all a person knows, sometimes it is hard to change the mentality of that person.

Another side to this is one of my biggest mottoes in life....struggle versus contentment. I think we all have struggles and we all fall short, but what about when people are content in what they are doing when it is wrong? And just because I don't flat out say I am struggling with something, does not mean that I am not struggling. But how do you deal with people who are content and do not want to change? I have been in a place in life where I did not want to change or was content in being what I was, but I had to get a wake up call one day and realize that there is a better way. I have thought about this a lot lately, especially from when you become content in your struggle and you are really not making an effort to fight.

I have pretty much said all of this to say we have to see the bigger picture, don't judge the homeless person, or the prostitute, or the crackhead, or the person who is a hot mess, but try to understand what has made them that person and that can help you help them...

What is the Point???

I was having an online convo with a friend the other day and I told her some things that have been going on in my mind that I have told no one. It was good to get it off my chest, at least the little I could, but it got me to thinking about the bigger picture. Why am I in the situation I am in? Why do I continue to do the same things expecting different results? I have a lot on my mind and want to share, but honestly...really don't think people or ready. I realize I think differently and feel differently than most people, but I really don't think people will understand what will come out my mouth. I try to open up, but when I do people look at me like I am crazy or do not take the time, then I back down and stop sharing. I don't see a point of sharing the thoughts if you are not willing to listen or even pretend to understand, but what is sad is that the people that are doing this are my family, my friends, the people who say they love me. You get to the point of saying what is the point of continuing to try, I mean what is the point?

Treat me like a queen...You will be treated like a king

I was thinking this past week about relationships and interactions between men and women. I was about to write a blog entitled I Have to Learn NOT to Love Him, but stopped, not to say it might not be written in the future, but it is on pause. I try not to be a man basher because there are so many wonderful men out there. I did begin to think about how I would like to be treated in a relationship and how I would treat my partner....that is how the title developed.

I think so many men and women can give it but can't take it. What I mean by that is women have all these demands for a man, but they bring nothing to the table. You say a man has to do a,b,c,d.....z, but he asks you for one thing and you flip. Men want all these things out of a woman and she asks you for one thing and you flip. I think each person has to have realistic expectations of each other.

I think each person should value each other and want to uplift each other and compliment each other. If he shows me that he loves me by his actions, his words, his essence I can do nothing but do the same toward him. I will have his back, I will be there for him when the world is against him, I will make sure that his home is at peace when he is going through hell at work. I think sometimes a man just needs to know that you are there for him through the good, the bad, the ugly. I will be the woman he grew to love and not change because I have become complacent with him. I will show him that he can be whatever he wants to be and I will be there to help. With this being said...he should do the same for me. He should encourage me in my dreams, he should listen to me, he should have my back when I am having a bad day, he should continue to be the man that I fell in love with. I have to give him no reason to look elsewhere and he needs to do the same.

I can go into so many more details...but that is saved for that special person whenever he shows up, but if he treats me like a queen....he will mos def be treated like the king that he is.

My Dad

I have been struggling to write this blog for some time now. I have had so many things on my mind and honestly it has taken me a while to figure out where to begin. This might be the most personal blog I have written because I am revealing things that I have revealed to no one. When I think about it I have not revealed them to anyone because no one really takes the time to listen. This blog is about...my dad. Wish I could put a pic of him up, but do not have any digital ones or recent pics that I can post.

My dad died a little over a year ago and I have never really talked to anyone about his death. People just assumed that I was ok about it, but honestly I still wrestle with it to this day. See my dad although I love him, he was a man with issues. When I look back over my life I knew he loved me, but he loved one thing more...liquor. As a child I think adults tried to shield this from me, until it got beyond shielding. The numerous rehabs, the losing of his job, the DUIs, and illnesses. As a child and even as an adult I use to think if he loved me he would let the liquor go...but it was not that simple. He was a great dad in his own way, but the last 10 years of his life the alcohol consumed him and pretty much led to his death.

Can I say me and my dad were on speaking terms...no. I remember the last time I saw him. July 1, 2007. I went to see my grandmother and he stumbled out the house. He looked a mess. He was shocked to see me and I was shocked to see him. He asked how I was doing and I did the same to him. We both said I love you and he went inside. I did not ever think that would be my last time seeing him. Before that we spoke rarely, only saw each other on holidays, and I only got updates on him when he was in the hospital or when I called relatives.

I always think about did he think about me? Did he really want to quit but couldn't? Why wouldn't he give up the alcohol for me? Did he even love me? These are just a few of the questions I had in my mind and sometimes they still go though my mind.

I did finally get a revelation about my dad. The man that was consumed by alcohol was not my dad, or at least the dad that I want to remember. My dad was a good man and tried his best. He accomplished so many things in his life although he only had a high school diploma. He was a loving father, he provided the best way he knew how, and he tried to be there for me. Although my dad died when I was 27, he was consumed by alcohol since I was 16, I still have 16 years worth of good (and bad...he was not perfect) memories. I loved my dad...the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I am not My Hair!!!!

Ok...Today as I was going to work a guy who I speak to in passing got the realization that my hair was actually mine and then said he thought I had weave....I was like are you serious??? For someone to ask me that I was actually shocked, because what if it was weave. I love my hair, it is a part of me, but it is not who I am. Sometimes it looks gorgeous...and other days....a hot mess!!! I am quick to say if you have hair it is good. People are quick to say"If I had your hair..." and I am like if you had my hair you would feel the same way I do...it is just hair. It grows, it gets nappy, it falls out, it itches, it looks good, it looks bad, it sweats, it gets wavy, and so many other things. I wrote this to say...fall up off the hair...it is just hair!!!

I am a Woman....and I can't do it all!!!

Okay I finally decided to write this post. This might be a long post and you might not get the title to the end, but I have to get some things off my chest. Just my opinions and thoughts, you don't have to agree...just had to vent. I have more on my mind, but I will try to keep it condensed. I think I will do an outline as I write so that people can have an idea of my thought flow...If you make it through the whole blog...impressive!!!

1. Why I support Obama
2. Democrat vs. Republican
3. Christians vs. Evangelicals
4. DNC vs. RNC
5. John McCain
6. Sarah Palin
7. Finally Back to my title....I am Woman...and I can't do it all!!!

Why I support Obama

Yes, I am an Obama supporter, No I have not drank the kool-aid like so many people say. Obama's policies for improving America I love, the way he talks about personal responsibility is great, the fact that he inspires me and shows me that if I can work hard I can do whatever I want to is amazing, the fact that he is an example of black love and a great father to his wife and daughters is inspiring, and yes he speaks about hope and change and I believe it!!! I can go on and on about why I support him, but these are just a few reasons. No I don't think he is perfect, no human is, but he is doing this for his country...not for his own personal career (as some people like to say). He is willing to admit his mistakes and learn from them. He thinks about what he does before jumping the gun and I love his judgement. To me...he exemplifies what a leader should be.

Democrat vs. Republican

I can honestly admit that until this recent election I have not been a big follower of politics. I do vote and value my right to vote and I think everyone should understand the process. I have had conversations with a few people on why they are democrat and why they are a republican and they have been interesting...not hateful, not name calling, but a difference of opinion. I can be thankful to Aaron for explaining to me the differences and why he changed from being a democrat to a republican. The main difference in my eyes is big government versus little government...I can feel it theory, but not in practice. I do think the government should help the people and the country and sometimes that does call for big government. I love to help the people and yes I love the social programs that the government funds. I do think they should be productive and if the programs are not working they need to be revamped, but I don't think we should just get rid of them. Do I want to pay more taxes...no, but if it is to help my country, if it is to ensure good education for our youth, if the money is used wisely...I understand. I work...I work hard, but I know a lot of the programs and a lot of the reasons with this country has so many of the things that it has is because of my taxes...I am thankful. Yes I am a democrat, and yes I have voted for a republican before, but these are just a few of my views.

Christians vs. Evangelicals

This is a topic that irritates me a lot. Since it has come up a lot in politics a had to express my opinion. I am a Christian...follower of Christ. I am not ashamed and I am not perfect. We all fall short. This has been a walk for me and I have had good and bad times, but I know what I have been through has all been for my good. Some of the major things that I have gotten from my faith are love, forgiveness, and being nonjudgmental (still working on this one...as the song says I am not where I aught to be, but thank God I am not what I use to be). Me and my white grandmother, Miss Ju Ju, were having this convo the other day. She calls herself an evangelical, but she understands and walks in faith and love...and she is a supporter of Obama...even when she usually votes republican. To me she shows the love of Christ to everyone she meets...and ask anyone they see it in her and love her. Yes...I do have extreme views on several issues, but I am learning not to press my views on other people, like I said it was a walk...some people are not on the same walk that I am, some people are walking the same walk, but they have not got as far as I have, and some people have gotten further than I have...part of life. I believe we should respect each other's faith... Yes we are supposed to go out and teach the nations, but I do not feel that we have to cram it down people's throats. Would I have an abortion...no, but I am pro-choice...the government should not tell me what to do with my body. My goal is to not have sex until I am married....but do believe in Sex education for our kids in which all forms of protection need to be taught..abstinence, birth control, and condoms (might be more, but those are main). How can a person be pro-life, but for the death penalty...just my opinion. I have said these few things to say my opinions, not to force you, but just to say some of my views as a Christian not an Evangelical.

DNC vs. RNC

I watched both...it was hard, but I did. When I watched the DNC...I saw America, I saw love, I saw what I wanted this great country to be. You saw diversity and people who were happy to be an American, a part of the political process, a part of history. The speakers talked about change. They showed the difference it what each political party was campaigning on. Did they bash Bush, yes, but on what he has done, not his character. Barack's speech was historical, inspiring, and policy. He explained what he wants to see for this country...Loved it!! Michelle...cried, she is so what I want to be when I grow up. Now on to the RNC...so not feeling it and fell asleep most nights. A looked at the audience and all I saw....white men. I think one night CNN made it a point to put the camera on all the black people in the audience, but that still was only a few. All the speeches I heard were not policy driven, did not say what they wanted to do for the country and did not inspire me at all. Sarah Palin's speech...pure scripted hate...not cool. McCain's speech was boring and he tried, but no success. He really did not tell me anything but his biography. He tried to be bipartisan, but after all the partisanship before...even he is fighting for it I really don't trust the rest of them. Just my thoughts....

John McCain

The Maverick...as I read about his policies, as I watch the news, as I hear his life's story I have mixed opinions. I think he is a hero and a survivor. I think he means well...but not enough to be the leader of my country. Yes he was POW...wow...I couldn't do it, but that does not make you qualified to be president. He loves his country(only after being a POW...this was not put on media like Michelle's comment that was miss quoted) which is a testimony in itself, but that does not make you qualified to be president. He graduated at the bottom of his class (I am one to talk, my GPA was not great either, but I am trying to run the country). In his CNN Revealed special it is constantly shown how he lived a wild life and did not care, yes he was young, but not feeling it. He cheated on his wife even after she waited on him while he was a POW and he admits it was because of her changing physically after her accident amongst other things. He does not inspire me and honestly I do not trust his judgement. He says he is not like Bush...but I don't see how. Look at how he is voted, look at his academic record, look at his political party...just some things i have noticed. McCain might love his country...but I don't think I want him as our president.

Sarah Palin

Or should I say a pit bull with lipstick. She scares me...A LOT!!!! When she got up to speak I was like, Are you serious??? She talked about nothing, she read her given speech (most of which was written even before she was picked), she gave women a bad name. She is calling sexism...no, she is a VP candidate is getting talked about like everyone else has been in this political process. People...I am sorry, republicans are energized by her...energized by hate? She said nothing but cliches and one liners. To me all I have seen is a puppet...She was picked because she was a woman...end of story. What can she bring to the White House...the next generation of the Jerry Springer Show. The more that the media finds out about her the more she makes me scared...and remember she already scares me...A LOT!!!! 5 colleges in 6 years(one website says 6)....I can see 2...maybe even 3...but 5(or 6) and she only has a B.S. in Journalism(oh...and a minor in political science). I am not against the working woman, but you have a 4 month old down syndrome baby and a 17 year old pregnant teenager...to me home and family comes first and I would be saying this if she was a man or a woman. I saw her speaking somewhere on Friday....scripted once again and nothing but cliches and hate, unless she was talking about John McCain and then he was a god. She gives women a bad name...and women are voting for her because she is a woman...hot mess!!!

I am a Woman....and I can't do it all!!!

Finally back to my title. As I look at the Palin family I am trying not to judge(said I was working on it), but I am trying to understand. I was talking to my mother and she brought up the question how does this woman do it??? My answer she does not. My mom and dad were married, both worked and had 2 children. Those of you who know my sister had cerebral palsy and was confined to a wheel chair. My mom was a teacher/guidance counselor and my dad was a computer programmer of the Post Office. They worked and spent time with us and loved us, but they both had help. My Aunt Mary walked me to school, helped get my sister on the bus, had dinner ready for us when we got home, and helped clean. My grandmothers helped too. There is no way my parents could have done all they did without their help. My mom was there for me she picked me up from school, went to school events, she was there when I needed her, but she admits it was hard. Sarah Palin has 5 kids and one with special needs...how is she doing it...she is not. There is no way you can tell me these kids are getting the love and attention they need from their mother...this is important especially in their formative years(or months...for some of her kids). I am single have 2 jobs, volunteer, and I try to have fun...it is hard. I can't even imagine doing that with a husband and kids to take care of(one day Lord, one day). I am not saying a woman has to stay at home, but I do think when mothers (and fathers) put their career ambitions before their kids lives that causes a problem. Children need to be nurtured and loved, they need attention. If Sarah Palin becomes the VP of the United States (please don't let this happen...register people to vote and make sure they go out and vote) what is going to happen to her family. If she has to be in Iraq and her children have a doctor's appointment what will she do? If the president has a press conference and her teenagers need help applying to college who will help them? When she has to pick between her family and a press conference...what will she do? Yes, Barack has small kids and he has showed how he has balanced everything. He has Michelle his wife who was leery of leaving her kids to campaign...thank God for Michelle's mother. Barack talks about how he spends time with his wife and his kids and how he makes sure they have the attention they need. Sarah Palin...talks about events for her kids. I do believe our powerful and strong and can do whatever they point their minds too, but we can not do it all (not to say men can, they have help to).

Okay...I am through venting... if you made it through my whole blog, bless ya and thank ya! I just had to get some things out. I have so much more on my mind...but I think this will do for now. Some thoughts may be random...but that is me...got to love it!!!Feel free to comment :)

My Mood...

LEDISI - Lost And Found (Find Me) lyrics

Always alone

Someone come for me

Here on my own

Feels like the pain lasts an eternity

Tears come no more

I wanna smile again

Love again

Please someone find me

Souls pass me by

Why can't they see me here

Touch me one time

Just like magic

I will reappear

Sadness like the rain it showers over me

I wanna feel again

Please someone find me

Lost not yet found

Breathing in misery

Hope lurks around

When will the Sun ever shine on me

I need love to come carry me

Take me away

Please someone find me

I'll sing my song

Maybe I'll scream and shout

Please someone come

I don't wanna live without love

Hear my plea

I have love to give

I wanna live

Just do you....

I am always thinking and processing things in my mind which sometimes scares, but I got to thinking today.... Why can't people just be themselves? Why do we fit into the molds of other people. I am learning to just do you, rather people like it or not. I am me so love it or leave it. I am not saying people don't have room to grow and change, but you should not change the essence of you to fit in.

I think everyone needs to come to grips with who they are. I find people more pleasant when they are genuine and try not to fit in to other people's molds. I mean when I look at myself I am a loving, caring, nerd who likes to read. I love attention on an individual level, but not in group settings. I can be a clutz and sometimes everything I say or think does not make sense, but oh well. I am not the smallest person in the world, but not the biggest. I have big feet, but they go with my height. I love my hood music from time to time, oh well. I can be very random at times. I am me love it or leave it. Feel me?

Don't imitate me, don't try to be me, you just do you, is that hard???

Love Should not Hurt....

I recently was listening to Ledisi's Lost and Found CD on Itunes. I love it!!! But it made me realize that this is the soundtrack to my life. For the first time in a long time I have listened to an entire CD and can relate to every song on it. Her words, her melodies, and soul just reached me in a place that really made me think. It made me think about friendships and relationships that have been in over my life and how they are affecting me in my life now...and now I am realizing so many things.

I have come to the realization that love should not hurt...this statement is so simple, but is a struggle for me. If a person loves you then they should show it. Actions are good, words are good, but a person needs to feel loved. When you feel a relationship is one sided there will be a void in one person and that is not healthy. I should not continuously ask why does a person act they way they do? Why do they treat me like this? I know they love my by the things they do, but why do I continuously feel like I am not loved by this person? I should not feel pain when I try to process why the person acts the way they act. I should not continuously cry when this person does no understand why I am constantly frustrated....love should not hurt like this.

My dilemma comes when I still love this person. I mean I can not deny who I am and deny the loving nature that I have. I pray for the person, think about the person, think of ways to help the person, but do they do the same...no. I get joy in seeing them happy, I get pleasure when they reach the desires of their heart, but do they think about that for me???? no.... I know how this person is and everyday I realize this is just the person's nature, they are like this with everyone, but that does not excuse how they treat me. I can't stop being who I am, I mean I care for friends and family and would do anything to help you, but most people don't do the same. It takes a lot for me to get to this place with a person, my circle of friends and close confidants are small and I like to keep it this way, because I feel everyone should not be able to get close to you...that is an earned privilege. I guess in a way I am loyal to a fault...

I hope this makes sense what I wrote. Just needed to vent. I am still slowly processing that love does not hurt.

White Man Confident...Black Man Arrogant...

This is something that is really beginning to irritate me. When people see a black man who is about his business and confident in who is they call him arrogant or cocky, but when a white man acts the same way he is called confident... I mean by no means is Barack Obama perfect, but the fact that he is running his campaign very well and is on the way to be the first African American president of the United States he is now being called arrogant??? Are you serious??? He has defeated one of the power house families in American government, he has raised more money than any other individual canidate, and he has been able to give Americans hope that they thought they had lost...I feel he has every right to be confident that he is doing a great job.

The republican party is stooping to low tactics to descredit him. I mean you can disagree on the issues(which I thought the elections was about) without attacking a man's character. McCain is now harping on the fact that he is the underdog...which in some respects is true...but he still has the upperhand. I don't remember the state or the man's name, but I remember my mother and aunt telling me about an election for governor, I think it was in California, where all the major polls had an African American Male running for governor or mayor leading by a landslide....but on election day he lost by a landslide. All the people who said they were going to vote for him in public voting against him in private....makes you think. I am not saying this is going to happen, but makes you think.

I have referred most to the presidential campaign, but I do think this is an issue that is prevelant in all professions in today's society. I think society has a tendency to dog black men...it needs to stop. Sometimes I feel that I can be an optimist and hope for the best in every situation, but I do feel that black men need to be uplifted an praised for all the good things that they do. All black men are not bad and all white men are not good. When someone is on top of the game and doing well they have every right to be confident, but I do feel society views confidence differently for different people....just some of my thoughts

Should a Guy's Job Matter???

Should a guy's job matter when it comes to being in a relationship??? I mean could a person with a college education and a career(not just a job) be compatible with someone who might only have a high school diploma or even less? Can a man be okay with his wife making more money than he does or more career driven than he is? Should a woman give a janitor a chance if she is say for example an accountant?

Dysfunctional Love

I started this blog on Myspace and decided to expound on it....

Why do people get into relationships out of their own issues? I mean why enter into a relationship to feel a void? I think relationships should compliment each other not complete each other. I was listening to my Ipod today and one of the songs from the CD that was inspired by Passion of the Christ came on. It was called Relearn Love. The words are so simple but so meaningful. I mean so many peole need to relearn what love actually is. I think in today's society love is so often confused with lust. I do believe when you have a twisted view of love you always end up getting hurt and sad to say you never understand why. When I talk about love I am talking love in all relationships, just not romantic ones. I think so many people's definition of love or idea of love is so dysfunctional and jaded that they have no clue...Just me venting, hadn't wrote in a while.

I was talking to a friend the other day and her life is a series of dysfunctional love...but what hurts she does not see it. She is actually content in jumping from relationship to relationship out of her own issues. Although she stays in relationships for long periods of time she does not heal before going to the next one, which creates a series of unfortunate events. What hurts about it all...she is now bringing a child into her chaos. You try to offer advice, but when she asks it is too late and she has already made the mistake. How can you help someone like this???

People often say that I am too picky and need to lower my standards when it comes to love, but the more that I look at other people's relationships I learn and I know what I want in a relationship. Will I have the peferct relationship? No, but I will try not to make the same mistakes I see so often. I am open to love, I am open to learn, but I am not open to dysfunction. I know we all have issues and have to deal with the them, but they do not need to be the basis of a relationship..

The Struggle

This past week I have been filled with a roller coaster of emotions. I mean so many good things have happened to me this past week and I am thankful for them, but...so many other feelings and emotions have surfaced and right now I do not know how to handle them. I want to talk to someone, but I can't. I want to be able to express so many things about how I am feeling, but no one to do so with. Life can be interesting and honestly my life surprises me day by day. I want to be able to tell people how I really feel, but I can't. I have such a fear of judgement, shock, disappointment, rejection, and hate. At this point in my life I can't take any of the above...

Last night I was reading the Bible and the scripture I was reading was Romans 7. Sometimes I have to go back to this because this is where I am a lot in my life. I mean how can I do what is wrong when I am trying to do right? How do I have this daily struggle to practice self discipline, but yet fall short in so many areas? I don't want to do what I do, but I continue to fall into the same trap? How does this cycle end? How do I stop beating myself up?

I think a lot of times I am worried about the opinions of others and that controls my actions, but I know I shouldn't. I need to be free to be me and express myself however I want. I think a lot of my actions are in response to what others expect of me? I know I shouldn't but I have made it habit.

Then I think about my friends...do they really know me or do they know the person I have created for them to know? Will they love me if they knew the whole truth? Will they accept me for me and not this person I have created? Will they hate me for lying to them for so long? I question how can I call them my friends when they don't see how much I am hurting inside?

I want to cry and let it all out, but I can't. The struggle I have within is becoming to hard to keep within, but I don't know if it could ever be let out....

It has been a while...

It has been a while since I have actually taken the time to write I real blog and a lot has been going on so I hope I don't bore you if you took the time to read this.

This past week I have been sick and I have been doing a lot of resting and thinking about things. I know I go periods of life where I ask myself why?? and I continue to ask myself why without answers. I truly feel that I am going through a season in my life where I am renewing myself from the inside out. I am discovering new things daily which I am not ready to share with the world. When I started blogging on here a lot of time I think I revealed too much of me which can be good and bad. What I have learned is to recognize my faults and improve them, realizing that I am not perfect nor is any one else, but each day we need to strive to become better people, we should not judge, but grow except people for who they are, because we as people can change no one. Life is short and we need to value each moment and realize and thank God for the position he has put you in to affect change in the world, because we were not put on this earth to be self indulgent despite what society says.